Didn't want to tag this as progress thread bc it's not the chronicle of any project. Just a check in with my fam.
Also been avoiding posting this bc I don't think this adds any value to the forum, but at the same time I wanted to say thanks for grandfathering me in to the fam, and let you guys know how things are going. Sooo I'll keep it brief.
I was depressed ASF. Nothing had happened, I just had to accept I seem to have a chemical imbalance in general that needs to be managed. I've been consistent with my meds for around a year now and I'm pretty much myself these days. I want to emphasize that my life has been pretty blessed in every sense of the word for like the last 5 years, but my mind had been tormenting me pretty much, no matter how much meditation and gratitude journaling I had under my belt. The meds definitely keep me sane to an extent.
Not sure if as a result of that or along with that, I reached this point in which I was trying SO hard to get something to "work", and at the same time I hated what I was doing. Like @Bekit said, I did everything hatefully, fighting, clenching my teeth. I was doing it out of a sense that I had to, or that I had to prove I "had it" in me, that I could do it. Until I was like "do I have to?"
I had completely lost the ability of being in the present and just enjoying a day and enjoying the fact that I'm decently healthy, I have a roof under my head, clean water, I have an awesome partner and family, I have my material needs met. Instead I was being consumed on the inside by this goal that had become corrupted.
I'm not sure I have "what it takes". Have I given up? I have no idea. But I don't have the grit, the determination, the hustle-my-a$$-even-when-I'm-tired, the figure-it-out in me. I just don't. It's not my character. Idk if that's laziness, or if it's giving up, or if it's growing up and knowing more about my strengths and weaknesses. So I hit the brakes...
Right now
My little duplex: It's there. It's paying itself and giving enough cash flow to put into reserves and cover expenses. It's going up in value, but it doesn't seem to be appreciating so much that selling makes sense (as I won't be able to double my units selling). That's alright though, because as long as it's getting paid, in my head I see it as retirement income. I won't be able to cash-out refi for a while but at some point I should be able to, and when that door opens it will be capital for a second property or who knows.
My skills: I am working towards a degree in Mobile App Development. I was grasping at straws because none of my specialized skills seemed valuable anymore, or competition was stupid high. AI also on the horizon for most. I was also faced with the prospect that if no business was happening and I had to go get a job again to contribute to the household, I'd be working my way up from retail again at middle age. UGH! No thanks. So.... after doing research on growing industries, and comparing it to things I can do and sort of get along with, I ended up with this. Smartphones aren't going anywhere so I decided to specialize for apps instead of full-stack. Eventually it gives me the option to try to come up with a solution for something and make a business out of it, or if I have to go get a job at least my starting salary is alright even on the lower ends, and the job can be done remote/in an office setting/it's not customer-facing etc. etc. . I should be safe-ish from AI for now and/or as I get more knowledgeable I hope I can harness it as well.
I've taken a part-time job a few blocks away from home as a bank teller. I plan to use the extra income to pay debt off, pay tuition, and rebuild savings, which went really low. Putting them into $VOO for now so they keep up. It's also helped me mentally as I feel way more useful than being at home running errands but having long periods of free time that OBVIOUSLY I wasn't able to capitalize on for the past three years. Here's where I ask myself whether I "have it in me" or if I can't get to "unscript" myself. I'm too used to be a sheep and just follow instructions, I can't be my own boss, I don't have the character for it. I've kinda put that question in the backburner for now, and just take what I can manage for my mental health's sake.
That's all I have for now. Suggestions welcome on anything you'd like. Again, I'm very grateful for being grandfathered in. This community has given me so much and I still dream one day I'll be able to start giving back too.
I swear I tried to keep it brief... OH WELL
Also been avoiding posting this bc I don't think this adds any value to the forum, but at the same time I wanted to say thanks for grandfathering me in to the fam, and let you guys know how things are going. Sooo I'll keep it brief.
I was depressed ASF. Nothing had happened, I just had to accept I seem to have a chemical imbalance in general that needs to be managed. I've been consistent with my meds for around a year now and I'm pretty much myself these days. I want to emphasize that my life has been pretty blessed in every sense of the word for like the last 5 years, but my mind had been tormenting me pretty much, no matter how much meditation and gratitude journaling I had under my belt. The meds definitely keep me sane to an extent.
Not sure if as a result of that or along with that, I reached this point in which I was trying SO hard to get something to "work", and at the same time I hated what I was doing. Like @Bekit said, I did everything hatefully, fighting, clenching my teeth. I was doing it out of a sense that I had to, or that I had to prove I "had it" in me, that I could do it. Until I was like "do I have to?"
I had completely lost the ability of being in the present and just enjoying a day and enjoying the fact that I'm decently healthy, I have a roof under my head, clean water, I have an awesome partner and family, I have my material needs met. Instead I was being consumed on the inside by this goal that had become corrupted.
I'm not sure I have "what it takes". Have I given up? I have no idea. But I don't have the grit, the determination, the hustle-my-a$$-even-when-I'm-tired, the figure-it-out in me. I just don't. It's not my character. Idk if that's laziness, or if it's giving up, or if it's growing up and knowing more about my strengths and weaknesses. So I hit the brakes...
Right now
My little duplex: It's there. It's paying itself and giving enough cash flow to put into reserves and cover expenses. It's going up in value, but it doesn't seem to be appreciating so much that selling makes sense (as I won't be able to double my units selling). That's alright though, because as long as it's getting paid, in my head I see it as retirement income. I won't be able to cash-out refi for a while but at some point I should be able to, and when that door opens it will be capital for a second property or who knows.
My skills: I am working towards a degree in Mobile App Development. I was grasping at straws because none of my specialized skills seemed valuable anymore, or competition was stupid high. AI also on the horizon for most. I was also faced with the prospect that if no business was happening and I had to go get a job again to contribute to the household, I'd be working my way up from retail again at middle age. UGH! No thanks. So.... after doing research on growing industries, and comparing it to things I can do and sort of get along with, I ended up with this. Smartphones aren't going anywhere so I decided to specialize for apps instead of full-stack. Eventually it gives me the option to try to come up with a solution for something and make a business out of it, or if I have to go get a job at least my starting salary is alright even on the lower ends, and the job can be done remote/in an office setting/it's not customer-facing etc. etc. . I should be safe-ish from AI for now and/or as I get more knowledgeable I hope I can harness it as well.
I've taken a part-time job a few blocks away from home as a bank teller. I plan to use the extra income to pay debt off, pay tuition, and rebuild savings, which went really low. Putting them into $VOO for now so they keep up. It's also helped me mentally as I feel way more useful than being at home running errands but having long periods of free time that OBVIOUSLY I wasn't able to capitalize on for the past three years. Here's where I ask myself whether I "have it in me" or if I can't get to "unscript" myself. I'm too used to be a sheep and just follow instructions, I can't be my own boss, I don't have the character for it. I've kinda put that question in the backburner for now, and just take what I can manage for my mental health's sake.
That's all I have for now. Suggestions welcome on anything you'd like. Again, I'm very grateful for being grandfathered in. This community has given me so much and I still dream one day I'll be able to start giving back too.
I swear I tried to keep it brief... OH WELL
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