How Dare I

[Yoda]

It's a question I recently asked myself, and I truly meant it.

"How Dare I?"

Oh... I guess you want the back story, then...

********

I have been using the 7 Weeks app to enforce positive feedback loops for life's most basic necessities and habits for long term health and growth. I use it strictly for inconceivably easy tasks only, usually those which take 2 minutes or less (with the exception of one).

One of them, the exception just mentioned, is meditation.

I have successfully meditated every single day for upwards of 3 months, though pretty consistently at an increasing frequency for closer to 8.

I'm not sure why, but it was a serious struggle to get myself to meditate. I read a lot, and I've come across meditation as much as anything among the successful, the organized or the motivated. Eventually, I started to let my guard down and go for it.

It started off with maybe just 1 or 2 meditations a week. Nothing phenomenal occurred, but for lack of no other result, it was a task completed. Pat on the back, move on.

I discovered Headspace, and later Calm (which I would heavily endorse to anyone), and these helped me to get up to 3 or 4 times per week. They have simple reminders and the guided meditations I prefer are built right in--tough to not do more when it's right there in your pocket.

But, gradually, for some unknown reason to me, I started to do more and more and more. I was never drawn to it, nor did it feel like a necessity by any sense. I just did it so I could "clear" the notification on my phone, probably. Nonetheless, it became more frequent.

Then I came across theXeffect and found it somewhat intriguing (the 7 Weeks app was born of the idea, and this is how I came to find it). I downloaded the app, added a few cards, and thought, "Why not try it?"

But, at first, I didn't add meditation.

A couple weeks in, I was batting 1.000 for my tasks, and for whatever reason, I decided to add a meditation card. It defeated my own 'rule' of having it be 2 minutes or less, however I did feel compelled to make it a habit. I think I saw myself excelling at several miniature areas, but I felt a little uneasy how meditation wasn't a part of it.

It didn't take but maybe 5 days and I had a miss. I felt like an idiot. A failure. A whole day went by and I wasn't able to sit down for 10-15 minutes and knock out a quick meditation? I completed all my other tasks, why not this?

I brought my wife into the picture and told her what I was doing so I could have a little extra motivation to "X" the meditation box each day. She obliged. In fact, she even meditated with me a few times.

Over the next few weeks, she reminded me consistently, and I excelled. I went weeks without a miss, and ended my first 7 weeks with just 2 misses in total (that's 47 out of 49 days for you math whizzes).

I stopped using the app for a week after I completed the first set of cards. And, I noticed something strange. The small habits stuck, meditation didn't.

Hmph. Odd.

********

I refreshed each card, including meditation, and started over.

About a week and a half in, I was still batting 1.000 across the board, and I was all but done for the day, with the exception being meditation. I told my wife I was headed to bed and asked if she was staying up or tagging along.

"Did you meditate yet?" she asked.

"I'm about to." I replied.

"Well, go ahead then. I'll join you after a bit." she said.

"You can meditate with me, you know." I prodded, hoping she'd follow.

"Nah, that's okay. I think I'll just watch one more show." she retorted.

"Well, I guess I can watch a show with you before bed then.. I don't have to be up too early tomorrow anyway." I thought out loud.

"No, no." she said. "Go meditate. Don't let me stand in the way of you getting your stuff done." she answered.

"Yeah, you're right." I said. "Night, hun."

And I meditated and went to sleep.

********

The next morning, in the shower, I was pondering away as it's usually one of the few quiet times you get as a parent to rambunctious boys.

Then it hit me... SO... HARD.

"HOW DARE I?!"

How dare I procrastinate my own personal objectives to the point it impacts even a single moment I have to spend with my wife?
​

********

I've spent a lot of time reflecting on this, and I think I've come full term on where my true failure lies.

While I held this meditation thing as a great importance, I allowed it to become a chore and lost the real reason I ever started in the first place. I started for self betterment, not checking boxes.

You want to bat 1.000 at any game in life?

1. Have some conviction for the game. Believe what you're doing is what you should be, as well as what you want to be doing, deep down. Let your short term goals match your long term vision, or re-evaluate.
2. Keep your eye on the ball. Have the insight and persistence to remain focused on what you initially intended, and don't let your eyes wonder. Focus.
3. Swing like you mean it. Don't swing in life because someone said that's what you're supposed to do. Act like your trying to win. In fact, don't even act. Go for the win.
4. One strike, and you're not out. So you messed up once. Learn from your mistake, and get ready for your next shot.
5. Rely on your team, but do your part. Your peers, mentors, lovers, friends and colleagues are there to back you up, but they can't do it for you.

Remember guys, failure is feedback.

How you use it determines whether or not you truly learned your lesson.

You bet your a$$ I meditate first thing now and go kiss my wife when she wakes up.

 

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