Hi. First things first: thanks to MJ and everyone else that have put their blood, sweat, and tears into this forum. I love this place and will read FLF until some of us are so old that there are posts about diaper recommendations. Now, to the issue at hand:
I am with a great girl. Been with her for over three years. I can get anything I want at any time. She is the embodiment of comfort. The nest, the womb; whatever you want to symbolize it with.
And that's the issue. I feel that every second I am with her is stolen from my self-development timeline. I truly enjoy being with her, but I am NOT happy as a person. There are some days where I am miserable, and then I get a hit of my dope (her) and forget about it for a night. I drink with her or we go somewhere and have a good time... we F*ck, we sleep in, and I'll leave and just be right back to where I was. Not taking action. Being stuck in limbo.
I understand this is NOT her issue but mine. But I feel like she assumes the role of an enabler. I feel like I have tainted our relationship by being emotionally dependent.
How can a relationship between two people be pure when there is dependence? If I can’t stand on my own, instead of learning, I grab a leg from another. Seems like a cop out, and it makes me wonder if this is what the majority of the married/nested population is founded on. Co-dependency.
Anyway, last time I posted, people brought up the point that I’m using her as a cop out for my own issues of inaction.
I understand that this IS the case. But I also do think there is truth that this relationship is enabling me.
I don’t enjoy the current state of my life and I need major change. But this relationship tricks my brain into getting enough “feel-good drugs” to keep me at bay. It’s like I’m getting just enough sun to maintain life but I’m not growing.
There is a great story of a shop owner that has a dog on the porch of his shop. The dog occassionally yelps out in pain and whines.
A customer asks “Why is the dog always yelping?”
The shop owner says “There’s a darn nail under him, right where he likes to lay”
“Well, why doesn’t he move?”, the customer asks.
The shop owner replies “Well, I guess it just don’t hurt bad enough.”
I feel like I am that dog. Suspended in space and time through the constructs and support that I allowed to hold up my ego.
So my questions for you guys:
-whiz
EDIT: I think I either read about the dog story in TMF or someone here on FLF. 99% sure. Not trying to plagiarize! Sorry if I stole your work. It's just a great story that describes my life perfectly right now.
I am with a great girl. Been with her for over three years. I can get anything I want at any time. She is the embodiment of comfort. The nest, the womb; whatever you want to symbolize it with.
And that's the issue. I feel that every second I am with her is stolen from my self-development timeline. I truly enjoy being with her, but I am NOT happy as a person. There are some days where I am miserable, and then I get a hit of my dope (her) and forget about it for a night. I drink with her or we go somewhere and have a good time... we F*ck, we sleep in, and I'll leave and just be right back to where I was. Not taking action. Being stuck in limbo.
I understand this is NOT her issue but mine. But I feel like she assumes the role of an enabler. I feel like I have tainted our relationship by being emotionally dependent.
How can a relationship between two people be pure when there is dependence? If I can’t stand on my own, instead of learning, I grab a leg from another. Seems like a cop out, and it makes me wonder if this is what the majority of the married/nested population is founded on. Co-dependency.
Anyway, last time I posted, people brought up the point that I’m using her as a cop out for my own issues of inaction.
I understand that this IS the case. But I also do think there is truth that this relationship is enabling me.
I don’t enjoy the current state of my life and I need major change. But this relationship tricks my brain into getting enough “feel-good drugs” to keep me at bay. It’s like I’m getting just enough sun to maintain life but I’m not growing.
There is a great story of a shop owner that has a dog on the porch of his shop. The dog occassionally yelps out in pain and whines.
A customer asks “Why is the dog always yelping?”
The shop owner says “There’s a darn nail under him, right where he likes to lay”
“Well, why doesn’t he move?”, the customer asks.
The shop owner replies “Well, I guess it just don’t hurt bad enough.”
I feel like I am that dog. Suspended in space and time through the constructs and support that I allowed to hold up my ego.
So my questions for you guys:
- I obviously need to end this relationship, correct? My thoughts around it just don’t seem healthy. I don’t like thinking like this.
- How do I go about it? She has never wronged me. I respect her as a person and she respects me. Do I do the car talk? Do I wait until after X-Mas?
-whiz
EDIT: I think I either read about the dog story in TMF or someone here on FLF. 99% sure. Not trying to plagiarize! Sorry if I stole your work. It's just a great story that describes my life perfectly right now.
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