I'm sure you've heard talk about "The Fear of Failure" before. But I want to ask a different question. Are you afraid of success?
A common theme I've come across in the many books, podcasts, forums, talks, and conversations I've had with people regarding success contains some variant of "getting over your fear of failure”. For a long time I believed I was afraid of failure, and that it was a component to why I was not experiencing the levels of success I wanted in my life. But recently I began to explore how much of that fear was fear of failure, and how much of that fear was fear of success. That may sound silly to you. And it did to me too. How could one be afraid of success? That’s what we work towards! That’s what we dream about! But it wasn't until I started truly examining my life that I came to find that I had a decent amount of fear of success.
I still fear failure though, too. Although, I've failed a lot more than I've succeeded at things. So maybe that accentuates the fear of success. I failed out of college the first time I went. It only took one semester to get straight F's. I failed in countless relationships. Typically just trying to force things to work that wouldn't. It's easier to lie to yourself. I failed at getting a security clearance for a job. That experience helped me learn the importance of honesty. I've probably failed at a 1000 different things that I don't even remember.
Anyway, here’s how I found out about my fear of success. I work every day at improving myself in some area. After studying other "successful" people, I've come to recognize some similar patterns. (I put successful in double quotes since success is defined by YOU). For example, James Altucher has his daily practice. He makes it a point to improve himself in four areas every day: mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional. Hal Elrod has his Miracle Morning, where he wakes up early every day and does his "Life S.A.V.E.R.S": Silence, Affirmations, Visualization, Exercise, Reading, and Scribe. Stephen King writes for 3-4 hours every day. Warren Buffett reads six hours every day. I could continue, but I think you get the point. So, every day I've worked on my own “daily practice”, tweaking, changing, and modifying it as I go. Generally, it includes writing, reading, exercising, eating well, and saying "no" to unhealthy people, relationships, things, etc...
What does this have to do with the fear of success? What I've experienced as I direct myself, my life, and my habits in the direction I want them to go, is a significant amount of change. My relationships have changed. My friends have changed. My beliefs have changed. My attitude has changed. My perception of money has changed. My diet has changed. My daily habits have changed. My views and beliefs of myself has changed. My views and beliefs of relationships has changed. How I spend my time has changed. What I spend my time on has changed. To further, I finally realize the importance of building a strong base of who I am to get where I want to go.
When I first started reading a lot of the threads on this forum, I was intimidated. "Look at all these people doing all these amazing things!" Here I was, barely with the motivation to leave the apartment. But I was looking too far ahead, and grasping at something out of my reach that I hadn't built the ladder to reach yet. So I started building the ladder. For example, let me use my physical health. I was scared to join a gym. Hell, when I moved back to Dallas a few months ago, I was scared to go down the stairs to the apartment gym! I didn't want to be seen. I wasn't confident in myself. I was nervous to run into some chick out of my league. I had silly thoughts. I realized I had to fix them though. But I first had to build the foundation. So, I exercised in my apartment. I started doing the 7 minute workout a few days a week. I started doing yoga from YouTube videos. I got a pull-up bar that sits in your doorway and started doing pull-ups. I got a tension rope and started doing shoulder exercises. Over time, I started to feel better about myself physically, even though it didn't particularly show in the mirror. I started to get bored of the exercises I was doing, to the point I WANTED to go down to the apartment gym. And so I started. And I kept at it. 5 days a week. I forced myself to do SOME form of exercise, even if it was just running a mile. After only a couple of weeks, I WANTED to join a real gym. I wanted access to barbells to further my gains. I wanted the potential to socialize with other people improving their bodies like I was. And I was scared. It's an unknown territory. But I went anyway. I faced my fear, and it didn't turn out to be so bad after all. That was yesterday. My fears are still fresh. But I'm facing them. I'm on a trial membership. I still have to sign the papers. And I will.
This story might sound silly to you, but I realized I had gaps to close before growing, and moving on to bigger and better things. I told myself, "If I can't go to a gym, how am I going to run a business?" I had to start small. I had to start somewhere.
Success to me, at this point in my life, is loving who and what I am. No, it doesn't mean I'm "doing what I love". It means being a source of integrity and honesty, with myself and to others. It means working every day on my Fastlane business. It means working to improve my health. It means as I improve myself, I’m not comparing my life to others. The latter part is difficult, but I find necessary. I think there's an important distinction between learning from others and comparing yourself to others. Comparing myself to anything other than my past self is a recipe for stagnation. I can typically find somebody who is more or less X or more or less Y then me. And the comparison is demotivating. I’m either “more” X than someone, and therefore am comfortable where I’m at, or I’m less Y, and have so much ground to cover. I feel inferior. So, I work at stopping those thoughts dead in their tracks. Then I ask myself, am I more X than I was yesterday? Am I healthier? Am I calmer? Did I spend more time working on my project? Do I feel more at peace with myself this moment? Am I even a tiny fraction closer to living a theme I have for my life? What did I do today that I can be proud of? What goals did I work towards? Also, what did I NOT do today that I can be proud of?
Success also means that while I'm working on improving the things I want to, I practice gratitude for where I'm at now, and not be so caught up with the fantasy of the future that I stagnate myself in the present.
My life and the way I view and live it now is radically different than it was even a year ago, and even more so looking back further. And it’s scary. I’m scared every day. It’s not a dominating fear, but it’s there. I’m scared of the unknown. I’m scared that my life is becoming something that has much less comfort (in the short term!). I’m scared of growth. Growth means continual change. Growth means lining up my life more with who I am and what I value. Growth means my values will change. And growth means my life rearranges, and may continue to do so as long as I live. Growth is scary. And I’m scared to take the next step every day, in whatever area it is I’m working on improving. Especially when those steps cause the aspects of my life I’m comfortable with to change. I'm scared to post this. I'm scared of what you'll think. I'm scared you'll think my struggles are trivial. But I'm going to do it anyway because it's real for me, and just maybe my experience will help some of you out there. And maybe some of you can relate to what I'm experiencing.
Today I feel 1% more successful than I did yesterday. And I look forward to that percentage compounding.
What can you do today to grow and be 1% more successful than you were yesterday?
Thank you for reading.
-All In
A common theme I've come across in the many books, podcasts, forums, talks, and conversations I've had with people regarding success contains some variant of "getting over your fear of failure”. For a long time I believed I was afraid of failure, and that it was a component to why I was not experiencing the levels of success I wanted in my life. But recently I began to explore how much of that fear was fear of failure, and how much of that fear was fear of success. That may sound silly to you. And it did to me too. How could one be afraid of success? That’s what we work towards! That’s what we dream about! But it wasn't until I started truly examining my life that I came to find that I had a decent amount of fear of success.
I still fear failure though, too. Although, I've failed a lot more than I've succeeded at things. So maybe that accentuates the fear of success. I failed out of college the first time I went. It only took one semester to get straight F's. I failed in countless relationships. Typically just trying to force things to work that wouldn't. It's easier to lie to yourself. I failed at getting a security clearance for a job. That experience helped me learn the importance of honesty. I've probably failed at a 1000 different things that I don't even remember.
Anyway, here’s how I found out about my fear of success. I work every day at improving myself in some area. After studying other "successful" people, I've come to recognize some similar patterns. (I put successful in double quotes since success is defined by YOU). For example, James Altucher has his daily practice. He makes it a point to improve himself in four areas every day: mental, physical, spiritual, and emotional. Hal Elrod has his Miracle Morning, where he wakes up early every day and does his "Life S.A.V.E.R.S": Silence, Affirmations, Visualization, Exercise, Reading, and Scribe. Stephen King writes for 3-4 hours every day. Warren Buffett reads six hours every day. I could continue, but I think you get the point. So, every day I've worked on my own “daily practice”, tweaking, changing, and modifying it as I go. Generally, it includes writing, reading, exercising, eating well, and saying "no" to unhealthy people, relationships, things, etc...
What does this have to do with the fear of success? What I've experienced as I direct myself, my life, and my habits in the direction I want them to go, is a significant amount of change. My relationships have changed. My friends have changed. My beliefs have changed. My attitude has changed. My perception of money has changed. My diet has changed. My daily habits have changed. My views and beliefs of myself has changed. My views and beliefs of relationships has changed. How I spend my time has changed. What I spend my time on has changed. To further, I finally realize the importance of building a strong base of who I am to get where I want to go.
When I first started reading a lot of the threads on this forum, I was intimidated. "Look at all these people doing all these amazing things!" Here I was, barely with the motivation to leave the apartment. But I was looking too far ahead, and grasping at something out of my reach that I hadn't built the ladder to reach yet. So I started building the ladder. For example, let me use my physical health. I was scared to join a gym. Hell, when I moved back to Dallas a few months ago, I was scared to go down the stairs to the apartment gym! I didn't want to be seen. I wasn't confident in myself. I was nervous to run into some chick out of my league. I had silly thoughts. I realized I had to fix them though. But I first had to build the foundation. So, I exercised in my apartment. I started doing the 7 minute workout a few days a week. I started doing yoga from YouTube videos. I got a pull-up bar that sits in your doorway and started doing pull-ups. I got a tension rope and started doing shoulder exercises. Over time, I started to feel better about myself physically, even though it didn't particularly show in the mirror. I started to get bored of the exercises I was doing, to the point I WANTED to go down to the apartment gym. And so I started. And I kept at it. 5 days a week. I forced myself to do SOME form of exercise, even if it was just running a mile. After only a couple of weeks, I WANTED to join a real gym. I wanted access to barbells to further my gains. I wanted the potential to socialize with other people improving their bodies like I was. And I was scared. It's an unknown territory. But I went anyway. I faced my fear, and it didn't turn out to be so bad after all. That was yesterday. My fears are still fresh. But I'm facing them. I'm on a trial membership. I still have to sign the papers. And I will.
This story might sound silly to you, but I realized I had gaps to close before growing, and moving on to bigger and better things. I told myself, "If I can't go to a gym, how am I going to run a business?" I had to start small. I had to start somewhere.
Success to me, at this point in my life, is loving who and what I am. No, it doesn't mean I'm "doing what I love". It means being a source of integrity and honesty, with myself and to others. It means working every day on my Fastlane business. It means working to improve my health. It means as I improve myself, I’m not comparing my life to others. The latter part is difficult, but I find necessary. I think there's an important distinction between learning from others and comparing yourself to others. Comparing myself to anything other than my past self is a recipe for stagnation. I can typically find somebody who is more or less X or more or less Y then me. And the comparison is demotivating. I’m either “more” X than someone, and therefore am comfortable where I’m at, or I’m less Y, and have so much ground to cover. I feel inferior. So, I work at stopping those thoughts dead in their tracks. Then I ask myself, am I more X than I was yesterday? Am I healthier? Am I calmer? Did I spend more time working on my project? Do I feel more at peace with myself this moment? Am I even a tiny fraction closer to living a theme I have for my life? What did I do today that I can be proud of? What goals did I work towards? Also, what did I NOT do today that I can be proud of?
Success also means that while I'm working on improving the things I want to, I practice gratitude for where I'm at now, and not be so caught up with the fantasy of the future that I stagnate myself in the present.
My life and the way I view and live it now is radically different than it was even a year ago, and even more so looking back further. And it’s scary. I’m scared every day. It’s not a dominating fear, but it’s there. I’m scared of the unknown. I’m scared that my life is becoming something that has much less comfort (in the short term!). I’m scared of growth. Growth means continual change. Growth means lining up my life more with who I am and what I value. Growth means my values will change. And growth means my life rearranges, and may continue to do so as long as I live. Growth is scary. And I’m scared to take the next step every day, in whatever area it is I’m working on improving. Especially when those steps cause the aspects of my life I’m comfortable with to change. I'm scared to post this. I'm scared of what you'll think. I'm scared you'll think my struggles are trivial. But I'm going to do it anyway because it's real for me, and just maybe my experience will help some of you out there. And maybe some of you can relate to what I'm experiencing.
Today I feel 1% more successful than I did yesterday. And I look forward to that percentage compounding.
What can you do today to grow and be 1% more successful than you were yesterday?
Thank you for reading.
-All In
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