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- Jan 7, 2022
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First of all, this was merely a human gesture. Nothing big or something. But the person told me that i really helped her in solving the problem she's been facing her whole life.
So this was a person who was 2 years my junior in high school (I was 16). She was just an acquaintance. We never even talked too much. I was a leader of my house and she was a member and that's how i knew her. I've never met her after i changed my school. 2 years later, a month ago, we somehow ended up texting each other. And somehow she mentioned to me about some disturbing things she's faced in her past. (Again, you may think why a person would share something like that in the first texting. I did too. Supposedly, she saw that i was a self respecting and a kind person back when i was the leader)
Anyway, the girl, after telling me some things felt she shouldn't have. (Obvious reaction of a person)
What followed was incredible, at least to me. It changed what i thought about myself. What started as a simple conversation which probably didn't seem too big a deal became a friendship that we both will cherish for the rest of our lives and also ended up being the first problem i solved. I'll also share some insights i got.
So, we were texting on WhatsApp. About the person, she told me she has been bullied a lot and was suffering with a lot of inferiority complex. The story is quite dark, just know she tried to commit suicide twice in the past.
Anyway, i didn't know then why she trusted me with all her past trauma but i knew it was important that i help her. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist or anything. But I'm a human. I started helping her with what little i know about thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Firstly, i used to delete all the conversations we used to have daily and send the screenshot to her. Just to make her feel safe enough to trust me. She was into self harm and was suffering from anxiety attacks. I realized she's this way because she doesn't have too many deep relationships where she can share such stuff.
I suggested some ted talks and a yt channel called Sandeep Maheshwari (you mostly won't know it because the medium of communication is not English in his channel) and asked her to watch some specific videos again and again. Slowly and steadily, in 2 weeks she told me she's feeling better.
For one full month, we were just discussing her issues over text and i was giving a perspective, that's all. Nothing else. And the bond we developed in a month is unlike any other. (I haven't even met her after the texting started, even now! Only texting)
Yesterday, i was asking her how she's feeling and she replied that she had a sudden realization about her past and that she forgave herself and everyone who wronged her. Just like that. She told me she's fine now.
The happiness i experienced can't be put in words. Wow, just wow.
Now I'd like to share the key lessons i learnt :
1. Remember i mentioned she had a sudden realization. Was it because of me? No, I merely showed her some things she wasn't seeing, but the realization was hers. She had the answer all along, but it could never come out, because she never discussed with anyone. I understood that we need to talk to people about our thoughts to identify and remove the wrong ones(not everyone, ofc!) It's like bouncing off a ball on a wall and catching it. Why so? The other person has a 3rd person perspective to the situation. It's called Solomon's paradox. The person will look at the situation in an unbiased manner, and notice logical fallacies that one can't notice just like that.
2. The person later mentioned that she was overwhelmed by me helping her because people had always dumped her. I understood that we should never do that. It may take time, but a problem worth solving should be solved, no matter what.
3. You don't need to be an expert. Trust me, I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. But ik some bare minimum about my thoughts, feelings and emotions. (Even I'm a human right?) And more importantly, the videos i suggested her to watch... even i watched them repeatedly to have a deeper understanding of her problem.
4. I used to believe i could never develop a bond like that with anyone, because i could never relate to people. Trust me, things don't work that way. If you're a human being and understand how exactly your mind works, you already know how the mind of humanity works. (I used to think about girls as beings from another planet)
This was my first experience in solving a problem. You have no idea how good I'm feeling because of this. That too, i used to be an aloof person. This literally changed everything i thought was true about myself.
Special mention to @Andy Black sir whose simple philosophy has impacted my thought process a lot
I'd never share this if it wasn't for this post : GOLD! - MINDSET - Save Yourself Years Of Frustration; It Worked For Me!
(Thanks @MustImprove)
So this was a person who was 2 years my junior in high school (I was 16). She was just an acquaintance. We never even talked too much. I was a leader of my house and she was a member and that's how i knew her. I've never met her after i changed my school. 2 years later, a month ago, we somehow ended up texting each other. And somehow she mentioned to me about some disturbing things she's faced in her past. (Again, you may think why a person would share something like that in the first texting. I did too. Supposedly, she saw that i was a self respecting and a kind person back when i was the leader)
Anyway, the girl, after telling me some things felt she shouldn't have. (Obvious reaction of a person)
What followed was incredible, at least to me. It changed what i thought about myself. What started as a simple conversation which probably didn't seem too big a deal became a friendship that we both will cherish for the rest of our lives and also ended up being the first problem i solved. I'll also share some insights i got.
So, we were texting on WhatsApp. About the person, she told me she has been bullied a lot and was suffering with a lot of inferiority complex. The story is quite dark, just know she tried to commit suicide twice in the past.
Anyway, i didn't know then why she trusted me with all her past trauma but i knew it was important that i help her. I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist or anything. But I'm a human. I started helping her with what little i know about thoughts, feelings and emotions.
Firstly, i used to delete all the conversations we used to have daily and send the screenshot to her. Just to make her feel safe enough to trust me. She was into self harm and was suffering from anxiety attacks. I realized she's this way because she doesn't have too many deep relationships where she can share such stuff.
I suggested some ted talks and a yt channel called Sandeep Maheshwari (you mostly won't know it because the medium of communication is not English in his channel) and asked her to watch some specific videos again and again. Slowly and steadily, in 2 weeks she told me she's feeling better.
For one full month, we were just discussing her issues over text and i was giving a perspective, that's all. Nothing else. And the bond we developed in a month is unlike any other. (I haven't even met her after the texting started, even now! Only texting)
Yesterday, i was asking her how she's feeling and she replied that she had a sudden realization about her past and that she forgave herself and everyone who wronged her. Just like that. She told me she's fine now.
The happiness i experienced can't be put in words. Wow, just wow.
Now I'd like to share the key lessons i learnt :
1. Remember i mentioned she had a sudden realization. Was it because of me? No, I merely showed her some things she wasn't seeing, but the realization was hers. She had the answer all along, but it could never come out, because she never discussed with anyone. I understood that we need to talk to people about our thoughts to identify and remove the wrong ones(not everyone, ofc!) It's like bouncing off a ball on a wall and catching it. Why so? The other person has a 3rd person perspective to the situation. It's called Solomon's paradox. The person will look at the situation in an unbiased manner, and notice logical fallacies that one can't notice just like that.
2. The person later mentioned that she was overwhelmed by me helping her because people had always dumped her. I understood that we should never do that. It may take time, but a problem worth solving should be solved, no matter what.
3. You don't need to be an expert. Trust me, I'm not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. But ik some bare minimum about my thoughts, feelings and emotions. (Even I'm a human right?) And more importantly, the videos i suggested her to watch... even i watched them repeatedly to have a deeper understanding of her problem.
4. I used to believe i could never develop a bond like that with anyone, because i could never relate to people. Trust me, things don't work that way. If you're a human being and understand how exactly your mind works, you already know how the mind of humanity works. (I used to think about girls as beings from another planet)
This was my first experience in solving a problem. You have no idea how good I'm feeling because of this. That too, i used to be an aloof person. This literally changed everything i thought was true about myself.
Special mention to @Andy Black sir whose simple philosophy has impacted my thought process a lot
I'd never share this if it wasn't for this post : GOLD! - MINDSET - Save Yourself Years Of Frustration; It Worked For Me!
(Thanks @MustImprove)
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