Hello,
This might be a long one, bear with me.
I’ve just started reading the Millionaire Fastlane for the second time. I read it years ago, but I was busy with life and young kids and never consistently acted on it. I can’t even remember what prompted me to pick it up again this morning. A silent subconscious calling maybe.
Well, now I find myself in a dire situation and I’ve fallen out of love with everything about life.
On second reading this book hits home a lot harder.
A bit of background:
My dad was the poster child for the slow lane. His own dad lost a business and a lot of money. So he saved every penny his whole life. When I was a child, the answer to anything I wanted was always no. He worked a job, invested wisely and managed to retire at 55. He’s now in his late seventies, and he has a very comfortable retirement. He exchanged decades of scrimping for a better life in old age.
As a child and teenager, it was drummed into me that success was through a set route. Anything else was risk and madness.
The same route my dad took. He felt not going to university held him back in his career. So the path for me was: do well at school, do well at university, get a good job, work hard, don’t borrow money, don’t lend money. Then retire and be comfortable.
I did well at school, got my undergrad degree in economics, and later a master’s degree. I had a very nice career with lots of travel. Bought a house. Got married. Had three wonderful kids.
Everything we did we were within one or sometimes two paydays of being broke. But we both had “good” careers, so the money kept coming in. And on the outside, it looked like we (almost) had it all.
When I became a mother, I started to look at other ways I could earn without being in an office for 40 hours a week. I tried various ideas, but all of them failed. I became more and more disillusioned with work, which seemed to provide so little reward even though both of us had jobs. We still couldn’t afford the holidays our friends were going on. I truly don’t know, looking back, how they could afford them.
Our marriage fell apart over time. We got divorced. And this is where life really revealed itself (or perhaps life revealed to me the kind of person I really am). I ran my own web development business for a while. Part-time while the kids were all under 10. I was doing ok, but looking back, I still had a sidewalk mentality. Then I met a man - I was lonely, my mum had died, and he was the complete opposite of my husband.
They say that you become like the people you spend time with. And it’s true. He was living in shared accommodation, divorced, lifelong drinking problem. Massive debt. His job was under threat because he’d had so much sick time. I knew none of this to start with (he drove a Mercedes company car and was attractive and charming). I fell for him hard. I went back to full-time work so we could live together.
I spent five years in a volatile, emotionally and physically abusive relationship. During the time we were together, I gained three stone. Developed massive anxiety. Suffered extreme depression. I finally broke things off in April 2023.
After that, I had a complete breakdown. Lost my job. Didn’t leave my house for the best part of a year.
This summer, I finally started to feel a little better. Started socialising again.
I turn 50 tomorrow.
And here I am taking a look at my life in the cold light of day.
Despite my two degrees, and a great career, and the fact until earlier this year I was working in a job earning £61k+pension+benefits, I’m broke.
I own a house that’s mortgaged.
I have £28,000 debt in credit cards and loans.
I’m unemployed.
Even returning to my old job at £61k isn’t going to pay off my debt anytime this side of 55.
I’m single and can’t imagine ever trusting anyone again.
My mental health is poor.
And to top it all off, being with an alcoholic for 5 years means I myself have developed a horrible relationship with alcohol.
My oldest has just started the first year of his GCSEs and I wonder - what kind of future does the “right” path hold for him and my other two children?
Study hard and work hard so they can end up broke at 50, just like me? But with £45k of student debt on top?
In the book, it talks about the sidewalk. And that is, if I am brutally honest, where I have spent my whole life.
I am not too proud to say that despite the “proper” path, I’ve been focused on immediate gratification to keep up with everyone else I know who has a corporate career (just like I had). I bought the whole lie.
And I am responsible for my own choices in not leaving a relationship sooner that was so damaging.
So here, on the eve of my 50th birthday, I no longer want to be on the sidewalk. And I’ve left it far too late for the slow lane to fix anything.
I am old - probably a lot older than most of the people who read this book and decide to make their lives different.
But I have some very hard-earned wisdom about the reality of what the book says.
I’ve just paid my $7 to join this forum. $7 I don’t really have and Christmas is killing me.
I am hoping to learn from all of you. And to get myself out of this godforsaken place I never imagined a bright young girl like me would end up in.
Do you think I have left it too late? Am I a lost cause? Can I overcome my fear of risk and being outside the “norm”?
Could I possibly change things and be the role model my kids need to have a better future themselves rather than grinding their lives away on someone else's treadmill?
I don’t know, but I am not liking my other options.
Thanks for reading this far.
This might be a long one, bear with me.
I’ve just started reading the Millionaire Fastlane for the second time. I read it years ago, but I was busy with life and young kids and never consistently acted on it. I can’t even remember what prompted me to pick it up again this morning. A silent subconscious calling maybe.
Well, now I find myself in a dire situation and I’ve fallen out of love with everything about life.
On second reading this book hits home a lot harder.
A bit of background:
My dad was the poster child for the slow lane. His own dad lost a business and a lot of money. So he saved every penny his whole life. When I was a child, the answer to anything I wanted was always no. He worked a job, invested wisely and managed to retire at 55. He’s now in his late seventies, and he has a very comfortable retirement. He exchanged decades of scrimping for a better life in old age.
As a child and teenager, it was drummed into me that success was through a set route. Anything else was risk and madness.
The same route my dad took. He felt not going to university held him back in his career. So the path for me was: do well at school, do well at university, get a good job, work hard, don’t borrow money, don’t lend money. Then retire and be comfortable.
I did well at school, got my undergrad degree in economics, and later a master’s degree. I had a very nice career with lots of travel. Bought a house. Got married. Had three wonderful kids.
Everything we did we were within one or sometimes two paydays of being broke. But we both had “good” careers, so the money kept coming in. And on the outside, it looked like we (almost) had it all.
When I became a mother, I started to look at other ways I could earn without being in an office for 40 hours a week. I tried various ideas, but all of them failed. I became more and more disillusioned with work, which seemed to provide so little reward even though both of us had jobs. We still couldn’t afford the holidays our friends were going on. I truly don’t know, looking back, how they could afford them.
Our marriage fell apart over time. We got divorced. And this is where life really revealed itself (or perhaps life revealed to me the kind of person I really am). I ran my own web development business for a while. Part-time while the kids were all under 10. I was doing ok, but looking back, I still had a sidewalk mentality. Then I met a man - I was lonely, my mum had died, and he was the complete opposite of my husband.
They say that you become like the people you spend time with. And it’s true. He was living in shared accommodation, divorced, lifelong drinking problem. Massive debt. His job was under threat because he’d had so much sick time. I knew none of this to start with (he drove a Mercedes company car and was attractive and charming). I fell for him hard. I went back to full-time work so we could live together.
I spent five years in a volatile, emotionally and physically abusive relationship. During the time we were together, I gained three stone. Developed massive anxiety. Suffered extreme depression. I finally broke things off in April 2023.
After that, I had a complete breakdown. Lost my job. Didn’t leave my house for the best part of a year.
This summer, I finally started to feel a little better. Started socialising again.
I turn 50 tomorrow.
And here I am taking a look at my life in the cold light of day.
Despite my two degrees, and a great career, and the fact until earlier this year I was working in a job earning £61k+pension+benefits, I’m broke.
I own a house that’s mortgaged.
I have £28,000 debt in credit cards and loans.
I’m unemployed.
Even returning to my old job at £61k isn’t going to pay off my debt anytime this side of 55.
I’m single and can’t imagine ever trusting anyone again.
My mental health is poor.
And to top it all off, being with an alcoholic for 5 years means I myself have developed a horrible relationship with alcohol.
My oldest has just started the first year of his GCSEs and I wonder - what kind of future does the “right” path hold for him and my other two children?
Study hard and work hard so they can end up broke at 50, just like me? But with £45k of student debt on top?
In the book, it talks about the sidewalk. And that is, if I am brutally honest, where I have spent my whole life.
I am not too proud to say that despite the “proper” path, I’ve been focused on immediate gratification to keep up with everyone else I know who has a corporate career (just like I had). I bought the whole lie.
And I am responsible for my own choices in not leaving a relationship sooner that was so damaging.
So here, on the eve of my 50th birthday, I no longer want to be on the sidewalk. And I’ve left it far too late for the slow lane to fix anything.
I am old - probably a lot older than most of the people who read this book and decide to make their lives different.
But I have some very hard-earned wisdom about the reality of what the book says.
I’ve just paid my $7 to join this forum. $7 I don’t really have and Christmas is killing me.
I am hoping to learn from all of you. And to get myself out of this godforsaken place I never imagined a bright young girl like me would end up in.
Do you think I have left it too late? Am I a lost cause? Can I overcome my fear of risk and being outside the “norm”?
Could I possibly change things and be the role model my kids need to have a better future themselves rather than grinding their lives away on someone else's treadmill?
I don’t know, but I am not liking my other options.
Thanks for reading this far.
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