An interesting observation I've made over the past couple of years...
Ever notice how being nice often gets you polite rejections to your requests, but being direct, and even an a-hole when required, gets you much more? (Note: I only abbreviated a-hole because we spell it "arsehole" whereas you US fastlaners use "a$$", so don't accuse me of being politically correct! ;-)
Being raised in a western country, I was raised to be polite, nice, etc. "Ask politely", "ask and you shall receive", "avoid conflict, don't make a scene" etc. All well and good for personal interactions, not for business.
I found I was too polite and was being walked-over like a door mat at a train station. Daily. I wasn't offending anyone, and I was being nice like my mother told me, but I was getting NO results. I moved to another country for a while, where politeness is considered differently, and being abrupt/direct is not impolite. I had trouble saying no and demanding what I want until I lived there. Not now.
Recall from your own lives, how many times you sit on hold on the phone for 40+ minutes, only to be told you can't have what you want?
My advice: be polite when making the request and if you don't get it, be very direct. "I'm sorry, <insert name>, that's not going to work. I NEED xyz, so how can we make it possible to get xyz? If they still decline, it might be time to reveal your inner a-hole. Don't be personally offensive. Don't call them names. Attack their systems, company, etc, but unless truly warranted, leave the personal stuff out. When you get what you want, reward them by being reasonable again. Thank them. Next time you make a request, they'll be far more flexible!
Don't equivocate, don't pad it thinking you'll spare their feelings. They aren't offended by directness, just jolted out of their "decline everything" rut. They decline because they couldn't be bothered, don't know how, incorrectly think they can't, etc. All excuses which stant in the way of you GETTING WHAT YOU WANT! Don't even find out why they are declining unless you really need to. Just demand it, don't accept anything but results, and they will have to find a way to do it for you to avoid conflict (with you!).
It's very hard to do for the first few attempts, but it feels very empowering when you master it. Some people may not want to try it, and that's ok, but it works for me when I need to use it. Funnily enough, you only need to do it once or twice per person, and for a long time, they'll be very helpful. I guess they want to avoid conflict!
In the end, avoiding pain (conflict with you) overrides their desire for pleasure (doing nothing). Make it easier for them to give you what you want than to deny it.
Daniel.
Ever notice how being nice often gets you polite rejections to your requests, but being direct, and even an a-hole when required, gets you much more? (Note: I only abbreviated a-hole because we spell it "arsehole" whereas you US fastlaners use "a$$", so don't accuse me of being politically correct! ;-)
Being raised in a western country, I was raised to be polite, nice, etc. "Ask politely", "ask and you shall receive", "avoid conflict, don't make a scene" etc. All well and good for personal interactions, not for business.
I found I was too polite and was being walked-over like a door mat at a train station. Daily. I wasn't offending anyone, and I was being nice like my mother told me, but I was getting NO results. I moved to another country for a while, where politeness is considered differently, and being abrupt/direct is not impolite. I had trouble saying no and demanding what I want until I lived there. Not now.
Recall from your own lives, how many times you sit on hold on the phone for 40+ minutes, only to be told you can't have what you want?
My advice: be polite when making the request and if you don't get it, be very direct. "I'm sorry, <insert name>, that's not going to work. I NEED xyz, so how can we make it possible to get xyz? If they still decline, it might be time to reveal your inner a-hole. Don't be personally offensive. Don't call them names. Attack their systems, company, etc, but unless truly warranted, leave the personal stuff out. When you get what you want, reward them by being reasonable again. Thank them. Next time you make a request, they'll be far more flexible!
Don't equivocate, don't pad it thinking you'll spare their feelings. They aren't offended by directness, just jolted out of their "decline everything" rut. They decline because they couldn't be bothered, don't know how, incorrectly think they can't, etc. All excuses which stant in the way of you GETTING WHAT YOU WANT! Don't even find out why they are declining unless you really need to. Just demand it, don't accept anything but results, and they will have to find a way to do it for you to avoid conflict (with you!).
It's very hard to do for the first few attempts, but it feels very empowering when you master it. Some people may not want to try it, and that's ok, but it works for me when I need to use it. Funnily enough, you only need to do it once or twice per person, and for a long time, they'll be very helpful. I guess they want to avoid conflict!
In the end, avoiding pain (conflict with you) overrides their desire for pleasure (doing nothing). Make it easier for them to give you what you want than to deny it.
Daniel.
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