So, my name is Jasmine. I am 30 and... let me tell you about myself. *gets on therapist chaise* (MJ said "The more the better." so you ASKED for this! haha)
I am a black woman who lives and was raised in Arizona, USA. Left-handed, the youngest of my class, and the only non-white person in my class/school led me to a life of "to excel is to fit in". I had to prove to my teacher that I was "the MOST obedient, honest, and smart". I had to prove to my friends that I was "the MOST fun and just like them". I had to prove to their parents that I was "a GREAT influence". My childhood embodied my goal: One of the herd, Best of the flock.
But I got a reality shift when my body decided that agonizing bleeding every month was a PERFECTLY reasonable thing to do. I was 12, the rose-colored glasses of ignorant childhood came off and something wasn't right. I realized that adults were all so miserable. Even the "best of the flock" adults I knew of.... seemed so tired and lifeless. Never any TIME for anything. An adult PLAYING with us was a treat. I felt like I was hogtied on a conveyor belt to the slaughterhouse. And I didn't have the WORDS to articulate to my parents why I was suddenly stressed out and terrified about "growing up".
What happens when a 6th grader in 2006 sees the Script for what it is... but virtually no adult knows what the heck she's talking about or how to help her fears? no teacher, no parent, no librarian or pastor... "This is just life, Hun... Work harder and you'll be fine."
So that's what I did. I maximized my comfort and was heavily guarded with my time... I had a death clock appear before me and it was bearing down on me. Got a husband - (dual income reduces expenses, indentured time is saved.) specialized in remote work - (no commute, no fancy clothes - time AND money saved) - bought a house - (rising rent means i need to work more, or go back to school to specialize - more time saved). Then it was a passive income venture, after a passive income venture... "ONE of them has to hit... if I can get the same money from my 9-to-5 coming in, I'll have more time back... I just need MORE time...."
Then I read TMF . And now Im reading Unscripted ... that lanky little 12-year-old with braces WASN'T crazy, guys! It's right there in Unscripted !
So now I'm here...
I am correcting my Money-Chasing habits for habits and language that put helping others first. "I wonder if this will make money" vs. "I wonder how many people would benefit".
I am correcting the brain sabotage that talks me out of acting.
I am in the "looking for opportunities everywhere phase". To see where I can serve others. The more people I serve, the more value I bring the more my income will reflect that.
Is it possible to feel vindicated, excited and kinda lost and scared simultaneously? Like I'm standing on a high-dive looking down.
I want Wednesday to be my favorite day of the week not because of me being "free from work" but just because it's spelled funny. I want to transcend all of that. Like a child in Summer, it doesn't matter if its a Monday, Friday or a Thursday as long as you have your friends and family and the freedom to choose which tree you're gonna try climbing next.
I am a black woman who lives and was raised in Arizona, USA. Left-handed, the youngest of my class, and the only non-white person in my class/school led me to a life of "to excel is to fit in". I had to prove to my teacher that I was "the MOST obedient, honest, and smart". I had to prove to my friends that I was "the MOST fun and just like them". I had to prove to their parents that I was "a GREAT influence". My childhood embodied my goal: One of the herd, Best of the flock.
But I got a reality shift when my body decided that agonizing bleeding every month was a PERFECTLY reasonable thing to do. I was 12, the rose-colored glasses of ignorant childhood came off and something wasn't right. I realized that adults were all so miserable. Even the "best of the flock" adults I knew of.... seemed so tired and lifeless. Never any TIME for anything. An adult PLAYING with us was a treat. I felt like I was hogtied on a conveyor belt to the slaughterhouse. And I didn't have the WORDS to articulate to my parents why I was suddenly stressed out and terrified about "growing up".
What happens when a 6th grader in 2006 sees the Script for what it is... but virtually no adult knows what the heck she's talking about or how to help her fears? no teacher, no parent, no librarian or pastor... "This is just life, Hun... Work harder and you'll be fine."
So that's what I did. I maximized my comfort and was heavily guarded with my time... I had a death clock appear before me and it was bearing down on me. Got a husband - (dual income reduces expenses, indentured time is saved.) specialized in remote work - (no commute, no fancy clothes - time AND money saved) - bought a house - (rising rent means i need to work more, or go back to school to specialize - more time saved). Then it was a passive income venture, after a passive income venture... "ONE of them has to hit... if I can get the same money from my 9-to-5 coming in, I'll have more time back... I just need MORE time...."
Then I read TMF . And now Im reading Unscripted ... that lanky little 12-year-old with braces WASN'T crazy, guys! It's right there in Unscripted !
So now I'm here...
I am correcting my Money-Chasing habits for habits and language that put helping others first. "I wonder if this will make money" vs. "I wonder how many people would benefit".
I am correcting the brain sabotage that talks me out of acting.
I am in the "looking for opportunities everywhere phase". To see where I can serve others. The more people I serve, the more value I bring the more my income will reflect that.
Is it possible to feel vindicated, excited and kinda lost and scared simultaneously? Like I'm standing on a high-dive looking down.
I want Wednesday to be my favorite day of the week not because of me being "free from work" but just because it's spelled funny. I want to transcend all of that. Like a child in Summer, it doesn't matter if its a Monday, Friday or a Thursday as long as you have your friends and family and the freedom to choose which tree you're gonna try climbing next.
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