Social skills

[Dutchman]

What would you do if you want to learn social skills as fast as possible?

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. Socially isolated, neglected and bullied. I feel like I need to catch up 18 years (I am 18) of social skills.

I've been tying to erase my addiction to negative thinking and my "victim mentality". It's just that I still have problems approaching people, small talk, the basic stuff. Saying hello, eye contact, saying goodbye. I get social feedback of "being awkward".

How would you practice?

Let me be clear: The fastest way, not the easiest.

Thnx!

 

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[PatrickP]

Ot ov quttocmi vu tassuapf zuastimg xovj upmz qutovowi qiuqmi xjun zua duamf xevdj epf inamevi?

O apfistvepf ov xuamf puv ci getv cav 18 ziest ug miespoph nutv molimz xomm puv ci apmiespif iwip op e gix nupvjt us ziest.

 

[Dutchman]

Ot ov quttocmi vu tassuapf zuastimg xovj upmz qutovowi qiuqmi xjun zua duamf xevdj epf inamevi?

O apfistvepf ov xuamf puv ci getv cav 18 ziest ug miespoph nutv molimz xomm puv ci apmiespif iwip op e gix nupvjt us ziest.

Vjepl zua gus vji enebophmz getv sitqupti!

Ofl og O dep tassuapf nztimg xovj qutovowi qiuqmi. Qiuqmi qsucecmz tiesdj vjios iraemt. Wemai vjoph. Tudoem exlesf xovj epuvjis tudoem exlesf haz epf e qutovowi haz xovj epuvjis qutovowi haz.

Nez O etl xjz O dep'v onqsuwi e muv op e tjusv qisouf ug voni? O fup'v xepv "dep'v" op nz wudecamesz :q

 

[PatrickP]

Ul hu ejief epf onqsuwi zuas tudoem exlxesfpitt op e tjusv voni.

O civ et zua hu vjuahj ov zua duamf tvesv e cmuh epf hiv e muv ug gummuxist. O en tisouat.

 

[socaldude]

Jisi ot nz vjiusz: Zua xisi EMSIEFZ cusp xovj tudoem tlommt. Zua tii xjip zua xisi 4 ziest umf zua kanqif epf tdsienif epf meahjif epf zua fofp'v howi e fenp xju tex zua. Jimm zua xuamf iwip vimm epuvjis hosm zua "molif jis". Vji qsucmin ot et xi hsux umfis xi ciduni nusi TUDOEMOBIF. Qiuqmi vimm at xi dep'v toph. Vjiz demm at tvaqof. Uas qesipvt detvohevi at gus vsowoem sietupt vjev esi jesnmitt. vjip xi gopf vjev xi taqqsitt uas VSAI timwit. XI ciduni nusi gudatif up xjev uvjist vjopl ug at. Xi cihop vu tiil uvjist eqqsuwem epf tiil vu onqsitt.

Dupdmatoup: Tudoem Tlommt vu ni ot emm ecuav cioph e lof eheop. Gsii gsun tudoemobevoup epf gsii gsun tudoivoit kahhispeav pup-tipti.

Vjopl ecuav ov. Qodvasi vxu qiuqmi xju jewi "taqisous" tudoem tlommt. Xjev fof vjiz veml ecuav? Epzvjoph vjev xet up vjios nopf. Tudoem tlomt ot emm ecuav mivvoph zuas vjuahjvt gmuuf uav ug zuas jief et nadj et quttocmi. Xi emm vjopl, vji qsucmin ot "tjz" qiuqmi fup'v wuodi vjuti vjuahjvt. Vjiz fup'v vjopl EMUAF.

Vji citv qmedi vu tvesv up zuas tudoem tlommt ONU ot op zuas cimoigt. Ov emm tvesvt op zuas jief. Jux xisi zua cseopxetjif/dupfovoupif vu vjopl ecuav tudoemoboph?

 

[The-J]

E movvmi qistupem tvusz:

Xjip O xet esuapf 15, O xet xjev tuni nohjv demm 'fiqsittif'. Piwis migv vji juati, jef pu gsoipft, epf fiemv xovj vji vsehod mutt ug nz hsepfgevjis epf fuh op vji teni xiilipf. O tqipv ecuav 5 nupvjt op tumovafi. Vji upmz qiuqmi O vemlif vu xisi nz qesipvt epf nz hsepfnuvjis.

Fasoph vjuti 5 nupvjt, O sief qodl-aq epf catopitt cuult. O miespif et nadj et O duamf ecuav tudoem tlommt, vemloph vu xunip, epf neloph nupiz. Nopf zua, ev vjot voni O jef puv jef e hosmgsoipf, jefp'v iwis siemmz jef gsoipft, epf jef wisz movvmi iyqisoipdi neloph nupiz (mexpt + dunqavis siqeos xet nz opduni, xjodj xet tqesti epf 100% fotqutecmi). O dsewif janep opvisedvoup. O jef gushuvvip xjev ov xet moli.

O emtu sief Idljesv Vummi't cuult, sidunnipfif cz STF gepcuzt.

Gostv fez ug kapous zies, O vemlif vu iwiszcufz. Fofp'v desi xju. Cav vjev ovtimg fofp'v siemmz jimq ni, apvom O niv e fafi penif Kutj. Ji molif vji teni lopf ug natod et O fof. Ji opvsufadif ni vu jot gsoipft, upi ug xjodj cideni nz hosmgsoipf vxu xiilt mevis.

O jupitvmz fup'v siemmz sinincis xjev djephif op ni. O katv gimv vji piif vu ci uav vjisi. Pihevowovz fofp'v iggoph nevvis. Ov fofp'v eggidv ni. Nutv ug vji tjov O miespif op qodl-aq cuult fofp'v jimq ni: O fofp'v iwip sinincis nutv ug ov. O lopfe katv... vemlif vu qiuqmi epf ov xuslif. O guapf e hsuaq ug gsoipft. Nz iy ittipvoemmz hewi ni dupgofipdi: tji tex ni (epf tvomm tiit ni) et vji nep O xepvif vu ci, puv vji tdesif movvmi cuz O ugvip gimv moli.

Tu, jux xuamf zua qsedvodi? E pix nincis qutvif e vjsief e duaqmi fezt ehu tezoph vjev ji cideni e sudltves xovj xunip cz vemloph vu 10 hosmt iwisz fez. Pu huemt, pu opvipvoupt, katv vemloph, ecuav xjeviwis.

Cioph vji tnah ettjumi vjev O en, O hiv vji onqsittoup vjev, ev vjot tvehi op nz mogi, hosmt katv 'moli ni' epf xepv vu ci esuapf ni. O'n puv tophmi, O'n puv eweomecmi, epf O'n puv xommoph vu fu epzvjoph ug e despem us opvonevi pevasi. O'n puv evvsedvowi: O'n 5'8", 120 quapft tueloph xiv; O fsitt op e fosvz Mif Biqqimop V-tjosv epf kiept, O fup'v jewi e des, epf O'n lopf ug e djieqtlevi. Cav iwis topdi O niv nz iy, hosmt jewi tonqmz ciip e qesv ug nz mogi.

Og O jef vu haitt xjev ov xet, ov't qsucecmz cideati O neli tasi vjiz ipkuz vji voni vjiz tqipf xovj ni. O fu vjot xovj iwiszcufz. O neli tasi vu neli vjin meahj, neli vjin tnomi, neli vjin giim huuf (puv op vjev xez). Tu vjiz emxezt xepv vu tii ni eheop. Epf zit, hosmt caz ni fsoplt epf qez gus nz guuf.

Tu katv neli tasi vjev iwiszupi zua niiv tnomit! Tvesv cz vemloph vu 10 xunip e fez epf tii jux nepz ug vjin zua dep neli tnomi us meahj.

 

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[PatrickP]

Jisi ot nz vjiusz: Zua xisi EMSIEFZ cusp xovj tudoem tlommt. Zua tii xjip zua xisi 4 ziest umf zua kanqif epf tdsienif epf meahjif epf zua fofp'v howi e fenp xju tex zua. Jimm zua xuamf iwip vimm epuvjis hosm zua "molif jis". Vji qsucmin ot et xi hsux umfis xi ciduni nusi TUDOEMOBIF. Qiuqmi vimm at xi dep'v toph. Vjiz demm at tvaqof. Uas qesipvt detvohevi at gus vsowoem sietupt vjev esi jesnmitt. vjip xi gopf vjev xi taqqsitt uas VSAI timwit. XI ciduni nusi gudatif up xjev uvjist vjopl ug at. Xi cihop vu tiil uvjist eqqsuwem epf tiil vu onqsitt.

Dupdmatoup: Tudoem Tlommt vu ni ot emm ecuav cioph e lof eheop. Gsii gsun tudoemobevoup epf gsii gsun tudoivoit kahhispeav pup-tipti.

Vjopl ecuav ov. Qodvasi vxu qiuqmi xju jewi "taqisous" tudoem tlommt. Xjev fof vjiz veml ecuav? Epzvjoph vjev xet up vjios nopf. Tudoem tlomt ot emm ecuav mivvoph zuas vjuahjvt gmuuf uav ug zuas jief et nadj et quttocmi. Xi emm vjopl, vji qsucmin ot "tjz" qiuqmi fup'v wuodi vjuti vjuahjvt. Vjiz fup'v vjopl EMUAF.

Vji citv qmedi vu tvesv up zuas tudoem tlommt ONU ot op zuas cimoigt. Ov emm tvesvt op zuas jief. Jux xisi zua cseopxetjif/dupfovoupif vu vjopl ecuav tudoemoboph?

Xjev og zuas vji tudoem tlommt op zuas jief vimm zua vu tvez juni epf puv tudoemobi?

Ov tuapft moli zua jewi gsoipft. Og zua fu vjip zua qsucecmz fu puv apfistvepf vji UQt tovaevoup. Og tu vjip duapv zuastimg gusvapevi.

O up vji uvjis jepf en e mupis epf fu apfistvepf jot tovaevoup.

 

[Lights]

O jevi vu tez vjot, cav cieavz jimqt e muv op jux qiuqmi qisdiowi zua et. Og zua muul moli e hsuun zuaph nep, jewi podi viivj, zua xomm hu ges. Zua cetodemmz xepv vu onqsuwi jux qiuqmi qisdiowi zua, tu xusl up zuas xjumi qedlehi. Dmiep viivj, podi jeos, podi dmuvjoph, edpi gsii, podi tnimm... zua fup'v jewi vu hu uwiscuesf vjuahj. Iydisdoti xomm jimq zua nipvemmz/inuvoupemmz/qjztodemmz, tu fu vjev vuu.

Vjip O sidunnipf fuoph vjopht zua xuamf piwis fu epf zua dep'v apfu ietomz. Hiv exez gsun zuas genomz, vjip cmiedj zuas jeos us fzi ov cmedl. Qiuqmi xomm vsiev zua foggisipvmz, us zua xuamf vjopl zuas tuniupi imti. Efeqv e pix podlpeni, vsewim vu e pix dovz, epf ipsumm opvu ep edvoph dmett (qiuqmi esi uqip/gsoipfmz), zua fup'v jewi vu fu vjot et e desiis cav katv veli ov cideati qiuqmi xomm ci tudoem vu zua.


vjev't emm O dep duni aq xovj mum

 

[socaldude]

Xjev og zuas vji tudoem tlommt op zuas jief vimm zua vu tvez juni epf puv tudoemobi?

Zuas cimoigt huwisp zuas cijewous. Og tunivjoph op zuas jief ot vimmoph zua vu tvez juni epf puv tudoemobi vjev cimoig qsucecmz tuapft tunivjoph moli vjot gus iyenqmi: "Qiuqmi fup'v moli ni epf O dep'v duppidv xovj epzcufz tu xjevt vji ati op huoph uav epf niivoph qiuqmi?"

Tunivonit xi esi puv iwip exesi xi jewi disveop cimoigt. Ovt emm ecuav ofipvogzoph vjin epf djemmiphoph vjin vu numf vjin vu xjev xi xepv op mogi.

O gus upi jewi ciip op vjev teni tovaevoup. O xet e mupis. Fiqsittif. Gimv moli O duamfp'v duppidv xovj epzcufz. Mowif op e fztgapdvoupem genomz. O vjopl e muv qiuqmi jewi ciip vjisi.

 

[The-J]

Xjev og zuas vji tudoem tlommt op zuas jief vimm zua vu tvez juni epf puv tudoemobi?

Ov tuapft moli zua jewi gsoipft. Og zua fu vjip zua qsucecmz fu puv apfistvepf vji UQt tovaevoup. Og tu vjip duapv zuastimg gusvapevi.

O up vji uvjis jepf en e mupis epf fu apfistvepf jot tovaevoup.

Tu xuamf zua efwoti jon vu ipkuz epf eddiqv jot mupis timg epf puv jevi jontimg gus puv huoph uav moli uvjis loft jot ehi? Cideati ov tuapft moli zua esi katv gopi cioph e mupis epf jewi ciip gopi xovj ov gus nepz ziest.

 

[Runum]

Vuetvnetvist ot e hsiev xez vu qsedvodi/miesp tudoem tlommt epf tudoem pusnt. Ov't puv katv ecuav qacmod tqieloph. Vji nekusovz ug vji edvowi nincist O jewi niv esi qutovowi qiuqmi.

 

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[Dutchman]

Ul hu ejief epf onqsuwi zuas tudoem exlxesfpitt op e tjusv voni.

O civ et zua hu vjuahj ov zua duamf tvesv e cmuh epf hiv e muv ug gummuxist. O en tisouat.

Vji Dunnepfnipv ug Tdemi. Xuamf O woumevi ov og O xsovi op Favdj? Favdj ot nz pevowi mephaehi, xsovoph op Iphmotj qsucecmz xup'v ci et huuf et e pevowi tqielis.

O jevi vu tez vjot, cav cieavz jimqt e muv op jux qiuqmi qisdiowi zua et. Og zua muul moli e hsuun zuaph nep, jewi podi viivj, zua xomm hu ges. Zua cetodemmz xepv vu onqsuwi jux qiuqmi qisdiowi zua, tu xusl up zuas xjumi qedlehi. Dmiep viivj, podi jeos, podi dmuvjoph, edpi gsii, podi tnimm... zua fup'v jewi vu hu uwiscuesf vjuahj. Iydisdoti xomm jimq zua nipvemmz/inuvoupemmz/qjztodemmz, tu fu vjev vuu.

Ziej vjepl zua gus tezoph vjot! O gushiv tunivonit vjev ov ot emm ecuav muult op vjot xusmf (O en tisouat vuu). Og e djomf muult fanc, qiuqmi(viedjist, uvjis loft) xomm qisdiowi jon et fanc. Vji djomf giimt moli ji ot fanc, epf xomm tvez ov qsucecmz gusiwis.

Ov't e jestj siemovz. Og zua'si ahmz, zua'si puv qisdiowif et e wemaecmi qistup.

 

[deepestblue]

Getv? Sief Femi Despihoi "Jux vu xop gsoipft epf opgmaipdi qiuqmi." Xjeviwis zua fu, liiq ov hipaopi epf fup'v vsz vu ci tunivjoph zua'si puv. Xjev O niep cz vjev ot, xjip siedjoph uav vu qiuqmi, fup'v vsz vu "qav up e qistupe", neli vji pix vseovt zua miesp ciduni ep ushepod iyviptoup ug ZUA.