It's time to get honest with myself and I need your help. My worldview is skewed, and I may have an underlying victim identity.
Please read the below and tell me if I am messing up here, trying to keep things honest.
So... Here's a bit of info:
As I write this, I am currently unemployed after leaving a very safe office job in legal (reason being I was trying very hard to lift my colleagues up, bring a good problem-solving attitude and in the end, constantly got blamed for others mistakes and surrounded by people being flat-out apathetic) - I took the job out of being sold on the idea that they wanted a fresh face to come in, and basically do what I tried to do. Left on great terms though, so that's something that can be seen as a positive, I never really made it clear to them just how bad I was feeling inside every day.
It really hit my confidence, to the point where I tend to just look at the ground when making eye contact, lots of feelings of inferiority too after always being told that I'm wrong / to blame. I worked in previous office environments where it felt like a real team, the odd venting here and there but we did our best to lift each other up and feel some kind of joy from somewhat menial work. I left due to wanting to stretch myself and moved to a bigger city.
Now, I am struggling to find work that is not like the one I just left. I could certainly go and join a very similar department (literally next to the old one)
- When I was 18 (28 now), I knocked on doors for a few weeks and washed cars, but went against the advice of my grandparents to start a company after it was going well.
- From 18 to around 24 (until the pandemic) I ran music events and it was doing well, still, couldn't find a decent set of people to scale / turn into a brand.
- Around 4 years ago, my only role model (my Grandpa) passed away suddenly and I've been feeling lost ever since. He was the only male figure I had in life and who didn't validate silly, victimhood behaviour, he ran multiple businesses and constantly juggled it with trying to raise me to his thinking, verses the others in my family who really see themselves as victims.
I think I'm REALLY struggling without some kind of mentor it seems. All I see online is that you should pay for one. Really, is this true?
- Currently, at 28, here I am. Unsure where to go from here, trying to seek out others who want to build something and fail fast... Hell, even wash some windows together and start a company, who knows. Or start music events again.
I don't even know what I'm saying here, am I entitled for not just biting my tongue and going for a retail job, or am I also seeking comfort in being a victim? Think there is a part of me who might be asking if anyone wants to connect or support each other, or seeking some assurances / experience from you guys. Not sure. Starting to seriously question if an office job really is for me, every time I work in one I feel so bad about it - Entitlement maybe? I love taking risks and going for thrills, hence building stuff (like a brand) really appeals to me.
Maybe it's just impossible to build anything without the right people around, and when you can't find them it's extra hard.
P.S. How's my copywriting practice? Trying to learn new skills after all 😀
Take care,
- A
Please read the below and tell me if I am messing up here, trying to keep things honest.
So... Here's a bit of info:
As I write this, I am currently unemployed after leaving a very safe office job in legal (reason being I was trying very hard to lift my colleagues up, bring a good problem-solving attitude and in the end, constantly got blamed for others mistakes and surrounded by people being flat-out apathetic) - I took the job out of being sold on the idea that they wanted a fresh face to come in, and basically do what I tried to do. Left on great terms though, so that's something that can be seen as a positive, I never really made it clear to them just how bad I was feeling inside every day.
It really hit my confidence, to the point where I tend to just look at the ground when making eye contact, lots of feelings of inferiority too after always being told that I'm wrong / to blame. I worked in previous office environments where it felt like a real team, the odd venting here and there but we did our best to lift each other up and feel some kind of joy from somewhat menial work. I left due to wanting to stretch myself and moved to a bigger city.
Now, I am struggling to find work that is not like the one I just left. I could certainly go and join a very similar department (literally next to the old one)
- When I was 18 (28 now), I knocked on doors for a few weeks and washed cars, but went against the advice of my grandparents to start a company after it was going well.
- From 18 to around 24 (until the pandemic) I ran music events and it was doing well, still, couldn't find a decent set of people to scale / turn into a brand.
- Around 4 years ago, my only role model (my Grandpa) passed away suddenly and I've been feeling lost ever since. He was the only male figure I had in life and who didn't validate silly, victimhood behaviour, he ran multiple businesses and constantly juggled it with trying to raise me to his thinking, verses the others in my family who really see themselves as victims.
I think I'm REALLY struggling without some kind of mentor it seems. All I see online is that you should pay for one. Really, is this true?
- Currently, at 28, here I am. Unsure where to go from here, trying to seek out others who want to build something and fail fast... Hell, even wash some windows together and start a company, who knows. Or start music events again.
I don't even know what I'm saying here, am I entitled for not just biting my tongue and going for a retail job, or am I also seeking comfort in being a victim? Think there is a part of me who might be asking if anyone wants to connect or support each other, or seeking some assurances / experience from you guys. Not sure. Starting to seriously question if an office job really is for me, every time I work in one I feel so bad about it - Entitlement maybe? I love taking risks and going for thrills, hence building stuff (like a brand) really appeals to me.
Maybe it's just impossible to build anything without the right people around, and when you can't find them it's extra hard.
P.S. How's my copywriting practice? Trying to learn new skills after all 😀
Take care,
- A
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