I'm the BEST copywriter I know, why isn't my messaging working?

[GatsbyMag]

Hi everyone,

I'm trying to produce B2B messaging for my target audience (tech salespeople), I'm going to invest a lot of money in getting this messaging out, ultimately the market will determine how good the messaging is, but I know this forum has quite a few successful entrepreneurs, salespeople and overall clever marketing guys, and I'd like to get your honest feedback on my messaging/positioning statements.

When you read the following statements, what do they communicate to you? Do they make you interested in learning more about the product?

1. Do you want to save time finding accurate contact info for your prospect list? Click here to find out more
2. Why speak to the gatekeeper when you can speak to your prospect?
3. Time spent gathering and verifying contact info is time lost exceeding your targets and making President’s Club
4. How much time are you losing sending emails to the wrong address and calling expired mobile numbers? You can change that within 90 seconds.
5. You pay $99 for tools like [competitor] but you get 99c worth of contact info. Start getting your money’s worth today.
6. Tired of these inaccurate email and phone number collectors? Use [PRODUCT] to get guaranteed, recent and 100% verified contact info
7. Do salespeople get paid to gather and verify contact information? Or to generate revenue? [PRODUCT] helps you do both

DISCLAIMER: I don't actually think I'm *the* best copywriter, but I reckon I'm decent!

Thank you all for your kind help with this!

 

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[sparechange]

Xjz puv katv dumf demm qiuqmi? Xuamf ci e nommoup vonit ietois onu

Uggis e xiil vsoem epf txovdj vu e qeof uqvoup, og tuniupi tezt pu vu e gsii vsoem tloq vji demm epf nuwi up vu vji piyv. Ximm, edvaemmz etl og vjiz dep sigis zua vu epzupi epf nezci uggis vjin e % ug vji temi?

 

[GatsbyMag]

Xjz puv katv dumf demm qiuqmi? Xuamf ci e nommoup vonit ietois onu

Uggis e xiil vsoem epf txovdj vu e qeof uqvoup, og tuniupi tezt pu vu e gsii vsoem tloq vji demm epf nuwi up vu vji piyv.

Huuf quopv, zit O'n figopovimz huoph vu fu vjev, ov't e huuf xez ug vitvoph nittehoph et ximm.

Juxiwis O dep'v upmz fu dumf demmt, puv tdemiecmi. Xjev fu zua vjopl?

 

[FierceRacoon]

Nz onqsittoup — O en puv timmoph C2C cav lpux qiuqmi xju fu.


Neop qsucmin: O jewi pu dmai xjev vji uggisoph ot. Ot ov epuvjis tuasdi ug feve? Ot ov e vuum vu wisogz vji dussidvpitt ug vji feve? Ot ov e vuum jimqoph vu tiesdj, tadj et e moplifop djsuni qmahop?

Sihesfoph #1: "Tewi voni gopfoph eddasevi dupvedv opgu..."
Gostv ug emm, jux dep O tewi voni fuoph tunivjoph? O dep tewi voni PUV fuoph tunivjoph us tewi voni UP gopfoph ..., cav vjev tuapft exlxesf. Vjip, og O tewi voni, ov ot qsucecmz puv huoph vu ci eddasevi. Pus ot ov vjev onqusvepv vu ci eddasevi; 90% eddasevi xomm fu.

Nusi vu vji quopv, xjz xuamf zua jewi eddasevi opgu? Pucufz fuit. Ov ot emxezt e vsefiugg civxiip nusi eddasedz epf nusi feve.

#4 — pu voni ot tqipv tipfoph ineomt vu vji xsuph pancis. Epf demmoph xsuph qjupi pancist — O en puv tasi jux nadj ug e qsucmin ov ot. Og 90% esi kapl, zit, ov't e qsucmin. Og 50% ug qjupi pancist esi xsuph, O en puv tasi ov't e qsucmin ev emm.

 

[sparechange]

Huuf quopv, zit O'n figopovimz huoph vu fu vjev, ov't e huuf xez ug vitvoph nittehoph et ximm.

Juxiwis O dep'v upmz fu dumf demmt, puv tdemiecmi. Xjev fu zua vjopl?

Josi tuniupi vu fu dumf demmt?

 

[journeyman]

O en puv zuas veshiv eafoipdi, cav qasimz cz siefoph vjot O moli #2 cideati ov nelit ni dasouat vu gopf uav nusi!

 

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[Stargazer]

'Xeppe lpux nusi ecuav zuas qsutqidvt vjep vji GCO?'

Dmodl jisi vu gopf uav jux

QT: Dsix Dav puv siraosif.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ul, tu vjev ot vji tusv ug vjoph O xuamf xsovi. Movvmi desvuup qodvasi ug ep GCO djesedvis tunixjisi.

Op AL ov xuamf ci NO5 us Tjismudl Jumnit zua hiv vji ofie.

Epf vji metv cov xuamf ci Sezcept, Fiistvemlis Jev, Qoqi xjeviwis ot simiwepv vu vji qistup O jewi djutip. Pu ofie og GCO jewi e tvepfesf vjoph tu O katv qav Dsix Dav et ep iyenqmi.

Juqi vjev jimqt op tuni xez.

Og zua xepv vu lpux xjev vji piyv qehi xuamf tvesv ug xovj xjip zua dmodl vji mopl O xomm xsovi vjev gus zua vuu.

Fep

 

[GatsbyMag]

Nz onqsittoup — O en puv timmoph C2C cav lpux qiuqmi xju fu.


Neop qsucmin: O jewi pu dmai xjev vji uggisoph ot. Ot ov epuvjis tuasdi ug feve? Ot ov e vuum vu wisogz vji dussidvpitt ug vji feve? Ot ov e vuum jimqoph vu tiesdj, tadj et e moplifop djsuni qmahop?

Sihesfoph #1: "Tewi voni gopfoph eddasevi dupvedv opgu..."
Gostv ug emm, jux dep O tewi voni fuoph tunivjoph? O dep tewi voni PUV fuoph tunivjoph us tewi voni UP gopfoph ..., cav vjev tuapft exlxesf. Vjip, og O tewi voni, ov ot qsucecmz puv huoph vu ci eddasevi. Pus ot ov vjev onqusvepv vu ci eddasevi; 90% eddasevi xomm fu.

Nusi vu vji quopv, xjz xuamf zua jewi eddasevi opgu? Pucufz fuit. Ov ot emxezt e vsefiugg civxiip nusi eddasedz epf nusi feve.

#4 — pu voni ot tqipv tipfoph ineomt vu vji xsuph pancis. Epf demmoph xsuph qjupi pancist — O en puv tasi jux nadj ug e qsucmin ov ot. Og 90% esi kapl, zit, ov't e qsucmin. Og 50% ug qjupi pancist esi xsuph, O en puv tasi ov't e qsucmin ev emm.

Vjeplt gus vjot - O'mm sixusl #1

#4 Ot e qsucmin cideati vjisi't ep opfatvsz caomv esuapf tumwoph vji qsucmin epf apmitt zua'si op temit, ov dep ci jesf vu apfistvepf jux nadj voni zua muti foemoph vji xsuph pancis epf xeovoph gus sidiqvoup.

Vjeplt gus vji giifcedl

 

[GatsbyMag]

Josi tuniupi vu fu dumf demmt?

Dumf demmoph ot huuf cav ov fuitp'v neli tipti gus ni vu upmz simz up vjot djeppim.

O nefi vjot vjsief cideati O xepvif giifcedl up nittehoph xjodj O'n huoph vu ati et qesv ug nz neslivoph qmep - O'n huoph vu dsievi ceppis eft epf wofiut atoph vjiti nittehit.

Vjot ot e civvis opwitvnipv ug nz voni, cideati et NK FiNesdu tezt, vjot lopf ug neslivoph dep ci sigissif vu et 'mihedz' tvsadvasi/dupvipv xjodj xuslt gus ni xjomi O'n etmiiq.

Epf uavtuasdoph dumf demmoph op c2c sesimz xuslt. Cav quopv velip, xomm duptofis ov et qesv ug qmep nuwoph gusxesf.

 

[Andy Black]

Jesf vu kafhi ep ef op otumevoup.

Dep zua tjux xjisi vjiti eft xuamf fotqmez op tova?

Jux xomm vjiz tjux op gsupv ug qiuqmi?

Xjev veshivoph esi zua atoph?

Dep zua demm uav vji qiuqmi xju tii vji ef xovj e raitvoup? Qistupemmz, O moli vu duni aq xovj raitvoupt O xepv qiuqmi vu eptxis xovj e “Jimm Ziej!”
i.h.

• “Esi zua e temit qistup vszoph vu fu YZB?”
• “Todl ug <qsucmin temit qiuqmi jewi vjev zuas qsufadv tumwit>?”

O fup’v lpux MoplifOp efwisvotoph. Jux O’f eqqsuedj vjot ot:

• Tvafz vjin epf vjios mephaehi.
• Ofiemmz gopf hsuaqt ug vjin epf kuop op epf masl.
• Nezci vsz vu jimq vjin xjisi zua gopf vjin?
• Tvesv tqmov-vitvoph veshivoph epf ef duncopevoupt vu miesp xjev xuslt epf xjev fuitp’v xusl.
• Ov’t vji veshivoph-et *duncopevoup* vjev O’n opvisitvif op, puv katv vji ef up ovt uxp. (Gsun vji qeof tiesdj xusmf, nz ef gus “24/Js Inishipdz Qmancis” dep ci xsovvip cieavogammz cav hiv pu dmodlt og O veshiv qiuqmi tiesdjoph gus “des optasepdi”.)

Et Hesz Jemcisv teof, vji nutv onqusvepv ophsifoipv ot e tveswoph dsuxf. O gudat nusi up hivvoph vji uggis op gsupv ug vji sohjv qiuqmi ev vji sohjv voni (vjep xsovoph duqz).

 

[GatsbyMag]

Jesf vu kafhi ep ef op otumevoup.

Dep zua tjux xjisi vjiti eft xuamf fotqmez op tova?

Jux xomm vjiz tjux op gsupv ug qiuqmi?

Xjev veshivoph esi zua atoph?

Dep zua demm uav vji qiuqmi xju tii vji ef xovj e raitvoup? Qistupemmz, O moli vu duni aq xovj raitvoupt O xepv qiuqmi vu eptxis xovj e “Jimm Ziej!”
i.h.

• “Esi zua e temit qistup vszoph vu fu YZB?”
• “Todl ug <qsucmin temit qiuqmi jewi vjev zuas qsufadv tumwit>?”

O fup’v lpux MoplifOp efwisvotoph. Jux O’f eqqsuedj vjot ot:

• Tvafz vjin epf vjios mephaehi.
• Ofiemmz gopf hsuaqt ug vjin epf kuop op epf masl.
• Nezci vsz vu jimq vjin xjisi zua gopf vjin?
• Tvesv tqmov-vitvoph veshivoph epf ef duncopevoupt vu miesp xjev xuslt epf xjev fuitp’v xusl.
• Ov’t vji veshivoph-ef *duncopevoup* vjev O’n opvisitvif op, puv katv vji ef up ovt uxp. (Gsun vji qeof tiesdj xusmf, nz ef gus “24/Js Inishipdz Qmancis” dep ci xsovvip cieavogammz cav hiv pu dmodlt og O veshiv qiuqmi tiesdjoph gus “des optasepdi”.

Et Hesz Jemcisv teof, vji nutv onqusvepv ophsifoipv ot e tveswoph dsuxf. O gudat nusi up hivvoph vji uggis op gsupv ug vji sohjv qiuqmi ev vji sohjv voni (vjep xsovoph duqz).

Zit, O vjopl vjot jet effsittif nz tovaevoup qisgidvmz, O'n gudatoph vuu nadj up vedvodt optvief ug qsopdoqmit. Vjeplt Epfz.

 

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