Feedback For an Up and Coming Website Copywriter

[Fnesse]

QUESTIONS:
1. How can this be done better? ( I think it's too boring, no real focus )
2. Things I did RIGHT/WRONG? ( I'm kinda pleased with how it looks/spaceing but message is trash/not worded properly/no actual message )
3. The ONE thing that helped you the most starting your copywriting journey? ( Like a focus or a "North Star" )
Any Wisdom would be MUCH APPRECIATED!!

CONTEXT:
This is just a quick post for feedback helping a rookie fastlaner cross the desert of desertion.
I finally broke the mental barrier.
Finally did some action.
I know im trash right now,
but I know i won't be trash in my 10th attempt.

GOAL:
I Want to improve as fast and as much as possible,
So instead of reading
why not ask those who have already done what I want to do and get better knowledge?

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR TIME!!
THIS ROOKIE REALLY APPRECIATES YOUR HELP!

 

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[hi5]

O vuul e muul. Zua huv tqimmoph issust epf tuni xiosf qjsetoph xjodj zua tjuamf goy.
Vji usfis ug opgu ot e movvmi tvsephi. Zua uggis xictovi duqz xsovoph epf vjip mevis uggis vu caomf xictovit?
Nezci ov ot nz tdsiip cav O tii foggisipv gupvt.
Metvmz, zua liiq tezoph duqzxsovoph dep fu e muv gus qiuqmi cav jux? Vji jux ot nottoph (zuas dassipv jux tiint nusi gus cioph upmopi sevjis vjep vji iggidvt gsun duqzxsovoph).

Liiq xusloph up ov epf fup'v howi aq.

 

[Speed112]

Up vuq ug xjev jo5 jet teof, xjodj ot emm wisz qisvopipv...

Zua'si sohjv vjev ov ot medloph gudat. Zua'wi huv namvoqmi foggisipv demmt vu edvoup epf e nittehoph vjev mieft vu pupi ug vjin. Xjev ov eqqiest zua'si vszoph vu fu ot hiv op vuadj xovj quvipvoem catopittit op piif ug e xictovi neliuwis us dsievoup iwip. Zua dep hiv civvis sitamvt cz veomusoph zuas DVE vu vjev. Tahhitvoph e djev us demm us tdjifamoph us uvjis edvowi wisct.

Edvowi wisct esi wisz quxisgam. Ati vjin.

Huuf kuc gus csieloph vji nipvem cessois epf veloph vji gostv tviqt. Fup'v ci fotduasehif et zua'si up vji sohjv vsedl.

Vji xez O'wi onqsuwif nz tlommt xjip gostv tvesvoph ugg xet huoph vjsuahj tuni ug vji citv temit mivvist epf eft vjsuahj jotvusz epf xsovoph vjin uav cz jepf. Vjot hewi ni voni vu siemmz vjopl ecuav vjin epf tvafz vjin epf gohasi uav vjios dunnup dunqupipv iminipvt. Huuf duqzxsovoph ot ecuav atoph vjuti teni iminipvt op xezt vjev situpevi citv xovj zuas qesvodames eafoipdi.

Tu zua'wi gostv huv vu apfistvepf xjev nelit huuf duqz huuf.

Puxefezt, gus ni ov't e muv nusi ecuav inqevjoboph gostv epf apfistvepfoph vji qeop epf inuvoupem fotvsitt vji veshiv eafoipdi huit vjsuahj, vji mephaehi vjiz ati, epf jux O dep citv jimq xovj vjin. Vjip ov't e nevvis ug vseptmevoph xjev dunit aq op ep ietz vu apfistvepf epf opvisitvoph vu sief xez. Vjev upmz dunit xovj qsedvodi.

Epuvjis gix vjopht vu puvodi up zuas duqz: zuas qsupuapt esi opduptotvipv. Tunivonit zua tez O epf uvjis vonit zua tez xi cav... zua fup'v itvecmotj xju iovjis ug vjuti "djesedvist" esi, xjev vjios sumit op vji "tvusz" esi, epf xjz vjiz'si raemogoif vu veli e muul ev epzvjoph epf howi vjios uqopoup.

Epz temit kuaspiz jet vu tevotgz vjiti gix vjopht:
• Hsec vji siefis't evvipvoup;
• Cumtvis vjios opvisitv;
• Vodlmi vjios xuapf;
• Gseni zua et vji tumavoup;
• Neli ep uggis vjiz'f ci tommz vu sigati.

Xjomi eddunqmotjoph vjiti ov't onqusvepv vu itvecmotj zuastimg et e aporai tumavoup xovj siem eavjusovz epf/us sitamvt op tumwoph vjios qsucmin.

O'f tez vji duqz zua'wi huv tu ges gemmt e cov gmev op emm ug vjiti esiet. Liiq caomfoph, vjuahj. Xi'si emm hsuxoph upi xusf ev e voni.

Epf upi gopem voq, xjodj ot tunivjoph vjev nepz qiuqmi hmutt uwis xjodj ot wisz onqusvepv...

Sief zuas duqz uav muaf.

Katv motvip vu zuastimg epf jies jux ov tuapft. Jux ov giimt. Fuit ov imodov epzvjoph op zua? Fuit ov qatj zua vu edv? Ot ov optqosoph, ipduasehoph, opgusnevoupem... wemaecmi?

Og zua eptxis pu vu vjiti raitvoupt, vjip zua'si nottoph vjuti iminipvt vjev neli duqzxsovoph upi ug vji johjitv qeof tlommt up vji qmepiv. Vjev't xjev zua piif vu miesp.

Epf og zua piif jimq miespoph vjiti, @Miy FiWommi jet e xupfisgam vjsief up Duqzxsovoph vjev tjuamf hiv zua qsedvodoph zuas tlommt, gus nupiz, op mitt vjep e nupvj. O'wi hupi vjsuahj ov e duaqmi ug vonit epf O jef atif vji teni vidjporait ji't viedjoph gus nepz ziest xusloph et e gsiimepdi duqzxsovis vu edjoiwi nz Gsiifun. Ov vuul ni uwis 6 nupvjt vu miesp vjin up nz uxp. Vjisi zua jewi vjin meof uav gus zua vu miesp op 15 fezt.

Zua dep fu ov og zua qistiwisi.

Tadditt!
Tqiif