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My name is Vlad, I am 22 years old, currently a student in my final year of university.
Let me start with a quick backstory. I feel very nervous writing all of this here cause I don't usually talk about my past.
My mother was murdered when I was 4 years old, the police never found the culprit, and my father became an alcoholic a few years after, since he couldn't stand the pain.
I have an older brother that was diagnosed with schizophrenia. my father works a shit job in a factory. he studied physics at university then he became a teacher, but he quit shortly after.
All my friends had normal families with decent income, and I always blamed life circumstances that put me in this situation. I was an extremely annoying guy and I always blamed others for everything, in my mind they were lucky and I wasn't
I went to the university to study physics and informatics, cause I loved them in high school, but never considered what career I have to follow afterwards.
My life changed when I realized that I am responsible for it. I stopped blaming the world and started doing things myself.
The career I then choose to pursue is to be a professional male model. some people actually recommended for me to try and I said it's worth a shot. I singed to an agency but I got no contracts. I felt extremely disappointed but I didn't want to give up. and that's when I started to actually involve in a process. I started eating healthy, so that the acne goes away, I started working out consistently, properly, I quit porn, which was the hardest battle I ever had in my life, i started hardcore mewing which is an exercise that improves your facial bone structure, and slowly I adopted better habits. I quit videogames, I quit movies and shows, I quit all fast food and sugar, I quit pointless youtube videos, basically I quit all instant gratification. I added meditation, journaling and reading, and focused on doing everything I do but better. and results came, I looked better than I ever did, I felt I actually have control over my life.
Here is a picture of my transformation in the last few years.
But then an existential crisis kicked in. all I am doing is grinding the whole day every day. wake up, write in the journal, meditate, read, workout,
cook, eat(I used to eat 6 self cooked meals each day). do stuff for university, a lot of hardcore mewing, very rarely hanging out with friends and that's it.
I was thinking what am I going to do when I actually have a Job? I am doing all of this and I am so tired everyday and I am not even working.
And then I started reading The Millionaire Fastlane . I haven't finished it yet but it opened my eyes. I was constantly grinding and pushing myself but I didn't knew for how long and for what exactly. and this book gave me an actual reason to fight for. Freedom. and I felt like I spent all of this years working on the wrong thing. I felt extremely miserable.
After a few weeks of constant mental breakdowns I had a vision. as an independent model I can choose if I accept a contract or not. I could actually
work as a model, and only do a small amount of work to have enough money to sustain myself, and use all of my free time working on something else, that could potentially lead me to financial freedom.
I always dreamed of making music. I also believe I have a natural talent in this, cause when I was in school, after the first 2 weeks of learning guitar I wrote my own guitar song. however I always came up with excuses regarding making actual songs cause I need money and bla bla. while reading this book, I realized I don't have any more time to wait. I can actually do professional electronic music with my laptop only, I just have to learn
how. I never thought of myself as an entrepreneur but I could actually apply the principles in this book for making my own music and posting it, using the N E C S T:
Need - almost everybody enjoys listening to music, especially if it's good music
Entry - this one is not that well checked, cause it's not hard to post music on youtube, soundcloud or so on, however, not many people can do actually good music and to actually be interested in what type of music does the public want. I had a friend that used to do electronic music, but his songs were garbage, he only cared about money, not about giving good music to people. and he never made it.
Control - Initially I was thinking of sending my songs to a record label but it would be better to post them on my own channel and promote them on my own, so I own the full rights for the songs
Scale - potential listeners from all around the globe
Time - each song is an asset on his own and it's available on the platform 24/7, which can generate income through ad revenue
So why am I writing this in here? I literally feel like there is no chance it's going to work. i already did my first song, and the people i have sent it love it, but i just feel like I have no chance. after everything i am doing, i still don't feel proud of myself. i never felt. i feel there is nothing more to
quit, nothing more to add. yet i don't feel i am doing enough to succeed, and i think it's probably cause of my friends and family that all have mediocre lives and goals, my father said i am stupid for eating healthy cause all food is the same, my aunt said muscle doesn't matter after i showed her my years of hard work, my friends always told me that i shouldn't try modeling, i should definitely go for a programming job, which
i would totally hate, 8 hours a day of programming for someone else a lifetime. nope. all of them indulge in social media and games, and i just felt different.
I always had the feeling that all of this won't work and i don't know if i need to push even harder, or is it the people around me that fill my head with their toxic perspective of life. i never told anyone that i want to actually earn a living by writing music
That's why i decided to write in here. i am sure that on this forum i can meet people that actually have goals and ambition. i always hide my goals from people that i meet cause i always feel discouraged. in the last few weeks i felt so burnt out and i don't even know if i am on the right path.
am I actually doing enough but it's ordinary people around me that make me feel not good enough? or should I push even harder?
Thank you so much for Reading all of this! I would appreciate a lot any replies, since I never had the chance to discuss this matter with open-minded people. I went to a therapist a few months ago and she literally told me to stop all of this cause it's impossible.
Let me start with a quick backstory. I feel very nervous writing all of this here cause I don't usually talk about my past.
My mother was murdered when I was 4 years old, the police never found the culprit, and my father became an alcoholic a few years after, since he couldn't stand the pain.
I have an older brother that was diagnosed with schizophrenia. my father works a shit job in a factory. he studied physics at university then he became a teacher, but he quit shortly after.
All my friends had normal families with decent income, and I always blamed life circumstances that put me in this situation. I was an extremely annoying guy and I always blamed others for everything, in my mind they were lucky and I wasn't
I went to the university to study physics and informatics, cause I loved them in high school, but never considered what career I have to follow afterwards.
My life changed when I realized that I am responsible for it. I stopped blaming the world and started doing things myself.
The career I then choose to pursue is to be a professional male model. some people actually recommended for me to try and I said it's worth a shot. I singed to an agency but I got no contracts. I felt extremely disappointed but I didn't want to give up. and that's when I started to actually involve in a process. I started eating healthy, so that the acne goes away, I started working out consistently, properly, I quit porn, which was the hardest battle I ever had in my life, i started hardcore mewing which is an exercise that improves your facial bone structure, and slowly I adopted better habits. I quit videogames, I quit movies and shows, I quit all fast food and sugar, I quit pointless youtube videos, basically I quit all instant gratification. I added meditation, journaling and reading, and focused on doing everything I do but better. and results came, I looked better than I ever did, I felt I actually have control over my life.
Here is a picture of my transformation in the last few years.
But then an existential crisis kicked in. all I am doing is grinding the whole day every day. wake up, write in the journal, meditate, read, workout,
cook, eat(I used to eat 6 self cooked meals each day). do stuff for university, a lot of hardcore mewing, very rarely hanging out with friends and that's it.
I was thinking what am I going to do when I actually have a Job? I am doing all of this and I am so tired everyday and I am not even working.
And then I started reading The Millionaire Fastlane . I haven't finished it yet but it opened my eyes. I was constantly grinding and pushing myself but I didn't knew for how long and for what exactly. and this book gave me an actual reason to fight for. Freedom. and I felt like I spent all of this years working on the wrong thing. I felt extremely miserable.
After a few weeks of constant mental breakdowns I had a vision. as an independent model I can choose if I accept a contract or not. I could actually
work as a model, and only do a small amount of work to have enough money to sustain myself, and use all of my free time working on something else, that could potentially lead me to financial freedom.
I always dreamed of making music. I also believe I have a natural talent in this, cause when I was in school, after the first 2 weeks of learning guitar I wrote my own guitar song. however I always came up with excuses regarding making actual songs cause I need money and bla bla. while reading this book, I realized I don't have any more time to wait. I can actually do professional electronic music with my laptop only, I just have to learn
how. I never thought of myself as an entrepreneur but I could actually apply the principles in this book for making my own music and posting it, using the N E C S T:
Need - almost everybody enjoys listening to music, especially if it's good music
Entry - this one is not that well checked, cause it's not hard to post music on youtube, soundcloud or so on, however, not many people can do actually good music and to actually be interested in what type of music does the public want. I had a friend that used to do electronic music, but his songs were garbage, he only cared about money, not about giving good music to people. and he never made it.
Control - Initially I was thinking of sending my songs to a record label but it would be better to post them on my own channel and promote them on my own, so I own the full rights for the songs
Scale - potential listeners from all around the globe
Time - each song is an asset on his own and it's available on the platform 24/7, which can generate income through ad revenue
So why am I writing this in here? I literally feel like there is no chance it's going to work. i already did my first song, and the people i have sent it love it, but i just feel like I have no chance. after everything i am doing, i still don't feel proud of myself. i never felt. i feel there is nothing more to
quit, nothing more to add. yet i don't feel i am doing enough to succeed, and i think it's probably cause of my friends and family that all have mediocre lives and goals, my father said i am stupid for eating healthy cause all food is the same, my aunt said muscle doesn't matter after i showed her my years of hard work, my friends always told me that i shouldn't try modeling, i should definitely go for a programming job, which
i would totally hate, 8 hours a day of programming for someone else a lifetime. nope. all of them indulge in social media and games, and i just felt different.
I always had the feeling that all of this won't work and i don't know if i need to push even harder, or is it the people around me that fill my head with their toxic perspective of life. i never told anyone that i want to actually earn a living by writing music
That's why i decided to write in here. i am sure that on this forum i can meet people that actually have goals and ambition. i always hide my goals from people that i meet cause i always feel discouraged. in the last few weeks i felt so burnt out and i don't even know if i am on the right path.
am I actually doing enough but it's ordinary people around me that make me feel not good enough? or should I push even harder?
Thank you so much for Reading all of this! I would appreciate a lot any replies, since I never had the chance to discuss this matter with open-minded people. I went to a therapist a few months ago and she literally told me to stop all of this cause it's impossible.
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