Two years ago I set out to be an entrepreneur, quit my job, and started hustling trying to get web development jobs to pay the bills.
I was recently clearing out my inbox and found an old piece of copy from when I was just starting. Looking back, I am really embarrassed at how self-centered and insensitive my copy was back then.
I realized that now, I could write this a whole lot better even on the first pass.
I decided to do this for myself as an experiment, and figured why not share. Less experienced people can learn; and more experienced people can help me if they want.
------------------------
Old Letter
Subject: DB Autos - Improving Your Web Site
Hello,
My name is Chris Salvato and I own a Web Design Company called Swift Archer.
I specialize in working with small businesses like yours to increase sales by improving your web site. Have you thought about updating your web site recently? I have given your website's design some thought, and put together a mock-up of an example of a new site that might work well for you:
Mockup
http://www.[redacted].com/demos/auto-trader-demo.png
I have improved the web sites of:
Within a few weeks time, we can have a beautiful, professionally made, bespoke web site completed for your company. My services include all of the following:
Portfolio
http://www.[redacted].com/portfolio/
Thanks for reading my email. I look forward to working with you soon!
Cheers,
Chris
------------------------------------------
------------------
New Letter
Subject: One thing DB Autos can do to dramatically increase profits...
Do you know the #1 way people are finding businesses like DB Autos today?
No one looks in the yellow pages anymore, that's for sure.
Relics like books and pages have been replaced with computers, tablets and phones. And when people want to find a business like DB Autos, the first thing they do is search for "check engine light" or "car repairs" on the internet.
Sometimes that's on Google. Sometimes that's on Yelp. But either way, once those users find you (if you're even LISTED), they will JUDGE YOU based on the quality of your website.
If your website hasn't been done in years, then your potential customers won't trust you. And if they don't trust you, they won't use your services. That's unfortunate, because DB Autos is probably a really good business.
So if you want to do one thing to dramatically increase profits this year, you should invest in your website so new customers trust you instantly.
If that sounds like something you want to do, hit REPLY and say "Tell me more!" and I will let you know how you can dramatically increase revenues this year for less than $1500.
-Chris Salvato
Website Specialist
<link to article where I have been featured for being awesome>
------------------------
Always interested in opinions on both. Would be particularly interested in @IceCreamKid's opinion.
I was recently clearing out my inbox and found an old piece of copy from when I was just starting. Looking back, I am really embarrassed at how self-centered and insensitive my copy was back then.
I realized that now, I could write this a whole lot better even on the first pass.
I decided to do this for myself as an experiment, and figured why not share. Less experienced people can learn; and more experienced people can help me if they want.
------------------------
Old Letter
Subject: DB Autos - Improving Your Web Site
Hello,
My name is Chris Salvato and I own a Web Design Company called Swift Archer.
I specialize in working with small businesses like yours to increase sales by improving your web site. Have you thought about updating your web site recently? I have given your website's design some thought, and put together a mock-up of an example of a new site that might work well for you:
Mockup
http://www.[redacted].com/demos/auto-trader-demo.png
I have improved the web sites of:
- Small companies like [redacted] (http://swiftarcher.[redacted].com)
- Established companies like [redacted] (http://www.[redacted].com)
Within a few weeks time, we can have a beautiful, professionally made, bespoke web site completed for your company. My services include all of the following:
- Handle the technical details of creating your web site
- Design your web site stand out
- Install tracking software - see how people are using your website
- Easy to add more in the future.
Portfolio
http://www.[redacted].com/portfolio/
Thanks for reading my email. I look forward to working with you soon!
Cheers,
Chris
------------------------------------------
------------------
New Letter
Subject: One thing DB Autos can do to dramatically increase profits...
Do you know the #1 way people are finding businesses like DB Autos today?
No one looks in the yellow pages anymore, that's for sure.
Relics like books and pages have been replaced with computers, tablets and phones. And when people want to find a business like DB Autos, the first thing they do is search for "check engine light" or "car repairs" on the internet.
Sometimes that's on Google. Sometimes that's on Yelp. But either way, once those users find you (if you're even LISTED), they will JUDGE YOU based on the quality of your website.
If your website hasn't been done in years, then your potential customers won't trust you. And if they don't trust you, they won't use your services. That's unfortunate, because DB Autos is probably a really good business.
So if you want to do one thing to dramatically increase profits this year, you should invest in your website so new customers trust you instantly.
If that sounds like something you want to do, hit REPLY and say "Tell me more!" and I will let you know how you can dramatically increase revenues this year for less than $1500.
-Chris Salvato
Website Specialist
<link to article where I have been featured for being awesome>
------------------------
Always interested in opinions on both. Would be particularly interested in @IceCreamKid's opinion.
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