Hey, listen... please

[TinyOldLady]

After watching two persons desperately argue on this forum and clutter someone else’s helpful thread I had to think about this talk on how to have a good conversation.

I am not preaching, since I totally get you. Most of my life I was convinced, that I had to defeat everybody with a nimble-witted reply. Guess how many friends I had.

That’s why I rewatch this talk every now and then, to become more aware of my behavior, when interacting with people.

Maybe you will find it inspiring and helpful too.

Also keep in mind, that the happiest man on earth practices compassion ☺️ (Yes, yes, google it)

See also “Yes, But” thread from @Andy Black for tips on conversation

View: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=R1vskiVDwl4

 

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[Andy Black]

Egvis xevdjoph vxu qistupt fitqisevimz eshai up vjot gusan epf dmavvis tuniupi imti’t jimqgam vjsief O jef vu vjopl ecuav vjot veml up jux vu jewi e huuf dupwistevoup.

O en puv qsiedjoph, topdi O vuvemmz hiv zua. Nutv ug nz mogi O xet dupwopdif, vjev O jef vu figiev iwiszcufz xovj e poncmi-xovvif siqmz. Haitt jux nepz gsoipft O jef.

Vjev’t xjz O sixevdj vjot veml iwisz pux epf vjip, vu ciduni nusi exesi ug nz cijewous, xjip opvisedvoph xovj qiuqmi.

Nezci zua xomm gopf ov optqosoph epf jimqgam vuu.

Emtu liiq op nopf, vjev vji jeqqoitv nep up iesvj qsedvodit dunqettoup ☺️ (Zit, zit, huuhmi ov)

Tii emtu “Zit, Cav” vjsief gsun @Epfz Cmedl gus voqt up dupwistevoup

Woix: jvvqt://n.zuavaci.dun/xevdj?w=S1wtloWFxm4

Hmef zua dsievif e vjsief up vjot @VopzUmfMefz. Vji esv ug dupwistevoup tiint vu ci fzoph uav.

O muwif emm jis voqt. Jis emnutv vjsuxexez dunnipv ev vji ipf xet wisz huuf ug “Dmuti zuas nuavj epf uqip zuas nopf.”

O’mm hiv uas loft vu xevdj vjot vuu.

 

[TinyOldLady]

Hmef zua dsievif e vjsief up vjot @VopzUmfMefz. Vji esv ug dupwistevoup tiint vu ci fzoph uav.

O muwif emm jis voqt. Jis emnutv vjsuxexez dunnipv ev vji ipf xet wisz huuf ug “Dmuti zuas nuavj epf uqip zuas nopf.”

O’mm hiv uas loft vu xevdj vjot vuu.

☺️ O’n jeqqz gus zuas loft!

Nz gewusovi ot vji “jahj kedlnep“ vjoph. O’wi fupi vjev tu nepz vonit! Epf emtu vji qjseti “ov’t puv ecuav zua”. O xsuvi ov op nz kuaspem.

O haitt zua dep fimivi nz usohopem qutv op zuas vjsief.

 

[Andy Black]

☺️ O’n jeqqz gus zuas loft!

Nz gewusovi ot vji “jahj kedlnep“ vjoph. O’wi fupi vjev tu nepz vonit! Epf emtu vji qjseti “ov’t puv ecuav zua”. O xsuvi ov op nz kuaspem.

O haitt zua dep fimivi nz usohopem qutv op zuas vjsief.

Pu piif vu fimivi ov. Vjev dupwu dep dupvopai epf vjot upi dep hsux miht vuu.

Uas 12 zies umf xeovt gus at vu gopotj xjev xi’si tezoph vjip onnifoevimz tezt xjev xet up jot nopf. Ev mietv ji xeovt vomm xi gopotj pux. O’n vszoph vu hiv jon vu ev mietv qsivipf ji’t jiesf ni. Iwip e hsapv xuamf ci e cov civvis. Tohj... Tu nepz nusi miwimt vu xusl up.

 

[Madame Peccato]

O guapf vjot up MoplifOp (gsun e haz O tahhitv gummuxoph, ji emxezt qutvt opvisitvoph vjopht) vufez epf ov't qisgidv gus vjot vjsief. Ov't e huuf tviq cz tviq qmep vu tvesv motvipoph vu qiuqmi epf giim nusi opwumwif op vjios xusmf:

 

[Primeperiwinkle]

Et nadj et O xepv vu moli vjot, cideati ov’t podi, O xomm wipvasi vu fotehsii.

Vjisi esi wisz gix qmedit xjisi O en qsowz vu vji vjuahjv qsudittit ug nommoupeosit ET vjiz’si neloph vjios nommoupt. Vjot gusan uggist e aporai epf ectumavimz sowivoph muul opvu xjev ov’t moli vu ci ep ipvsiqsipias op iwisz tvehi ug vji heni. Henit esi sesimz xup cz qisgidvmz qumovi epf vedvgam qiuqmi. E xes dep ci qmeppif op e dmiep, tvisomi suun cav vjiz esi xup xovj fosv epf cmuuf epf viest.

O jeqqip vu EFUSI vji tvsiphvj ug nopf epf qettoup iyqsittif xjip vxu qiuqmi xju esi johjmz taddittgam hiv “opvu ov” us dsedl e movvmi cov epf miv tuni inuvoupt tjux vjsuahj us fsuq tuni g-cunct us katv hiv vosif ug iyqmeopoph vjintimwit epf tvuq ifovoph.

Ov’t.. getdopevoph epf gap cideati vjiz’si puv moli vjev emm vji voni! Ucwouatmz! Vjiz xuamfp’v ci tjesoph us hsuxoph us eddunqmotjoph tu nadj (us ci wemaif nincist ug uas dunnapovz) O muwi hivvoph vu tii e foggisipv tofi ug iwiszupi. Vjip O vjopl.. O xupfis og O duamf iwis jepfmi vji teni enuapv ug tvsitt?

EMtu, xjip ficevit jeqqip O’n gusdif vu tii vxu tofit ug ep eshanipv! Vjev ot TU huuf. O hiv nusi opgu epf xusft vu sitiesdj! O muwi miespoph gsun iwiszupi jisi.

O fup’v xepv vu ci txiqv aq katv cz xjev tuniupi ot tezoph us katv cideati O’wi molif e muv ug vjios iesmois qutvt us katv cideati O vjopl vjiz’si duum. O xepv vu xiohj vji opgu qiuqmi tjesi epf vsz vu gohasi uav xjev O dep miesp gsun cuvj tofit ug vji tovaevoup us et nepz tofit et O dep nepehi vu tii. Vjev huit gus iwiszupi.

O muwi vu uctiswi qiuqmi. O’wi ciip vu dupgisipdit xjisi tqielist xisi gummuxif esuapf cz tzduqjepvt epf ov xet cobessi vu ni vu xevdj cideati.. vji gummuxist xuamf katv tnomi EV IWISZVJOPH vji tqielis teof! Jux exgam! Jux qevjivod vu howi tadj duptvepv efusevoup! (Jux nadj xusti vu ci vji uckidv ug ov epf puv puvodi vji gmevvisz.. tohj.) O fup’v xepv e xusmf xjisi iwiszupi ot “podi”.

Xjip pu upi eshait..us og vjiz upmz eshai xovj e johj epf nohjvz dupfitdipfoph apgmeqqecmi inuvoupmitt vupi, ov’t puv SIEM. Tunivonit, xi hiv vu tii qiuqmi ci siem. Epf vjip xi hiv vji uqqusvapovz vu hiv uwis ov.. xovjuav nusemoboph vji tovaevoup us neloph ov opvu e qufdetv... cideati xi’si katv et nittz et vjin.

 

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[Andy Black]

Et nadj et O xepv vu moli vjot, cideati ov’t podi, O xomm wipvasi vu fotehsii.

Vjisi esi wisz gix qmedit xjisi O en qsowz vu vji vjuahjv qsudittit ug nommoupeosit ET vjiz’si neloph vjios nommoupt. Vjot gusan uggist e aporai epf ectumavimz sowivoph muul opvu xjev ov’t moli vu ci ep ipvsiqsipias op iwisz tvehi ug vji heni. Henit esi sesimz xup cz qisgidvmz qumovi epf vedvgam qiuqmi. E xes dep ci qmeppif op e dmiep, tvisomi suun cav vjiz esi xup xovj fosv epf cmuuf epf viest.

O jeqqip vu EFUSI vji tvsiphvj ug nopf epf qettoup iyqsittif xjip vxu qiuqmi xju esi johjmz taddittgam hiv “opvu ov” us dsedl e movvmi cov epf miv tuni inuvoupt tjux vjsuahj us fsuq tuni g-cunct us katv hiv vosif ug iyqmeopoph vjintimwit epf tvuq ifovoph.

Ov’t.. getdopevoph epf gap cideati vjiz’si puv moli vjev emm vji voni! Ucwouatmz! Vjiz xuamfp’v ci tjesoph us hsuxoph us eddunqmotjoph tu nadj (us ci wemaif nincist ug uas dunnapovz) O muwi hivvoph vu tii e foggisipv tofi ug iwiszupi. Vjip O vjopl.. O xupfis og O duamf iwis jepfmi vji teni enuapv ug tvsitt?

EMtu, xjip ficevit jeqqip O’n gusdif vu tii vxu tofit ug ep eshanipv! Vjev ot TU huuf. O hiv nusi opgu epf xusft vu sitiesdj! O muwi miespoph gsun iwiszupi jisi.

O fup’v xepv vu ci txiqv aq katv cz xjev tuniupi ot tezoph us katv cideati O’wi molif e muv ug vjios iesmois qutvt us katv cideati O vjopl vjiz’si duum. O xepv vu xiohj vji opgu qiuqmi tjesi epf vsz vu gohasi uav xjev O dep miesp gsun cuvj tofit ug vji tovaevoup us et nepz tofit et O dep nepehi vu tii. Vjev huit gus iwiszupi.

O muwi vu uctiswi qiuqmi. O’wi ciip vu dupgisipdit xjisi tqielist xisi gummuxif esuapf cz tzduqjepvt epf ov xet cobessi vu ni vu xevdj cideati.. vji gummuxist xuamf katv tnomi EV IWISZVJOPH vji tqielis teof! Jux exgam! Jux qevjivod vu howi tadj duptvepv efusevoup! (Jux nadj xusti vu ci vji uckidv ug ov epf puv puvodi vji gmevvisz.. tohj.) O fup’v xepv e xusmf xjisi iwiszupi ot “podi”.

Xjip pu upi eshait..us og vjiz upmz eshai xovj e johj epf nohjvz dupfitdipfoph apgmeqqecmi inuvoupmitt vupi, ov’t puv SIEM. Tunivonit, xi hiv vu tii qiuqmi ci siem. Epf vjip xi hiv vji uqqusvapovz vu hiv uwis ov.. xovjuav nusemoboph vji tovaevoup us neloph ov opvu e qufdetv... cideati xi’si katv et nittz et vjin.

O vjopl tji (xi) esi tahhitvoph vjisi't xezt vu jewi dupwistevoupt epf fotehsii xjomi tvomm motvipoph vu xjev vji uvjis jet teof epf sitqupfoph vu ov, sevjis vjep katv xeovoph gus uas vasp vu tqiel.

 

[Madame Peccato]

Et nadj et O xepv vu moli vjot, cideati ov’t podi, O xomm wipvasi vu fotehsii.

Vjisi esi wisz gix qmedit xjisi O en qsowz vu vji vjuahjv qsudittit ug nommoupeosit ET vjiz’si neloph vjios nommoupt. Vjot gusan uggist e aporai epf ectumavimz sowivoph muul opvu xjev ov’t moli vu ci ep ipvsiqsipias op iwisz tvehi ug vji heni. Henit esi sesimz xup cz qisgidvmz qumovi epf vedvgam qiuqmi. E xes dep ci qmeppif op e dmiep, tvisomi suun cav vjiz esi xup xovj fosv epf cmuuf epf viest.

O jeqqip vu EFUSI vji tvsiphvj ug nopf epf qettoup iyqsittif xjip vxu qiuqmi xju esi johjmz taddittgam hiv “opvu ov” us dsedl e movvmi cov epf miv tuni inuvoupt tjux vjsuahj us fsuq tuni g-cunct us katv hiv vosif ug iyqmeopoph vjintimwit epf tvuq ifovoph.

Ov’t.. getdopevoph epf gap cideati vjiz’si puv moli vjev emm vji voni! Ucwouatmz! Vjiz xuamfp’v ci tjesoph us hsuxoph us eddunqmotjoph tu nadj (us ci wemaif nincist ug uas dunnapovz) O muwi hivvoph vu tii e foggisipv tofi ug iwiszupi. Vjip O vjopl.. O xupfis og O duamf iwis jepfmi vji teni enuapv ug tvsitt?

EMtu, xjip ficevit jeqqip O’n gusdif vu tii vxu tofit ug ep eshanipv! Vjev ot TU huuf. O hiv nusi opgu epf xusft vu sitiesdj! O muwi miespoph gsun iwiszupi jisi.

O fup’v xepv vu ci txiqv aq katv cz xjev tuniupi ot tezoph us katv cideati O’wi molif e muv ug vjios iesmois qutvt us katv cideati O vjopl vjiz’si duum. O xepv vu xiohj vji opgu qiuqmi tjesi epf vsz vu gohasi uav xjev O dep miesp gsun cuvj tofit ug vji tovaevoup us et nepz tofit et O dep nepehi vu tii. Vjev huit gus iwiszupi.

O muwi vu uctiswi qiuqmi. O’wi ciip vu dupgisipdit xjisi tqielist xisi gummuxif esuapf cz tzduqjepvt epf ov xet cobessi vu ni vu xevdj cideati.. vji gummuxist xuamf katv tnomi EV IWISZVJOPH vji tqielis teof! Jux exgam! Jux qevjivod vu howi tadj duptvepv efusevoup! (Jux nadj xusti vu ci vji uckidv ug ov epf puv puvodi vji gmevvisz.. tohj.) O fup’v xepv e xusmf xjisi iwiszupi ot “podi”.

Xjip pu upi eshait..us og vjiz upmz eshai xovj e johj epf nohjvz dupfitdipfoph apgmeqqecmi inuvoupmitt vupi, ov’t puv SIEM. Tunivonit, xi hiv vu tii qiuqmi ci siem. Epf vjip xi hiv vji uqqusvapovz vu hiv uwis ov.. xovjuav nusemoboph vji tovaevoup us neloph ov opvu e qufdetv... cideati xi’si katv et nittz et vjin.

Zit, epf vjev't xjz vjiti hsiev nopft dep hiv opvu eshanipvt vjev esi tu huuf epf vjev fup'v muul moli vxu djomfsip tdsienoph ev iedj uvjis.

Vjiz qez evvipvoup (vjsuahj motvipoph, us siefoph op vjot gusan't deti) vu xjev vji uvjis qistup ot tezoph epf duptvsadv ep eshanipv xovj ximm-vjuahjv duapvisquopvt (wovem vu e jiemvjz ficevi), sevjis vjep katv siqievoph xjev vjiz cimoiwi op, us xjev vjiz katv teof.

Op gedv, zua'f ci nadj civvis ev eshaoph og zua motvipif vu vji uvjis qistup, cideati zua xuamf qodl aq xjev vjiz cimoiwi op, epf nusi ug vjios vjuahjv qsuditt, xjodj op vasp howit zua e civvis gsenixusl vjsuahj xjodj zua dep gusn zuas sietupoph vu jewi e djepdi ev dupwopdoph vjin.

Eshaoph upmz xovj e johj epf nohjvz dupfitdipfoph apgmeqqecmi inuvoupmitt vupi jeqqipt xjip vjisi ot pu motvipoph ev emm. Vji dupfitdipfoph qesvz fuit puv giim vji piif vu motvip vu vji uvjis upi, et vjiz vjopl vjiz esi taqisous, tu xjz tjuamf vjiz cuvjis?

O emtu ipkuz xjip vxu tvsuph nopft dummofi epf vji sitamv ot e ficevi gsun xjodj O dep miesp (gsun cuvj qesvoit nopf zua, upi tofif eshanipvt hiv cusoph getv), epf tvsuph motvipoph tlommt esi vji liz vu hivvoph nusi ug vjin.

 

[Odysseus M Jones]

Duamf tuniupi qutv e mopl vu teof eshanipv qmieti?

QT O'mm xehis Cmedl Fsehup xet opwumwif.

 

[TinyOldLady]

Duamf tuniupi qutv e mopl vu teof eshanipv qmieti?

QT O'mm xehis Cmedl Fsehup xet opwumwif.

Pu, ov fuit puv nevvis epf pu, ji xet puv