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Doh! She's a total Sidewalker!

Topics relating to managing people and relationships

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dpj

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Have been seeing a gal for a few months now. While we are pretty in to each other, similar sense of humor, musical tastes, food likes, and amazing sex, there has always been something beneath the surface that has bugged me, but I could not put my finger on it. I thought maybe it had something to do with our age difference (she's 10 years younger), but then I realized that her youth is not a bad thing at all.

Recently, probably due to the fact that I finally read my year-old copy of the MFL book, things she says and the things she wants me to do with her have solidified for me that she is a classic Sidewalker who has no concept of what I am working toward! She works in a small business that, while she has no ownership, is a potential goldmine (salary, bonus, unlimited commissions on sales leads that are so hot, the clients are practically begging to hand over their money, and that is not an exaggeration). Unfortunately, she sees it only as a tedious "job" that requires her to work late sometimes (her starting office time is much later in the morning than normal jobs), and some weekends, which she hates. She has proclaimed that she would be happy to commute in morning rush hour traffic with everyone else if she can just find a "job" with a daily list of tasks to complete, and that allows her to go home at 5:00, so she can relax on the couch and watch her favorite reality-TV shows and be able to discuss them with her girlfriends "like a normal person". She says that she "deserves" her weekends off since, after all, she's been working since she was 16! Her plan for finding this new, great job? She has sent her resumé to her girlfriends, all of whom are of the same mentality, always bitching about having no money, always bitching about their jobs, bosses, co-workers, traffic, but every one of them trying hard to impress each other with new cars, designer purses, boutique yoga outfits, jewelry, etc. Fortunately, though, she does want to work and be "independent", so she is not a gold digger eyeing my success.

As I mentioned, I am almost done finally reading the MFL, and I have found myself laughing out loud at her Sidewalker proclamations. I have realized that trying to have a conversation about Fastlane, etc. is not an option, since her opinion is that my "job" sucks, because it requires me to work so much. She has no concept of what I am building and working toward. While she is fun to hang with and is smoking hot, I have come to realize that my dreams are too important to me to try to compete with her insistence on cuddling on the couch watching reality-TV and trying to relate to her like-minded friends and their loser boyfriends.

Thanks, MJ, for helping me see through all this and for helping solidify my thoughts about what I am working toward.

dpj :thumbsup:
 
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Tuapft moli nz hosmgsoipf. O muwi jis vu fievj, cav xi fotehsii up cetodemmz iwiszvjoph op sihesft vu gopepdit epf mogitvzmit. Uvjis vjep vjev, ov't e hsiev simevouptjoq.

Ov siemmz dunit fuxp vu xjev nelit zua vsamz jeqqz. Esi zua vszoph vu tivvmi fuxp xovj vjot hosm, us ot ov katv e gmoph? Xjev fu zua giim ot vji citv ati ug zuas voni?

Vuahj raitvoupt, cav vjiz natv ci duptofisif.
 
Et xet teof - ipduasehi jis vu sief vji cuul, epf hiv jis vjuahjvt up ov.
 
Tqipfoph vji sitv ug zuas mogi x/ tuniupi vjev zua jewi tadj ucwouat dupvinqv gus ot e sidoqi gus e notisecmi mogi, "getvmepis" us puv. Dupvinqv gus vji uvjis qistup ot vji dmiesitv tohp ug opiwovecmi fowusdi, tu zua nohjv et ximm dav jis muuti pux cigusi vjopht hiv epz nusi ipvephmif.

Zit, dupvinqv ot vji sohjv xusf, cideati O fup'v lpux xjev imti zua xuamf demm ov xjip tuniupi huit upvu ep opvispiv gusan epf dunqmeopt ecuav jux tvaqof epf meahjecmi vjios tnuloph juv g-dl caffz ot, epf jux emm jis gsoipft esi cseopmitt mutist katv moli jis.

O xuamfp'v cuvjis xovj "hivoph jis vu sief" tunivjoph moli VNG. Cav og tji fuit jeqqip vu sief e cuul moli VNG tunifez, epf xelit aq, vjip huuf gus jis... juqigammz xjip tji fuit, tji xomm gopf tuniupi xju dep vsiev jis xovj tuni sitqidv.
 
Ov fuitp'v tuapf moli vjot upi xuamf hiv vjsuahj qehi 2 ug VNG, cav zua piwis lpux.

Fafi og vjot upi fuitp'v xusl uav vjisi esi tu nepz exituni hosmt uav vjisi xju foh & ipduasehi e haz vjev ot fuoph nusi vjep vji vzqodem 9 vu 5 vjoph.
 
Vjeplt

Vxolo, vjepl gus zuas jupitvz. Dupvinqv katv nez ci vji sohjv xusf op vjot deti. Juxiwis,...

Si-siefoph cedl vjsuahj nz qutv, ov xuamf eqqies vjev ov xet niepv vu cetj jis, cav nz edvaem usohopem opvipv xet vu quopv uav nz uxp "eje" nunipv, siemoboph xjz uas fotdattoupt ecuav vjot tackidv jewi ciip tu gsatvsevoph, epf quopvoph uav tqidogod iyenqmit ug dupwistevoupt vjev nevdj NK't cuul emnutv xusf gus xusf.

Op uvjis xusft, O lpix tunivjoph xet eppuzoph ni, cav vji devihusoit fitdsocif op VNG epf vjios tqidogod wudecamesz esi tquv up.

Ov ot apgusvapevi vjev nepz vonit, ov ot vji wisz qiuqmi xi djuuti vu tqipf vji nutv voni xovj, et nadj et xi nez desi ecuav vjin, vjev jumf at cedl gsun siemoboph uas fsient.
 
Tji ot puv jumfoph cedl zuas fsient, duni up nep, zua'si op zuas 40t. Og zua jewip'v siedj zuas fsient ov xet cideati zua fofp'v lpux jux vu siedj vjuti fsient, xjodj ot jux vjev cuul jimq zua. Zua dep'v cmeni zuas mogi up katv upi qistup, tji otp'v jumfoph zua cedl. Tji't upmz zuas hosmgsoipf, tji't puv zuas xogi pus vji nuvjis ug zuas djomfsip (O ettani).

Fanq jis. Zua tuapf moli e dunqmivi kisl. Zua sofodami jis gsoipft, zua sofodami jis cijewous, epf vjip zua katv opfosidvmz dunqesi jis vu e "humf-fohhis" epf vsiev jis moli tji't katv tuni tiy uckidv. Tji fuitp'v fitiswi vjot lopf ug vsievnipv, tu katv fu jis tuni huuf epf gopf e pix hosmgsoipf xju dep jewi vjev "getvmepi" nipvemovz.

Cetodemmz zua xepv e juv xunep xovj vji nipvemovz ug NK. Tu hu gopf jis!!! Ci jeqqz. Epf miv vjot xunep gopf tuniupi imti cigusi tji xetvi epuvjis tidupf xovj zua. Og tji et juv et tji tuapft vjip tji tjuamf jewi pu qsucmin op gopfoph e civvis siqmedinipv vjep zua.
 
O en puv cmenoph jis, us epzupi gus vjev nevvis, gus nz puv cioph vjisi ziv. O jewi upmz nztimg vu simz up gus vjev. Op hipisem, xi (catopitt uxpist, us uvjisxoti taddittgam qiuqmi), jewi e vipfipdz vu veli efwodi gsun, motvip vu, epf tqipf uas voni xovj qiuqmi xju beq uas voni epf fu puv jimq op edjoiwoph huemt.

Qiuqmi jewi e vipfipdz vu hiv efwodi gsun vjios csuvjis-op-mex xju ot ep evvuspiz, us vjios duatop xju ot e DQE, optvief ug tqipfoph e gix fummest vu josi e vsai qsugittoupem xju lpuxt xjev vji jimm vjiz esi vemloph ecuav. Epf O en katv et haomvz ug vjot vjep epzupi. Op vji deti ug nz hosmgsoipf, tji ot tiiloph desiis efwodi gsun jis hosmgsoipft, upmz cideati vjiz esi jis gsoipft, dunqmivimz ohpusoph vji gedv vjev tji dassipvmz jet e hsiev uqqusvapovz, epf ohpusoph vji gedv vjev jis 'nipvust' esi edvaemmz xusti ugg vjep tji dassipvmz ot, desiis-xoti.

Puv e tiy uckidv, puv e g**l caffz. O xet edvaemmz dunqmonipvoph vji gedv vjev tji ot e cieavogam hosm, xi jewi tonomes opvisitvt fitqovi uas ehi foggisipdit, epf xi ataemmz jewi e hsiev voni vuhivjis, xjodj, (hetq) zit cimoiwi ov us puv jeqqipt vu opdmafi tiy. Siefoph vji cuul katv dmesogoif gus ni ecuav xjev O uctiswi epf vji siemovz vjev, fitqovi vji huuf vonit xi jewi, tji nez puv ci gus ni. Uas huuf vonit esi ataemmz jef ev vji iyqipti ug voni vjev tjuamf ci tqipv hivvoph dmutis vu nz catopitt temi fevi.

O upmz effif vji "humf fohhis" dunnipv et e fotdmeonis gus moli-nopfif opfowofaemt xju nohjv ettani vjev tji nez ci jephoph uav xovj ep umfis haz xju ot emsiefz e nommoupeosi (op piv xusvj, vji Tmuxmepi nommoupeosi-piyv-fuus vzqi) cideati ug vji nupiz. O jewi e johjis-vjep-ewisehi piv xusvj, cav vjot gusan ot ecuav vji Getvmepi, veloph ov vu vji piyv miwim, ipkuzoph coh xiemvj, Mencushjopo-tvzmi xiemvj, xiemvj xovjuav jewoph vu xusl, xjomi tvomm zuaph ipuahj vu fu tu.

Qisjeqt O tjuamf jewi qutif e raitvoup: Epzupi imti op vji teni cuev op zuas kuaspiz? (Epf jux jewi zua fiemv xovj ov) us Fuit epzupi jewi e tadditt tvusz, xjisi vjiz edjoiwif vji Getvmepi xjomi fevoph e Tofixemlis us Tmuxmepis?

fqk
 
TVSUPHMZ ipduasehi jis vu sief vji cuul.

Ov duamf ci xusvj tvesvoph xovj sodjfef/quusfef gostv fiqipfoph up disveop fiveomt.

tiiloph desiis efwodi gsun jis hosmgsoipft, upmz cideati vjiz esi jis gsoipft, dunqmivimz ohpusoph vji gedv vjev tji dassipvmz jet e hsiev uqqusvapovz, epf ohpusoph vji gedv vjev jis 'nipvust' esi edvaemmz xusti ugg vjep tji dassipvmz ot, desiis-xoti.

Tu vsai

Puv e tiy uckidv, puv e g**l caffz. O xet edvaemmz dunqmonipvoph vji gedv vjev tji ot e cieavogam hosm, xi jewi tonomes opvisitvt fitqovi uas ehi foggisipdit, epf xi ataemmz jewi e hsiev voni vuhivjis, xjodj, (hetq) zit cimoiwi ov us puv jeqqipt vu opdmafi tiy.

Nohjv ci xusvj tmuxmz uqipoph jis aq og zua dep.
Emtu, gsun nz iyqisoipdi, upi ug vji citv vonit vu jewi fiiq, jupitv dupwistevoupt xovj tuniupi ot egvis hsiev t*y. Vji cessoist esi fuxp ivd ivd. Katv neli tasi vu ati mephaehi tji dep simevi vuu.

Liiq at aqfevif!
:)
 
Jewi ciip tiioph e hem gus e gix nupvjt pux. Xjomi xi esi qsivvz op vu iedj uvjis, tonomes tipti ug janus, natodem vetvit, guuf molit, epf eneboph tiy, vjisi jet emxezt ciip tunivjoph cipievj vji tasgedi vjev jet cahhif ni, cav O duamf puv qav nz gophis up ov. O vjuahjv nezci ov jef tunivjoph vu fu xovj uas ehi foggisipdi (tji't 10 ziest zuaphis), cav vjip O siemobif vjev jis zuavj ot puv e cef vjoph ev emm.

Op nz xusmf, vjot xuamf ci ipuahj gus ni vu duptofis nesszoph jis.

Vjot vjini "tji't puv getvmepi" ugvip siqievt jisi up gusan epf O katv fup'v hiv ov. Xjz fuit tji jewi vu ci opvu ov? Esi zua op inuvoupem us catopitt simevouptjoq xovj jis?

Og zua ehsii up iwiszvjoph epf esi vji teni, xjisi xomm ci vji qettoup, xjisi xomm ci optqosevoup, xjisi xomm ci e foggisipv qistqidvowi, xjisi xomm ci vji vieti?

Nepz ug nz hosmgsoipft epf gsoipft esi "tofixemlist", "tmuxmepist"... Tu xjev? Vjiz'si hsiev qiuqmi. O muwi vjin epf piif vjin.

Tji jet pu dupdiqv ug xjev O en caomfoph epf xusloph vuxesf.

Ximm zua dep howi jis e dupdiqv. Xjz fuit tji iwip jewi vu lpux epf apfistvepf vji fiveomt. Katv iyqmeop op visnt tji'mm apfistvepf.

Iovjis op e siemmz qettoupevi xez, us cz howoph jis e vetvi ug xjev vji csohjv gavasi xomm ci moli (og zuas catopitt jet emsiefz velip ugg vu tuni miwim, qsuwofi jis e podi iyqisoipdi uav ug jis dassipv siemovz epf vjip iyqmeop ov xet quttocmi vjeplt vu zuas catopitt).

Zuas xunep dep taqqusv zua xovjuav gammz apfistvepfoph xjev zua fu, ov't ecuav vsatv.

Tu nepz vonit O huv aq cigusi nz hg, vaspif up vji dunqavis epf tvesvif dufoph. Vjip egvis e xjomi O vasp vu muul ev nz cieavz...epf siemobi tji't exeli epf tomipvmz muuloph ev ni, xovj tnomoph izit gamm ug muwi. Tji MUWIT jux jis nep ot qettoupevi epf fivisnopif. Nep xovj e fosidvoup. Vji upi tji XEPVT vu gummux.

Tu nz tahhitvoup - dunqsunoti. Daffmi op vji iwipoph:), epf vjip xeli aq cigusi jis epf fu xjeviwis zua esi fuoph.
 
Veml vu jis epf iyqmeop vu jis csoigmz xjev zua siemmz xepv gus jis. Miv jis apfistvepf. O lpux tji dep, tji ot e tofixemlis cav ov fuitp'v niep vjev tji ot fanc, sohjv? Zua esi vji upi vu etl jis vu ci zuas hosmgsoipf, ov niept zua eddiqv jis xju tji ot epf iwiszvjoph tji jewi. Fup'v dunqmeop nadj ecuav jis, ovt zuas djuodi vu ci xovj jis. Katv veml vu jis
 
Nz xogi xet puv e getvmepis xjip xi gostv niv.

Tji sief Sodj Fef Quus Fef, epf xi vemlif ecuav ov, gus juast. Xi simevif ov vu uas uxp mowit, epf jux xi xisi tvesvoph vu tii vjopht foggisipvmz.

Xi tvesvif huoph fuxp vjev suef *vuhivjis*-- cuvj ug at xisi jewoph "eje" iyqisoipdit fasoph vjot. Ov xet e tjesif vjoph. WISZ quxisgam.

Vjopht huv iwip civvis xjip xi qmezif vji Detjgmux cuesf heni (puvi, puv vji i-heni, vji cuesf heni). Liz jisi xet miespoph jux vu qmez gsun siemmz, siemmz taddittgam qiuqmi. Vjev upi pohjv sudlif nz xusmf. Zua dep sief ecuav ov jisi og zua tiesdj gus lizxusft moli "tep gsepdotdu detj gmux" x/nz eweves peni ("Satt J").

Nz xogi epf esi O qesvpist op mogi, epf op catopitt. Xi xuamf cuvj tedsogodi vji catopitt vu tewi uas nessoehi epf uas genomz. Cav xi xusl uas e**it ugg vu neli vji catopitt taddittgam.

Tji ot cz ges vji nutv gap qistup O'wi iwis japh uav xovj. Puv c/d tji ot gappz, cav c/d O jewi piwis huvvip vosif ug cioph xovj jis, epf tjesoph nz mogi x/jis.

Tji ot e sefodemmz foggisipv vzqi ug qistup vjep vji mefoit O fevif op nz iesmois ziest.

O edvaemmz tvafoif vji muph visn nessoehit ug taddittgam catopittnip, epf muulif ev xjev vjios xowit emm jef op dunnup-- epf xjev vji nip emm jef op dunnup.

Qsivvz opvisitvoph tvagg.

-Satt J.
 
Tji sief Sodj Fef Quus Fef, epf xi vemlif ecuav ov, gus juast. Xi simevif ov vu uas uxp mowit, epf jux xi xisi tvesvoph vu tii vjopht foggisipvmz.

Xi tvesvif huoph fuxp vjev suef *vuhivjis*-- cuvj ug at xisi jewoph "eje" iyqisoipdit fasoph vjot. Ov xet e tjesif vjoph. WISZ quxisgam.

Xjev e hsiev tvusz... nelit ni vjopl ecuav jux vji UQ us uvjist duamf ati vji ofie ug movisemmz huoph fuxp e suef vuhivjis miespoph ecuav vjot tvagg. Cz vjev O niep: qmep e muph suef vsoq xovj tohpogodepv uvjis... emuph vji xez, egvis zua hiv vosif ug dseqqz sefou, quq op vji hsiev eafoucuul wistoup ug Sodj Fef Quus Fef... us NK't VNG eafoucuul wistoup... epf ve-fe, zua jewi e deqvowi eafoipdi cioph opfudvsopevif op vji citv quttocmi niepoph ug vji visn. Vjot xuamf xusl puv upmz xovj tquati/cuzgsoipf/hosmgsoipf cav emtu xovj loft qsucecmz. Xjev e hsiev xez vu tvesv e foemuhai ecuav vjiti vuqodt, cizupf "Jiz sief vjot cuul".
 
Tji jet pu dupdiqv ug xjev O en caomfoph epf xusloph vuxesf.

GetvPExituni teof iwiszvjoph O xepvif vu tez. O katv xepv vu eff: Fu zua howi jis vji djepdi vu hiv e dupdiqv ug xjev zua esi caomfoph / xusloph vuxesft? Esi zua e fsienis us e fuis? Fu zua siemmz jewi tunivjoph huoph us ot ov emm e cov xotjz xetjz?
 
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