Hello everyone,
as suggested I will write a short(ish) introduction about myself.
My name is Felix and I am a project manager/researcher at a young company that has a focus on advanced sensor technology (bio, health, medical, gas, etc.). I am in the final steps of finishing my PhD in biophysics (the thesis is written and the final corrections are done, afterwards I have to defend and it is over).
It was always a dream for me to own a company by myself, to be independent, free from a 9-to-5 and I was thinking about it a lot. One of the main reasons, why I studied was actually based on the fact, that I just couldn't figure out what to do with myself. (Unlike in the US the universities here are free, except for some semester fees that range between 1 to 1000 Euro for a semester). Since I have a twin brother and I couldn't stay living at home (no university around) we both moved to a city where we could study (different fields though).
And so a long journey began…
Studying was fine. There is a lot of free time and the possibility of personal growth, I never had any issues with any courses, and a lot of stuff came easy for me (bragging, I know…). However, the university that I was enrolled in is not a top German university, so maybe that is one reason for that. Anyhow, after I was done with my bachelor studies I still couldn't figure what would come next.
I was stupid enough to waste my time with video games and watching TV, rather than doing anything towards my own business. As often I was just dreaming about it, but not translating anything into action.
So naturally I started my masters.
Pretty much the same happened again. Studying was not particularly hard and the procrastination continued. Since the masters was only half the time of the bachelor studies the end came quite fast and yet again, I had no clue how to proceed.
Age is really a weird thing. Once you are looking back and you realized how much time was wasted it's too late…
But this time was a bit different. I met my future wife while working in the lab. She had a position for a couple of years (she was a post doc already). I had a good connection with my supervisor and so I started my PhD position with him (I had to wait for one year that I spent working). There would have been the next great opportunity to start something but there was no F* It Event in sight.
Life was not bad, I was earning some money, I was with the girl that I loved and I knew that there would be the PhD position waiting for me.
So one year passed and I started my PhD (3 year project and now entering the fifth year and still not done). Making a PhD must be the easiest way to enter the real world of jobs. I got a 50% salary (that was how my professor tried to get the people to finish) and made more money than ever before. I was my own boss (kinda) and free in planning my project and experiments plus I got to travel a lot to conferences (Australia, Portugal, etc.) all paid. Everything was fine, I was learning a lot and the taste of freedom is great. Why would anyone waste time thinking abou the "fastlane" when you are living well.
Whenever I talked to friends they we're jealous: "How is that a job? You are just travelling!"; "You are travelling again?"; "I wish I could have a job like this."
It felt quite good and that was exactly what was numbing my mind. How foolish.
Before my project was ending my professor got into a relationship with a guy that was promising to take the technology, developed in our group and sell it. Typical start-up stuff. My professor was supposed to become director of research and development. From that point everything went kind of fast. Next to my PhD project I started working for this company for some extra cash. Life got better.
And then it got worse. My professor was not happy with his partner (actually they were not partners. My professor gave up all his research/results and sold it to this guy for nothing. If only he had the balls to make his own company I guess I would be somewhere else).
My professor was looking for other positions at a different university and lo and behold, he found a position (way better university, way more salary, way more power).
So he moved away and didn't have time for me anymore. Which basically was causing me to wait for 1.5 years for corrections or any feedback for my PhD. Unfortunately this was only F* It Moments.
I transitioned to the newly opened company first for 50% salary to finish my thesis and then full time and the money was finally flowing. I never earned that much money before. It felt great. I was again quite free with my time. The company was small. I was hired as a researcher. But start-ups have problems too. So instead of getting that hard earned cash every month, sometimes it took 3 months before the money was paid. None the less more staff was hired more crap was bought and still the salary didn't come. Stuff was not paid, threats arrived from other companies that we will get sued. The boss was absent, sometimes for months. But in the end the money always came.
F* It Moment, after F* It Moment.
People started complaining, nobody did anything. Like animals to the slaughterhouse.
But still, it was only F* It Moments, nothing that couldn't be handled.
Then my daughter was born. The most beautiful, precious thing anybody can imagine (bragging again…). And I thought I was done. It was not just about myself or my wife anymore, it was about my daughter too. No F* It Event happened but I started connecting with some old colleagues (all now working in the same company, since our professor left) and I wanted to start something. However, I think I didn't want it enough because I wanted others to help me, I wanted a "Mastermind Group".
While this thinking is correct, it didn't work. I started reading books and publications, checking for something I could make. We are all smart guys with a lot of knowledge and research experience, I thought it would be easy to start something.
Basically the idea was:
1) Take something that we di during our PhDs
2) Make a prototype
3) Get investment
4) SHOW ME THE MONEY
However, we never made it past 1) since my "Mastermind Group" wanted me to do literally everything. Everyone wanted contracts to be signed, that we split profits even (which f*cking profits???? There was no company...). The others (btw all friends of mine) didn't have time to read books or publications, didn't have any ideas and all the ideas I had were criticized: "How is that supposed to work?"; "That exists already!"; "What is the benefit, I don't think it's a good idea?"; etc.
Not really the best motivation. Once I didn't update them anymore, nobody said anything. No enthusiasm, no questions. I guess I didn't deliver anything, so no damage done to them.
I grew more and more frustrated doubting myself and my ideas. Entrepreneurial poison.
All the while my professor didn't correct my thesis or anything and just used me to give him data to write proposals: "I'm so busy right now, please give me the data, once I wrote this grant I can check your thesis." or "Busy...A lot to do...Will contact you."
But I still didn't break. The salary came somewhat regular and humans get used to anything, even if it is you being treated like sh*t (F* It Moment).
But I still kept reading, watching YouTube videos and by coincidence I found The Millionaire Fastlane , as it was mentioned in a YouTube comment.
The book sucked me in, I finished it in a couple of days. I was motivated like never before but I still didn't do anything.
It is almost borderline insanity to know what is written in The Millionaire Fastlane and still not do anything.
And that leads us to right now. I am 30 years old, almost got my PhD. The highest education possible and still not moving. I picked up Unscripted and again could feel the rise in motivation. My daughter is one year old now and I hate that I have to give her to someone to be watched while I am working (my wife is working in the same company)((In Germany you can stay at home for one year after your kid is born).
Now I am trying to find the point of no return, the F* It Event, or if that doesn't happen I will do it without it. I promised myself to change something and it has to be now and not in the future. I will start by myself and I will fail or succeed by myself.
I hate my job (I could go on and on what the problems are, but I think I wrote enough for you guys to understand a bit), but I hate my laziness even more.
Something has to change, I HAVE TO CHANGE.
I know that I will find useful information in this forum and like minded people.
If you read this whole thing, thank you for wasting your time on my life, it can't be as bad as the time I wasted by myself.
And also know that a high education does not make you smart. Take me for example, I made so many dumb decisions and wasted so much time and energy procrastinating. We never stop learning... And I think as long as you don't give up everything will be fine. I will try my best to succeed and report in this forum.
Thank you all for this community.
Best,
Felix
as suggested I will write a short(ish) introduction about myself.
My name is Felix and I am a project manager/researcher at a young company that has a focus on advanced sensor technology (bio, health, medical, gas, etc.). I am in the final steps of finishing my PhD in biophysics (the thesis is written and the final corrections are done, afterwards I have to defend and it is over).
It was always a dream for me to own a company by myself, to be independent, free from a 9-to-5 and I was thinking about it a lot. One of the main reasons, why I studied was actually based on the fact, that I just couldn't figure out what to do with myself. (Unlike in the US the universities here are free, except for some semester fees that range between 1 to 1000 Euro for a semester). Since I have a twin brother and I couldn't stay living at home (no university around) we both moved to a city where we could study (different fields though).
And so a long journey began…
Studying was fine. There is a lot of free time and the possibility of personal growth, I never had any issues with any courses, and a lot of stuff came easy for me (bragging, I know…). However, the university that I was enrolled in is not a top German university, so maybe that is one reason for that. Anyhow, after I was done with my bachelor studies I still couldn't figure what would come next.
I was stupid enough to waste my time with video games and watching TV, rather than doing anything towards my own business. As often I was just dreaming about it, but not translating anything into action.
So naturally I started my masters.
Pretty much the same happened again. Studying was not particularly hard and the procrastination continued. Since the masters was only half the time of the bachelor studies the end came quite fast and yet again, I had no clue how to proceed.
Age is really a weird thing. Once you are looking back and you realized how much time was wasted it's too late…
But this time was a bit different. I met my future wife while working in the lab. She had a position for a couple of years (she was a post doc already). I had a good connection with my supervisor and so I started my PhD position with him (I had to wait for one year that I spent working). There would have been the next great opportunity to start something but there was no F* It Event in sight.
Life was not bad, I was earning some money, I was with the girl that I loved and I knew that there would be the PhD position waiting for me.
So one year passed and I started my PhD (3 year project and now entering the fifth year and still not done). Making a PhD must be the easiest way to enter the real world of jobs. I got a 50% salary (that was how my professor tried to get the people to finish) and made more money than ever before. I was my own boss (kinda) and free in planning my project and experiments plus I got to travel a lot to conferences (Australia, Portugal, etc.) all paid. Everything was fine, I was learning a lot and the taste of freedom is great. Why would anyone waste time thinking abou the "fastlane" when you are living well.
Whenever I talked to friends they we're jealous: "How is that a job? You are just travelling!"; "You are travelling again?"; "I wish I could have a job like this."
It felt quite good and that was exactly what was numbing my mind. How foolish.
Before my project was ending my professor got into a relationship with a guy that was promising to take the technology, developed in our group and sell it. Typical start-up stuff. My professor was supposed to become director of research and development. From that point everything went kind of fast. Next to my PhD project I started working for this company for some extra cash. Life got better.
And then it got worse. My professor was not happy with his partner (actually they were not partners. My professor gave up all his research/results and sold it to this guy for nothing. If only he had the balls to make his own company I guess I would be somewhere else).
My professor was looking for other positions at a different university and lo and behold, he found a position (way better university, way more salary, way more power).
So he moved away and didn't have time for me anymore. Which basically was causing me to wait for 1.5 years for corrections or any feedback for my PhD. Unfortunately this was only F* It Moments.
I transitioned to the newly opened company first for 50% salary to finish my thesis and then full time and the money was finally flowing. I never earned that much money before. It felt great. I was again quite free with my time. The company was small. I was hired as a researcher. But start-ups have problems too. So instead of getting that hard earned cash every month, sometimes it took 3 months before the money was paid. None the less more staff was hired more crap was bought and still the salary didn't come. Stuff was not paid, threats arrived from other companies that we will get sued. The boss was absent, sometimes for months. But in the end the money always came.
F* It Moment, after F* It Moment.
People started complaining, nobody did anything. Like animals to the slaughterhouse.
But still, it was only F* It Moments, nothing that couldn't be handled.
Then my daughter was born. The most beautiful, precious thing anybody can imagine (bragging again…). And I thought I was done. It was not just about myself or my wife anymore, it was about my daughter too. No F* It Event happened but I started connecting with some old colleagues (all now working in the same company, since our professor left) and I wanted to start something. However, I think I didn't want it enough because I wanted others to help me, I wanted a "Mastermind Group".
While this thinking is correct, it didn't work. I started reading books and publications, checking for something I could make. We are all smart guys with a lot of knowledge and research experience, I thought it would be easy to start something.
Basically the idea was:
1) Take something that we di during our PhDs
2) Make a prototype
3) Get investment
4) SHOW ME THE MONEY
However, we never made it past 1) since my "Mastermind Group" wanted me to do literally everything. Everyone wanted contracts to be signed, that we split profits even (which f*cking profits???? There was no company...). The others (btw all friends of mine) didn't have time to read books or publications, didn't have any ideas and all the ideas I had were criticized: "How is that supposed to work?"; "That exists already!"; "What is the benefit, I don't think it's a good idea?"; etc.
Not really the best motivation. Once I didn't update them anymore, nobody said anything. No enthusiasm, no questions. I guess I didn't deliver anything, so no damage done to them.
I grew more and more frustrated doubting myself and my ideas. Entrepreneurial poison.
All the while my professor didn't correct my thesis or anything and just used me to give him data to write proposals: "I'm so busy right now, please give me the data, once I wrote this grant I can check your thesis." or "Busy...A lot to do...Will contact you."
But I still didn't break. The salary came somewhat regular and humans get used to anything, even if it is you being treated like sh*t (F* It Moment).
But I still kept reading, watching YouTube videos and by coincidence I found The Millionaire Fastlane , as it was mentioned in a YouTube comment.
The book sucked me in, I finished it in a couple of days. I was motivated like never before but I still didn't do anything.
It is almost borderline insanity to know what is written in The Millionaire Fastlane and still not do anything.
And that leads us to right now. I am 30 years old, almost got my PhD. The highest education possible and still not moving. I picked up Unscripted and again could feel the rise in motivation. My daughter is one year old now and I hate that I have to give her to someone to be watched while I am working (my wife is working in the same company)((In Germany you can stay at home for one year after your kid is born).
Now I am trying to find the point of no return, the F* It Event, or if that doesn't happen I will do it without it. I promised myself to change something and it has to be now and not in the future. I will start by myself and I will fail or succeed by myself.
I hate my job (I could go on and on what the problems are, but I think I wrote enough for you guys to understand a bit), but I hate my laziness even more.
Something has to change, I HAVE TO CHANGE.
I know that I will find useful information in this forum and like minded people.
If you read this whole thing, thank you for wasting your time on my life, it can't be as bad as the time I wasted by myself.
And also know that a high education does not make you smart. Take me for example, I made so many dumb decisions and wasted so much time and energy procrastinating. We never stop learning... And I think as long as you don't give up everything will be fine. I will try my best to succeed and report in this forum.
Thank you all for this community.
Best,
Felix
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