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I finished fastlane even before joining the forum. I think I remained lurker here for long time. So I decided to get some idea over some things that I have been struggling and that is causing me anxiety. I have been dealing with lot of issues since 2007 and I have damaged my health, mindset and lot of small things.
My background:
I got graduated in Electronics engg, with low grades so no company took me, and I had to search for jobs not related to my degree. Still I got my first job at 21, after college in 2007, the job was low paid tech admin job with extremely low salary. This remained till 2014, when I got laid off, I had to prepare for one certification for 4 months before getting another job. After that for next 5 years up till now, things are slow and steady. I am doing pretty okay at day job, and also doing freelance designing (Web+UX) during the weekend. So far things are okay and I can take care of myself. Never asked for money to parents or anyone. (I can thank freelancing for this, I never say no even to 10$ jobs. I know it's health draining but such approach helped me from going broke).
My finances:
I am saving 90% of my freelance savings on the top of day job salary, out of which I save around 60%. So savings wise I am okay but I have yet to reach the threshold where I can say FU to job and rely on freelancing (because freelance jobs are extremely random during weekdays and are more headache from client expectation vs payout part).
My personal life:
Single. Age 35 as of writing this thread. 50 hrs work week + freelancing included + gym daily 1 hour + 5 hrs sleep. Blood pressure in 160 to 180 range. Insomnia issue. Girlfriend in past purely used me till she could find another guy who earns 5X her salary and she can remain housewife (Culture supported approach). I have decided not to get married unless I get someone who is not dependent on me. I don't need their money, I just don't want leeches. Sorry not a blue pilled guy here, and culture don't let me stay red pilled either.
What's bugging me?
1. My parents & siblings constantly look down on me. In every step of the way I get insults, be it while paying bills in hotel. For example, I said, I tried this restaurant last month and then suddenly get interrupted by sister, do you even have money to eat out?.
2. My parents also want to use me for old age while disrespecting me in front of others. They send other people on me for lecture so that they can have my attention and money. I don't mind giving that just I don't want disrespect.
3. I'm being alienated by friends and siblings during family meetups and social places, even they tell their kids not to be around me. In fact they have taught the kids to insult me for my financial status being lower than theirs.
4. I absorb all the insults and then kind of keep it in head and do show them when time comes, at that time, they are like why are you like this, we didn't insulted you but why did you did this to us.
5. Family and other social chaos has caused me high blood pressure.
6. Most of the family and friends, want my presence when they have nobody in their boredom. And problem is no man can be an island and culture restricts me I can't get rid of them either.
7. I wanted to take trip to china once, but my family & friends were negatively bombarding on my plans like - what are you going to do there, where you are going to stay, how do you manage to travel, currency blah blah. Their power of negativity is so strong any plan you tell them, ends up dead. Like I got laid off 2 weeks before my planned trip to china. You can get the idea what type of people I am surrounded with.
8. I think my parents and siblings want me to stay low profile forever for my life while listening to them like doormat. And they don't want someone to push them back for whatever they say.
I know being Asian, my cultural beliefs and limitations are different from many here. But my survival and escapism response is lot different than many here but either way I wish to make changes.
What I am doing about it?
1. Every night before going to sleep I tell myself this all is pure garbage drama, none of them are going to be there for my old age and I have to just focus on my own money and progress, rest is just formality some day going to end.
2. I have managed to keep my finances steady enough but I show my salary as same old which was 10 years back to avoid my relatives assuming my days are changed. I don't want them to get jealous if my days changed.
3. I absorb lot of insults. But it has caused me a health issues.
4. I am also attempting to find business model which requires less of my time after I put in initial hours of work. Something I can automate or pay others to keep things going .
5. I am not going to tell family my real plans or I am going to tell them plans which I am not going to pursue but keep them in a loop about some sort of assumption, so that I can do different things but they assume I am doing the other.
6. I am not going to reveal my finances, or plan to reveal any form of progress happening in my life. I wish to hide as much as I can.
This is my current situation. Though I wish to focus completely on where I wish to be in future. But I think I am not sure what things to confront, what to let go and where to make changes.
Any inputs on focusing on future for finance and handling family and social circle much appreciated.
My background:
I got graduated in Electronics engg, with low grades so no company took me, and I had to search for jobs not related to my degree. Still I got my first job at 21, after college in 2007, the job was low paid tech admin job with extremely low salary. This remained till 2014, when I got laid off, I had to prepare for one certification for 4 months before getting another job. After that for next 5 years up till now, things are slow and steady. I am doing pretty okay at day job, and also doing freelance designing (Web+UX) during the weekend. So far things are okay and I can take care of myself. Never asked for money to parents or anyone. (I can thank freelancing for this, I never say no even to 10$ jobs. I know it's health draining but such approach helped me from going broke).
My finances:
I am saving 90% of my freelance savings on the top of day job salary, out of which I save around 60%. So savings wise I am okay but I have yet to reach the threshold where I can say FU to job and rely on freelancing (because freelance jobs are extremely random during weekdays and are more headache from client expectation vs payout part).
My personal life:
Single. Age 35 as of writing this thread. 50 hrs work week + freelancing included + gym daily 1 hour + 5 hrs sleep. Blood pressure in 160 to 180 range. Insomnia issue. Girlfriend in past purely used me till she could find another guy who earns 5X her salary and she can remain housewife (Culture supported approach). I have decided not to get married unless I get someone who is not dependent on me. I don't need their money, I just don't want leeches. Sorry not a blue pilled guy here, and culture don't let me stay red pilled either.
What's bugging me?
1. My parents & siblings constantly look down on me. In every step of the way I get insults, be it while paying bills in hotel. For example, I said, I tried this restaurant last month and then suddenly get interrupted by sister, do you even have money to eat out?.
2. My parents also want to use me for old age while disrespecting me in front of others. They send other people on me for lecture so that they can have my attention and money. I don't mind giving that just I don't want disrespect.
3. I'm being alienated by friends and siblings during family meetups and social places, even they tell their kids not to be around me. In fact they have taught the kids to insult me for my financial status being lower than theirs.
4. I absorb all the insults and then kind of keep it in head and do show them when time comes, at that time, they are like why are you like this, we didn't insulted you but why did you did this to us.
5. Family and other social chaos has caused me high blood pressure.
6. Most of the family and friends, want my presence when they have nobody in their boredom. And problem is no man can be an island and culture restricts me I can't get rid of them either.
7. I wanted to take trip to china once, but my family & friends were negatively bombarding on my plans like - what are you going to do there, where you are going to stay, how do you manage to travel, currency blah blah. Their power of negativity is so strong any plan you tell them, ends up dead. Like I got laid off 2 weeks before my planned trip to china. You can get the idea what type of people I am surrounded with.
8. I think my parents and siblings want me to stay low profile forever for my life while listening to them like doormat. And they don't want someone to push them back for whatever they say.
I know being Asian, my cultural beliefs and limitations are different from many here. But my survival and escapism response is lot different than many here but either way I wish to make changes.
What I am doing about it?
1. Every night before going to sleep I tell myself this all is pure garbage drama, none of them are going to be there for my old age and I have to just focus on my own money and progress, rest is just formality some day going to end.
2. I have managed to keep my finances steady enough but I show my salary as same old which was 10 years back to avoid my relatives assuming my days are changed. I don't want them to get jealous if my days changed.
3. I absorb lot of insults. But it has caused me a health issues.
4. I am also attempting to find business model which requires less of my time after I put in initial hours of work. Something I can automate or pay others to keep things going .
5. I am not going to tell family my real plans or I am going to tell them plans which I am not going to pursue but keep them in a loop about some sort of assumption, so that I can do different things but they assume I am doing the other.
6. I am not going to reveal my finances, or plan to reveal any form of progress happening in my life. I wish to hide as much as I can.
This is my current situation. Though I wish to focus completely on where I wish to be in future. But I think I am not sure what things to confront, what to let go and where to make changes.
Any inputs on focusing on future for finance and handling family and social circle much appreciated.
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