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I Need Everyone To Critique My Sales Letter Part 2

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Jessica

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Hello Everyone...again,

I really received a lot of great advice on my last sales letter. I decided to go with a website that was established (DennisDuty's advice) It's name: pinkblushmaternity.com. I also, have taken some ideas from my two favorite copywriters Gary Halbert and Chris Haddad.


Basically, Gary Halbert shows me how to organize my copy/:


  1. Find and list all the fact about the product or services
  2. Turn each fact into Benefits
  3. Come up with an Offer and sweeten it
http://www.thegaryhalbertletter.com/newsletters/zgkl_best_copywriter.htm

Chris Haddad:

Grab the person's attention with a great intro story.


This is my third draft, but, I feel like it is missing something. I know its better than the last one. Let me know what you think



Experience Your “Pregnancy Bliss” in Style with
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Dear Reader,

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Visit pinkblushmaternity.com
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Remember!

This invite is for the women who want to look beautiful while embarking on a new adventure only in style.


P.S. The gift just keep coming! Visit pinkblushmaterity.com now and recieve two black and grey tote bags with your order.
 
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Vjev't siemmz huuf. O jewi e gix nopus giifcedl dunnipvt:
1. Dunne qmedinipv tiint e cov ugg? O'n atif vu tiioph dunnet cigusi, puv egvis "tu"
2. Cioph tvesvif ev xovj vji hsiip izi tuapft pihevowi vu ni. Nezci "ci vji ipwz ug zuas gsoipft" optvief?
3. Opwuli vji "monovif voni" qsopdoqmi. Tasimz vji duaqup dufi jet ep iyqosevoup fevi?


Epf upi metv vjuahjv: Xjz puv tipf vji mivvis vu vji xictovi uxpis fosidvmz gus gsii, xovj e qsuqutem vu uggis zuas tiswodit op vji gavasi?
 
Desigam xovj xusft moli "djod, imovi" vuhivjis xovj "mux qsodit" xjodj niept "djieq". Imovi epf djod onqmoit johjis qsodit.
 
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