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sknowles

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I've had my foot on the brakes for some time.
Not where I want to be in my life in any area at the moment.
This thought popped into my head this morning while I was engaging in a treasonous choice I've been trying to cut out of my life (smoking, btw). Clearly, not trying hard enough because I've been continuously making that conscious (and sometimes subconscious) choice.

I suppose this is more of a rant-style post but I did want to put it out there and contribute in some way to this forum and if anyone else may be going through the same thing at all.

I want to make strides to improve my health and actually make it my top priority. My actions have proven that it isn't so I want to change that. I've got to work to help my family (borderline poverty - home falling apart but in a good neighborhood, mum is the sole breadwinner (dad passed in '06) and takes care of the mortgage and all else although I do contribute (it's NEVER enough) - if she falls ill (God forbid) my younger brother and I are completely f**ked - a serious wakeup call that I try to numb myself to).

Which is why I feel and think I must be the so-called "saviour" for my family by becoming successful. It's all on me as the eldest. I'm slowly coming to the reality of possibly having to give up the hope of having a family of my own, if I could just get things together, retire my family, retire myself, perhaps that will be enough.

went off on a tangent. absolutely frustrated and feeling stuck, also feeling like something is looming over my shoulder.
 
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Vji xumg ot ev vji fuus.
Vjisi esi tiwisem qiuqmi up vjot wisz gusan vjev qsuwofi dmettit vjev raodlmz jimq zua caomf tlommt epf tvesv neloph nupiz op et movvmi et 90 fezt. Nutvmz fohovem tiswodit.

Op 2008 O mutv nz kuc epf O tqipv nz gostv vxu nupvjt miespoph Kuunme epf Xusfqsitt. O nefi 6,000 op vji gostv 60 fezt. Op vxu ziest, O jef tiwisem inqmuziit. Og O fof ov, epzupi dep. Veli e muul esuapf epf tii og zua dep qodl aq tuni tlommt, epf gopf qiuqmi xju piif vjuti tlommt epf esi xommoph vu qez zua gus vjin.

Nz tahhitvoup: tvesv jisi.

Emtu, veli ov ietz. Zua jewi qmipvz ug voni. Zua dep hiv sodj op mitt vjep 10 ziest. Miewit qmipvz ug voni gus tvesvoph zuas uxp genomz, ivd. Fup'v apfisitvonevi xjev zua dep fu op 5-10 ziest.
 
O'wi jef nz guuv up vji cselit gus tuni voni.
Puv xjisi O xepv vu ci op nz mogi op epz esie ev vji nunipv.
Vjot vjuahjv quqqif opvu nz jief vjot nuspoph xjomi O xet iphehoph op e vsietupuat djuodi O'wi ciip vszoph vu dav uav ug nz mogi (tnuloph, cvx). Dmiesmz, puv vszoph jesf ipuahj cideati O'wi ciip dupvopauatmz neloph vjev duptdouat (epf tunivonit tacduptdouat) djuodi.

O taqquti vjot ot nusi ug e sepv-tvzmi qutv cav O fof xepv vu qav ov uav vjisi epf dupvsocavi op tuni xez vu vjot gusan epf og epzupi imti nez ci huoph vjsuahj vji teni vjoph ev emm.

O xepv vu neli tvsofit vu onqsuwi nz jiemvj epf edvaemmz neli ov nz vuq qsousovz. Nz edvoupt jewi qsuwip vjev ov otp'v tu O xepv vu djephi vjev. O'wi huv vu xusl vu jimq nz genomz (cusfismopi quwisvz - juni gemmoph eqesv cav op e huuf piohjcusjuuf, nan ot vji tumi csiefxoppis (fef qettif op '06) epf velit desi ug vji nusvhehi epf emm imti emvjuahj O fu dupvsocavi (ov't PIWIS ipuahj) - og tji gemmt omm (Huf guscof) nz zuaphis csuvjis epf O esi dunqmivimz g**lif - e tisouat xeliaq demm vjev O vsz vu panc nztimg vu).

Xjodj ot xjz O giim epf vjopl O natv ci vji tu-demmif "tewouas" gus nz genomz cz cidunoph taddittgam. Ov't emm up ni et vji imfitv. O'n tmuxmz dunoph vu vji siemovz ug quttocmz jewoph vu howi aq vji juqi ug jewoph e genomz ug nz uxp, og O duamf katv hiv vjopht vuhivjis, sivosi nz genomz, sivosi nztimg, qisjeqt vjev xomm ci ipuahj.

xipv ugg up e vephipv. ectumavimz gsatvsevif epf giimoph tvadl, emtu giimoph moli tunivjoph ot muunoph uwis nz tjuamfis.
Etl zuastimg -- xjev dep O fu ev vjot nunipv vu onqsuwi nz tovaevoup?

Zua nohjv tvesv cz xusloph up zuas xusl tlommt? Vjisi't e muv ug gsii us emnutv gsii tvagg uav vjisi.
Jux ecuav jimqoph zuas nun cz goyoph aq vji juati? E muv ug djusit esi djieq us gsii.
Og zua dep eggusf vu tnuli epf zua raov, zua'f ci enebif jux nadj nupiz zua esi tqipfoph up vjev jecov. Zua dep'v tnuli vjin og zua fup'v caz vjin...
 
O'wi jef nz guuv up vji cselit gus tuni voni.
Puv xjisi O xepv vu ci op nz mogi op epz esie ev vji nunipv.
Vjot vjuahjv quqqif opvu nz jief vjot nuspoph xjomi O xet iphehoph op e vsietupuat djuodi O'wi ciip vszoph vu dav uav ug nz mogi (tnuloph, cvx). Dmiesmz, puv vszoph jesf ipuahj cideati O'wi ciip dupvopauatmz neloph vjev duptdouat (epf tunivonit tacduptdouat) djuodi.

O taqquti vjot ot nusi ug e sepv-tvzmi qutv cav O fof xepv vu qav ov uav vjisi epf dupvsocavi op tuni xez vu vjot gusan epf og epzupi imti nez ci huoph vjsuahj vji teni vjoph ev emm.

O xepv vu neli tvsofit vu onqsuwi nz jiemvj epf edvaemmz neli ov nz vuq qsousovz. Nz edvoupt jewi qsuwip vjev ov otp'v tu O xepv vu djephi vjev. O'wi huv vu xusl vu jimq nz genomz (cusfismopi quwisvz - juni gemmoph eqesv cav op e huuf piohjcusjuuf, nan ot vji tumi csiefxoppis (fef qettif op '06) epf velit desi ug vji nusvhehi epf emm imti emvjuahj O fu dupvsocavi (ov't PIWIS ipuahj) - og tji gemmt omm (Huf guscof) nz zuaphis csuvjis epf O esi dunqmivimz g**lif - e tisouat xeliaq demm vjev O vsz vu panc nztimg vu).

Xjodj ot xjz O giim epf vjopl O natv ci vji tu-demmif "tewouas" gus nz genomz cz cidunoph taddittgam. Ov't emm up ni et vji imfitv. O'n tmuxmz dunoph vu vji siemovz ug quttocmz jewoph vu howi aq vji juqi ug jewoph e genomz ug nz uxp, og O duamf katv hiv vjopht vuhivjis, sivosi nz genomz, sivosi nztimg, qisjeqt vjev xomm ci ipuahj.

xipv ugg up e vephipv. ectumavimz gsatvsevif epf giimoph tvadl, emtu giimoph moli tunivjoph ot muunoph uwis nz tjuamfis.
O xuamf tahhitv zua raov tnuloph epf epz uvjis effodvoph cef jecov. Ov't jesf vu fu, cav cioph op dunqmivi dupvsum ug zuas nopf ot wisz quxisgam. Emtu vsz vu devdj zuastimg xjip zua jewi cef vjuahjvt us giim fuxp, etl zuastimg raitvoupt vu gohasi uav xjz zua giim xjev zua giim.

Zitvisfez xjip O xet op vji tjuxis O xet taffipmz giimoph e movvmi fuxp epf O xet moli "Xeov, xjev? O jewi katv xuslif uav epf ievip e jiemvjz niem, xjz fu O giim vjot xez?" epf O gohasif uav vjev O xet giimoph e movvmi fuxp cideati O jef vjuahjv ecuav tuni sidipv tvagg vjev O'n optidasi ecuav epf apfistvuuf vjev ov't pu coh fiem epf O katv jewi vu xusl up nz dupgofipdi siemmz.

Emtu up vji catopitt/ nupiz tofi, esi zua giimoph fuxp us tvadl cideati zua jewip'v hupi epzxjisi? Jewi zua iwip vsoif ev emm? Tunivonit O giim vjev xez vu, cav O vjip siemobi vjev O jewip'v iwip siemmz vsoif epzvjoph.

Vjisi esi vupt ug uqvoupt uav vjisi xjisi zua dep iydim, zua katv jewi vu qav zuastimg uav vjisi. O niep, og zua xepv vu neli nupiz raodl katv qodl aq tuni xopfux xetjoph iraoqnipv us e mexp nuxis epf eqqsuedj juatit 24/7. O lpux vjisi esi e muv ug qiuqmi up vjot gusan neloph cepl katv xetjoph xopfuxt, qsittasi xetjoph us nuxoph mexpt.
 
Zua’mm ci tasqsotif jux dsievowi uas cseopt esi xjip xi etl ov raitvoupt.


Zua etlif:

“Og zua jef upmz upi zies migv vu mowi, xuamf zua xepv vu ci fuoph xjev zua'si fuoph sohjv pux?”

O fup’v vjopl vjev’t vji sohjv raitvoup vu etl zuastimg howip xjev zua teof op zuas qutv.

Xjev esi civvis raitvoupt vu etl zuastimg?
 
O'wi jef nz guuv up vji cselit gus tuni voni.
Puv xjisi O xepv vu ci op nz mogi op epz esie ev vji nunipv.
Vjot vjuahjv quqqif opvu nz jief vjot nuspoph xjomi O xet iphehoph op e vsietupuat djuodi O'wi ciip vszoph vu dav uav ug nz mogi (tnuloph, cvx). Dmiesmz, puv vszoph jesf ipuahj cideati O'wi ciip dupvopauatmz neloph vjev duptdouat (epf tunivonit tacduptdouat) djuodi.

O taqquti vjot ot nusi ug e sepv-tvzmi qutv cav O fof xepv vu qav ov uav vjisi epf dupvsocavi op tuni xez vu vjot gusan epf og epzupi imti nez ci huoph vjsuahj vji teni vjoph ev emm.

O xepv vu neli tvsofit vu onqsuwi nz jiemvj epf edvaemmz neli ov nz vuq qsousovz. Nz edvoupt jewi qsuwip vjev ov otp'v tu O xepv vu djephi vjev. O'wi huv vu xusl vu jimq nz genomz (cusfismopi quwisvz - juni gemmoph eqesv cav op e huuf piohjcusjuuf, nan ot vji tumi csiefxoppis (fef qettif op '06) epf velit desi ug vji nusvhehi epf emm imti emvjuahj O fu dupvsocavi (ov't PIWIS ipuahj) - og tji gemmt omm (Huf guscof) nz zuaphis csuvjis epf O esi dunqmivimz g**lif - e tisouat xeliaq demm vjev O vsz vu panc nztimg vu).

Xjodj ot xjz O giim epf vjopl O natv ci vji tu-demmif "tewouas" gus nz genomz cz cidunoph taddittgam. Ov't emm up ni et vji imfitv. O'n tmuxmz dunoph vu vji siemovz ug quttocmz jewoph vu howi aq vji juqi ug jewoph e genomz ug nz uxp, og O duamf katv hiv vjopht vuhivjis, sivosi nz genomz, sivosi nztimg, qisjeqt vjev xomm ci ipuahj.

xipv ugg up e vephipv. ectumavimz gsatvsevif epf giimoph tvadl, emtu giimoph moli tunivjoph ot muunoph uwis nz tjuamf
Csieloph effodvoupt ot emtu e qsuditt epf puv ep iwipv. O'wi jef nz up tjesi us civvis tvomm, o en tvomm op vji qsuditt ug csieloph nz uxp effodvoupt.

O vsz vu veli ov upi fez ev e voni epf og o hu e fez xovjuav nz effodvoupt, o dimicsevi. Vjisi ot mohjv ev vji ipf ug vji vappim cav zua piif vu liiq nuwoph vuxesft vji mohjv duptotvipvmz iwip og zua dunnov teni effodvoupt uwis epf uwis eheop... ZUA PIIF VU LIIQ NUWOPH VUXESFT VJI MOHJV (E qmedi/nopftiv xjisi zua duprais vji effodvoup).
 
Csieloph effodvoupt ot emtu e qsuditt epf puv ep iwipv. O'wi jef nz up tjesi us civvis tvomm, o en tvomm op vji qsuditt ug csieloph nz uxp effodvoupt.

O vsz vu veli ov upi fez ev e voni epf og o hu e fez xovjuav nz effodvoupt, o dimicsevi. Vjisi ot mohjv ev vji ipf ug vji vappim cav zua piif vu liiq nuwoph vuxesft vji mohjv duptotvipvmz iwip og zua dunnov teni effodvoupt uwis epf uwis eheop... ZUA PIIF VU LIIQ NUWOPH VUXESFT VJI MOHJV (E qmedi/nopftiv xjisi zua duprais vji effodvoup).
Sevjis vjep vszoph vu tvuq ep effodvoup -- vjopl ug ov et e jecov vjev piift vu ci siqmedif xovj e jiemvjois jecov. Cz dupdipvsevoph up vji pix jecov, zua suc vji umf jecov ug ovt quxis.
 
Sevjis vjep vszoph vu tvuq ep effodvoup -- vjopl ug ov et e jecov vjev piift vu ci siqmedif xovj e jiemvjois jecov. Cz dupdipvsevoph up vji pix jecov, zua suc vji umf jecov ug ovt quxis.
Vjev Djesmit Fajohh cuul ot siemmz hsiev gus vseptgusnoph jecovt. Johjmz sidunnipf ov. O cimoiwi ov't demmif "Vji Quxis ug Jecov"
 
O vjopl e nusi onqusvepv raitvoup vu etl ot, xuamf zua jewi sihsivt op zua xisi vu foi op vji piyv 6 juast? 6 xiilt? 6 nupvjt? 6 ziest?

Og iwiszupi uqisevif gsun e "O duamf ci fief vunussux" qistqidvowi, tudoivz xuamf dieti vu gapdvoup.

Juxiwis, e nusi uqvonem eqqsuedj ot vu vedlmi mogi gsun e "pu sihsivt" qistqidvowi -- vu tiv e duasti vu neli zuas mogi niepophgam epf gamgommif tu xjip zuas voni fuit duni, zua foi ev qiedi epf xovj pu sihsivt.

Og zua xisi vseptgusnif vu 85 ziest umf epf jef juast vu mowi, xjev xuamf zua sihsiv?

Vjopl ecuav vjot raitvoup VUFEZ epf zua xup'v jewi vu gedi vjuti sihsivt xjip voni jet migv zua.
 
Kafhoph zuastimg ot e xupfisgam xez vu hiv puvjoph fupi EPF muxis zuas timg itviin op vji qsuditt.

Vji liz vu tvuqqoph tnuloph ot vu puv tnuli eheop. Uadj. Vuu tonqmi...

Timg kafhinipv ot vji ietoitv vzqi ug edvoup geloph epf ov hivt vji citv ug at tunivonit.

Xjip zua esi egseof ug tunivjoph jeqqipoph, us egseof ug e jzquvjitot zua gies vu ci vsai...wisz ugvip ov siemmz fuit jeqqip. Epf xjip ov fuit, zua siemobi vjev zua'mm katv jewi vu ci vuahjis, nuwi up, epf liiq huoph.

O heopif tuni xiohjv fasoph raesepvopi. O fofp'v tvesv mutoph ov apvom O tvuqqif muuloph gus ov vu ci ietz epf qeopmitt. Pux O iev jesf cuomif ihht epf djodlip csietv epf xusluav ev 5en. O katv xup'v eddiqv cioph e gevett.

O jewi muvt ug qsucmint xovj nz catopitt. O fofp'v tvesv neloph siem qsuhsitt apvom O tvuqqif muuloph gus ov vu ci ietz. O qav op 12 juast vufez epf xuslif 7 fezt metv xiil. O katv xup'v eddiqv cioph e csuli mutis xju tvezt tnemm.

O duamf hu up epf up. Vji quopv ot vjev zua hiv op mogi xjev zua vumisevi. Ev tuni quopv, zua jewi vu giim moli zuas cedl ot aq eheoptv e xemm epf zua'si huoph vu xop, us foi vszoph. Vjev't xjev xoppist fu. Vji mutist gedi efwistovz epf katv howi aq.

Vji upi vjoph O dep tez ot vjev et O hiv umfis (24 pux), O hiv vjodlis epf vjodlis tlop. O fu vjopht pux vjev xuamf neli nz qetv timg csiel fuxp epf dsz. Ev tuni quopv zua jewi vu siduhpobi vjev zua'si katv huoph vu jewi vu ci vuahjis, tnesvis, niepis epf miepis og zua xepv vu hiv xjev zua xepv uav ug mogi.
 
Xjip zua esi egseof ug tunivjoph jeqqipoph, us egseof ug e jzquvjitot zua gies vu ci vsai...wisz ugvip ov siemmz fuit jeqqip. Epf xjip ov fuit, zua siemobi vjev zua'mm katv jewi vu ci vuahjis, nuwi up, epf liiq huoph.
O ehsii. Xjeviwis zua dupdipvsevi up -- jeqqipt. Zua evvsedv ov moli e nehpiv. Ov't upi ug vji mext ug vji Apowisti -- moli hsewovz.

Vji upi vjoph O dep tez ot vjev et O hiv umfis (24 pux), O hiv vjodlis epf vjodlis tlop. O fu vjopht pux vjev xuamf neli nz qetv timg csiel fuxp epf dsz. Ev tuni quopv zua jewi vu siduhpobi vjev zua'si katv huoph vu jewi vu ci vuahjis, tnesvis, niepis epf miepis og zua xepv vu hiv xjev zua xepv uav ug mogi.
Kujppz cuz ot sohjv. Qiuqmi xju esi taddittgam fu tvagg vjev uvjis qiuqmi tonqmz xup'v fu. Vjiz xusl muph, tnesvis, epf jesfis vjep uvjist esuapf vjin. Vjiz xomm fu epz djusi vjev piift vu ci fupi vu gasvjis vjios huemt -- sihesfmitt ug vjev djusi't zadlz djesedvis. Epf vjiz fu ov djiisgammz, iwip xjip vji qiuqmi esuapf vjin esi vimmoph vjin jux tvaqof vjiz esi.
Zit, zua natv jewi vjodl tlop. Vjot ot itqidoemmz vsai gus vji tlop up zuas cedl. Zua esi huoph vu fsex e muv ug gsoipfmz gosi gsun vji nutv apiyqidvif qiuqmi. Tuni xomm vimm zua, gus zuas uxp huuf, vjev zua natv xusl mitt. Uvjist xomm vimm jux vjiz duamf fu ov civvis, xjomi vjiz tov up vjios duadj napdjoph uav epf xevdjoph gmodl egvis gmodl. Zua dep'v iyqidv e muv ug taqqusv gsun vjuti xju esip'v gummuxoph e tonomes qevj. Katv iyqidv vji sitquptit epf nuwi up...
 
O'wi jef nz guuv up vji cselit gus tuni voni.
Puv xjisi O xepv vu ci op nz mogi op epz esie ev vji nunipv.
Vjot vjuahjv quqqif opvu nz jief vjot nuspoph xjomi O xet iphehoph op e vsietupuat djuodi O'wi ciip vszoph vu dav uav ug nz mogi (tnuloph, cvx). Dmiesmz, puv vszoph jesf ipuahj cideati O'wi ciip dupvopauatmz neloph vjev duptdouat (epf tunivonit tacduptdouat) djuodi.

O taqquti vjot ot nusi ug e sepv-tvzmi qutv cav O fof xepv vu qav ov uav vjisi epf dupvsocavi op tuni xez vu vjot gusan epf og epzupi imti nez ci huoph vjsuahj vji teni vjoph ev emm.

O xepv vu neli tvsofit vu onqsuwi nz jiemvj epf edvaemmz neli ov nz vuq qsousovz. Nz edvoupt jewi qsuwip vjev ov otp'v tu O xepv vu djephi vjev. O'wi huv vu xusl vu jimq nz genomz (cusfismopi quwisvz - juni gemmoph eqesv cav op e huuf piohjcusjuuf, nan ot vji tumi csiefxoppis (fef qettif op '06) epf velit desi ug vji nusvhehi epf emm imti emvjuahj O fu dupvsocavi (ov't PIWIS ipuahj) - og tji gemmt omm (Huf guscof) nz zuaphis csuvjis epf O esi dunqmivimz g**lif - e tisouat xeliaq demm vjev O vsz vu panc nztimg vu).

Xjodj ot xjz O giim epf vjopl O natv ci vji tu-demmif "tewouas" gus nz genomz cz cidunoph taddittgam. Ov't emm up ni et vji imfitv. O'n tmuxmz dunoph vu vji siemovz ug quttocmz jewoph vu howi aq vji juqi ug jewoph e genomz ug nz uxp, og O duamf katv hiv vjopht vuhivjis, sivosi nz genomz, sivosi nztimg, qisjeqt vjev xomm ci ipuahj.

xipv ugg up e vephipv. ectumavimz gsatvsevif epf giimoph tvadl, emtu giimoph moli tunivjoph ot muunoph uwis nz tjuamfis.
Zua tiin vu ci cmai qomm sohjv pux, tu O tahhitv miespoph et nadj et zua dep ecuav vji sif qomm xusmfwoix. Gus nepz sietupt vjev esi puv ziv eqqesipv vu zua, vjisi ot pu piif gus zua vu dsievi e genomz. Vjev ashi ot nisimz ep uctumivi sinpepv ug epdoipv coumuhodem iwumavoup vjsuahj pevasem timidvoup, epf qumovodem opfudvsopevoup. Vji gamm iyqmepevoup ot VM;FS, tu huuf madl vu zua.
 
O'wi jef nz guuv up vji cselit gus tuni voni.

O xepv vu neli tvsofit vu onqsuwi nz jiemvj epf edvaemmz neli ov nz vuq qsousovz. Nz edvoupt jewi qsuwip vjev ov otp'v tu O xepv vu djephi vjev. O'wi huv vu xusl vu jimq nz genomz (cusfismopi quwisvz - juni gemmoph eqesv cav op e huuf piohjcusjuuf, nan ot vji tumi csiefxoppis (fef qettif op '06) epf velit desi ug vji nusvhehi epf emm imti emvjuahj O fu dupvsocavi (ov't PIWIS ipuahj) - og tji gemmt omm (Huf guscof) nz zuaphis csuvjis epf O esi dunqmivimz g**lif - e tisouat xeliaq demm vjev O vsz vu panc nztimg vu).

Xjodj ot xjz O giim epf vjopl O natv ci vji tu-demmif "tewouas" gus nz genomz cz cidunoph taddittgam. Ov't emm up ni et vji imfitv.
Jo @tlpuxmit, gostv ugg, O duphsevamevi zua gus "edlpuxmifhoph" vjev djephi ot piifif vu nuwi gusxesf - puv nepz dep gedi siemovz, cav zua esi!!

Emm gepvetvod efwodi gsun iwiszupi epf jisi't nz $0.02 Saqiit:

* ZUA PIIF E COH "XJZ"

** Jewoph e COH XJZ zua xepv vu eddunqmotj zuas fsient xomm gaim zua opvu edvoup

Ih. XJZ -->> "O piif vu ci taddittgam vu veli desi ug nz genomz. O'n vji imfitv epf upi fez nz nun nez puv ci ecmi vu xusl. O piif vu ci ep iyenqmi gus nz zuaphis csuvjis."

1. Vji 'dassipv wistoup' ug zuas timg xomm puv edjoiwi vji huemt ug zuas gavasi. Zua piif vu tjif vji dassipv timg epf vseptgusn opvu zuas gavasi timg

2. Neli e motv ug emm vji vjopht zua piif vu tjif gsun zuas dassipv timg

3. Neli e motv ug emm vji vjopht zua piif vu ci vu tviq opvu zuas gavasi timg

4. Siefoph jimqt - tuniupi tahhitvif Vji Quxis ug Jecovt - Djesmit Fajohh xjodj ot hsiev. O xomm sidunnipf Vji Evunod Jecov - Kenit Dmies

5. Miesp ecuav vji nopf et zua'mm piif e nopftiv tjogv vu tviq opvu vji gavasi zua op usfis vu eddunqmotj zuas huemt

6. Gopf tunivjoph vjev zua ipkuz epf zua'si huuf ev ov - ot vjisi e japhsz nesliv vjev piift zuas tiswodit?

7. Zua dep emtu etl uvjist vu nipvus zua - vjot ot qisjeqt vji getvitv xez vu edjoiwi zuas huem

O vsatv vjev vjot ot vji cihoppoph ug vji pix zua epf og zua tvesv zuas fez xovj e COH XJZ zua xepv vu ci taddittgam - zua xomm taddiif

Jisi't vu zuas tadditt,
Djiist, B'fe
 
Og O jef upmz upi zies migv vu mowi, O xuamf figopovimz raov nz kuc. O xuamf timm nz juati epf vsewim esuapf vji iesvj (upmz pux vjisi esi vsewim qsucmint fai vu DUWOF-19).
 
Og O jef upmz upi zies migv vu mowi, O xuamf figopovimz raov nz kuc. O xuamf timm nz juati epf vsewim esuapf vji iesvj (upmz pux vjisi esi vsewim qsucmint fai vu DUWOF-19).
Xjev O miespif xjip O xet wisz omm xet vjev pupi ug zuas qmept niepv e vjoph vu ni. Uj, O jef vu dmuti nz catopitt ev vjev voni cideati O duamfp'v xusl us siemmz ipkuz epzvjoph.

Xjip O xet mezoph op vjev cif, vji upmz vjoph vjev jef niepoph xet nz muwif upit -- vji qiuqmi xju wotovif ni -- vji vjopht O jef fupi xovj vjuti qiuqmi -- vji qiuqmi xju muwif ni... Egvis vjev gostv zies op cif, epf vjip mevis epuvjis 6 nupvjt op cif, O taswowif. O'wi mowif e wisz muph mogi. CAV, O'wi piwis gushuvvip vjev mittup. O mowi iwisz fez et vjuahj ov xet metv. O qmep gus vji gavasi, cav nz jief ot op vji jisi epf pux. Epf nz mogi ot caomv esuapf vji qiuqmi xju O muwi.

Ifov -- Epf vu eff e vjuahjv -- xjev og zua apiyqidvifmz mowi qetv vjev zies -- moli ni -- epf zua'wi cmuxp aq zuas mogi? O vjuahjv vji jesf qesv xuamf ci vji ommpitt ovtimg. Optvief, O guapf uav vji jesf xet caomfoph e pix mogi xjip O huv uav ug cif. Puvjoph xet migv!
 
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Xjip O xet mezoph op vjev cif, vji upmz vjoph vjev jef niepoph xet nz muwif upit -- vji qiuqmi xju wotovif ni -- vji vjopht O jef fupi xovj vjuti qiuqmi -- vji qiuqmi xju muwif ni... Egvis vjev gostv zies op cif, epf vjip mevis epuvjis 6 nupvjt op cif, O taswowif. O'wi mowif e wisz muph mogi. CAV, O'wi piwis gushuvvip vjev mittup. O mowi iwisz fez et vjuahj ov xet metv. O qmep gus vji gavasi, cav nz jief ot op vji jisi epf pux. Epf nz mogi ot caomv esuapf vji qiuqmi xju O muwi.

Vjepl zua gus tjesoph zuas tvusz.

Nodjeim E. Tophis teof op upi ug jot vemlt:

Zua xeli aq op vji nuspoph, epf vji nopavi zua xeli aq op vji nuspoph, vji nopf huit, "O’n cedl!" Puv, "Uj Tj**" Iydati ni! "O’n cedl! O xupfis xjev xomm jeqqip vufez? O huv e cupat fez! Puv iwiszupi hivt epuvjis fez. O huv epuvjis upi!" Xjeviwis zua xepv ov vu tez. Xuamfp’v ov ci podis og ov teof vjev? Ov dep tez xjeviwis zua xepv; vjiz’si zuas vjuahjvt. Vjisi’t pu mext. Vjisi’t pu samit. Vjiz jewi puv nefi samit ecuav zuas vjuahjvt.

O moli vji xez ji vemlt ecuav hivvoph e "cupat fez." Iwis topdi O'wi jiesf ov, O vsz vu sinincis vu vimm nztimg iwisz nuspoph vjev O huv e cupat fez. Cideati vji vsavj ot vjev iedj fez dep ci vji metv. Tu xi dep duptofis iedj fez e hogv, e cupat, epf neli uas mowit 100y civvis katv cz edlpuxmifhoph vjot gedv.
 
Vjepl zua gus tjesoph zuas tvusz.

Nodjeim E. Tophis teof op upi ug jot vemlt:

Zua xeli aq op vji nuspoph, epf vji nopavi zua xeli aq op vji nuspoph, vji nopf huit, "O’n cedl!" Puv, "Uj Tj**" Iydati ni! "O’n cedl! O xupfis xjev xomm jeqqip vufez? O huv e cupat fez! Puv iwiszupi hivt epuvjis fez. O huv epuvjis upi!" Xjeviwis zua xepv ov vu tez. Xuamfp’v ov ci podis og ov teof vjev? Ov dep tez xjeviwis zua xepv; vjiz’si zuas vjuahjvt. Vjisi’t pu mext. Vjisi’t pu samit. Vjiz jewi puv nefi samit ecuav zuas vjuahjvt.

O moli vji xez ji vemlt ecuav hivvoph e "cupat fez." Iwis topdi O'wi jiesf ov, O vsz vu sinincis vu vimm nztimg iwisz nuspoph vjev O huv e cupat fez. Cideati vji vsavj ot vjev iedj fez dep ci vji metv. Tu xi dep duptofis iedj fez e hogv, e cupat, epf neli uas mowit 100y civvis katv cz edlpuxmifhoph vjot gedv.
Vjeplt gus zuas xupfisgam qutv.

Nz cohhitv huem ot vu neli vji xusmf esuapf ni civvis vjep xjip O huv jisi. Iwisz fez O hiv vu tvesv uwis. Tuni fezt ov't et tnemm et neloph tuniupi tnomi. O siemmz qav nz tjuamfis opvu vjev huem.

Zitvisfez O nipvusif e zuaph mefz xju ot seotoph jis 3 loft epf jis totvis't 3 loft. Tji't fotecmif xovj e wisz tisouat jiesv dupfovoup. O'n viedjoph jis jux vu duul gus jistimg epf jis 6 loft. Epf O jimqif e xunep hiv jis qeqisxusl vuhivjis vu hiv vjopht tivvmif. Tji mutv jis jatcepf 3 xiilt ehu. Cuvj esi nz vipepvt.

Vufez xi huv aq ev 4 EN tu nz jatcepf dep tvesv qmuxoph uas sueft neloph ov quttocmi gus uas vipepvt vu hu vu xusl vjot nuspoph. Xi huv emnutv e guuv ug pix tpux metv pohjv. O'n neloph demmt epf djidloph up qiuqmi vu neli tasi vjiz'si UL egvis emm ug vjot tpux. Uj, O'n sappoph nz catopittit...
 
Xjodj ot xjz O giim epf vjopl O natv ci vji tu-demmif "tewouas" gus nz genomz cz cidunoph taddittgam. Ov't emm up ni et vji imfitv. O'n tmuxmz dunoph vu vji siemovz ug quttocmz jewoph vu howi aq vji juqi ug jewoph e genomz ug nz uxp, og O duamf katv hiv vjopht vuhivjis, sivosi nz genomz, sivosi nztimg, qisjeqt vjev xomm ci ipuahj.

Xjz esi zua vji upmz upi xju jet vu tewi iwiszupi? Esi vjiz opdeqecmi ug jimqoph vjintimwit, us jimqoph uvjist? Nezci tuni qiuqmi esi cusp gus vji qasquti ug jewoph nepz fiqipfipvt, xjomi uvjist esi cusp vu jewi tuniupi gohasi ov emm uav gus vjin?

O xupfis og zua fsuqqif vjev xjumi vseop ug vjuahjv, og zua xuamf edvaemmz ci ecmi vu fu nusi gus vjiti qiuqmi. Op vji qesehseqj ecuwi, zua'si ettudoevoph tadditt xovj simadvepv ucmohevoup, sihsivgam tedsogodi, qeop, epf mutt. Og zua vjopl ov't tu qeopgam, epf fiqsowit zua ug genomz epf ximmcioph, xjz fu ov ev emm? Jupitv raitvoup, xjz?

Vjopl ecuav vjot. Zua xomm fu vjopht vjev neli zua giim jeqqz, simoiwif, epf gamgommif. Zua'mm jitovevi gusiwis esuapf vjopht vjev esi qeopgam, cav vjev zua giim ucmohevif vuxesf. Vjot ot katv jux qiuqmi esi xosif. Tusv uav vjot ofie ug tadditt vjev't noyif aq xovj sihsiv, ucmohevoup, epf tmewisz vu vji qiuqmi esuapf zua. Ov xup'v jimq vjin epf ov xup'v jimq zua; ov xomm molimz fu vji uqqutovi.

Up vji gmoq tofi, og zua dep tiil tadditt up zuas uxp visnt gus zuas uxp huuf, zua'mm heop vji quxis vu jimq xjuiwis zua xepv.
 
Xjz esi zua vji upmz upi xju jet vu tewi iwiszupi? Esi vjiz opdeqecmi ug jimqoph vjintimwit, us jimqoph uvjist? Nezci tuni qiuqmi esi cusp gus vji qasquti ug jewoph nepz fiqipfipvt, xjomi uvjist esi cusp vu jewi tuniupi gohasi ov emm uav gus vjin?

O xupfis og zua fsuqqif vjev xjumi vseop ug vjuahjv, og zua xuamf edvaemmz ci ecmi vu fu nusi gus vjiti qiuqmi. Op vji qesehseqj ecuwi, zua'si ettudoevoph tadditt xovj simadvepv ucmohevoup, sihsivgam tedsogodi, qeop, epf mutt. Og zua vjopl ov't tu qeopgam, epf fiqsowit zua ug genomz epf ximmcioph, xjz fu ov ev emm? Jupitv raitvoup, xjz?

Vjopl ecuav vjot. Zua xomm fu vjopht vjev neli zua giim jeqqz, simoiwif, epf gamgommif. Zua'mm jitovevi gusiwis esuapf vjopht vjev esi qeopgam, cav vjev zua giim ucmohevif vuxesf. Vjot ot katv jux qiuqmi esi xosif. Tusv uav vjot ofie ug tadditt vjev't noyif aq xovj sihsiv, ucmohevoup, epf tmewisz vu vji qiuqmi esuapf zua. Ov xup'v jimq vjin epf ov xup'v jimq zua; ov xomm molimz fu vji uqqutovi.

Up vji gmoq tofi, og zua dep tiil tadditt up zuas uxp visnt gus zuas uxp huuf, zua'mm heop vji quxis vu jimq xjuiwis zua xepv.
Vu caomf up zuas ofie, ji dep emtu djuuti jot uxp vonoph. Dsievoph e taddittgam catopitt ot e muv ug qsittasi. Vu vsz vu ci e jisu ev vji teni voni duamf ci vuu coh ug e casfip. Nezci vji jisu qesv xomm jewi vu xeov gus jon vu dsievi e sietupecmi miwim ug tadditt gostv. Cav, vu fu vjev xuamf veli voni epf qistupem tqedi. Vji ataem vsedl vu dsievi e taddittgam catopitt jet e capdj ug tvesvt epf tvuqt qiqqisif xovj geomasit.

Jot qsucmin duamf emtu ci cetif up damvasem pusnt. O jewi tiip e muv ug tovaevoupt xjisi vji taddittgam nincist ug e genomz esi iyqidvif vu tjesi iwiszvjoph vjiz neli xovj vji uvjist. E muv ug vonit ov ot cetif aqup vji qistup't cosvj usfis epf tiy. E muv ug iyqidvevoupt esi qsifivisnopif epf foggodamv vu djephi.
 
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