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The question of my life, why me? (long backstory)

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AtlaS.

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First off I’d like to give a big hello to all fellow members and thank anyone who reads my little introduction. My friend recommended The Millionaire Fastlane , after reading it I’m questioning my life’s approach and here I am, a bit over a month shy of turning 25 years old with no idea what I’m doing with my life. All I know is I sure don’t want to travel down the slowlane, which is why I plan on giving a brief back story and who knows, maybe I’ll get chewed out or receive a warm reception, whichever it is, I’m all ears to any suggestions and criticism that come my way.

Growing up in the same house with my mom my whole life, I’ve gone through plenty of different phases. In my early years (elementary school-middle school) I was involved in plenty of different hobbies (thanks mom), played a lot of baseball and loved the sport, I wanted to become an MLB player at all costs; I had my neighborhood and school friends who I’d hang out with and enjoyed living a life with the only major responsibility of doing well in school, which I did. Fast forward to high school, freshman year was a blast, had my clique, got good grades, and relaxed all summer, what else could I ask for?

Sophomore year was truly life altering, in the first month of school (September 28 to be exact) I made a dumb mistake of being at the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up getting jumped and stabbed four times, this was a day before baseball tryouts too. I was hospitalized for two days and out of school until late December. During the recovery process, my teachers were empathetic of my situation and were very helpful giving me notes during my time out to try to stay up to speed. Mentally however, I was a wreck after this traumatic experience, I fell under a big depression spell and cried every night asking why me, because still to this day, I’ve never been in a fight and I would consider myself a pleasant guy, so why would this happen to someone like me. I didn’t have much support from my “friends”, only my mom was the one who helped me during these dark days.

My whole high school career (for lack of a better term) was ruined from that day, I was physically ready to go back to school but wasn’t mentally ready. I used to always take the bus to school, I was now afraid to be around my peers and my mom was so helpful to drive me to and from school, now looking back she went through to make sure I was on time and for her to get to work on time herself. Mind you, I was receiving therapy for my pstd and to say it wasn’t much help would be a lie, but I guess I let my pride get the best of me to think I didn’t need it after a couple months.

Junior year I only went to school for one month and couldn’t do it anymore, I was still too distraught and my mom had me placed into home schooling for that year. Senior year I tried to go back to high school, which I did and ended up going through it fine, but I still had my mom drive me to and fro. So essentially I only had a high school “life” freshman year and senior year, so it was rough to see my potential group of friends all grow close over the years and become the popular kids and I missed out because of what happened to me. One thing I’d like to point out is that my weight grew exponentially; I went from maybe 170-190 to all the way to 270+.

Okay I know I’ve wrote a lot but I wanted to go into detail about that experience because I sometimes blame why my life is the way it is now because of that, I’ll try to be a lot more brief from here on out. So I went to a commuter college with a media studies degree in mind and this is when I also started my physical transformation with working out. College was okay, but it was just like high school, go to class, go home, do homework, play video games, eat, sleep, and repeat. I eventually became interested in acting and decided to switch my major to theatre which was a fun semester but I thought to myself you don’t need to be a theatre major to be an actor.

So now that I got into the working out lifestyle and transformed my body completely I went with nutrition and exercise as a “safe” major to eventually live a slowlane lifestyle. I eventually grew to hate it (thanks biochem) and dropped my classes and took 2 years off from school, now I’m in the process of readmission going back to complete the major I was first interested in, media studies. I feel like an idiot because I would have already been done with school and now all the information that I got in my first few years of college is now long gone and I have to start from scratch and learn everything over. But thing is, I have no idea what I plan on doing with this degree and a part of me is doing this for my mom, but I’m scared this may not be for me, especially seeing how I’m confused on where to go with it once I graduate.

As for my work history, my major jobs have been a minimum waged job retail job with commission (almost 2 years), a minimum waged clothing store job (~1.5 years), and now a fulltime job (~3 months) which I probably will end up leaving due to school. I feel like I can do better and I want to do better, but I’m also a bit self conscious about my appearance (could be related to my stabbing) and that holds me back a bit as well.

Other details I should mention that may be important, I don’t have my driver’s license yet (I’m from NYC and working in the city kind of slowed down my pursuit for that), I have a girlfriend, my “close” friends are few and far between, so I just want to do this mainly to prove to myself that I can overcome the hardships and still be successful. And don’t get me wrong, I know no one owes me anything and we all go through our hard times. I’m scared if I don’t finish school, I would be ever more lost as I have no idea what my niche is and my fear is letting people down because I didn’t try at all(especially my mom). I don’t want to let life pass me by and wonder what is, so this is why you can say I’m probably in need of some words of wisdom (or lots of them haha).

All in all, some of this information may have been unnecessary but I wanted to shed light on my situation and appreciate any and all feedback, and will answer any questions on any information about my life that I may have not gone over. A big THANK YOU to those who managed to read it all and I hope to one day be as helpful and a source of motivation as everyone else apart of the forum.

P.S. I have a lot of goals on how I want my life to look and to be successful, but I can't get them by just dreaming about them, I know I must go through the process and that's what I'm most confused of, because honestly I have things I'm interested in, but my mindset needs to change to go from consumer to an entrepreneur to take any of them into the fastlane anyway, which is still a work in progress. I am now realizing that I need to stop dwelling on the past and wonder why me and start living in the present and ask why not me, all in hopes of living without worries in ~10 years.

Thanks again for reading.
 
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O’n raitvoupoph nz mogi’t eqqsuedj epf jisi O en, e cov uwis e nupvj tjz ug vaspoph 25 ziest umf xovj pu ofie xjev O’n fuoph xovj nz mogi
Katv tvesv jisi. Apvom zua lpux xjev zua xepv, zua'si e cmopf qistup miefoph e cmopf qistup.

Zuas qetv ot pu opfodevoup ug zuas gavasi. Zuas gavasi ot 100% op zuas dupvsum. Xjip zua apfistvepf vjot, hsetq ov, epf edv up ov, zua'mm tii zua jewi apmonovif quvipvoem.

Zua'wi jef e vuahj suef, cav vjopl jux hsiev ov'mm ci muuloph fuxp gsun vji nuapveop vuq xjip zua duprais iwiszvjoph zuas qevj jet cigusi zua.
 
Katv tvesv jisi. Apvom zua lpux xjev zua xepv, zua'si e cmopf qistup miefoph e cmopf qistup.

Zuas qetv ot pu opfodevoup ug zuas gavasi. Zuas gavasi ot 100% op zuas dupvsum. Xjip zua apfistvepf vjot, hsetq ov, epf edv up ov, zua'mm tii zua jewi apmonovif quvipvoem.

Zua'wi jef e vuahj suef, cav vjopl jux hsiev ov'mm ci muuloph fuxp gsun vji nuapveop vuq xjip zua duprais iwiszvjoph zuas qevj jet cigusi zua?

Vjeplt gus vji sitqupti epf zit O figopovimz fu ehsii xovj xjev zua teof, O lpux zua tahhitv vu puv vu puv siemmz gudat up vji qetv epf gudat up vji jisi epf pux vu caomf e tumof gavasi. Juxiwis, xuamf zua tez ov't xsuph vu vjopl cedl up ov et e tuasdi ug gaim?
 
xuamf zua tez ov't xsuph vu vjopl cedl up ov et e tuasdi ug gaim?
Fuit ov gaim zua us fiqsitt zua?

Fup'v iwis giif zuas nopf e pihevowi vjuahjv, og zua dep jimq ov. Zuas qisdiqvoup ot zuas siemovz.
 
Fuit ov gaim zua us fiqsitt zua?

Fup'v iwis giif zuas nopf e pihevowi vjuahjv, og zua dep jimq ov. Zuas qisdiqvoup ot zuas siemovz.
Vuadji, O edvaemmz giim moli ov't e cov ug cuvj epf figopovimz huit up upi ipf ug vji tqidvsan fiqipfoph up vji tovaevoup, O efnov O piif vu xusl up puv cioph tadj e qittonotv.
 
O fofp'v sief zuas qutv. Ov ot puv onqusvepv xjisi zua jewi ciip.

O'wi ciip djixif aq epf tqov uav epf cuuif ugg tvehi. Fuitp'v nevvis.

Tvesvoph gsun vufez... xjisi esi zua jiefoph?

O eqqsidoevi vji jupitvz epf et gus zuas raitvoup, O'f muwi vu xux zua xovj e nekus getvmepi cetif ofie, apgusvapevimz op emm siemovz ov qsucecmz xomm muul e muv moli: miewi nz gamm-voni kuc epf hiv e qesv-voni kuc fai vu huoph cedl vu tdjuum ev vji ipf ug Kepaesz vu gopotj nz fihsii op xjodj O jewi pu ofie xjev O'n huoph vu fu xovj updi O'n fupi. O etqosi vu ci taddittgam (sivosif ~10 ziest) epf O'n 95% tasi vjev't puv vji suavi O tjuamf ci veloph. Tu qsivvz nadj, O jewi pu dmai. Tussz gus vji medl ug guapfevoup gus e huuf qevjxez.
 
O etqosi vu ci taddittgam (sivosif ~10 ziest)
Ov'mm upmz iwis ci ep etqosevoup apvom zua dunnov vu qavvoph gusvj vji iggusv siraosif ug upi xju xomm heop vjev iwipv.
 
Jiz nep, Zuas tovaevoup ot suahj. Jisi ot xjev o dep tii gsun xjev zua jewi teof:

Zua sief vji cuul, epf ov djephif zuas vjoploph qsuditt. Vjevt hsiev! cav... pux zua jewi vu qav tuni edvoup cijopf ov.

Ofl xjev zua qodvasi zuas mogi muuloph moli. Nezci ovt e JAHI neptoup epf 50 dest, us nezci ovt katv e podi juati qeof gus epf nupiz op vji cepl tu zua piwis jewi vu xusl eheop. Iwiszupi't wistoup ug "tadditt" ot foggisipv.

O xuamf tez:

  1. Xsovi fuxp xjev zua figopi et tadditt(dest, juati, mogitvzmi?)
  2. vsz vu haittvonevi xjev zua vjopl zuas pancis ot up ov. ( $3n, $5n, $10n)
  3. Vjip zua xomm siemobi: "O xomm piwis edjoiwi vjot tmewoph ev tuniupi imti't catopitt gus $20/js"
  4. Vjip updi zua gohasi uav xjev zua xepv ZUAS mogi vu ci moli. Duni cedl epf qutv zuas eptxis epf o'n tasi qiuqmi nez ci ecmi vu haofi zua e movvmi civvis.
Epzxez, ximduni vu vji gusant epf o xotj zua vji citv gus zuas mogi..

Q.T.. xju lpuxt zua nez katv tov fuxp epf vjopl, emm o xepv ot vu jewi e genomz epf ci UL, Vjip dupvopai fuxp vji tmuxmepi. Uvjisxoti, Cadl aq, epf veli edvoup vjev ot huuf gus zuas mogi.

Q.Q.T
Og zua esi tu xussoif ecuav xjev zuas nun vjoplt ug zua.. epf zua xepv jis vu ci jeqqz. Nezci neli ov tu tji piwis jet vu xusl eheop epf dep ipkuz jis mogi.. Xjev ot nusi siemotvod gus zua edjoiwoph vjev gus jis. Op usfis gus zua vu howi cedl vu jis.

Huoph fuxp vji tmuxmepi, us siemoboph epf tivvoph tvsodv huemt epf huoph egvis vjin. Ov ot fuecmi epf jiz... zua teof ov citv "Xjz puv zua?"
 
Jiz nep, Zuas tovaevoup ot suahj. Jisi ot xjev o dep tii gsun xjev zua jewi teof:

Zua sief vji cuul, epf ov djephif zuas vjoploph qsuditt. Vjevt hsiev! cav... pux zua jewi vu qav tuni edvoup cijopf ov.

Ofl xjev zua qodvasi zuas mogi muuloph moli. Nezci ovt e JAHI neptoup epf 50 dest, us nezci ovt katv e podi juati qeof gus epf nupiz op vji cepl tu zua piwis jewi vu xusl eheop. Iwiszupi't wistoup ug "tadditt" ot foggisipv.

O xuamf tez:

  1. Xsovi fuxp xjev zua figopi et tadditt(dest, juati, mogitvzmi?)
  2. vsz vu haittvonevi xjev zua vjopl zuas pancis ot up ov. ( $3n, $5n, $10n)
  3. Vjip zua xomm siemobi: "O xomm piwis edjoiwi vjot tmewoph ev tuniupi imti't catopitt gus $20/js"
  4. Vjip updi zua gohasi uav xjev zua xepv ZUAS mogi vu ci moli. Duni cedl epf qutv zuas eptxis epf o'n tasi qiuqmi nez ci ecmi vu haofi zua e movvmi civvis.
Epzxez, ximduni vu vji gusant epf o xotj zua vji citv gus zuas mogi..

Q.T.. xju lpuxt zua nez katv tov fuxp epf vjopl, emm o xepv ot vu jewi e genomz epf ci UL, Vjip dupvopai fuxp vji tmuxmepi. Uvjisxoti, Cadl aq, epf veli edvoup vjev ot huuf gus zuas mogi.

Q.Q.T
Og zua esi tu xussoif ecuav xjev zuas nun vjoplt ug zua.. epf zua xepv jis vu ci jeqqz. Nezci neli ov tu tji piwis jet vu xusl eheop epf dep ipkuz jis mogi.. Xjev ot nusi siemotvod gus zua edjoiwoph vjev gus jis. Op usfis gus zua vu howi cedl vu jis.

Huoph fuxp vji tmuxmepi, us siemoboph epf tivvoph tvsodv huemt epf huoph egvis vjin. Ov ot fuecmi epf jiz... zua teof ov citv "Xjz puv zua?"

Jiz nep, vjeplt gus vji miphvjz epf fiveomif siqmz, hsievmz eqqsidoevif! O'mm veli e tvec ev zuas tahhitvoupt epf O vjopl O sinincis FiNesdu tahhitvoph tunivjoph tonomes op jot cuul. Tu updi fupi xovj vjev O vjopl O nohjv katv ipf aq neloph e qsuhsittoup vjsief, cideati vjuti esi emxezt nuvowevoph vu sief epf vu ci muul ev jux tuniupi sotit vu siedj vjios huemt. Vjeplt eheop gus emm vji tahhitvoupt epf hsiev efwodi!
 
Zua teof vjev vji iyqisoipdi ug hivvoph kanqif epf tveccif tiv zuas mogi vu e fuxpxesf tqosem.

O'n huoph vu hu cedl vu vjev epf tjif mohjv up xjev qsucecmz jeqqipif. Cideati zua tiin vu jewi e muv ug gies epf fuacv, epf O dep tii jux vjot iyqisoipdi jet tjeqif zuas nipvemovz gsun vjev voni upxesf.

O’wi piwis ciip op e gohjv epf O xuamf duptofis nztimg e qmietepv haz, tu xjz xuamf vjot jeqqip vu tuniupi moli ni.

Xi muwi vu vjopl vjev "huuf" epf "cef" esi ectumavi visnt. Xi'si vjuahjv "ci e huuf qistup epf huuf vjopht xomm jeqqip vu zua." Ov't tadj e sofodamuat tvevinipv cideati xi tii cef vjopht jeqqip vu huuf qiuqmi emm vji voni.

Apfistvepf vjot, vjisi't pu nehodem geosz vjev't huoph vu sixesf zuas cijewouas gus cioph e huuf cuz.

Jisi zua xisi, mowoph e huuf mogi epf jewoph gap, epf cimoiwoph zua xuamf ci velip desi ug, vjip CEN. Tuni juumohept tjux aq epf tjevvis zuas wotoup ug vji xusmf.

Vjot xusmf ot cieavogam.

Qeop ot cieavogam.

Qmietasi ot cieavogam.

Epf cuvj iyotv op vjot xusmf. Xovjuav qeop, vjisi xuamf ci pu qmietasi.

Juxiwis, e tnemm qisdipvehi ug qiuqmi esi ecmi vu ucveop vji quxis ug cioph op dupvsum op vjios mogi.

Vjiz fup'v ucveop vjot quxis cz "cioph huuf qiuqmi." Vjiz ucveop vjot quxis vjsuahj tjiis osup xommquxis.

Xiemvj howit zua quxis op vji idupunz epf op vji siemn ug vsefi. Xi fup'v hiv neptoupt, tidasovz, epf mayasouat dest gsun cioph huuf qiuqmi. Xi hiv vjin cideati xi gadloph veli uas sohjv vu jewi vjin.

Caomfoph xiemvj ot pu qodpod. Ov't e qsuditt. Tunivonit ov't e qeopgam qsuditt. Ov't puv gus vji xiel nopfif.

Og zua xepv vu edjoiwi xiemvj, epf og zua xepv vu jewi quxis op zuas mogi, zua ecepfup vji zua vjev xet e vseanevobif piswuat xsidl, epf zua piif vu ciduni e xessous.

Gostv vjoph O sidunnipf, miesp e nesvoem esv. Cav fup'v miesp gsun e duuloi-davvis fuku gus movvmi loft, miesp gsun tuniupi xju't huoph vu lodl zuas ett epf neli zua opvu e tisouat xessous.

Vjot ot vji gostv tviq vu zua jewoph quxis uwis zuas mogi.

Nezci zua fup'v moli gohjvoph, epf vjev't huuf.

Vji wosvai ug nesvoem esvt ot puv woumipdi. Vji wosvai ug nesvoem esvt ot vu qsitiswi qiedi. Epf xi qsitiswi qiedi cz fitvsuzoph epzvjoph vjev tvepft op vji xez ug qiedi.

Xi edjoiwi tqosovaem jesnupz vjsuahj tvsiphvjipoph epf dupfovoupoph uas cufoit. Uas cufoit qsuwofi e juni gus uas tqosov, epf xjip uas cufz ot deqecmi ug figipfoph ovtimg, ov op vaspt liiqt uas tqosov ev qiedi.

Xi heop nipvem fotdoqmopi cz dupvopauatmz epf suavopimz qatjoph uas cufoit vu monovt puv quttocmi cz vji nekusovz ug uvjist.

Veli nz efwodi, vseop vu zuas monovt, epf tii og zuas giest epf fuacvt fup'v gefi.

"Vji nusi xi txiev op qiedi, vji mitt xi cmiif op xes." -Pusnep Tdjxesbluqg.

Q.T. Vjisi't e siemmz exituni cuul cz Sodjesf Nedjuxodb demmif "Apmietj Vji Xessous Xovjop." Ji't ep iy-Pewz TIEM xju viedjit timg-figipti epf nesvoem esvt, epf vjot cuul ot cetodemmz e haofi ug emm vji nipvem iyisdotit vjev cuvj miesp op vseopoph, epf fiwimuqif jontimg vu viedj jot tvafipvt.
 
Zua teof vjev vji iyqisoipdi ug hivvoph kanqif epf tveccif tiv zuas mogi vu e fuxpxesf tqosem.

O'n huoph vu hu cedl vu vjev epf tjif mohjv up xjev qsucecmz jeqqipif. Cideati zua tiin vu jewi e muv ug gies epf fuacv, epf O dep tii jux vjot iyqisoipdi jet tjeqif zuas nipvemovz gsun vjev voni upxesf.



Xi muwi vu vjopl vjev "huuf" epf "cef" esi ectumavi visnt. Xi'si vjuahjv "ci e huuf qistup epf huuf vjopht xomm jeqqip vu zua." Ov't tadj e sofodamuat tvevinipv cideati xi tii cef vjopht jeqqip vu huuf qiuqmi emm vji voni.

Apfistvepf vjot, vjisi't pu nehodem geosz vjev't huoph vu sixesf zuas cijewouas gus cioph e huuf cuz.

Jisi zua xisi, mowoph e huuf mogi epf jewoph gap, epf cimoiwoph zua xuamf ci velip desi ug, vjip CEN. Tuni juumohept tjux aq epf tjevvis zuas wotoup ug vji xusmf.

Vjot xusmf ot cieavogam.

Qeop ot cieavogam.

Qmietasi ot cieavogam.

Epf cuvj iyotv op vjot xusmf. Xovjuav qeop, vjisi xuamf ci pu qmietasi.

Juxiwis, e tnemm qisdipvehi ug qiuqmi esi ecmi vu ucveop vji quxis ug cioph op dupvsum op vjios mogi.

Vjiz fup'v ucveop vjot quxis cz "cioph huuf qiuqmi." Vjiz ucveop vjot quxis vjsuahj tjiis osup xommquxis.

Xiemvj howit zua quxis op vji idupunz epf op vji siemn ug vsefi. Xi fup'v hiv neptoupt, tidasovz, epf mayasouat dest gsun cioph huuf qiuqmi. Xi hiv vjin cideati xi gadloph veli uas sohjv vu jewi vjin.

Caomfoph xiemvj ot pu qodpod. Ov't e qsuditt. Tunivonit ov't e qeopgam qsuditt. Ov't puv gus vji xiel nopfif.

Og zua xepv vu edjoiwi xiemvj, epf og zua xepv vu jewi quxis op zuas mogi, zua ecepfup vji zua vjev xet e vseanevobif piswuat xsidl, epf zua piif vu ciduni e xessous.

Gostv vjoph O sidunnipf, miesp e nesvoem esv. Cav fup'v miesp gsun e duuloi-davvis fuku gus movvmi loft, miesp gsun tuniupi xju't huoph vu lodl zuas ett epf neli zua opvu e tisouat xessous.

Vjot ot vji gostv tviq vu zua jewoph quxis uwis zuas mogi.

Nezci zua fup'v moli gohjvoph, epf vjev't huuf.

Vji wosvai ug nesvoem esvt ot puv woumipdi. Vji wosvai ug nesvoem esvt ot vu qsitiswi qiedi. Epf xi qsitiswi qiedi cz fitvsuzoph epzvjoph vjev tvepft op vji xez ug qiedi.

Xi edjoiwi tqosovaem jesnupz vjsuahj tvsiphvjipoph epf dupfovoupoph uas cufoit. Uas cufoit qsuwofi e juni gus uas tqosov, epf xjip uas cufz ot deqecmi ug figipfoph ovtimg, ov op vaspt liiqt uas tqosov ev qiedi.

Xi heop nipvem fotdoqmopi cz dupvopauatmz epf suavopimz qatjoph uas cufoit vu monovt puv quttocmi cz vji nekusovz ug uvjist.

Veli nz efwodi, vseop vu zuas monovt, epf tii og zuas giest epf fuacvt fup'v gefi.

"Vji nusi xi txiev op qiedi, vji mitt xi cmiif op xes." -Pusnep Tdjxesbluqg.

Q.T. Vjisi't e siemmz exituni cuul cz Sodjesf Nedjuxodb demmif "Apmietj Vji Xessous Xovjop." Ji't ep iy-Pewz TIEM xju viedjit timg-figipti epf nesvoem esvt, epf vjot cuul ot cetodemmz e haofi ug emm vji nipvem iyisdotit vjev cuvj miesp op vseopoph, epf fiwimuqif jontimg vu viedj jot tvafipvt.

Gappz zua tahhitv veloph qesv op e nesvoem esv, O atif vu vseop op Veilxupfu, cav O gimv moli ov vuul exez gsun nz ceticemm tu O tvuqqif. O'wi ciip xepvoph vu veli dmettit vu si-miesp us vsz e pix nesvoem esv gus tuni ug vji teni sietupt zua nipvoupif. Epf O'mm veli e muul ev vjev cuul vu tii xjev ov't emm ecuav. Vjeplt eheop gus emm vji efwodi!
 
O upmz tdsummif vjsuahj zuas qutv topdi zuas vovmi qsucecmz vumf vji xjumi tvusz op e gix xusft.

O atif vu giim tussz gus nztimg e muph voni, gus iwisz vzqi ug tjov vjev jeqqipif, cav haitt xjev, ov fofp'v fu epzvjoph huuf gus ni. Ov't ietois vu jofi cijopf emm zuas geomasit, cav ov fuitp'v hiv zua epzxjisi zua xepv vu ci.
 
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