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The Entrepreneur's Guide to Dating & Relationships
Since my first internet business took off in 2014, I began to travel a lot.
Every three to six months, I packed up my car and moved to a different city. I've lived and traveled anywhere from New York, North Carolina, Arizona, Colorado, to spending a summer driving up the Pacific Coast Highway from Southern California to Seattle.
For the latter half of 2016, I spent my time backpacking through Europe, spending a couple days, or a few weeks in each country.
On my travels, I've never really had the opportunity to form a deep meaningful relationship.
In November, I found myself passing through Amsterdam, where I met up with @BaraQueenbee for a short while. When she began giving me dating advice, it made absolutely no logical sense in my mind, and the only way she could get through to me is by using business analogies.
Business Analogies for Dating
When she tried to set me up with one of her friends, and I crashed and burned miserably, phrases such as the following were a very common occurrence:
"Bara, I know it's not a problem with the product...the product definitely delivers, it's a problem with the sales pitch!", I said before we broke out in laughter, "I have customer testimonials!"
So it got me thinking, isn't the process of finding a long-term-relationships very similar to having a customer for life? Closing that million-dollar client?
Let's consider this thread (as my friends call it...) the "James Altucher" approach. My followers often tell me I have the James Altucher approach to writing, and doing things in life. I try ridiculous things, see what sticks, and learn from my mistakes; writing about it to my followers in an embarrassing and entertaining manner.
Most of the time I don't learn from my mistakes and they get worse until I finally learn my lesson of what NOT to do. When I wrote one girl a love letter and she stopped talking to me, I wrote the next one a romance novel; and she kinda stopped talking to me too.
Finally, lesson learned.
For the purpose of this story, let's assume I'm selling a high-ticket-item that is one of a kind. A 30-year vintage product, which has a zero-return policy. Once you buy it, its yours for life. Or you file divorce and take half of my fortune, because I am one hell of an entrepreneur.
Remind me to have my lawyers draft up one hell of a contract (pre-nup) for this one lucky customer...
Lesson 1 - Avoiding Failure
Often times in business, I feared putting myself out there because I might get rejected or not make the sale. As a result of this fear, I never took the actions I needed to take in the first place.
When you don't even do anything, you're left stuck where you've always been.
I had this same problem in my dating life. They called this Approach Anxiety, where I used to see an attractive girl that I wanted to talk to, but I was so scared of rejection, that I never even took a chance.
But what was I really protecting myself from?
If you logically look at things: Even if I had terrible social skills, I was overweight, and I wasn't attractive; perhaps the chances of me getting rejected were 95%. But if I didn't even attempt to go for the sale, there was a 0% chance I would get what I want.
5% is a lot better than zero, and from there, it's just a rule of numbers. Make more sales calls.
Instead, I didn't even try. I would be exactly where I am, in fear, never moving forward with my dating life.
So if we logically know that I have to at least approach the prospect if I stand any chance of dating her...what was it that's really holding me back?
On the surface, it might look like you're wasting her time, or she might get frustrated or annoyed with your attempt. People around you might laugh if you screw it up. While you may feel embarrassed or rejected, its actually not these fears either.
I know many guys who have been rejected and failed; yet they were perfectly OK with it. No big deal. I met others who faced identical rejections, and they felt embarrassed or felt like something is wrong with them.
Two people facing the exact same circumstances, yet one of them keeps on approaching after the first NO.
It's simply that inner critic which is scolding you for missing your "one and only opportunity".
What has helped me through this phase of fearing rejection and ridicule during my "sales attempts" is to first understand that we live in a world of abundance.
Your goal is not to date THIS girl. With this high-ticket item you're selling, your goal is to date A girl.
P.S. - If you're a female reading this, I'm being gender specific because I'm a guy. For the 'fear of rejection' metaphors, replace girl with guy.
P.P.S. - IF you're a female reading this, send me a private message.
Just kidding...
Shifting to a world of abundance.
When you open up your awareness and realize that there are an abundance of customers out there, you'll no longer care if one (or a hundred) say no. Keep pushing forward...because with the one grand-slam that you hit, all these other rejections were just batting practice.
Perhaps that's enough insights so you can at least step up to the plate.
Let's call this big-ticket client my soulmate.
According to the soulmate philosophy, there is one person on this planet that you are destined to be with, and no matter what happens or how bad you screw things up, some higher power will step in and make it so you end up together.
As long as you step up to bat and keep swinging...
All of a sudden, this soulmate philosophy allowed me to simply not care about any of these rejections I have along the way. All of a sudden, my goal is not to close this sale, but to learn from my mistakes, adjust my approach, and go into the next sales call better and more equipped to handle it.
There is an old saying in personal development that "There is no failure, only feedback."
Each and every girl that says no, I always take a step back and see how I could have improved this sales approach. Not in the sense of self-judgement, but to always be improving my sales process so when that soulmate comes along, I'll be more than equipped to close the sale with.
You're not trying to make this sale, you're developing the experience so you can close any sale in this abundant world of 7 Billion people. This one person who said no wasn't your soulmate, so talking to them provided you with the experience and feedback to improve your approach.
When you're just starting out in business, it doesn't matter if 100 prospects say no to you. You're just preparing for that one yes. And when you get good at what you do, that 5% conversion rate on the approach may turn into 10...or 20.
And far along enough down this funnel, that one yes is all that matters.
This outlook helped me get past my fear of rejection and failure, but it left me with one problem.
I never defined my target customer!
And that's what I'm going to do next...
Since my first internet business took off in 2014, I began to travel a lot.
Every three to six months, I packed up my car and moved to a different city. I've lived and traveled anywhere from New York, North Carolina, Arizona, Colorado, to spending a summer driving up the Pacific Coast Highway from Southern California to Seattle.
For the latter half of 2016, I spent my time backpacking through Europe, spending a couple days, or a few weeks in each country.
On my travels, I've never really had the opportunity to form a deep meaningful relationship.
In November, I found myself passing through Amsterdam, where I met up with @BaraQueenbee for a short while. When she began giving me dating advice, it made absolutely no logical sense in my mind, and the only way she could get through to me is by using business analogies.
Business Analogies for Dating
When she tried to set me up with one of her friends, and I crashed and burned miserably, phrases such as the following were a very common occurrence:
"Bara, I know it's not a problem with the product...the product definitely delivers, it's a problem with the sales pitch!", I said before we broke out in laughter, "I have customer testimonials!"
So it got me thinking, isn't the process of finding a long-term-relationships very similar to having a customer for life? Closing that million-dollar client?
Let's consider this thread (as my friends call it...) the "James Altucher" approach. My followers often tell me I have the James Altucher approach to writing, and doing things in life. I try ridiculous things, see what sticks, and learn from my mistakes; writing about it to my followers in an embarrassing and entertaining manner.
Most of the time I don't learn from my mistakes and they get worse until I finally learn my lesson of what NOT to do. When I wrote one girl a love letter and she stopped talking to me, I wrote the next one a romance novel; and she kinda stopped talking to me too.
Finally, lesson learned.
For the purpose of this story, let's assume I'm selling a high-ticket-item that is one of a kind. A 30-year vintage product, which has a zero-return policy. Once you buy it, its yours for life. Or you file divorce and take half of my fortune, because I am one hell of an entrepreneur.
Remind me to have my lawyers draft up one hell of a contract (pre-nup) for this one lucky customer...
Lesson 1 - Avoiding Failure
Often times in business, I feared putting myself out there because I might get rejected or not make the sale. As a result of this fear, I never took the actions I needed to take in the first place.
When you don't even do anything, you're left stuck where you've always been.
I had this same problem in my dating life. They called this Approach Anxiety, where I used to see an attractive girl that I wanted to talk to, but I was so scared of rejection, that I never even took a chance.
But what was I really protecting myself from?
If you logically look at things: Even if I had terrible social skills, I was overweight, and I wasn't attractive; perhaps the chances of me getting rejected were 95%. But if I didn't even attempt to go for the sale, there was a 0% chance I would get what I want.
5% is a lot better than zero, and from there, it's just a rule of numbers. Make more sales calls.
Instead, I didn't even try. I would be exactly where I am, in fear, never moving forward with my dating life.
So if we logically know that I have to at least approach the prospect if I stand any chance of dating her...what was it that's really holding me back?
On the surface, it might look like you're wasting her time, or she might get frustrated or annoyed with your attempt. People around you might laugh if you screw it up. While you may feel embarrassed or rejected, its actually not these fears either.
I know many guys who have been rejected and failed; yet they were perfectly OK with it. No big deal. I met others who faced identical rejections, and they felt embarrassed or felt like something is wrong with them.
Two people facing the exact same circumstances, yet one of them keeps on approaching after the first NO.
It's simply that inner critic which is scolding you for missing your "one and only opportunity".
What has helped me through this phase of fearing rejection and ridicule during my "sales attempts" is to first understand that we live in a world of abundance.
Your goal is not to date THIS girl. With this high-ticket item you're selling, your goal is to date A girl.
P.S. - If you're a female reading this, I'm being gender specific because I'm a guy. For the 'fear of rejection' metaphors, replace girl with guy.
P.P.S. - IF you're a female reading this, send me a private message.
Just kidding...
Shifting to a world of abundance.
When you open up your awareness and realize that there are an abundance of customers out there, you'll no longer care if one (or a hundred) say no. Keep pushing forward...because with the one grand-slam that you hit, all these other rejections were just batting practice.
Perhaps that's enough insights so you can at least step up to the plate.
Let's call this big-ticket client my soulmate.
According to the soulmate philosophy, there is one person on this planet that you are destined to be with, and no matter what happens or how bad you screw things up, some higher power will step in and make it so you end up together.
As long as you step up to bat and keep swinging...
All of a sudden, this soulmate philosophy allowed me to simply not care about any of these rejections I have along the way. All of a sudden, my goal is not to close this sale, but to learn from my mistakes, adjust my approach, and go into the next sales call better and more equipped to handle it.
There is an old saying in personal development that "There is no failure, only feedback."
Each and every girl that says no, I always take a step back and see how I could have improved this sales approach. Not in the sense of self-judgement, but to always be improving my sales process so when that soulmate comes along, I'll be more than equipped to close the sale with.
You're not trying to make this sale, you're developing the experience so you can close any sale in this abundant world of 7 Billion people. This one person who said no wasn't your soulmate, so talking to them provided you with the experience and feedback to improve your approach.
When you're just starting out in business, it doesn't matter if 100 prospects say no to you. You're just preparing for that one yes. And when you get good at what you do, that 5% conversion rate on the approach may turn into 10...or 20.
And far along enough down this funnel, that one yes is all that matters.
This outlook helped me get past my fear of rejection and failure, but it left me with one problem.
I never defined my target customer!
And that's what I'm going to do next...
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