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Becoming successful is such a F*cking grind... I've said it before but it's by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life (starting a company/being CEO that is). It's the most stressful, the most worrisome, the most tedious job ever.
I have to manage the designers, programmers, my business partner, and everyone else (trust me, there are more people). I have to do everything, absolutely everything depends on my motivation to get it done. Except I have no motivation after months (actually years but since I'm fairly young and just got *really* serious not too long ago, I'll say a few months) of non stop grinding, working, sacrificing my social life, my health, etc.
Sometimes I'll work so long that even though I know I'm hungry, I'm just too sucked into working to do anything about it. So I'll usually wait a few hours extra (zoned out on working) until I finally come to my senses and convince myself that I need a meal quickly and that not eating is unhealthy. I'm the last person to ever complain (so trust me, I'm not complaining now), but it's honestly hard, lol. I've brought people in my company on equity, and even when I'm unmotivated I have to find some way to keep everyone else motivated... WHAT?!! I can't tell them I'm unhappy or not feeling the project at the moment, because that would kill what ever morale we have...
Sometimes I'm excited, other days I'm just not, and then I start second guessing everything. I remember MJ DeMarco calling this the Desert of Desertion.. except it's far, FAR worse to experience it first hand. Even when you know that's what it is, it's still hard to press beyond that point and continue going. You want to give up, or do what you normally do and switch to something else, or you want to succumb to what everyone else does and get a regular job.
I honestly wish MJ would make a new video on the Desert of Desertion, I don't feel that he explained good enough just how hard it really is and what it's really all about. He's usually extremely good with detail but I feel he just wasn't into it (he's been out of the game for a minute so it's expected). However, I was never prepared for this.. When you get to the point I'm at, you don't hit a brick wall, you hit reality (it's a much harder surface). It's the reality that you feel your whole life depends on what you're doing at the moment, and how motivated you are to get it done, how dedicated you are to getting it done..
I've been slacking lately, so it almost feels contradictory to say I have a work ethic like no other.. but it's true. I think risk & sacrifice are completely different, but there's few people who have sacrificed what I have to get on this road. That's what makes us different, the sacrifices we make to get here and to continue going. But we're much smarter..
Going back to MJ & the Desert of Desertion, if I remember correctly it was mostly about being reassured that what you're doing is good. I haven't been reassured in a long time, I have been before (so that helps to keep me going), but reassurance now is a new partnership, or getting something we need, or hiring a talented programmer or designer and then bringing them on board for equity for the long run.. Soon that will change, but for now I feel as if I'm in the hottest part of that Desert of Desertion.. The heat is on and it has NEVER been hotter. I'm overheating, components of this machine are starting to shut down.. no, not starting, but they WANT to shut down. However, I'm somehow managing to keep everything together, I honestly don't know how. Wait, it's probably pure will power.. I'm determined to succeed no matter the cost. I feel like a boxer who's unconscious during a fight, who's just reacting to the crowd's cheers..
I've never worked harder for success in my entire life, actually I've never worked this hard ever. It's going to pay off soon, just have to keep pressing.. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, tired, unmotivated.. But I must be half machine, because there's something in me that keeps me going no matter what, my determination for success is unruly, however.. there's just something keeping it in place... Will power? Maybe the fear of failure? Or the fear of succumbing to a low wage job? Doesn't even have to be low wage.. don't want to trade my time for money period..... I don't know what it is, but the hunger isn't stopping.
/end half-drunken rant.. I do these types of rants/posts one in a life time.. this is my one :rant:
No I'm kidding, this is my first but I only plan to do it ever again after I'm successful, and that's just to convey the message of how hard being an entrepreneur is to people looking to become successful themselves... hopefully that'll happen some time.. I work towards it every day..
Ok.. now /end rant
:sigh:
I have to manage the designers, programmers, my business partner, and everyone else (trust me, there are more people). I have to do everything, absolutely everything depends on my motivation to get it done. Except I have no motivation after months (actually years but since I'm fairly young and just got *really* serious not too long ago, I'll say a few months) of non stop grinding, working, sacrificing my social life, my health, etc.
Sometimes I'll work so long that even though I know I'm hungry, I'm just too sucked into working to do anything about it. So I'll usually wait a few hours extra (zoned out on working) until I finally come to my senses and convince myself that I need a meal quickly and that not eating is unhealthy. I'm the last person to ever complain (so trust me, I'm not complaining now), but it's honestly hard, lol. I've brought people in my company on equity, and even when I'm unmotivated I have to find some way to keep everyone else motivated... WHAT?!! I can't tell them I'm unhappy or not feeling the project at the moment, because that would kill what ever morale we have...
Sometimes I'm excited, other days I'm just not, and then I start second guessing everything. I remember MJ DeMarco calling this the Desert of Desertion.. except it's far, FAR worse to experience it first hand. Even when you know that's what it is, it's still hard to press beyond that point and continue going. You want to give up, or do what you normally do and switch to something else, or you want to succumb to what everyone else does and get a regular job.
I honestly wish MJ would make a new video on the Desert of Desertion, I don't feel that he explained good enough just how hard it really is and what it's really all about. He's usually extremely good with detail but I feel he just wasn't into it (he's been out of the game for a minute so it's expected). However, I was never prepared for this.. When you get to the point I'm at, you don't hit a brick wall, you hit reality (it's a much harder surface). It's the reality that you feel your whole life depends on what you're doing at the moment, and how motivated you are to get it done, how dedicated you are to getting it done..
I've been slacking lately, so it almost feels contradictory to say I have a work ethic like no other.. but it's true. I think risk & sacrifice are completely different, but there's few people who have sacrificed what I have to get on this road. That's what makes us different, the sacrifices we make to get here and to continue going. But we're much smarter..
Going back to MJ & the Desert of Desertion, if I remember correctly it was mostly about being reassured that what you're doing is good. I haven't been reassured in a long time, I have been before (so that helps to keep me going), but reassurance now is a new partnership, or getting something we need, or hiring a talented programmer or designer and then bringing them on board for equity for the long run.. Soon that will change, but for now I feel as if I'm in the hottest part of that Desert of Desertion.. The heat is on and it has NEVER been hotter. I'm overheating, components of this machine are starting to shut down.. no, not starting, but they WANT to shut down. However, I'm somehow managing to keep everything together, I honestly don't know how. Wait, it's probably pure will power.. I'm determined to succeed no matter the cost. I feel like a boxer who's unconscious during a fight, who's just reacting to the crowd's cheers..
I've never worked harder for success in my entire life, actually I've never worked this hard ever. It's going to pay off soon, just have to keep pressing.. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, tired, unmotivated.. But I must be half machine, because there's something in me that keeps me going no matter what, my determination for success is unruly, however.. there's just something keeping it in place... Will power? Maybe the fear of failure? Or the fear of succumbing to a low wage job? Doesn't even have to be low wage.. don't want to trade my time for money period..... I don't know what it is, but the hunger isn't stopping.
/end half-drunken rant.. I do these types of rants/posts one in a life time.. this is my one :rant:
No I'm kidding, this is my first but I only plan to do it ever again after I'm successful, and that's just to convey the message of how hard being an entrepreneur is to people looking to become successful themselves... hopefully that'll happen some time.. I work towards it every day..
Ok.. now /end rant
:sigh:
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