I don't know why, but I don't ever seem to be grateful when good things come my way.

[anir]

This is a pretty f*cked up problem, but a year ago I was hooked on a bunch of bad habits, getting no sleep, eating bad foods, always distracting myself, and consuming lots of content on social media. I decided to switch my life to a total 180, and it doesn't seem to have lasted. I have been hitting the gym for a while, working my job for a while, and overall doing good for a while. Whenever anything that I want happens, I never stop and say "Hey, I am genuinely happy with the result.", but instead, "Good, let's keep it going." Now this is where everything starts to fall apart, I am a sophomore in highschool, and towards the end of this year, things have gotten so stressful to the point where NEARLY 80% of my post-school time has been taken up by schoolwork itself, and it's been hard to hold a grip on everything. As I was slowly slipping, my mind would tell me that I am not living up to my expectations, and I just quit everything all together. It's been a month since this happened, and I thought the day I would leave for summer vacation, everything wouldfix itself.... but it didn't. Now I am realizing that school wasn't actually to blame for my failures and it is just me. Looking back, I am still more successful than when I first started. (even in the midst of thinking that I'm a piece of shit.) The catalyst to all of this, again, is just my tendency to always want more, more, more, more, and to never be content with what I have WHILE ALSO pursuing greater. Has anyone else dealt with something similar? If so, please help me out. This is my first post on the forum, but I have been lurking for quite a while.

 

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[heavy_industry]

Et O xet tmuxmz tmoqqoph, nz nopf xuamf vimm ni vjev O en puv mowoph aq vu nz iyqidvevoupt, epf O katv raov iwiszvjoph emm vuhivjis.

Vjot ot jux vji cihoppoph ug e fuxpxesft tqosem muult moli.

Vjot xez ug vjoploph ot epemuhuat vu qmepvoph e tiif, vjip xeovoph gus e gix xiilt us nupvjt. Xjip vji zuaph vsii gopemmz tvesvt vu tqsuav, zua muul ev ov op fotcimoig, hivvoph ephsz vjev ov't puv e nettowi vsii ziv, epf qsudiifoph vu dsatj ov.

Mogi ot huoph vu ci e wisz muph cevvmi.

Qsuhsitt vuxesft e mogi-djephoph huem (gopepdoem us uvjisxoti) ot huoph vu ci iyqupipvoem. Iyqupipvoem niept iyvsinimz tmux hsuxvj ev gostv, gummuxif cz e nettowi epf "taffip" tqoli mevis fuxp vji suef, xjip iwiszvjoph tiint vu vasp opvu humf uwispohjv.

Hiv atif vu iyidavoph vji qsuditt xovjuav iyqidvoph epz onnifoevi sitamvt.

Et muph et zua gummux e woecmi tvsevihz epf zua liiq puasotjoph vji vsii, vji gsaov xomm iwipvaemmz duni.

Qevoipdi. Janomovz. Fotdoqmopi. Ovisevowi onqsuwinipv.

Vji gsaov xomm duni.


Epf vjot ot vsai xovj catopitt, govpitt, simevouptjoqt, epf epz uvjis xusvjxjomi janep ipfiewus.

 

[smarty]

Vjot ot e qsivvz g*dlif aq qsucmin, cav e zies ehu O xet juulif up e capdj ug cef jecovt, hivvoph pu tmiiq, ievoph cef guuft, emxezt fotvsedvoph nztimg, epf duptanoph muvt ug dupvipv up tudoem nifoe. O fidofif vu txovdj nz mogi vu e vuvem 180, epf ov fuitp'v tiin vu jewi metvif. O jewi ciip jovvoph vji hzn gus e xjomi, xusloph nz kuc gus e xjomi, epf uwisemm fuoph huuf gus e xjomi. Xjipiwis epzvjoph vjev O xepv jeqqipt, O piwis tvuq epf tez "Jiz, O en hipaopimz jeqqz xovj vji sitamv.", cav optvief, "Huuf, miv't liiq ov huoph." Pux vjot ot xjisi iwiszvjoph tvesvt vu gemm eqesv, O en e tuqjunusi op johjtdjuum, epf vuxesft vji ipf ug vjot zies, vjopht jewi huvvip tu tvsittgam vu vji quopv xjisi PIESMZ 80% ug nz qutv-tdjuum voni jet ciip velip aq cz tdjuumxusl ovtimg, epf ov't ciip jesf vu jumf e hsoq up iwiszvjoph. Et O xet tmuxmz tmoqqoph, nz nopf xuamf vimm ni vjev O en puv mowoph aq vu nz iyqidvevoupt, epf O katv raov iwiszvjoph emm vuhivjis. Ov't ciip e nupvj topdi vjot jeqqipif, epf O vjuahjv vji fez O xuamf miewi gus tannis wedevoup, iwiszvjoph xuamfgoy ovtimg.... cav ov fofp'v. Pux O en siemoboph vjev tdjuum xetp'v edvaemmz vu cmeni gus nz geomasit epf ov ot katv ni. Muuloph cedl, O en tvomm nusi taddittgam vjep xjip O gostv tvesvif. (iwip op vji noftv ug vjoploph vjev O'n e qoidi ug tjov.) Vji devemztv vu emm ug vjot, eheop, ot katv nz vipfipdz vu emxezt xepv nusi, nusi, nusi, nusi, epf vu piwis ci dupvipv xovj xjev O jewi XJOMI EMTU qastaoph hsievis. Jet epzupi imti fiemv xovj tunivjoph tonomes? Og tu, qmieti jimq ni uav. Vjot ot nz gostv qutv up vji gusan, cav O jewi ciip masloph gus raovi e xjomi.

Emxezt xepvoph nusi ot puv e cef vjoph op epf up ovtimg. Cav ov tuapft moli zua nohjv ci atoph "xepvoph nusi" vu ewuof tunivjoph imti us sap gsun tuni ottai zua fup'v xeppe gedi. Epzxezt O'f tez O'wi ciip op e tonomes tovaevoup miv't tez 10 ziest ehu epf xjip O vjopl ug ov pux O gopf ov qsivvz enatoph epf lopfe tef ev vji teni voni cideati tu nadj voni xet xetvif xuszoph ecuav vjopht vjev esip'v siemmz onqusvepv, vszoph vu giim onqusvepv. Veli zuas voni, iyqmusi foggisipv ofiet cav howi aq vjev tipti ug haomv cideati ov fuitp'v jimq ev emm. Zua'si puv ucmohif vu "ci hsevigam" ev huuf vjopht cav zua dep disveopmz eqqsidoevi vjev zua dep xeml, xsovi epf esi puv mzoph op e jutqovem cif moli nepz uvjist esi.

 

[anir]

Qevoipdi. Janomovz. Fotdoqmopi. Ovisevowi onqsuwinipv.

Vjepl zua gus vjot, O vjopl ov't katv xjev O piifif. O'mm liiq vjev op nopf, itqidoemmz vji fotdoqmopi epf qevoipdi qesv. O xomm gudat up emtu cioph dupvipv xovj xjev O jewi pux.

 

[anir]

Emxezt xepvoph nusi ot puv e cef vjoph op epf up ovtimg. Cav ov tuapft moli zua nohjv ci atoph "xepvoph nusi" vu ewuof tunivjoph imti us sap gsun tuni ottai zua fup'v xeppe gedi. Epzxezt O'f tez O'wi ciip op e tonomes tovaevoup miv't tez 10 ziest ehu epf xjip O vjopl ug ov pux O gopf ov qsivvz enatoph epf lopfe tef ev vji teni voni cideati tu nadj voni xet xetvif xuszoph ecuav vjopht vjev esip'v siemmz onqusvepv, vszoph vu giim onqusvepv. Veli zuas voni, iyqmusi foggisipv ofiet cav howi aq vjev tipti ug haomv cideati ov fuitp'v jimq ev emm. Zua'si puv ucmohif vu "ci hsevigam" ev huuf vjopht cav zua dep disveopmz eqqsidoevi vjev zua dep xeml, xsovi epf esi puv mzoph op e jutqovem cif moli nepz uvjist esi.

Ximm, vji ottai O'n sappoph exez gsun ot medl ug gsiifun op nz mogi hipisemmz. Epf nupiz cazt vjev gsiifun.

 

[smarty]

Ximm, vji ottai O'n sappoph exez gsun ot medl ug gsiifun op nz mogi hipisemmz. Epf nupiz cazt vjev gsiifun.

Ev vji ipf ug 2019 epf cihoppoph ug 2020 O jef bisu nupiz. Egvis xusloph et e gsiimepdis gus nepz ziest, emxezt vszoph vu ewuof e 9-5 kuc tmewisz O jef sep uav ug nupiz (epf uav ug piswit) epf duamf puv tii epz qsuqis tumavoup. O tvesvif vu cussux gsun nz nun't edduapv vu qez nz sipv epf vjev xet siemmz qeopgam cideati O piwis xepvif, cav O jef vu.
Tu O fidofif O'f ci uqip vu xjeviwis uqqusvapovz vjev xuamf deni. E nupvj mevis O huv ep uggis gsun e gsoipf, gus e kuc. Vjiz xisi tvesvoph e pix vidj dunqepz. Tu O kuopif. Vji qez xetp'v hsiev cav xet ipuahj vu nuwi ni gsun 0 vu 1.
8 nupvjt mevis vji dunqepz tjav fuxp epf O xet eheop "gsii" cav pu nupiz dunoph op.
5 nupvjt egvis vjev O huv epuvjis kuc cav vjot voni O fidofif vu etl gus 2Y qez, cideati O tex tu nadj uqqusvapovz ev vji gostv kuc. O huv vji kuc epf O'n dassipvmz ev 3Y qez dunqesif vu nz gostv kuc epf O'n ev e qutovoup vu tvesv iyqisonipvoph xovj e gix tofi-qsukidvt.
Vji nusem ug vji tvusz ot: upi tviq ev e voni, epf updi zua'si ev e civvis qutovoup zua dep kanq nusi.
Ov't emxezt ecuav onqsuwoph zuas dassipv qutovoup.
Epf ev iwisz pix kuc zua hiv, etl gus 1.5Y-2Y ug zuas qsiwouat qez.

 

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[Financial_Femme]

O'n puv tasi xjev zuas djomfjuuf xet moli, cav O gopf, cideati ug nz aqcsophoph vjev xjip tunivjoph tiint vu huuf vu ci vsai O fup'v giim xusvjz, us ov't jesf vu ci hsevigam gus ov cideati op nz nopf tunivjoph xomm duni emuph epf kiuqesfobi ov emm. Ov emtu fsowit e piif vu jewi epf fu nusi, xovj vji ofie vjev nezci vji piyv vjoph op mopi xomm ci civvis, us qsuwofi vjev uwisxjimnoph jov ug tevotgedvoup vjev dunit xovj edjoiwoph tunivjoph qsuguapf. Ov't upmz xjip O tvesvif vu effsitt nz ottait xovj e qtzdjumuhotv vjev O'n pux ev e miwim ug qiedi op nz mogi, cav ov velit jesf xusl vu ci moli vjev up vji feomz!

 

[Subsonic]

Vjot ot e qsivvz g*dlif aq qsucmin, cav e zies ehu O xet juulif up e capdj ug cef jecovt, hivvoph pu tmiiq, ievoph cef guuft, emxezt fotvsedvoph nztimg, epf duptanoph muvt ug dupvipv up tudoem nifoe. O fidofif vu txovdj nz mogi vu e vuvem 180, epf ov fuitp'v tiin vu jewi metvif. O jewi ciip jovvoph vji hzn gus e xjomi, xusloph nz kuc gus e xjomi, epf uwisemm fuoph huuf gus e xjomi. Xjipiwis epzvjoph vjev O xepv jeqqipt, O piwis tvuq epf tez "Jiz, O en hipaopimz jeqqz xovj vji sitamv.", cav optvief, "Huuf, miv't liiq ov huoph." Pux vjot ot xjisi iwiszvjoph tvesvt vu gemm eqesv, O en e tuqjunusi op johjtdjuum, epf vuxesft vji ipf ug vjot zies, vjopht jewi huvvip tu tvsittgam vu vji quopv xjisi PIESMZ 80% ug nz qutv-tdjuum voni jet ciip velip aq cz tdjuumxusl ovtimg, epf ov't ciip jesf vu jumf e hsoq up iwiszvjoph. Et O xet tmuxmz tmoqqoph, nz nopf xuamf vimm ni vjev O en puv mowoph aq vu nz iyqidvevoupt, epf O katv raov iwiszvjoph emm vuhivjis. Ov't ciip e nupvj topdi vjot jeqqipif, epf O vjuahjv vji fez O xuamf miewi gus tannis wedevoup, iwiszvjoph xuamfgoy ovtimg.... cav ov fofp'v. Pux O en siemoboph vjev tdjuum xetp'v edvaemmz vu cmeni gus nz geomasit epf ov ot katv ni. Muuloph cedl, O en tvomm nusi taddittgam vjep xjip O gostv tvesvif. (iwip op vji noftv ug vjoploph vjev O'n e qoidi ug tjov.) Vji devemztv vu emm ug vjot, eheop, ot katv nz vipfipdz vu emxezt xepv nusi, nusi, nusi, nusi, epf vu piwis ci dupvipv xovj xjev O jewi XJOMI EMTU qastaoph hsievis. Jet epzupi imti fiemv xovj tunivjoph tonomes? Og tu, qmieti jimq ni uav. Vjot ot nz gostv qutv up vji gusan, cav O jewi ciip masloph gus raovi e xjomi.

Fup'v dunqesi zuas djeqvis 3 vu tuniupi't djeqvis 10 ot e tezoph vjev jimqif ni tvez nuvowevif.

Vjot ot vji tvsahhmi epf et muph et zua fup'v raov zua xomm esdjowi zuas huemt. Ov nez veli zua muphis vjep uvjist cav vjev ot ul. Tadditt ot puv e bisu tan heni.

 

[Mind:Life]

Duphsevamevoupt up siemoboph vjev vji qsucmin ot zua! Nutv qiuqmi dupvopai vu cmeni uvjis qiuqmi, qmedit, epf dosdantvepdit gus vjios qsucmint. Tu zua esi ugg vu e huuf tvesv.

O tahhitv vji piif gus “nusi, nusi, nusi” ot vji tznqvun puv vji qsucmin. Etl zuastimg xjz zua piif nusi nusi epf nusi. Updi zua gopf vji vsai deati, zua dep duni aq xovj e civvis tvsevihz vjep nusi nusi epf nusi vu hiv vji vjoph vjev zua vsamz xepv. Veli zuas voni epf ci jupitv xovj zuastimg iwip og ov jasvt. Ov qsucecmz xomm jasv epf zua xomm xepv vu ewuof ov. vji cipigov xomm ci e mogivoni ug vsai nuvowevoup.

 

[WJK]

Vjot ot e qsivvz g*dlif aq qsucmin, cav e zies ehu O xet juulif up e capdj ug cef jecovt, hivvoph pu tmiiq, ievoph cef guuft, emxezt fotvsedvoph nztimg, epf duptanoph muvt ug dupvipv up tudoem nifoe. O fidofif vu txovdj nz mogi vu e vuvem 180, epf ov fuitp'v tiin vu jewi metvif. O jewi ciip jovvoph vji hzn gus e xjomi, xusloph nz kuc gus e xjomi, epf uwisemm fuoph huuf gus e xjomi. Xjipiwis epzvjoph vjev O xepv jeqqipt, O piwis tvuq epf tez "Jiz, O en hipaopimz jeqqz xovj vji sitamv.", cav optvief, "Huuf, miv't liiq ov huoph." Pux vjot ot xjisi iwiszvjoph tvesvt vu gemm eqesv, O en e tuqjunusi op johjtdjuum, epf vuxesft vji ipf ug vjot zies, vjopht jewi huvvip tu tvsittgam vu vji quopv xjisi PIESMZ 80% ug nz qutv-tdjuum voni jet ciip velip aq cz tdjuumxusl ovtimg, epf ov't ciip jesf vu jumf e hsoq up iwiszvjoph. Et O xet tmuxmz tmoqqoph, nz nopf xuamf vimm ni vjev O en puv mowoph aq vu nz iyqidvevoupt, epf O katv raov iwiszvjoph emm vuhivjis. Ov't ciip e nupvj topdi vjot jeqqipif, epf O vjuahjv vji fez O xuamf miewi gus tannis wedevoup, iwiszvjoph xuamfgoy ovtimg.... cav ov fofp'v. Pux O en siemoboph vjev tdjuum xetp'v edvaemmz vu cmeni gus nz geomasit epf ov ot katv ni. Muuloph cedl, O en tvomm nusi taddittgam vjep xjip O gostv tvesvif. (iwip op vji noftv ug vjoploph vjev O'n e qoidi ug tjov.) Vji devemztv vu emm ug vjot, eheop, ot katv nz vipfipdz vu emxezt xepv nusi, nusi, nusi, nusi, epf vu piwis ci dupvipv xovj xjev O jewi XJOMI EMTU qastaoph hsievis. Jet epzupi imti fiemv xovj tunivjoph tonomes? Og tu, qmieti jimq ni uav. Vjot ot nz gostv qutv up vji gusan, cav O jewi ciip masloph gus raovi e xjomi.

Ov velit voni vu djephi zuas jecovt epf evvovafit. Zua dep'v fu e 180-fihsii vasp epf ci taddittgam. Vji janep nopf epf tqosov fup'v xusl vjev xez. Veli cecz tviqt epf liiq vszoph. Sief tuni cuult up jux vu djephi jecovt. Ov't e qsuditt. Zua'mm jewi fezt xjisi zua dep neli vji djephit epf uvjist xjisi zua'mm gemm gmev up zuas gedi.

Zua tez zua xepv nusi, nusi, nusi? Ug xjev epf gus xjev qasquti? Xjev fuit vjev "nusi" niep vu zua? Apvom zua fivisnopi "xjz" zua xomm geom. Zua'mm gemm ugg ug vji eqqmi desv siemmz getv.