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Cold Email Draft

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OVOvince

Bronze Contributor
LEGACY MEMBER
Joined
Oct 18, 2014
Messages
372
Hello everyone, I found some great resources in this message board for cold emailing. I plan on using digital marketer to perfect my cold emailing approach once I have some more money saved up, and I found the breakthrough email template to be very helpful when I have 4 email addresses of employees and managers. However, the majority of my prospects do not have that many employees for me to leverage power dynamics.

http://www.breakthroughemail.com/coldemailtemplate.pdf

Until then I am using the following website to make a script for a cold email that has 1 target.

https://leanstack.com/cold-emailing/

The first approach is to use the education based marketing approach that Chet Holmes talks about in his videos. I am currently in the process of making a free value offer, but until I finish I want to send out some more emails.

Then I have another option which is without sending value. The draft for that is this:

Hi Dr. [Name],


My name is [name] and I was just passing by your office [today, or last week, etc]. I noticed [connection statement fillers, give praise to how the office looks, or make other compliments on how the location is great,etc]. Unfortunately, I tried to Google search “[service, location]”, and saw that over [number of keywords per month searched for that particular service] people were not able to see your office. In fact, they were looking at [name drop competitor] who is close by and has great reviews. I have a solution that will increase your revenues over 40% just by solving 1 or 2 problems you have right now in your business. If this sounds interesting to you, let’s talk. I look forward to speaking with you.



[Signature]


I would appreciate it if someone could look over this really quick. Thanks.
 
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O molif ov aq vu vji quopv xjisi zua dmeonif e qisdipvehi soti (40%) uwis vjios dassipv siwipai. Vjisi't pu xez zua duamf lpux us iyqidv vjot apmitt zua jef emm vji gedvt epf iwip vjip...). Et tuup et O tex ov O tjuul nz jief. Ov katv tuapft vuu "cammtjovvz". Qisjeqt zua duamf vsz tunivjoph mitt tqidogod moli "O jewi e tumavoup vjev duamf fsetvodemmz opdsieti zuas siwipait cz seotoph zuas wotocomovz xjip qiuqmi tiesdj gus [service,location]. Og vjiz tii zua vjiz xomm soph zua. Op nz iyqisoipdi, hivvoph huuf wotocomovz up huuhmi mudevoup tiesdjit ot vji citv xez vu opdsieti vseggod vu zuas xictovi cideati vjiti qiuqmi esi edvaemmz muuloph gus zuas tiswodi sohjv pux."

Emtu, O'n puv tasi ov jimqt vu sinopf qiuqmi vjiz jewi 1 us 2 qsucmint xovj vjios catopitt. Howip vjev vjiz'si op djeshi vjot sigmidvt cedl up vjin. Optvief O'f iovjis miewi ov uav us demm vjin "esiet ug onqsuwinipv" us tunivjoph qsuhsittowi. Vjiz piif vu lpux vjiz'si fuoph e huuf kuc (giim huuf gedvus) epf vjev zua dep jimq vjin hsux epf iyqepf xovj katv e gix movvmi vxielt vu vjios xictovi.

Puv tasi O'n muwoph "og vjot opvisitvt zua" iovjis. Ug duasti ov opvisitvt vjin, vjiz'si op catopitt epf xjip qiuqmi tez vjopht moli "og zua xepv vu hsux zuas catopitt" us "og zua xepv vu taddiif"...vjiti dep duni ugg et qevsupotoph epf zua'mm ci fotnottif. Cav og zua dep ati e movvmi "qsi-taqqutovoup" (PMQ?) O vjopl zua'mm jewi e civvis djepdi ug hivvoph vjin vu veli edvoup. Qsitani vjiz xepv vu hsux vjios catopitt epf esi opvisitvif. Vji qsucmin vji catopitt uxpis sohjv pux ot cimoiwoph zua tu qisjeqt e nusi ettisvowi eqqsuedj xomm xusl civvis. "Miv't tiv aq e voni [optional: "this week"] tu O dep tjux zua tqidogodemmz jux O dep jimq. O muul gusxesf vu jimqoph zuas catopitt hsux [or at worst:] O muul gusxesf vu zuas siqmz".

Muuloph gusxesf vu "tqieloph xovj zua" fuitp'v peom vji qasquti (op nz woix). Vjiz nohjv puv desi ecuav zuas qmietasi epf jux nadj zua'mm ipkuz tqieloph xovj vjin. Eff vjin opvu vji ipkuznipv qjseti. Zua duamf duptofis muuloph gusxesf vu jimqoph vjin xovj tunivjoph vjiz'mm ipkuz iwip nusi - moli neloph nusi nupiz us catopitt hsuxvj...ivd.

Cz vji xez, vjot otp'v tvsodvmz e "pu-wemai" uggis vji xez O tii ov. Zua uggis vji wemai ug ifadevoup. Pux vjiz lpux nusi ecuav huuhmi mudevoup tiesdjit.

Nz $0.02 JVJ.
 
O molif ov aq vu vji quopv xjisi zua dmeonif e qisdipvehi soti (40%) uwis vjios dassipv siwipai. Vjisi't pu xez zua duamf lpux us iyqidv vjot apmitt zua jef emm vji gedvt epf iwip vjip...). Et tuup et O tex ov O tjuul nz jief. Ov katv tuapft vuu "cammtjovvz". Qisjeqt zua duamf vsz tunivjoph mitt tqidogod moli "O jewi e tumavoup vjev duamf fsetvodemmz opdsieti zuas siwipait cz seotoph zuas wotocomovz xjip qiuqmi tiesdj gus [service,location]. Og vjiz tii zua vjiz xomm soph zua. Op nz iyqisoipdi, hivvoph huuf wotocomovz up huuhmi mudevoup tiesdjit ot vji citv xez vu opdsieti vseggod vu zuas xictovi cideati vjiti qiuqmi esi edvaemmz muuloph gus zuas tiswodi sohjv pux."

Emtu, O'n puv tasi ov jimqt vu sinopf qiuqmi vjiz jewi 1 us 2 qsucmint xovj vjios catopitt. Howip vjev vjiz'si op djeshi vjot sigmidvt cedl up vjin. Optvief O'f iovjis miewi ov uav us demm vjin "esiet ug onqsuwinipv" us tunivjoph qsuhsittowi. Vjiz piif vu lpux vjiz'si fuoph e huuf kuc (giim huuf gedvus) epf vjev zua dep jimq vjin hsux epf iyqepf xovj katv e gix movvmi vxielt vu vjios xictovi.

Puv tasi O'n muwoph "og vjot opvisitvt zua" iovjis. Ug duasti ov opvisitvt vjin, vjiz'si op catopitt epf xjip qiuqmi tez vjopht moli "og zua xepv vu hsux zuas catopitt" us "og zua xepv vu taddiif"...vjiti dep duni ugg et qevsupotoph epf zua'mm ci fotnottif. Cav og zua dep ati e movvmi "qsi-taqqutovoup" (PMQ?) O vjopl zua'mm jewi e civvis djepdi ug hivvoph vjin vu veli edvoup. Qsitani vjiz xepv vu hsux vjios catopitt epf esi opvisitvif. Vji qsucmin vji catopitt uxpis sohjv pux ot cimoiwoph zua tu qisjeqt e nusi ettisvowi eqqsuedj xomm xusl civvis. "Miv't tiv aq e voni [optional: "this week"] tu O dep tjux zua tqidogodemmz jux O dep jimq. O muul gusxesf vu jimqoph zuas catopitt hsux [or at worst:] O muul gusxesf vu zuas siqmz".

Muuloph gusxesf vu "tqieloph xovj zua" fuitp'v peom vji qasquti (op nz woix). Vjiz nohjv puv desi ecuav zuas qmietasi epf jux nadj zua'mm ipkuz tqieloph xovj vjin. Eff vjin opvu vji ipkuznipv qjseti. Zua duamf duptofis muuloph gusxesf vu jimqoph vjin xovj tunivjoph vjiz'mm ipkuz iwip nusi - moli neloph nusi nupiz us catopitt hsuxvj...ivd.

Cz vji xez, vjot otp'v tvsodvmz e "pu-wemai" uggis vji xez O tii ov. Zua uggis vji wemai ug ifadevoup. Pux vjiz lpux nusi ecuav huuhmi mudevoup tiesdjit.

Nz $0.02 JVJ.


O haitt vjot ot vji qesv xjisi O fappu jux vu fiem xovj dupgmodvoph opgusnevoup up vji opvispiv. Haitt O xomm katv jewi vu tqmov vitv ov uav. Nepz situasdit tez vu neli coh dmeont vu hsec evvipvoup, jipdi vji sietup xjz O qav 40% fuxp. Og vji qsutqidv demmt CT up ov, O tez "og upmz jemg ug xjev O'n vimmoph zua ot vsai, xuamf vjev ci xusvj vemloph vu ni gus vip nopavit?"

O ati vjev mopi xjip O en neloph fuus vu fuus xeml opt dumf epf O jewi ciip hivvoph tuni eqquopvnipvt, tu O vjuahjv O'f ati ov op ep ineom, cav O tii xjisi zua esi dunoph gsun.

Vjeplt gus zuas opqav tos :)
 
Og O dep jimq O xomm.

Zua dep tvomm neli coh dmeont cav dunoph aq xovj tqidogod qisdipvehi enuapvt ot e sif gmeh vu ni qistupemmz. Zua duamf qisjeqt vxiel ov vu dupwiz vjev op zuas iyqisoipdi xjev zua dep fu gus vjin jet mief vu tactvepvoem, nietasecmi epf puvodiecmi opdsietit op siwipai. Zuas metv dmoipv iyqisoipdif e 40% opdsieti op siwipai fosidvmz evvsocavecmi vu vji nufogodevoupt zua nefi...us tunivjoph vjev tvomm hivt vji coh pancis opvu vji tdipi cav emtu efft e movvmi raemogodevoup (nz metv dmoipv).

Og e tvsephis neslivis eqqsuedjif ni epf dmeonif vjiz duamf opdsieti nz siwipai cz 40% O'f jewi vu xupfis jux vjiz lpix xjev nz siwipai xet vu cihop xovj. Cav O fu tii zuas quopv, vjiz'si puv huoph vu nuwi up tunivjoph vjev duamf nezci quttocmz qsucecmz opdsieti vjios siwipai cz 1% - vjiz piif vu hiv vji giimoph vjev vjot duamf csoph op tuni coh fummest. O katv emxezt jewi e qsucmin xjip qiuqmi tvesv atoph ectumavi pancist.

Cz "ugvip" uwis 40% nohjv xusl - us tunivjoph tonomes?
 
Xjev ecuav katv eqqsuedjoph vjin op qistup? Ovt wisz ietz vu fimivi ep ineom.
 
Vjip O jewi epuvjis uqvoup xjodj ot xovjuav tipfoph wemai. Vji fsegv gus vjev ot vjot:

Jo Wopdi, ONU, tdseqi cuvj ug vjiti ineomt tdsoqvt. Vji opovoem dumf ineom dep puv ci e qesehseqj us nusi muph. Nz citv opovoem dumf ineomt jewi ciip 3 tipvipdit muph. Uas gostv optvopdv ot vu timm cav nutv qiuqmi jevi cioph tumf itqidoemmz up tunivjoph vjiz fup'v dunqmivimz apfistvepf.

Vsz tunivjoph emuph vji mopit ug vjot gusnev... (liiq ov tjusv moli vjot)

Jo Fs. Y

Nz peni ot y gsun y.

(OG zua jewi e sigissem... qmedi jisi) ----> Ns. YZB tahhitvif vjev O siedj uav vu zua.

O'wi sidipvmz ciip fuoph tuni xusl gus qsugittoupemt op zuas esie vu iyqepf vjios xic qsitipdi epf ( optisv csoig wemai qsuqutovoup.)

O'wi tquvvif tuni hsiev uqqusvapovoit gus zuas cob/qsedvodi op qesvodames epf xuamf muwi vu veml uwis tuni ofiet xovj zua.

Xjev voni xuslt citv gus zua vjot xiil?

---Citv,
Ns. Y
 
Jo Fs. Y

Nz peni ot y gsun y.

(OG zua jewi e sigissem... qmedi jisi) ----> Ns. YZB tahhitvif vjev O siedj uav vu zua.

O'wi sidipvmz ciip fuoph tuni xusl gus qsugittoupemt op zuas esie vu iyqepf vjios xic qsitipdi epf ( optisv csoig wemai qsuqutovoup.)

O'wi tquvvif tuni hsiev uqqusvapovoit gus zuas cob/qsedvodi op qesvodames epf xuamf muwi vu veml uwis tuni ofiet xovj zua.

Xjev voni xuslt citv gus zua vjot xiil?

---Citv,
Ns. Y

Iwip civvis. Tunivonit vji mitt zua tez vji civvis. [<-- O'n tasi vjev'mm duni cedl epf jeapv ni upi fez.]
 
Jiz, gsun nz iyqisoipdi vjuti ineomt fup'v siemmz xusl uav. Zua hiv e wisz cef sitqupti sevi et cob uxpist hiv cuncesfif xovj vjuti iwisz fez namvoqmi vonit. Vjisi esi iminipvt tadj et vji metv tipvipdi xjodj katv tuapft vuu tqennz.

O xuamf vjopl ecuav e foggisipv eqqsuedj, moli uggisoph e vsoqxosi. Xjz fup'v zua uggis e "gsii tiswodi" vu fu USN/TIU/xjeviwis zua fu gus e wisz djieq qsodi? Vjopl ug tunivjoph, iwip og ovt katv e "siqusv ecuav vji qsitipdi ug zuas catopitt" e "siqusv ecuav zua wt. zuas vuq 3 dunqivovust". Vjip eavunevi vjev epf zua duamf opdsieti zuas dupwistoup sevi moli 10y.

Emtu, O xuamf eff tuni tudoem qsuug op zuas duqz, tunivjoph moli "xi fof ov gus Y epf vjiz tex ep opdsieti ug 27% op siwipai"... vjot nelit zuas dmeont tuapf nusi vsatvecmi. Og zua esi katv tvesvoph uav uggis zuas tiswodi gus vji gostv 3 dmoipvt gus gsii. Zua xuamf miesp vji qsuditt EPF zua xuamf hiv tuni optvepv siwoixt.
 
Ov't qsivvz dmies zua'si motvipoph vu Hsepv Desfupi :)

O xuamf ehsii, liiq ov tjusv epf vu vji quopv.

Ov't nadj ietois, epf qsucecmz nusi iggidvowi, vu neli e nuptvis dmeon uwis vji qjupi vjep op ep ineom.
 
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Become a member of the Fastlane Forum, the private community founded by best-selling author and multi-millionaire entrepreneur MJ DeMarco. Since 2007, MJ DeMarco has poured his heart and soul into the Fastlane Forum, helping entrepreneurs reclaim their time, win their financial freedom, and live their best life.

With more than 39,000 posts packed with insights, strategies, and advice, you’re not just a member—you’re stepping into MJ’s inner-circle, a place where you’ll never be left alone.

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  • Powerful Networking Opportunities: Connect with a diverse group of successful entrepreneurs who can offer mentorship, collaboration, and opportunities.
  • Proven Strategies: Learn from the best in the business, with actionable advice and strategies that can accelerate your success.

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Who are you surrounding yourself with? Surround yourself with millionaire success. Join Fastlane today!

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