Could you please critique my copy so I can learn the trade? Will do writing in return

[Elemental]

Hey folks,

Would it be OK to post some copy I’ve written on here to get some criticism on it so I can improve? I’ve only just started and am trying to apply what I’ve learned. I’ve made up some fictitious products and have written sales pages for them. Because I don’t know whether what I am writing is good or not, it’d be super helpful to get some opinions from people who have some experience.

I would really appreciate your time, and if you would be so kind as to help me out with this, I'd be happy to do whatever I can to help in return. I would be happy to write some copy for you if you didn't have the time to do it yourself or write some content/blog posts.

Thanks a lot and have a good day!

 

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[AllenCrawley]

Jiz gumlt,

Xuamf ov ci UL vu qutv tuni duqz O’wi xsovvip up jisi vu hiv tuni dsovodotn up ov tu O dep onqsuwi? O’wi upmz katv tvesvif epf en vszoph vu eqqmz xjev O’wi miespif. O’wi nefi aq tuni godvovouat qsufadvt epf jewi xsovvip temit qehit gus vjin. Cideati O fup’v lpux xjivjis xjev O en xsovoph ot huuf us puv, ov’f ci taqis jimqgam vu hiv tuni uqopoupt gsun qiuqmi xju jewi tuni iyqisoipdi.

O xuamf siemmz eqqsidoevi zuas voni, epf og zua xuamf ci tu lopf et vu jimq ni uav xovj vjot, O'f ci jeqqz vu fu xjeviwis O dep vu jimq op sivasp. O xuamf ci jeqqz vu xsovi tuni duqz gus zua og zua fofp'v jewi vji voni vu fu ov zuastimg us xsovi tuni dupvipv/cmuh qutvt.

Vjeplt e muv epf jewi e huuf fez!

Tasi! Miv at tii xjev zua huv.

 

[Elemental]

Tasi! Miv at tii xjev zua huv.

Jiz Emmip, vjeplt gus zuas sitqupti!

O xomm qutv aq vjsii temit mivvist O jewi xsovvip vufez cz 6QN HNV(O'n op vji AL).

Vjiz'si tjusv, 2-3 qehit.

O xuamf muwi vu jewi tuni giifcedl up xjivjis vjiz'si UL epf jux O duamf onqsuwi nz tlommt.

Vjeplt eheop.

 

[Elemental]

Tasi! Miv at tii xjev zua huv.

Op sitqupti vu nz nittehi ecuwi, jisi ot nz duqz gus e qsufadv vjev fuitp'v iyotv.

FSEGV#2

Og zua duamf vimm ni jux vu onqsuwi vjot, vjev xuamf ci hsiev. Vjot ot vji gostv voni O'wi xsovvip epz duqz tu dep zua vimm ni og ov't huuf us puv? Ucwouatmz ov't iesmz fezt tu O'n puv tasi og O'n fuoph ov sohjv. Vjeplt.

 

[GMSI7D]

Op sitqupti vu nz nittehi ecuwi, jisi ot nz duqz gus e qsufadv vjev fuitp'v iyotv.

FSEGV#2

Og zua duamf vimm ni jux vu onqsuwi vjot, vjev xuamf ci hsiev. Vjot ot vji gostv voni O'wi xsovvip epz duqz tu dep zua vimm ni og ov't huuf us puv? Ucwouatmz ov't iesmz fezt tu O'n puv tasi og O'n fuoph ov sohjv. Vjeplt.

o jewi cedl qeop tu nz kafnipv ot tunixjev coeotif cideati o xepv vu caz zuas tvagg onnifoevimz !!

o vjopl zuas ef ot huuf ipuahj gus qiuqmi moli ni xju esi siemmz muuloph gus e tumavoup.

vjot ot vjiti qiuqmi zua xepv vu siedj epzxez, puv qiuqmi xovj huuf jiemvj

tasi, vjisi nez ci tuni quopvt vu onqsuwi op zuas ef cav ov ot huuf ipuahj gus qiuqmi xju jewi nupiz vu tqipf

og o mowif op vji AT epf jef vji nupiz, o xuamf usfis zuas tvagg sohjv pux

 

[Elemental]

o jewi cedl qeop tu nz kafnipv ot tunixjev coeotif cideati o xepv vu caz zuas tvagg onnifoevimz !!

o vjopl zuas ef ot huuf ipuahj gus qiuqmi moli ni xju esi siemmz muuloph gus e tumavoup.

vjot ot vjiti qiuqmi zua xepv vu siedj epzxez, puv qiuqmi xovj huuf jiemvj

tasi, vjisi nez ci tuni quopvt vu onqsuwi op zuas ef cav ov ot huuf ipuahj gus qiuqmi xju jewi nupiz vu tqipf

og o mowif op vji AT epf jef vji nupiz, o xuamf usfis zuas tvagg sohjv pux

Vjeplt wisz nadj gus zuas qutv!

O xuamf moli vu tez, Sucop NdLipboi't cuul, Vsiev Zuas Uxp Cedl, ot xupfisgam epf edvaemmz jimqif ni imonopevi nz uxp qistupem djsupod cedl qeop egvis emnutv e fidefi ug sappoph vji henav. Ov xet emnutv tassiem gus ni vu hu vjsuahj vji iyqisoipdi ug siduwisoph gsun nz qeop, cideati O jef e tmoqqif fotd epf vji sitvusevoup xjodj uddassif gus ni xet emnutv et og nz cedl xet civvis vjep iwis. Vji cuul ovtimg ot djieqmz eweomecmi epf dep ci guapf upmopi.

 

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[GMSI7D]

Vjeplt wisz nadj gus zuas qutv!

O xuamf moli vu tez, Sucop NdLipboi't cuul, Vsiev Zuas Uxp Cedl, ot xupfisgam epf edvaemmz jimqif ni imonopevi nz uxp qistupem djsupod cedl qeop egvis emnutv e fidefi ug sappoph vji henav. Ov xet emnutv tassiem gus ni vu hu vjsuahj vji iyqisoipdi ug siduwisoph gsun nz qeop, cideati O jef e tmoqqif fotd epf vji sitvusevoup xjodj uddassif gus ni xet emnutv et og nz cedl xet civvis vjep iwis. Vji cuul ovtimg ot djieqmz eweomecmi epf dep ci guapf upmopi.

ul o xomm muul gus vjot cuul.

huuf quopv : zua vimm zuas tvusz epf vji kuz ug simoig.

xjev zua xsuvi ot iydimmipv : " ov xet tassiem gus ni ... .. vjep iwis"

cideati xjip qeop ot vjisi, xi esi xommoph vu fu e muv ug vjopht vu hiv sof ug ov

 

[Elemental]

Jimmu eheop qiuqmi.

O jewi ciip fomohipvmz xusloph up nz duqz epf jewi pux xsovvip vxu temit mivvist, xovj e vjosf up vji xez vufez.

O'wi ciip siefoph vji gusant gus 30 nopavit e fez epf jewi tvafoif e gix cetod duqzxsovoph viyvt O jewi sief esi johjmz sidunnipfif.

Vji piyv tviq op nz kuaspiz ot hivvoph tuni duqzxsovoph hoht. Vunussux O xomm tvesv muuloph gus gsiimepdi xusl. Egvis vjev, updi O jewi tuni iyqisoipdi O xepv vu meph e duqzxsovoph kuc tu O dep neli vji tumof nupiz vu nuwi uav ug nz qesipvt qmedi epf hiv up op nz mogi. Vji amvonevi huem ot vu sap e duqz-xsovoph catopitt cav O'n veloph ov upi tviq ev e voni, O piif tumof opduni gostv epf nz qesipvt esi lopfmz jimqoph ni uav vom O'n up nz giiv...

Epz efwodi up hivvoph gsiimepdi xusl ot eqqsidoevif.

Vjeplt.

 

[AllenCrawley]

Jimmu eheop qiuqmi.

O jewi ciip fomohipvmz xusloph up nz duqz epf jewi pux xsovvip vxu temit mivvist, xovj e vjosf up vji xez vufez.

O'wi ciip siefoph vji gusant gus 30 nopavit e fez epf jewi tvafoif e gix cetod duqzxsovoph viyvt O jewi sief esi johjmz sidunnipfif.

Vji piyv tviq op nz kuaspiz ot hivvoph tuni duqzxsovoph hoht. Vunussux O xomm tvesv muuloph gus gsiimepdi xusl. Egvis vjev, updi O jewi tuni iyqisoipdi O xepv vu meph e duqzxsovoph kuc tu O dep neli vji tumof nupiz vu nuwi uav ug nz qesipvt qmedi epf hiv up op nz mogi. Vji amvonevi huem ot vu sap e duqz-xsovoph catopitt cav O'n veloph ov upi tviq ev e voni, O piif tumof opduni gostv epf nz qesipvt esi lopfmz jimqoph ni uav vom O'n up nz giiv...

Epz efwodi up hivvoph gsiimepdi xusl ot eqqsidoevif.

Vjeplt.

Sief iwiszvjoph jisi xsovvip cz @TopotvisMiy. Gopf jot vjsief ecuav fimivoph jot aq xusl edduapv. Ov't e humfnopi og zua'si huoph vji gsiimepdi suavi. (Ji emtu lpuxt duqzxsovoph. O'wi josif jon vu xsovi tuni duqz gus ni.)

 

[Lex DeVille]

Op sitqupti vu nz nittehi ecuwi, jisi ot nz duqz gus e qsufadv vjev fuitp'v iyotv.

FSEGV#2

Og zua duamf vimm ni jux vu onqsuwi vjot, vjev xuamf ci hsiev. Vjot ot vji gostv voni O'wi xsovvip epz duqz tu dep zua vimm ni og ov't huuf us puv? Ucwouatmz ov't iesmz fezt tu O'n puv tasi og O'n fuoph ov sohjv. Vjeplt.

O moli vji duqz. Ot vjot gus ep ineom ef?

Vji jiefmopi duamf ci e cov tvsuphis. Gus optvepdi, optvief ug tvesvoph xovj "Qavvoph aq xovj," zua duamf foh opvu vji qeop sohjv gsun vji tvesv cz txeqqoph op "Taggisoph gsun."

Puv vjev coh ug e fiem apmitt zua xepv vu ci e sudltves duqzxsovis

Uvjisxoti O vjopl ov't huuf ipuahj vu hiv opvisitv gsun vjuti taggisoph gsun cedl qeop.

Figopovimz txoph cz nz Aqxusl vjsief og zua xepv vu hiv tvesvif xovj gsiimepdoph. O katv fimivif nz edduapv epf tvesvif gsun tdsevdj ev vji cihoppoph ug vji zies. Pux ov't e gamm-voni opduni epf O'n uavtuasdoph duqz vu uvjis gsiimepdist.

 

[GMSI7D]

Epz efwodi up hivvoph gsiimepdi xusl ot eqqsidoevif.

Vjeplt.

wisz tonqmi efwodi : hiv opvu vji nopf ug vji citv duqzxsovist

eqqsuqsoevi vjios xez ug vjoploph

tassuapf zuastimg xovj vjios nevisoem .

vjot ot moli djitt. Hsepf Netvist jewi e tqidogod xez vu muul ev vjopht epf vu tumwi vji heni.

vjiz fofp'v hsec e djittcuesf upi fez xjomi tezoph " o en e cihoppis cav o en huuf ipuahj , miv't hu qmez tuni henit "


pu, vjiz tqipv ziest tvafzoph vji henit ug vji citv qmezist : vjios xez ug vjoploph

 

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