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It doesn't feel like home anymore

Topics relating to managing people and relationships
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GuestUser8117

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These days, I feel that something is wrong. My city gets old, I've seen everything ,done everything that there has to do. And I think I'd like to leave. I don't really like the mentality of the people in my city, it's so close minded, no one ever bothers to say hello, or smile. Here, if you're a stranger and you begin to talk to another person, you're "weird".

The relationship with my family members,has become almost meaningless(parents and sister). They are all against the fastlane, though that doesn't really bother me, things are just not the way it used to be. I find them too stressed out. When I go to parent's house I don't get a smile as I used to when I was living there. It's a very sad feeling.

Is anything similar has ever happened to you?

That said, I am beginning a new life now, independent from anybody. I have to learn everything on my own, change my thought process, make new friends and perhaps move elsewhere on the planet. I have to rethink, rework and reinvent myself.
 
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deepestblue

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Do what you have to do. Look what a change in scene did for MJ as he outlines in his book, when he moved from dark, cold, snowy Chicago to sunny, warm and bright Arizona.

I've made a move like you are proposing. One thing I will tell you is, life is life, that is, wherever you go there you are. And a change of scene can definitely help propel you.

One step at a time, and the changes can result in a whole new you.

Best wishes to you.
 

TonyStark

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You don't have to tie yourself down to one place on the planet, you are a human, free to move as you please.

Also, you have to find your cheese. Think about the mice in "Who Moved My Cheese", if it's not where you are now, it's time to go find new cheese.
 

Mattie

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That said, I am beginning a new life now, independent from anybody. I have to learn everything on my own, change my thought process, make new friends and perhaps move elsewhere on the planet. I have to rethink, rework and reinvent myself.
I've been through this process. I believe it's more of an opportunity to learn to be independent, stand your own ground, and find your authentic self.

It's sad, but really you can't ever reach your full potential by staying in the same place, always doing the same thing. If you do the same thing, you get the same results. If I've changed a lot in the last ten years, and it started with one event that propelled many life time changes. I don't regret any step of the way, although it's been the most transforming experiencing of my life in many ways. Never be afraid to walk out of the ordinary world into the extraordinary world.

Even in the last three years since I've left home, they're still in the same place. The last two years in this forum has changed me even further. We're created to grow, evolve, and change. If we're not moving like water, we're being stagnate, get stuck, get frozen, and never truly live. Never be afraid to float down the river to better things in life.
 
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illmasterj

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While I absolutely advocate going out and finding the perfect place for you (there is no actual perfect place), a few things you mentioned remind me of my younger self so I figure it's worth challenging your thoughts:
  • If you've "done everything" or are bored, it's not the location, it's probably you. Granted if you enjoy a certain activity (eg: rock climbing) and that activity is not possible in your city, it's worth considering moving. Someone once told me that "only boring people get bored".
  • Everywhere is close minded, let me tell you. Just as everywhere has interesting people. It's probably more the case that your circle of influence is close minded.
  • I've been "weird" for years - if you want to be an entrepreneur it's probably time to learn that being different is part of the game. Being "weird" makes you stand out, meaning your close minded circle of influence begins to become diluted with those that can spot you in the crowd, being different from the every man.
  • We all have a bittersweet relationship with our family (from what I have seen anyway). Sometimes we love them unconditionally, sometimes they drive us nuts, sometimes we are indifferent. Consider that every time you see them, they have finished work for the day in a job they probably don't like, they are tired and you are energetic telling them about making millions on a beach in Thailand. How would you react to that?
With that out of the way, go and find your home. I've found 2 more homes since my home town. In each of these places I have been met with people that are bored, are close minded, can't accept change and stressed. In the exact same location there are people that can make fun anywhere, are open minded and keen to be challenged by new things, accept newcomers and odd personal traits and are relaxed to the core.
 
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GuestUser8117

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While I absolutely advocate going out and finding the perfect place for you (there is no actual perfect place), a few things you mentioned remind me of my younger self so I figure it's worth challenging your thoughts:
  • If you've "done everything" or are bored, it's not the location, it's probably you. Granted if you enjoy a certain activity (eg: rock climbing) and that activity is not possible in your city, it's worth considering moving. Someone once told me that "only boring people get bored".
  • Everywhere is close minded, let me tell you. Just as everywhere has interesting people. It's probably more the case that your circle of influence is close minded.
  • I've been "weird" for years - if you want to be an entrepreneur it's probably time to learn that being different is part of the game. Being "weird" makes you stand out, meaning your close minded circle of influence begins to become diluted with those that can spot you in the crowd, being different from the every man.
  • We all have a bittersweet relationship with our family (from what I have seen anyway). Sometimes we love them unconditionally, sometimes they drive us nuts, sometimes we are indifferent. Consider that every time you see them, they have finished work for the day in a job they probably don't like, they are tired and you are energetic telling them about making millions on a beach in Thailand. How would you react to that?
With that out of the way, go and find your home. I've found 2 more homes since my home town. In each of these places I have been met with people that are bored, are close minded, can't accept change and stressed. In the exact same location there are people that can make fun anywhere, are open minded and keen to be challenged by new things, accept newcomers and odd personal traits and are relaxed to the core.

Thanks for the insight. Great post!
 
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GuestUser8117

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Yesterday, me and my father almost had a fight. He yelled at me for something ridiculous. I said you F*cking frustrated. Then he jumped on me and grabbed my neck. I'm very sad that he has become impulsive with everyone in my family.
 

RussRussman18

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Similar situation to me. I just graduated HS in northern Louisisana and am definitely moving somewhere else this fall, was thinking Baton Rouge at first but that Scottsdale thread is persuasive. Where I live is nice and I love my family, but they've got issues and the environment is just discouraging. Hopefully I'll come back with the resources and abilities to fix their problems...
 
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Marlena

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Yes I have been there also (during my studies I felt that I am sick of my environment, thought that changing a place is a good idea and decided to make a gap year in another country).

Another thing is that if you feel like relationship with your parents became meaningless, it is possible that making some distance (while still keeping in touch) might help a bit. Very often it is not good not to live to close.

One advice I can give to you is too choose a place you want to move to carefully - so that you don't get out of the frying pan into the fire
 

Balkins

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Yesterday, me and my father almost had a fight. He yelled at me for something ridiculous. I said you F*cking frustrated. Then he jumped on me and grabbed my neck. I'm very sad that he has become impulsive with everyone in my family.

Ehh....Dude...you're having physical fights with your father?

Sounded like you provoked him with profanity. WTF??? Your old man is busting his arse to keep a roof over his head and the family...wtf are you trying to provoke him for?

You on Meds? Are you bi-polar? Don't F*ck with your old man. If you aren't happy there, you sound like you're of age...get out.

I think you should leave home for awhile and take off in your car (if you have one). It will do you good. Go out and leave the area for 1-3mths. Just sleep in your car, get a laborer job...and just get out and look around. Maybe some idea will come to you. But provoking your father is not a good idea.

????
 

Mac

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"There was a person coming to a new village, relocating, and he was wondering if he would like it there, so he went to the zen master and asked: do you think I will like it in this village? Are the people nice?

The master asked back: How were the people on the town where you come from? “They were nasty and greedy, they were angry and lived for cheating and stealing,” said the newcomer.

Those are exactly the type of people we have in this village, said the master.

Another newcomer to the village visited the master and asked the same question, to which the master asked: How were the people in the town where you come from?

“They were sweet and lived in harmony, they cared for one another and for the land, they respected each other and they were seekers of spirit,” he replied.

Those are exactly the type of people we have in this village, said the master."
 
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GuestUser8117

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Things have settled somehow and time has a tendency to fix things. We're okay now. But I can't wait to get the hell out of my shitty neighborhood. I was way better in the rich neighborhood last year, but I had stupid noisy neighboors in my appartment and my roommate quit. As you may know things can never be perfect.

Sorry if i don't post much I have a daily practice and I am working toward my purpose.
 

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