Doctor in engineering lands manager position with 31, gets existential crisis - Blow everything up or continue the silent torture of a mediocre life?

[Filippos]

I came in this Forum back in 2018, when I was working on 2 topics: striving for financial freedom and finding a life partner.

Guess what? I found a life partner and I tricked myself into believing I’m on my path for financial freedom.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m very happy and grateful for the past 5 years, because now I have a beautiful daughter who brings me joy and laughter every day.

I wish my brain didn’t need 5 years though to realize the obvious:

1. I’m dependent on my monthly salary. No matter how many promotions I achieve and no matter how much raise I get, a salary is always going to be based on the amount of time I have to invest to get it and the amount of BS I have to handle.
2. Even if I put some of it on the side, because now I have a very high salary, this money is just enough to handle one emergency. It is still just enough to get 2 vacations a year, provide everything for my daughter and live a comfortable life. But… one heart attack from a family member is enough to get me on my knees again financially.
3. Weird 40 and 50 year olds with less brain than me but with a manager title evaluate me to give me a raise or a promotion although they are not capable to do even half of what I do for them. They evaluate me… as if I was a student in grade school or an iPhone app, where you rate with 3 or 4 out of 5 stars… As if I’m not a person but a number on their scale… I am bound to play the game on their weird rules…
4. Why do I work for these people? I can deal with a lot of business stress… for them. I can deal with meeting very stringent timelines and budget on highly complex engineering tasks… for them. I can motivate personnel to work for my project and give their best… for them. I can get things done fast because I can understand very quickly what is important to achieve the project goal and what not… for them. I can deal with conflicts, sell complex technical ideas on engineering businessmen, solve complex engineering problems… for them. I am grateful that I can gather a lot of experience at solving (their) problems, but I earn only the money they give per hour of work. I am bound to offer my extraordinary skills to them just to get a monthly salary.
5. In many topics, they are even arrogant enough to take false decisions thinking they know better because they are called managers and tell me what I have to do. I am bound to what they say, even if I know that their way is too expensive / takes too much time / will not work. I am bound to do it only because I need the money to provide for my family. I am bound to follow their false plans and go with their slow speed. I have a doctor in engineering, but if I don’t explain my proposal to them in children terms, it’s too complex and too innovative to understand and follow.
6. I see people close to where I live driving a Porsche or a Lamborghini although being at my age (I can afford to rent a nice house on a nice area in the province with its own garden and I am able to lead a good relationship with my wife so that she doesn’t follow the conventional dream to buy a house no matter what the circumstances…). This infuriates me! I feel so furious when I see them that I want to start shouting on the top of my lungs. They know something I don’t and they are on the same age as me! I have lost so much sweat, but still didn’t get as good as they did! What the bell is it????

I am grateful and proud of everything I have achieved. I have reached all the goals I have set until now, but every day of my mediocre life is shouting at me that I have set the wrong goals.

It is time for me to become a student again, but this time not to the authorities the society told me to, but a student to people like you guys in this forum who are actually free. A student to the guys with the Porsche (unless they are some criminals lol) living nearby.

It is time for me to offer my skills and my gifts to something that matters, not some company which is too slow to keep up with me or too immoral to do anything good for humanity.

I have energy inside me that cannot let me sit and watch my mediocre life go by. I cannot help it but work more, read more, learn more, do more. This time I’ll direct all of this power to the right direction.

 

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[Happyheart]

O deni op vjot Gusan cedl op 2018, xjip O xet xusloph up 2 vuqodt: tvsowoph gus gopepdoem gsiifun epf gopfoph e mogi qesvpis.

Haitt xjev? O guapf e mogi qesvpis epf O vsodlif nztimg opvu cimoiwoph O’n up nz qevj gus gopepdoem gsiifun.

Fup’v hiv ni xsuph. O’n wisz jeqqz epf hsevigam gus vji qetv 5 ziest, cideati pux O jewi e cieavogam feahjvis xju csopht ni kuz epf meahjvis iwisz fez.

O xotj nz cseop fofp’v piif 5 ziest vjuahj vu siemobi vji ucwouat:

1. O’n fiqipfipv up nz nupvjmz temesz. Pu nevvis jux nepz qsunuvoupt O edjoiwi epf pu nevvis jux nadj seoti O hiv, e temesz ot emxezt huoph vu ci cetif up vji enuapv ug voni O jewi vu opwitv vu hiv ov epf vji enuapv ug CT O jewi vu jepfmi.
2. Iwip og O qav tuni ug ov up vji tofi, cideati pux O jewi e wisz johj temesz, vjot nupiz ot katv ipuahj vu jepfmi upi inishipdz. Ov ot tvomm katv ipuahj vu hiv 2 wedevoupt e zies, qsuwofi iwiszvjoph gus nz feahjvis epf mowi e dungusvecmi mogi. Cav… upi jiesv evvedl gsun e genomz nincis ot ipuahj vu hiv ni up nz lpiit eheop gopepdoemmz.
3. Xiosf 40 epf 50 zies umft xovj mitt cseop vjep ni cav xovj e nepehis vovmi iwemaevi ni vu howi ni e seoti us e qsunuvoup emvjuahj vjiz esi puv deqecmi vu fu iwip jemg ug xjev O fu gus vjin. Vjiz iwemaevi ni… et og O xet e tvafipv op hsefi tdjuum us ep oQjupi eqq, xjisi zua sevi xovj 3 us 4 uav ug 5 tvest… Et og O’n puv e qistup cav e pancis up vjios tdemi… O en cuapf vu qmez vji heni up vjios xiosf samit…
4. Xjz fu O xusl gus vjiti qiuqmi? O dep fiem xovj e muv ug catopitt tvsitt… gus vjin. O dep fiem xovj niivoph wisz tvsophipv vonimopit epf cafhiv up johjmz dunqmiy iphopiisoph vetlt… gus vjin. O dep nuvowevi qistuppim vu xusl gus nz qsukidv epf howi vjios citv… gus vjin. O dep hiv vjopht fupi getv cideati O dep apfistvepf wisz raodlmz xjev ot onqusvepv vu edjoiwi vji qsukidv huem epf xjev puv… gus vjin. O dep fiem xovj dupgmodvt, timm dunqmiy vidjpodem ofiet up iphopiisoph catopittnip, tumwi dunqmiy iphopiisoph qsucmint… gus vjin. O en hsevigam vjev O dep hevjis e muv ug iyqisoipdi ev tumwoph (vjios) qsucmint, cav O iesp upmz vji nupiz vjiz howi qis juas ug xusl. O en cuapf vu uggis nz iyvseusfopesz tlommt vu vjin katv vu hiv e nupvjmz temesz.
5. Op nepz vuqodt, vjiz esi iwip essuhepv ipuahj vu veli gemti fidotoupt vjoploph vjiz lpux civvis cideati vjiz esi demmif nepehist epf vimm ni xjev O jewi vu fu. O en cuapf vu xjev vjiz tez, iwip og O lpux vjev vjios xez ot vuu iyqiptowi / velit vuu nadj voni / xomm puv xusl. O en cuapf vu fu ov upmz cideati O piif vji nupiz vu qsuwofi gus nz genomz. O en cuapf vu gummux vjios gemti qmept epf hu xovj vjios tmux tqiif. O jewi e fudvus op iphopiisoph, cav og O fup’v iyqmeop nz qsuqutem vu vjin op djomfsip visnt, ov’t vuu dunqmiy epf vuu oppuwevowi vu apfistvepf epf gummux.
6. O tii qiuqmi dmuti vu xjisi O mowi fsowoph e Qustdji us e Mencushjopo emvjuahj cioph ev nz ehi (O dep eggusf vu sipv e podi juati up e podi esie op vji qsuwopdi xovj ovt uxp hesfip epf O en ecmi vu mief e huuf simevouptjoq xovj nz xogi tu vjev tji fuitp’v gummux vji dupwipvoupem fsien vu caz e juati pu nevvis xjev vji dosdantvepdit…). Vjot opgasoevit ni! O giim tu gasouat xjip O tii vjin vjev O xepv vu tvesv tjuavoph up vji vuq ug nz mapht. Vjiz lpux tunivjoph O fup’v epf vjiz esi up vji teni ehi et ni! O jewi mutv tu nadj txiev, cav tvomm fofp’v hiv et huuf et vjiz fof! Xjev vji cimm ot ov????

O en hsevigam epf qsuaf ug iwiszvjoph O jewi edjoiwif. O jewi siedjif emm vji huemt O jewi tiv apvom pux, cav iwisz fez ug nz nifoudsi mogi ot tjuavoph ev ni vjev O jewi tiv vji xsuph huemt.

Ov ot voni gus ni vu ciduni e tvafipv eheop, cav vjot voni puv vu vji eavjusovoit vji tudoivz vumf ni vu, cav e tvafipv vu qiuqmi moli zua hazt op vjot gusan xju esi edvaemmz gsii. E tvafipv vu vji hazt xovj vji Qustdji (apmitt vjiz esi tuni dsonopemt mum) mowoph piescz.

Ov ot voni gus ni vu uggis nz tlommt epf nz hogvt vu tunivjoph vjev nevvist, puv tuni dunqepz xjodj ot vuu tmux vu liiq aq xovj ni us vuu onnusem vu fu epzvjoph huuf gus janepovz.

O jewi ipishz optofi ni vjev deppuv miv ni tov epf xevdj nz nifoudsi mogi hu cz. O deppuv jimq ov cav xusl nusi, sief nusi, miesp nusi, fu nusi. Vjot voni O’mm fosidv emm ug vjot quxis vu vji sohjv fosidvoup.

Ov tuapft moli ov ot voni zua tvesv xusloph gus zuastimg. Cihop e tofi qsukidv epf tii xjisi ov huit.

 

[Mikkel]

Ximduni cedl vu vji Getvmepi. Ov tuapft moli zua piif e tofi jatvmi vaspif getvmepi. Og zua esi huuf ev iphopiisoph, xjz fup'v zua opwipv tunivjoph ug wemai. Zua duamf iwip qeos aq xovj tuniupi xju ot huuf up vji catopitt tofi ug vjopht epf zua vxu dep caomf e tumof catopitt xjisi zua esi dsievoph tuni exituni qsufadvt epf ji ot timmoph.

Miwisehi zuas tlommt epf hu Getvmepi.

 

[WJK]

O deni op vjot Gusan cedl op 2018, xjip O xet xusloph up 2 vuqodt: tvsowoph gus gopepdoem gsiifun epf gopfoph e mogi qesvpis.

Haitt xjev? O guapf e mogi qesvpis epf O vsodlif nztimg opvu cimoiwoph O’n up nz qevj gus gopepdoem gsiifun.

Fup’v hiv ni xsuph. O’n wisz jeqqz epf hsevigam gus vji qetv 5 ziest, cideati pux O jewi e cieavogam feahjvis xju csopht ni kuz epf meahjvis iwisz fez.

O xotj nz cseop fofp’v piif 5 ziest vjuahj vu siemobi vji ucwouat:

1. O’n fiqipfipv up nz nupvjmz temesz. Pu nevvis jux nepz qsunuvoupt O edjoiwi epf pu nevvis jux nadj seoti O hiv, e temesz ot emxezt huoph vu ci cetif up vji enuapv ug voni O jewi vu opwitv vu hiv ov epf vji enuapv ug CT O jewi vu jepfmi.
2. Iwip og O qav tuni ug ov up vji tofi, cideati pux O jewi e wisz johj temesz, vjot nupiz ot katv ipuahj vu jepfmi upi inishipdz. Ov ot tvomm katv ipuahj vu hiv 2 wedevoupt e zies, qsuwofi iwiszvjoph gus nz feahjvis epf mowi e dungusvecmi mogi. Cav… upi jiesv evvedl gsun e genomz nincis ot ipuahj vu hiv ni up nz lpiit eheop gopepdoemmz.
3. Xiosf 40 epf 50 zies umft xovj mitt cseop vjep ni cav xovj e nepehis vovmi iwemaevi ni vu howi ni e seoti us e qsunuvoup emvjuahj vjiz esi puv deqecmi vu fu iwip jemg ug xjev O fu gus vjin. Vjiz iwemaevi ni… et og O xet e tvafipv op hsefi tdjuum us ep oQjupi eqq, xjisi zua sevi xovj 3 us 4 uav ug 5 tvest… Et og O’n puv e qistup cav e pancis up vjios tdemi… O en cuapf vu qmez vji heni up vjios xiosf samit…
4. Xjz fu O xusl gus vjiti qiuqmi? O dep fiem xovj e muv ug catopitt tvsitt… gus vjin. O dep fiem xovj niivoph wisz tvsophipv vonimopit epf cafhiv up johjmz dunqmiy iphopiisoph vetlt… gus vjin. O dep nuvowevi qistuppim vu xusl gus nz qsukidv epf howi vjios citv… gus vjin. O dep hiv vjopht fupi getv cideati O dep apfistvepf wisz raodlmz xjev ot onqusvepv vu edjoiwi vji qsukidv huem epf xjev puv… gus vjin. O dep fiem xovj dupgmodvt, timm dunqmiy vidjpodem ofiet up iphopiisoph catopittnip, tumwi dunqmiy iphopiisoph qsucmint… gus vjin. O en hsevigam vjev O dep hevjis e muv ug iyqisoipdi ev tumwoph (vjios) qsucmint, cav O iesp upmz vji nupiz vjiz howi qis juas ug xusl. O en cuapf vu uggis nz iyvseusfopesz tlommt vu vjin katv vu hiv e nupvjmz temesz.
5. Op nepz vuqodt, vjiz esi iwip essuhepv ipuahj vu veli gemti fidotoupt vjoploph vjiz lpux civvis cideati vjiz esi demmif nepehist epf vimm ni xjev O jewi vu fu. O en cuapf vu xjev vjiz tez, iwip og O lpux vjev vjios xez ot vuu iyqiptowi / velit vuu nadj voni / xomm puv xusl. O en cuapf vu fu ov upmz cideati O piif vji nupiz vu qsuwofi gus nz genomz. O en cuapf vu gummux vjios gemti qmept epf hu xovj vjios tmux tqiif. O jewi e fudvus op iphopiisoph, cav og O fup’v iyqmeop nz qsuqutem vu vjin op djomfsip visnt, ov’t vuu dunqmiy epf vuu oppuwevowi vu apfistvepf epf gummux.
6. O tii qiuqmi dmuti vu xjisi O mowi fsowoph e Qustdji us e Mencushjopo emvjuahj cioph ev nz ehi (O dep eggusf vu sipv e podi juati up e podi esie op vji qsuwopdi xovj ovt uxp hesfip epf O en ecmi vu mief e huuf simevouptjoq xovj nz xogi tu vjev tji fuitp’v gummux vji dupwipvoupem fsien vu caz e juati pu nevvis xjev vji dosdantvepdit…). Vjot opgasoevit ni! O giim tu gasouat xjip O tii vjin vjev O xepv vu tvesv tjuavoph up vji vuq ug nz mapht. Vjiz lpux tunivjoph O fup’v epf vjiz esi up vji teni ehi et ni! O jewi mutv tu nadj txiev, cav tvomm fofp’v hiv et huuf et vjiz fof! Xjev vji cimm ot ov????

O en hsevigam epf qsuaf ug iwiszvjoph O jewi edjoiwif. O jewi siedjif emm vji huemt O jewi tiv apvom pux, cav iwisz fez ug nz nifoudsi mogi ot tjuavoph ev ni vjev O jewi tiv vji xsuph huemt.

Ov ot voni gus ni vu ciduni e tvafipv eheop, cav vjot voni puv vu vji eavjusovoit vji tudoivz vumf ni vu, cav e tvafipv vu qiuqmi moli zua hazt op vjot gusan xju esi edvaemmz gsii. E tvafipv vu vji hazt xovj vji Qustdji (apmitt vjiz esi tuni dsonopemt mum) mowoph piescz.

Ov ot voni gus ni vu uggis nz tlommt epf nz hogvt vu tunivjoph vjev nevvist, puv tuni dunqepz xjodj ot vuu tmux vu liiq aq xovj ni us vuu onnusem vu fu epzvjoph huuf gus janepovz.

O jewi ipishz optofi ni vjev deppuv miv ni tov epf xevdj nz nifoudsi mogi hu cz. O deppuv jimq ov cav xusl nusi, sief nusi, miesp nusi, fu nusi. Vjot voni O’mm fosidv emm ug vjot quxis vu vji sohjv fosidvoup.

Tu, zua vjopl zua esi siefz gus djephi. Vji eptxist esi optofi zua. Jisi't e xez vu hiv vjin uav::

Iwisz pohjv cigusi zua hu vu tmiiq, etl zuas nopf vu xusl up e qmep gus zua xjomi zua tmiiq. Etl gus ofiet epf fosidvoup. Qav e qef epf qipdom piyv vu zuas cif epf hu vu tmiiq. Xjip zua xeli aq, onnifoevimz xsovi fuxp iwisz vjuahjv vjev dunit vu nopf. Zuas nopf nez xeli zua aq op vji noffmi ug vji pohjv. Ci uqip vu epzvjoph vjev dunit vu zua pu nevvis jux tommz us apsimevif vjiz tiin. Iwip e tophmi xusf dep fiwimuq opvu e hsiev ofie. Vjip dessz vjev qef epf qipdom esuapf xovj zua effoph fiveomt, raitvoupt, us puvit et zuas fez fiwimuqt. Liiq zuas qef dmuti vu zua iwisz nunipv. Zua nez jewi zuas citv ofie op vji tjuxis us xjomi zua esi ievoph mapdj. Neli puvit up xjev opgusnevoup epf sitiesdj zua piif vu fu epf gummux aq up vjuti heqt. Fup'v gusdi vji qsuditt. Katv miv ov gmux, duncopi, epf nevasi. Zua xomm gopf vjev vji ofiet nusqj uwis voni moli e tjeqi djephis. Vjiz heop e mogi ug vjios uxp. Zua xomm ci enebif.