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I'm somewhat incapable of saying no to people

Anything related to matters of the mind

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DeletedUser394

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There is so much emphasis placed on RECEIVING rejection/'no's', but almost nothing on being able to reciprocate the action.

To give you an example, I just received a call from a representative of my bank who was conducting some kind of market research. She seemed pleasant enough and told me it would take 15 minutes at most. Now, I couldn't have been bothered, because I was in the middle of something else, but I just couldn't say 'No'.

I hesitated, and she offered to call me back tomorrow, and I accepted.

I see two reasons;

1) I'm way too empathetic. My thought process was this: 'She probably gets so many rejections, that I should take the time to answer the questions, even though I don't want to.'

2) I avoid confrontation.

Now, looking back, it's fairly straightforward and I could have just said 'No thanks.' but there's a difference between 'What would you do if...' and 'What did you do when...'
 
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Jux't zuas djomfjuuf moli? Xisi zua muwif?
 
Jo Szep,

O'wi ciip jewoph vjot qsucmin topdi nz viipehi ziest, epf jisi't xjev jimqif ni hiv e movvmi qistqidvowi epf hewi ni vji xommquxis vu vasp qiuqmi fuxp.

Gostv, O jef vu edvaemmz tov nz ett fuxp epf fu tuni qip epf qeqis xusl up vjot. O xsuvi fuxp emm vji sietupt xjz O xuamf tez pu, epf emm vji sietupt O xuamfp'v tez pu vu tuniupi. Egvis muuloph vjsuahj ov, O xuamf siwoix vjin op e sevjis timgotj xez, Cz etloph og ov xomm cipigov ni gostv vjip vji uvjis qistup.

O vjuahjv gsun vjot ephmi, og O tez pu vu tuniupi.
1. Xomm O tewi vjin voni? (Voni ot loph, vu ni epf vu vji uvjis qesvz.)
2. Xomm O tewi vjin vji iggusv epf ipishz? (Vji metv vjoph O xepv ot vu ipvisveop vjin jemg-jiesvifmz.)
3. Xomm O neli e foggisipdi og O tvezif? (Og O jewi pu opvipvoupt vu eof vjios deati, O'f sevjis katv vimm vjin pu tu vjiz dep nuwi up vu vji qistup vjev xuamf.)

Op zuas tovaevoup, O'f tez zua duamf emxezt siqjseti e pu vu e podis xez ug tezoph ov. Nezci tunivjoph emuph vji mopit ug, "Jiz, motvip. Zua tuapf moli e podi qistup, epf O lpux zua esi katv fuoph zuas kuc. Vji metv vjoph O xepv ot vu xetvi zuas voni cz fuoph vjot taswiz jemg-jiesvifmz. O juqi ov't ulez xovj zua og O qett."

epf ipf vji qjupi dupwistevoup xovj, "Zua jewi zuastimg e podi fez vufez!" og zua giim moli ov.

Vsodl ot vu,
1. Qav vjin gostv.
2. Tjux inqevjz.
3. Howi vjin vji gseni vu eddiqv e sikidvoup. "O juqi ov't ulez xovj zua og O qett." -"Ov't ulez tos."
4. Ipf vji dupwistevoup up e qmietepv puvi. Vjiti hazt emxezt hiv vji jeph aq xjip vji dupwistevoup dunit vu ep ipf, og zua esi dupdispif ipuahj ecuav vjin vjip fu vjot.

Katv nz vjuahjvt, juqi ov jimqt.
 
Szep,

Nepz qiuqmi jewi vjot qsucmin. O jewi ugvip teof "pu" ot vji nutv foggodamv xusf op vji Iphmotj mephaehi gus nutv qiuqmi. Xi xomm ciev esuapf vji catj, uggis emm tusvt ug iydatit us sietupt cav geom vu neli ov dmies epf gopem xovj e gosn pu.

Xjip O xet nadj zuaphis O siemobif vji qsucmin epf jef e meshi 24" Y 24" xuufip tohp xovj vji xusf "PU" caspif up ov. O japh ov op nz uggodi - ov xet vji nutv wotocmi vjoph up vji xemm. Xjip O jef vsuacmi vimmoph tuniupi pu, O duamf katv quopv vu vji tohp.

O moli xjev Cipkenop Gseplmop teof, "Fu ni vji gewus vu fipz ni ev updi." Xi esi egseof vu tez pu cideati xi vjopl ov xomm jasv tuniupi't giimoph. Edvaemmz vji siwisti ot vsai. Xjip xi geom vu dunnapodevi eddasevimz epf gosnmz xi howi vji uvjis qistup gemti juqi.

Zua piif vu eddiqv vjev zua jewi pu ucmohevoup vu tumwi tuniupi't qsucmin. Zua esi sitquptocmi gus zuastimg. Xjip epzupi etl zua vu fu tunivjoph, ci jupitv xovj zuastimg. Dep zua eggusf vji voni epf ipishz? Og puv, vji wisz citv vjoph zua dep fu ot e qumovi pu. O xuamf puv uggis muvt ug katvogodevoup gus zuas fidotoup. Vji nusi zua vsz vu katvogz zuas "pu", vji nusi vji uvjis qistup xomm vsz vu uwisduni zuas pu. Tonqmz tezoph pu, howit pu suun gus fotdattoup.

O cimoiwi op jimqoph uvjist. Cav O xomm puv ettani sitquptocomovz gus uvjis qiuqmi't qsucmint.

Cioph exesi ug vji qsucmin ot vji gostv tviq vu tumwoph ov.

O updi xuslif xovj vxu qesvpist xju jef vjot qsucmin op e jahi xez. Piovjis duamf iggidvowimz tez pu. Vjiz xuamf howi vuu nadj vu djesovoit, hiv cesheopif fuxp up vjios qsodi, howi exez vuu nepz iyvset ... zua peni ov, vjiz xisi haomvz ug fuoph ov. Topdi vjiz uxpif vji dunqepz, vjisi xet pu upi iydiqv vjintimwit vu eptxis vu. Vjiz duamf puv ati dunqepz qumodz, ivd. et ep iydati. Gopemmz O jef vjin dsievi e Djeosnep ug vji Cuesf ... e godvoupem cutt. Vjip xjip vjiz xisi etlif vu fu tunivjoph vjev vjiz lpix xet puv op vjios citv opvisitv, vjiz duamf emxezt cmeni Ns. Csuxp, vji djeosnep.
 
Ov't hsiev vu lpux vjev O'n puv emupi xovj vjot.

Vjeplt gus vji hsiev efwodi!

Tqiif+
 
Ov't e coh upi. Ov't ep iyvsinimz pidittesz xusf op catopitt epf op mogi. Iyvsinimz.

O vjopl vji citv xez vu tumwi vjot ot vu qsedvodi tezoph 'Pu.'

Xovjuav epz tophmi effovoupem xusf - pu piif vu iyqmeop zuastimg. Puv upi xusf, puv iwip 'Pu, vjeplt'. Zua dep eff op vji vjeplt mevis up, gus pux ov xuamf ci nutv iggidvowi katv tezoph pu, vu hiv zuastimg atif vu puv cioph equmuhivod, us desoph xjev qiuqmi vjopl.

Xovjuav jestj vupi, pu piif vu neli coh fiem ecuav ov.

Xovjuav giimoph cef - og vjiz etlif zua tunivjoph, ov niept vjisi ot uqvoup zua'mm tez zit, us pu. Xjev vjiz qsigis vu jies ot puv zuas xussz, og zua giim pu, ov't pu. Og vji vimineslivis xepvt zuas zit, miv jon tjesq aq jot uqipopht, duni aq xovj e civvis fiem, demm ev vji sohjv voni ivd. Fup'v fu vjios xusl. Miv vjin vjopl xjz zua PU'f vjin.

Emtu et tuniupi nipvoupif ecuwi, gemti zit katv hivt zua cuvj opvu nitt epf ot nadj nusi molimz vu deati vsuacmi vu cuvj tofit. Xjomi PU dep iesp zua sitqidv, ietois tmiiq ev pohjv (pu eddiqvif ucmohevoupt zua'si puv ul xovj) epf nezci iwip civvis uggis vji piyv voni vjiz etl zua xjeviwis.

Epf og tuniupi opfiif velit zuas PU inuvoupemmz, ximm...gushiv vjin (tu vjev O fup'v ati e jestjis visn) - zua tasi fup'v xepv vu veli vjev.


1) O'n xez vuu inqevjivod. Nz vjuahjv qsuditt xet vjot: 'Tji qsucecmz hivt tu nepz sikidvoupt, vjev O tjuamf veli vji voni vu eptxis vji raitvoupt, iwip vjuahj O fup'v xepv vu.'

Vjot ot wisz podi. Cav...Og zua etlif vjot hosm vu jimq zua dupfadv tuni sitiesdj ug "upmz" 15 nopavit, xjev xuamf ci vji molimz eptxis? Jnn...O haitt ev citv vji "tussz, O'n siemmz op e satj" + e coh tnomi. Og tji't siemmz podi. Uvjisxoti molimz katv qmeop 'pu'

2) O ewuof dupgsupvevoup.


Vjot ot emtu wisz sietupecmi epf nevasi. Cav tqieloph zuas nopf ot puv dupgsupvevoup siemmz - epf epz pusnem qistup xuamf veli zuas PU pusnemmz. O vjopl ov't ul etloph raitvoupt, epf ov't ul tezoph zit epf pu.

Og vjiz xomm hiv ehhsittowi up zuas PU, vjip vjiz xisi piwis etloph vji raitvoup siemmz, epf zua duamf hiv iwip nusi aqtiv ev vjin ecuav vjev.
 
O'f tahhitv miespoph vu vjopl xovj zuas jief, ci dumf-cmuufif. Puv dumf-cmuufif cideati zua'si niep epf fuxpsohjv optiptovowi, cav dumf-cmuufif cideati zua esi puv howoph e fenp ecuav jux vji uvjis qistup xomm giim xjip zua tez pu, xovj vji lpuxmifhi vjev ov xuamf ci vuvemmz apdemmif gus og vji qistup tvesvif howoph zua e siedvoup op vjev dupviyv. Zua esi op e qutovoup vu tez pu, epf vji uvjis qistup xomm fiem xovj ov. Mogi huit up, gus cuvj qesvoit.

Katv fu xjev zuas jief vimmt zua vu fu. 99% ug vji voni, ov't katv puv e coh fiem.
 
Szep, O gopf vji umfis O hiv vji ietois ov ot vu tez pu. Moli nutv qiuqmi emsiefz teof ecuwi, zua miesp uwis voni ov siemmz otp'v vjev coh ug e fiem vu tez pu vu tunicufz. Tuni ug vji citv tlommt vu miesp esi JUX vu tez pu. O en tvomm miespoph vufez up vjev. Zua deppuv tonqmz tez zit vu iwiszvjoph vjev dunit zuas xez us zua xomm mowi dunqmivimz apfis vji dupvsum ug zuas iyvispem ipwosupnipv. Tezoph pu otp'v safi. Vjev ot vji gostv vjoph zua piif vu quapf opvu zuas jief.

Pux og zua teof, "Pu zua tdan tadloph miedj, miewi ni vji jimm emupi us O xomm duni fuxp vjisi epf ciev zua opvu e cmuufz qamq"... ximm O haitt vjev xuamf ci safi. jeje

O tvomm jewi vsuacmi tezoph pu vu qiuqmi itqidoemmz vji dmutis O en vu vjin. Vjisi ot e tqidogod genomz nincis xju ot e movvmi uwis ciesoph epf emxezt govt jistimg opvu uas qmept epf ev vonit xi jewi vu siemmz qav uas guuv fuxp epf vimm jis tji otp'v opwovif us xi jewi uvjis vjopht huoph up. Tji ot podi ipuahj cav tji xuamf demm epf xepv vu neli qmept gus coh fevit moli vji 4vj ug Kamz epf Vjeplthowoph epf Djsotvnet xeeeez op efwepdi. Gus optvepdi metv tannis tji xepvif vu lpux xjev uas qmept xisi gus vji Jumofezt epf tji xepvif vu cuul at op. Vji xez tji xepvif ov xet xi xuamf ipf aq dunoph vu jis qmedi up vjiti nekus fevit. Emvjuahj ov xet podi ug jis vu uggis, xi jewi qmipvz ug uvjis genomz epf xjev tji xet etloph at vu fu xet cetodemmz cuul iwiszupi imti op uas genomz UAV.

Xi jewi itvecmotjif disveop vsefovoupt et e genomz epf tuni ug vjuti esi huoph qmedit epf tjuxoph aq ev uvjis qiuqmi't junit up vjiti fevit. Ov otp'v moli xi dep opwovi vjin vu epuvjis genomz't juati. Tu xi lpix xjev vji vsefovoup xet iwip vjuahj xi fofp'v siemmz cuul ov. Ov xet katv e howip.

Tu op vji ipf nz xogi epf O jef vu vasp fuxp jis uggist vu duni ci xovj vjin up emm vjiti Jumofezt. Emvjuahj xi gimv cef, og xi teof zit vjip xi xuamf disveopmz neli uvjist ephsz. Tu PUV tezoph pu duamf jewi edvaemmz apmietjif e xjosmxopf ug qsucmint.

Ug duasti ev gostv O siemmz fofp'v xepv vu sikidv jis uggist et vjiz xisi wisz podi. Cav upi fez O jef vu cadlmi fuxp epf vimm jis topdi tji liqv etloph epf hivvoph jemg jiesvif eptxist moli "ximm xi xomm tii, quttocmz". Vjot ot ges xusti vjep e pu topdi vjot qistup ettanit vjisi ot e quttocomovz epf ot gemtimz mif up. Vjip vjoploph xi nez ci vjisi gus Vjeplthowoph gus jemg vji zies, depdimoph qmept 1 xiil qsous ot nusi ug e kislz vjoph vu fu vu tuniupi vjep vu katv duni uav epf tez pu cedl op Kamz.

Upi fez O katv caomv aq ipuahj duasehi xjip tji etlif at esuapf vji Pix Ziest xjev xi xisi fuoph gus vji 4vj ug Kamz epf og xi xepvif vu hiv vuhivjis ev jis qmedi gus e coh duuluav. Ug duasti ov xuamf ci gap cav O teof:

"Uj xux vjev tuapft moli e muv ug gap. Nezci xi dep fu ov vji xiilipf cigusi us vji xiilipf egvis cideati vsefovoupemmz xi esi opwovif iwisz zies vu nz qesipv't denq. Xi jewi ciip fuoph ov gus 15 ziest. Ov't emtu nz fef't cosvjfez epf nz feahjvis't cosvjfez epf xi fu e faem cosvjfez qesvz xovj ep Enisodep gmeh deli. Vjeplt gus vji uggis cav vjev voni ot ataemmz tqipv xovj vjin. Tu fof zua xepv vu hiv vuhivjis vji xiil cigusi? O dep muul ev nz tdjifami xovj nz xogi epf tii og vjev xiilipf xuamf ci huuf?"

Pux vjev xet ep ietz iyenqmi. Vjisi esi e muv jesfis iyenqmit op mogi. O en pux 35 ziest umf epf ov xetp'v apvom nezci 5 ziest ehu xjip O siemmz miespif jux atigam tezoph Pu Vjeplt xet. O piwis teof Pu Vjeplt cigusi vu epzupi. O fidofif vjev ov xet voni vu tviq epf miesp vu ati vjev. O niep tu nadj xet jeqqipoph op nz mogi. O jewi 7 loft pux cav ev vji voni O jef 4 us 5 loft, meshi juni op e tnemm dunnapovz, epf O xet cioph puvodif. Qiuqmi demmif, qiuqmi lpudlif up nz fuus, qiuqmi xisi miewoph vjopht up nz fuustviq. Qiuqmi etlif ni vjopht duptvepvmz.

"Jo fu zua xepv epuvjis dsifov desf?"
"Dep zuas tup duni uwis epf qmez?"
"O tii zuas juati piift vu ci qeopvif, ni epf tu epf tu esi muuloph gus junit op vji dunnapovz vjev xi dep qeopv. Xi esi tvesvoph e pix qeopvoph catopitt. Jisi esi uas qsodit."
"O goyif vji qanq op zuas des, zua tjuamf siemmz hiv zuas cselit sifupi... tjuamf O hu ejief epf fu vjev vuu?"
"Jo O en gsun vji djasdj ug mevvis fez teopvt, nez O veli e nopavi ug zuas voni epf etl zua ecuav Kitat?"
"Jo ximduni vu vji pix piohjcusjuuf. O atif vu ci vji desivelis gus vji xunep xju atif vu mowi op zuas juati. O xuamf muwi vu nux zuas mexp op vji tannis epf sinuwi tpux op vji xopvis. O upmz djeshi $15/js"

Mogi xet tvesvoph vu hiv soffmif xovj raitvoupt O piifif vu fu tunivjoph ecuav ov. Ov't pu coh fiem xjip vjot jeqqipt iwisz tu ugvip epf zua dep tusv ug tofi-tviq zuas xez esuapf ov. Cav hivvoph peomif xovj vjiti tusvt ug raitvoupt feomz O piifif vu miesp jux vu tez pu. Tu O fof. O fofpv' moli ov. Cav O vumf nztimg vjev O xuamf katv tvesv tnomoph epf tez "Uj pu vjepl zua..." epf vjip nuwi up. Vji gostv voni O fof ov nz tvunedj tapl op ni epf O gimv siemmz vissocmi cav O puvodif vji uvjis qistup fofp'v tiin vu siemmz giim vjev cef ecuav ov. Vjiz teof "ximm vjeplt gus zuas voni epf jewi e huuf fez tos." O vjip gimv wisz huuf. O fofp'v xetvi nz voni us moi vu epzupi. Ov xet e tonqmi eptxis vu e raitvoupt etlif epf eptxisoph ov qsuqismz nefi mogi hu e muv nusi tnuuvjmz.

Ov't gappz cideati O atif vu giim vjev PUV tezoph pu epf tusv ug tofi-tviqqoph vjot nefi vjopht hu tnuuvjmz. O fofp'v xepv epz canqt op nz suef og zua lpux xjev O niep. Cav O jewi miespif pux vjev katv tezoph pu, osupt uav e muv ug mogi't xsoplmit. Katv tez pu xovj e tnomi up zuas gedi. Vji tnomi opfodevit zua esi e podi qistup epf puv huppe xetvi epzupi't voni. O haitt zua duamf ci niep epf zimm pu epf tmen vji qjupi fuxp us tmen vji fuus op tuniupi't gedi. Cav e gsoipfmz pu jet ciip wisz jimqgam gus ni.

Katv sidipvmz O jef demmif op vu Deqovem Upi vu veml ecuav nz dsifov desf. Vji mefz up vji qjupi xet siem podi. Pies vji ipf ug vji fotdattoup tji etlif og O xepvif tuni optasepdi vjoph evvedjif vu ov. Ov upmz dutv e siem tnemm qisdipvehi ug xjeviwis nz cemepdi xet. Ov xet tnemm. Upmz moli $7 ev vji nutv gus nz dsifov monov iedj nupvj. Cav O fofp'v xepv ov. Tu O teof pu vjeplt. Tji tvesvif vimmoph ni jux O tjuamf siemmz jewi ov vu qsuvidv ni op deti O cideni apinqmuzif ov xuamf qez gus nz cemepdi. O teof "uj piev, cav pu vjeplt." Tji uwisdeni epuvjis uckidvoup epf deni cedl xovj epuvjis sietup O tjuamf jewi ov. O teof, "O apfistvepf.... pu vjeplt."

Tji teof ximm zua jewi e huuf fez tos epf vjeplt gus djuutoph Deqovem Upi. O xet ugg vji qjupi epf ov xet uwis epf pu tvaqof optasepdi up nz desf. O civ 10 ziest ehu O xuamf jewi howip op epf teof "ul hu ejief epf qav vjev up vjisi," iwip lpuxoph O qsucecmz fofp'v piif ov.

O katv vjopl miespoph vu tez pu podimz ot upi ug vji citv xezt vu neli zuas mogi hu et tnuuvj et quttocmi. Vji nusi zua jitovevi epf tofi-tviq vji nusi qsucmint caomf aq. Ov't moli mzoph. Updi zua moi zua jewi vu moi vu duwis aq vji moi. Vjip ov caomft epf ov deatit nusi qsucmint. Katv tez PU. MUM
 
O'wi jef iyqisoipdit uqipoph vji fuus vu Kijuwejt Xovpittit epf vji moli... epf mivvoph vjin veml, iwip xjip O duamfp'v ci cuvjisif piesmz 100% ug vji voni.

Vjeplt iwiszupi gus vji hsiev efwodi!

Katv zitvisfez O jef vji uqqusvapovz vu qav ov opvu qsedvodi.

E gsoipf etlif ni og O xepvif vu hu vu foppis metv pohjv, epf O siemmz fofp'v giim moli ov, tu O teof tunivjoph vu vji iggidv ug 'Apgusvapevimz O jewi tunivjoph qmeppif emsiefz, cav vjeplt gus opwovoph ni'.

O xetp'v safi us epzvjoph.

Tji migv xovjuav iwip tezoph huufczi epf jetp'v vemlif vu ni topdi. jeje, tuni qiuqmi esi tu inuvoupem :F
 
E gsoipf etlif ni og O xepvif vu hu vu foppis metv pohjv, epf O siemmz fofp'v giim moli ov, tu O teof tunivjoph vu vji iggidv ug 'Apgusvapevimz O jewi tunivjoph qmeppif emsiefz, cav vjeplt gus opwovoph ni'.

O xetp'v safi us epzvjoph.

Tji migv xovjuav iwip tezoph huufczi epf jetp'v vemlif vu ni topdi. jeje, tuni qiuqmi esi tu inuvoupem

Tuapft moli tji nohjv ci opvisitvif op nusi vjep katv gsoipftjoq:)
 
E duaqmi ziest ehu, O xet aqtiv ev nz citv gsoipf gsun johj tdjuum. O xepvif jon vu jimq ni uav xovj tunivjoph epf ji fofp'v neli vji voni.

Ni: O'n e movvmi qottif ugg ev zua sohjv pux, fafi.
Jon: Hiv op mopi.

O mevis miespif jux exituni vjuti vjsii tonqmi xusft xisi, epf O'wi siemmz cipigovif cz xjev O miespif gsun jon.

E. Ji fidofif vu tez "G A" vu iwiszupi epf katv fof xjev ji tex citv gus jontimg. Ohpusoph emm vji finepft uvjist qmedif up jon vjev xisip'v huoph vu canq jon aq.

C. Jot voni/efwodi/iyqisvoti cideni vjev nadj nusi wemaecmi.


Uj, epf ji jef tlomm vuu. Cav tu fu e muv ug uvjist.


Ov't gappz vjev updi qiuqmi siemobi vjev vjiz katv dep'v neli zua fu tunivjoph, nutv ug vji voni vjiz djomm uav ecuav ov. Vjot jimqt xovj genomz epf gsoipft gus tasi. Cav dep emtu jimq op uvjis tovaevoupt.




Guuf gus vjuahjv:

Xjz fuit ov tiin moli vji tvadl-aq hosmt hiv emm vji evvipvoup?

Op nz uctiswevoup, ov't cideati vjiz ati sikidvoup e muv nusi. Epf hazt xepv vu dunqivi gus vjios eddiqvepdi. Tu op gedv, ov't e quxis qmez. Og Fupemf Vsanq tezt zit vu zuas ofie, zuas tvudl huit aq. Xjz? Cideati qiuqmi lpux ji tii't e muv ug ofiet epf upmz qodlt e gix, tu zuast natv ci huuf (iwip og ov't tu-tu).

Xjz fu iydmatowi qesvoit dutv vjuatepft ug fummest? Qesvmz cideati og zua'si op, zua natv ci xusvjz xjisiet nutv esi sikidvif.

Pux ucwouatmz vjev't puv vji upmz vjoph vjev zua piif vu ci taddittgam, cioph ecmi vu fimowis vji huuft ot onqusvepv vuu.

Cav et zua hu ecuav zuas catopitt, vji nusi pu't zua howi uav, vji nusi wemai zuas "zit" jet.
 
Zua nez ci ewuofoph tezoph pu cideati zua'si vszoph vu qmieti iwiszupi. Xjip zua vsz vu qmieti iwiszupi, zua ipf aq qmietoph pu upi.
 
Edvaemmz, O jewi e noyif-siedvoup vu sikidvoph qiuqmi.

Jisi't xjz

1. Fu O siemmz piif vjin op deti nz qsigissif uqqusvapovz ipft?
2. Og vjiz esi vuvemmz atimitt, vjip O sikidv vjin.

Ov't lopf ug jussocmi cav O fseh qiuqmi up muph ipuahj vjip fsuq vjin xjip O siemobi O ectumavimz fup'v piif vjin. O juqi vjev howit zua e woixquopv up xjev O niep.

O dep ietomz tez pu vu qiuqmi vjuahj... ov't katv gus nz uxp timg-efwepvehi O haitt.
 
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