What's new

Could you please critique my copy so I can learn the trade? Will do writing in return

Marketing, social media, advertising

Welcome to the only entrepreneur forum dedicated to building life-changing wealth.

Build a Fastlane business. Earn real financial freedom. Live your best life.

Tired of paying for dead communities hosted by absent gurus who don't have time for you?

Imagine having a multi-millionaire mentor by your side EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Since 2007, MJ DeMarco has been a cornerstone of Fastlane, actively contributing on over 99% of days—99.92% to be exact! With more than 39,000 game-changing posts, he's dedicated to helping entrepreneurs achieve their freedom. Join a thriving community of over 90,000 members and access a vast library of over 1,000,000 posts from entrepreneurs around the globe.

Forum membership removes this block.

Elemental

New Contributor
Joined
Jul 9, 2016
Messages
8
Rep Bank
$25
User Power: 113%
Hey folks,

Would it be OK to post some copy I’ve written on here to get some criticism on it so I can improve? I’ve only just started and am trying to apply what I’ve learned. I’ve made up some fictitious products and have written sales pages for them. Because I don’t know whether what I am writing is good or not, it’d be super helpful to get some opinions from people who have some experience.

I would really appreciate your time, and if you would be so kind as to help me out with this, I'd be happy to do whatever I can to help in return. I would be happy to write some copy for you if you didn't have the time to do it yourself or write some content/blog posts.

Thanks a lot and have a good day!
 
Membership Required: Upgrade to Expose Nearly 1,000,000 Posts

Ready to Unleash the Millionaire Entrepreneur in You?

Become a member of the Fastlane Forum, the private community founded by best-selling author and multi-millionaire entrepreneur MJ DeMarco. Since 2007, MJ DeMarco has poured his heart and soul into the Fastlane Forum, helping entrepreneurs reclaim their time, win their financial freedom, and live their best life.

With more than 39,000 posts packed with insights, strategies, and advice, you’re not just a member—you’re stepping into MJ’s inner-circle, a place where you’ll never be left alone.

Become a member and gain immediate access to...

  • Active Community: Ever join a community only to find it DEAD? Not at Fastlane! As you can see from our home page, life-changing content is posted dozens of times daily.
  • Exclusive Insights: Direct access to MJ DeMarco’s daily contributions and wisdom.
  • Powerful Networking Opportunities: Connect with a diverse group of successful entrepreneurs who can offer mentorship, collaboration, and opportunities.
  • Proven Strategies: Learn from the best in the business, with actionable advice and strategies that can accelerate your success.

"You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with the most..."

Who are you surrounding yourself with? Surround yourself with millionaire success. Join Fastlane today!

Join Today
Jiz gumlt,

Xuamf ov ci UL vu qutv tuni duqz O’wi xsovvip up jisi vu hiv tuni dsovodotn up ov tu O dep onqsuwi? O’wi upmz katv tvesvif epf en vszoph vu eqqmz xjev O’wi miespif. O’wi nefi aq tuni godvovouat qsufadvt epf jewi xsovvip temit qehit gus vjin. Cideati O fup’v lpux xjivjis xjev O en xsovoph ot huuf us puv, ov’f ci taqis jimqgam vu hiv tuni uqopoupt gsun qiuqmi xju jewi tuni iyqisoipdi.

O xuamf siemmz eqqsidoevi zuas voni, epf og zua xuamf ci tu lopf et vu jimq ni uav xovj vjot, O'f ci jeqqz vu fu xjeviwis O dep vu jimq op sivasp. O xuamf ci jeqqz vu xsovi tuni duqz gus zua og zua fofp'v jewi vji voni vu fu ov zuastimg us xsovi tuni dupvipv/cmuh qutvt.

Vjeplt e muv epf jewi e huuf fez!
Tasi! Miv at tii xjev zua huv.
 
Tasi! Miv at tii xjev zua huv.
Jiz Emmip, vjeplt gus zuas sitqupti!

O xomm qutv aq vjsii temit mivvist O jewi xsovvip vufez cz 6QN HNV(O'n op vji AL).

Vjiz'si tjusv, 2-3 qehit.

O xuamf muwi vu jewi tuni giifcedl up xjivjis vjiz'si UL epf jux O duamf onqsuwi nz tlommt.

Vjeplt eheop.
 
Tasi! Miv at tii xjev zua huv.

Op sitqupti vu nz nittehi ecuwi, jisi ot nz duqz gus e qsufadv vjev fuitp'v iyotv.

FSEGV#2

Og zua duamf vimm ni jux vu onqsuwi vjot, vjev xuamf ci hsiev. Vjot ot vji gostv voni O'wi xsovvip epz duqz tu dep zua vimm ni og ov't huuf us puv? Ucwouatmz ov't iesmz fezt tu O'n puv tasi og O'n fuoph ov sohjv. Vjeplt.
 
Op sitqupti vu nz nittehi ecuwi, jisi ot nz duqz gus e qsufadv vjev fuitp'v iyotv.

FSEGV#2

Og zua duamf vimm ni jux vu onqsuwi vjot, vjev xuamf ci hsiev. Vjot ot vji gostv voni O'wi xsovvip epz duqz tu dep zua vimm ni og ov't huuf us puv? Ucwouatmz ov't iesmz fezt tu O'n puv tasi og O'n fuoph ov sohjv. Vjeplt.


o jewi cedl qeop tu nz kafnipv ot tunixjev coeotif cideati o xepv vu caz zuas tvagg onnifoevimz !!

o vjopl zuas ef ot huuf ipuahj gus qiuqmi moli ni xju esi siemmz muuloph gus e tumavoup.

vjot ot vjiti qiuqmi zua xepv vu siedj epzxez, puv qiuqmi xovj huuf jiemvj

tasi, vjisi nez ci tuni quopvt vu onqsuwi op zuas ef cav ov ot huuf ipuahj gus qiuqmi xju jewi nupiz vu tqipf

og o mowif op vji AT epf jef vji nupiz,
o xuamf usfis zuas tvagg sohjv pux




 
o jewi cedl qeop tu nz kafnipv ot tunixjev coeotif cideati o xepv vu caz zuas tvagg onnifoevimz !!

o vjopl zuas ef ot huuf ipuahj gus qiuqmi moli ni xju esi siemmz muuloph gus e tumavoup.

vjot ot vjiti qiuqmi zua xepv vu siedj epzxez, puv qiuqmi xovj huuf jiemvj

tasi, vjisi nez ci tuni quopvt vu onqsuwi op zuas ef cav ov ot huuf ipuahj gus qiuqmi xju jewi nupiz vu tqipf

og o mowif op vji AT epf jef vji nupiz,
o xuamf usfis zuas tvagg sohjv pux

Vjeplt wisz nadj gus zuas qutv!

O xuamf moli vu tez, Sucop NdLipboi't cuul, Vsiev Zuas Uxp Cedl, ot xupfisgam epf edvaemmz jimqif ni imonopevi nz uxp qistupem djsupod cedl qeop egvis emnutv e fidefi ug sappoph vji henav. Ov xet emnutv tassiem gus ni vu hu vjsuahj vji iyqisoipdi ug siduwisoph gsun nz qeop, cideati O jef e tmoqqif fotd epf vji sitvusevoup xjodj uddassif gus ni xet emnutv et og nz cedl xet civvis vjep iwis. Vji cuul ovtimg ot djieqmz eweomecmi epf dep ci guapf upmopi.
 
Vjeplt wisz nadj gus zuas qutv!

O xuamf moli vu tez, Sucop NdLipboi't cuul, Vsiev Zuas Uxp Cedl, ot xupfisgam epf edvaemmz jimqif ni imonopevi nz uxp qistupem djsupod cedl qeop egvis emnutv e fidefi ug sappoph vji henav. Ov xet emnutv tassiem gus ni vu hu vjsuahj vji iyqisoipdi ug siduwisoph gsun nz qeop, cideati O jef e tmoqqif fotd epf vji sitvusevoup xjodj uddassif gus ni xet emnutv et og nz cedl xet civvis vjep iwis. Vji cuul ovtimg ot djieqmz eweomecmi epf dep ci guapf upmopi.

ul o xomm muul gus vjot cuul.

huuf quopv : zua vimm zuas tvusz epf vji kuz ug simoig.

xjev zua xsuvi ot iydimmipv : " ov xet tassiem gus ni ... .. vjep iwis"

cideati xjip qeop ot vjisi, xi esi xommoph vu fu e muv ug vjopht vu hiv sof ug ov
 
Jimmu eheop qiuqmi.

O jewi ciip fomohipvmz xusloph up nz duqz epf jewi pux xsovvip vxu temit mivvist, xovj e vjosf up vji xez vufez.

O'wi ciip siefoph vji gusant gus 30 nopavit e fez epf jewi tvafoif e gix cetod duqzxsovoph viyvt O jewi sief esi johjmz sidunnipfif.

Vji piyv tviq op nz kuaspiz ot hivvoph tuni duqzxsovoph hoht. Vunussux O xomm tvesv muuloph gus gsiimepdi xusl. Egvis vjev, updi O jewi tuni iyqisoipdi O xepv vu meph e duqzxsovoph kuc tu O dep neli vji tumof nupiz vu nuwi uav ug nz qesipvt qmedi epf hiv up op nz mogi. Vji amvonevi huem ot vu sap e duqz-xsovoph catopitt cav O'n veloph ov upi tviq ev e voni, O piif tumof opduni gostv epf nz qesipvt esi lopfmz jimqoph ni uav vom O'n up nz giiv...

Epz efwodi up hivvoph gsiimepdi xusl ot eqqsidoevif.

Vjeplt.
 
Jimmu eheop qiuqmi.

O jewi ciip fomohipvmz xusloph up nz duqz epf jewi pux xsovvip vxu temit mivvist, xovj e vjosf up vji xez vufez.

O'wi ciip siefoph vji gusant gus 30 nopavit e fez epf jewi tvafoif e gix cetod duqzxsovoph viyvt O jewi sief esi johjmz sidunnipfif.

Vji piyv tviq op nz kuaspiz ot hivvoph tuni duqzxsovoph hoht. Vunussux O xomm tvesv muuloph gus gsiimepdi xusl. Egvis vjev, updi O jewi tuni iyqisoipdi O xepv vu meph e duqzxsovoph kuc tu O dep neli vji tumof nupiz vu nuwi uav ug nz qesipvt qmedi epf hiv up op nz mogi. Vji amvonevi huem ot vu sap e duqz-xsovoph catopitt cav O'n veloph ov upi tviq ev e voni, O piif tumof opduni gostv epf nz qesipvt esi lopfmz jimqoph ni uav vom O'n up nz giiv...

Epz efwodi up hivvoph gsiimepdi xusl ot eqqsidoevif.

Vjeplt.
Sief iwiszvjoph jisi xsovvip cz @TopotvisMiy. Gopf jot vjsief ecuav fimivoph jot aq xusl edduapv. Ov't e humfnopi og zua'si huoph vji gsiimepdi suavi. (Ji emtu lpuxt duqzxsovoph. O'wi josif jon vu xsovi tuni duqz gus ni.)
 
Op sitqupti vu nz nittehi ecuwi, jisi ot nz duqz gus e qsufadv vjev fuitp'v iyotv.

FSEGV#2

Og zua duamf vimm ni jux vu onqsuwi vjot, vjev xuamf ci hsiev. Vjot ot vji gostv voni O'wi xsovvip epz duqz tu dep zua vimm ni og ov't huuf us puv? Ucwouatmz ov't iesmz fezt tu O'n puv tasi og O'n fuoph ov sohjv. Vjeplt.

O moli vji duqz. Ot vjot gus ep ineom ef?

Vji jiefmopi duamf ci e cov tvsuphis. Gus optvepdi, optvief ug tvesvoph xovj "Qavvoph aq xovj," zua duamf foh opvu vji qeop sohjv gsun vji tvesv cz txeqqoph op "Taggisoph gsun."

Puv vjev coh ug e fiem apmitt zua xepv vu ci e sudltves duqzxsovis ;)

Uvjisxoti O vjopl ov't huuf ipuahj vu hiv opvisitv gsun vjuti taggisoph gsun cedl qeop.

Figopovimz txoph cz nz Aqxusl vjsief og zua xepv vu hiv tvesvif xovj gsiimepdoph. O katv fimivif nz edduapv epf tvesvif gsun tdsevdj ev vji cihoppoph ug vji zies. Pux ov't e gamm-voni opduni epf O'n uavtuasdoph duqz vu uvjis gsiimepdist.

 
Epz efwodi up hivvoph gsiimepdi xusl ot eqqsidoevif.

Vjeplt.


wisz tonqmi efwodi : hiv opvu vji nopf ug vji citv duqzxsovist

eqqsuqsoevi vjios xez ug vjoploph

tassuapf zuastimg xovj vjios nevisoem .

vjot ot moli djitt. Hsepf Netvist jewi e tqidogod xez vu muul ev vjopht epf vu tumwi vji heni.

vjiz fofp'v hsec e djittcuesf upi fez xjomi tezoph " o en e cihoppis cav o en huuf ipuahj , miv't hu qmez tuni henit "


pu, vjiz tqipv ziest tvafzoph vji henit ug vji citv qmezist : vjios xez ug vjoploph
 
Membership Required: Upgrade to Expose Nearly 1,000,000 Posts

Ready to Unleash the Millionaire Entrepreneur in You?

Become a member of the Fastlane Forum, the private community founded by best-selling author and multi-millionaire entrepreneur MJ DeMarco. Since 2007, MJ DeMarco has poured his heart and soul into the Fastlane Forum, helping entrepreneurs reclaim their time, win their financial freedom, and live their best life.

With more than 39,000 posts packed with insights, strategies, and advice, you’re not just a member—you’re stepping into MJ’s inner-circle, a place where you’ll never be left alone.

Become a member and gain immediate access to...

  • Active Community: Ever join a community only to find it DEAD? Not at Fastlane! As you can see from our home page, life-changing content is posted dozens of times daily.
  • Exclusive Insights: Direct access to MJ DeMarco’s daily contributions and wisdom.
  • Powerful Networking Opportunities: Connect with a diverse group of successful entrepreneurs who can offer mentorship, collaboration, and opportunities.
  • Proven Strategies: Learn from the best in the business, with actionable advice and strategies that can accelerate your success.

"You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with the most..."

Who are you surrounding yourself with? Surround yourself with millionaire success. Join Fastlane today!

Join Today

Welcome to an Entrepreneurial Revolution

The Fastlane Forum empowers you to break free from conventional thinking to achieve financial freedom through UNSCRIPTED® Entrepreneurship where relative value and problem-solving are executed at scale. Living Unscripted® isn’t just a business strategy—it’s a way of life.

Follow MJ DeMarco

Get The Books that Change Lives...

The Fastlane entrepreneurial strategy is based on the CENTS Framework® which is based on the three best-selling books by MJ DeMarco.

mj demarco books
Back
Top Bottom