- Joined
- Nov 14, 2011
- Messages
- 2,486
Rep Bank
$5,040
$5,040
User Power: 433%
One of the books I'm writing has the goal of helping men improve their relationships through Authentic Attraction.
I began writing this book in March 2016.
I made a lot of mistakes in my dating life.
By traditional definition of the word, I was a failure.
I faced a lot of failures.
Looking back to earlier that year:
I wasn't self-aware.
Despite my (female) roommate tell me the love letters were creepy...I still did it anyway because....
Because isn't the logical advice people give you which changes your behavior. It's the pain you feel from your actions. For the first 3 girls, whatever. I wouldnt have ever figured it out (at the true knowing level), unless I actually went out and experienced it for myself.
For the love-story girl...that was the most painful heartbreak I felt in my entire life. It's through months of that pain, regret, and agony before I had the courage to look back and become self-aware of the things that weren't making me progress in my dating life.
But it also wasn't the years of sitting around, waiting, and trying to logically figure things out first, that got me any results either.
I used to not act because I was scared of failure, and I never took action. Business in 2011-2013 and relationships up until 2016. But this got me nowhere.
I wanted the right business idea, the right sales copy, the right marketing campaign before I even put a single thing out there into the market. So I sat around, waiting...
No results.
How does this relationship story apply to business?
Similar to my journey into entrepreneurship, I realized that all the reading, logical advice, avoiding failure, and studying didn't get me the progress and growth I was looking for.
In my relationship journey, I spent 18 months not giving a fu*k about what other people think of me. I went out there, and rapidly made it my mission to make all the mistakes I could possibly make and not fear the short-term failures and rejections. When I made all the mistakes, I ran out of mistakes to make, and eventually reaped the rewards waiting on the other side.
Eventually, after being socially awkward and shy most of my life, I struggled through the spring to boost my confidence, improve my fitness, and my attraction. And I got a girlfriend.
Eventually, after she turned out to be batshit crazy and emotionally abusive, trying to lock me in an apartment in Europe because she was so insecure...I learned what happens when you rush into the wrong relationship.
For the next few months of my life, I traveled through Europe Single again, attracting some of the most attractive women into my life, which I never thought would ever give me the time of day before. From being invited to motorcycle ride through the deserts of Morocco, to hopping on the plane and joining them on their vacations in Costa Rica, etc.
I arrived at "the other side of the struggle".
Looking at my dating life now, I'm still definitely not at the point where I feel 100% of where I want to be; but it is a lifetime away from where I see most young men struggle with still. And I learned that the quickest way to success has two parts:
1. Rapidly jump in and make all the mistakes that you can possibly make.
2. Be self-aware to be able to recognize when a behavior isn't getting you the results you want, and making the conscious decision to adjust that limiting behavior.
I've had a lot of client calls lately from my marketplace ad on here about finding a business idea.
On at least 3 of the last 4 calls, the topic came up about them not confident that their idea is 'the right idea'. That they might go out there and fail and waste time. They want to make a full time income in 3 months. And they want to get it right the first time.
This is where the self-aware part comes in.
Is that method of doing things working out for you now?
Or did the past week, the past month, the past 6 months, the past YEAR of your life go by, while you still didn't make any noticeable progress and results?
This is where the self-aware part comes in.
"Oh, yeah, it's fine....I'm (insert something to cover up the harsh truth here)" is the approach I used to use.
But the character trait I noticed that results in quickly making progress...
Is the ability to rapidly go in and go through the process of facing all the short-term failures and mistakes in the real world (not academically), which gets you to the other side - similar to my relationships.
Three parts:
The solution: Who cares if this sales approach is going to work. Who cares if this one product is the game-winning idea. Who cares if this marketing campaign leads nowhere.
I got ripped off by multiple Chinese manufacturers in 2015 before I finally developed the ability to remove this problem from my life. And it wasn't from reading about it for years, and avoiding it.
The only way to find out for sure is to go in and make all the mistakes you can make, learn from them, be self-aware to change, where you eventually know what you are doing on the other side...
And from there, you repeat the process to go through all the mistakes that you can make on the next-level. And the next. And the next.
1. Make the mistakes, without fear of failure.
2. Be self-aware and adjust - after you gain the experience yourself -
It's the pain you experience from the mistakes which helps you grow...
Relationships, business, It's all the same.
I began writing this book in March 2016.
- The first draft of the book was my attempt at writing a romance novel to win a girl over. I sent it to her and she said she never wanted to talk to me again.
- This worked out just as well as the love letters I wrote to girls after our first dates together (all 3 of them stopped talking to me).
- When the love-story girl went away, I chased. I wanted to be with her, and I had the belief I should go after what I want. So when she didn't reply, I sent more texts. She ran further. I wasn't self-aware.
- I tried to fight my way out of 'the friend zone', to no avail.
- I was nervous and anxious around women, and would spend years of my life not talking to anyone because of how shy I was.
- When I finally met a girl who wanted to date me, she asked me to be her boyfriend. My response was "I love someone else" and then told her the story of the love-story girl. It became a common theme on first-dates to talk about my love for the love-story girl. Quite surprisingly, this actually worked - despite going against common belief. I would have never figured this out, minus the fact that I had no fears holding me back from expressing this side of myself; and I did it.
- After my now-ex girlfriend still wanted to date me (despite saying I love someone else), and I flew across the world to be with her in Granada, Spain while she studied abroad, she asked me if I would hang out with love-story girl when we get back to Colorado, "Hell yeah, I would, she's my soulmate...." was my answer.
I made a lot of mistakes in my dating life.
By traditional definition of the word, I was a failure.
I faced a lot of failures.
Looking back to earlier that year:
- I wrote 3 love letters to 3 first- dates. They all left me.
- Then I wrote the love story to the one I love. She left me too.
I wasn't self-aware.
Despite my (female) roommate tell me the love letters were creepy...I still did it anyway because....
Because isn't the logical advice people give you which changes your behavior. It's the pain you feel from your actions. For the first 3 girls, whatever. I wouldnt have ever figured it out (at the true knowing level), unless I actually went out and experienced it for myself.
For the love-story girl...that was the most painful heartbreak I felt in my entire life. It's through months of that pain, regret, and agony before I had the courage to look back and become self-aware of the things that weren't making me progress in my dating life.
But it also wasn't the years of sitting around, waiting, and trying to logically figure things out first, that got me any results either.
I used to not act because I was scared of failure, and I never took action. Business in 2011-2013 and relationships up until 2016. But this got me nowhere.
I wanted the right business idea, the right sales copy, the right marketing campaign before I even put a single thing out there into the market. So I sat around, waiting...
No results.
How does this relationship story apply to business?
Similar to my journey into entrepreneurship, I realized that all the reading, logical advice, avoiding failure, and studying didn't get me the progress and growth I was looking for.
In my relationship journey, I spent 18 months not giving a fu*k about what other people think of me. I went out there, and rapidly made it my mission to make all the mistakes I could possibly make and not fear the short-term failures and rejections. When I made all the mistakes, I ran out of mistakes to make, and eventually reaped the rewards waiting on the other side.
Eventually, after being socially awkward and shy most of my life, I struggled through the spring to boost my confidence, improve my fitness, and my attraction. And I got a girlfriend.
Eventually, after she turned out to be batshit crazy and emotionally abusive, trying to lock me in an apartment in Europe because she was so insecure...I learned what happens when you rush into the wrong relationship.
For the next few months of my life, I traveled through Europe Single again, attracting some of the most attractive women into my life, which I never thought would ever give me the time of day before. From being invited to motorcycle ride through the deserts of Morocco, to hopping on the plane and joining them on their vacations in Costa Rica, etc.
I arrived at "the other side of the struggle".
Looking at my dating life now, I'm still definitely not at the point where I feel 100% of where I want to be; but it is a lifetime away from where I see most young men struggle with still. And I learned that the quickest way to success has two parts:
1. Rapidly jump in and make all the mistakes that you can possibly make.
2. Be self-aware to be able to recognize when a behavior isn't getting you the results you want, and making the conscious decision to adjust that limiting behavior.
Applying this lesson to business.
I've had a lot of client calls lately from my marketplace ad on here about finding a business idea.
On at least 3 of the last 4 calls, the topic came up about them not confident that their idea is 'the right idea'. That they might go out there and fail and waste time. They want to make a full time income in 3 months. And they want to get it right the first time.
This is where the self-aware part comes in.
Is that method of doing things working out for you now?
Or did the past week, the past month, the past 6 months, the past YEAR of your life go by, while you still didn't make any noticeable progress and results?
This is where the self-aware part comes in.
"Oh, yeah, it's fine....I'm (insert something to cover up the harsh truth here)" is the approach I used to use.
But the character trait I noticed that results in quickly making progress...
Is the ability to rapidly go in and go through the process of facing all the short-term failures and mistakes in the real world (not academically), which gets you to the other side - similar to my relationships.
Three parts:
- Where you are now (struggling)
- Where you make all the mistakes you can make.
- The other side where you adjusted your behavior to avoid those mistakes.
The solution: Who cares if this sales approach is going to work. Who cares if this one product is the game-winning idea. Who cares if this marketing campaign leads nowhere.
I got ripped off by multiple Chinese manufacturers in 2015 before I finally developed the ability to remove this problem from my life. And it wasn't from reading about it for years, and avoiding it.
The only way to find out for sure is to go in and make all the mistakes you can make, learn from them, be self-aware to change, where you eventually know what you are doing on the other side...
And from there, you repeat the process to go through all the mistakes that you can make on the next-level. And the next. And the next.
1. Make the mistakes, without fear of failure.
2. Be self-aware and adjust - after you gain the experience yourself -
It's the pain you experience from the mistakes which helps you grow...
- My goal was not to succeed in THIS relationship (100 failures failed). My goal is to succeed at THE RIGHT relationship.
- Your goal is not to succeed at THIS idea. THIS campaign. But to hit the home run with the right idea and the right campaign.
Relationships, business, It's all the same.
Dislike ads? Become a Fastlane member:
Subscribe today and surround yourself with winners and millionaire mentors, not those broke friends who only want to drink beer and play video games. :-)
Membership Required: Upgrade to Expose Nearly 1,000,000 Posts
Ready to Unleash the Millionaire Entrepreneur in You?
Become a member of the Fastlane Forum, the private community founded by best-selling author and multi-millionaire entrepreneur MJ DeMarco. Since 2007, MJ DeMarco has poured his heart and soul into the Fastlane Forum, helping entrepreneurs reclaim their time, win their financial freedom, and live their best life.
With more than 39,000 posts packed with insights, strategies, and advice, you’re not just a member—you’re stepping into MJ’s inner-circle, a place where you’ll never be left alone.
Become a member and gain immediate access to...
- Active Community: Ever join a community only to find it DEAD? Not at Fastlane! As you can see from our home page, life-changing content is posted dozens of times daily.
- Exclusive Insights: Direct access to MJ DeMarco’s daily contributions and wisdom.
- Powerful Networking Opportunities: Connect with a diverse group of successful entrepreneurs who can offer mentorship, collaboration, and opportunities.
- Proven Strategies: Learn from the best in the business, with actionable advice and strategies that can accelerate your success.
"You are the average of the five people you surround yourself with the most..."
Who are you surrounding yourself with? Surround yourself with millionaire success. Join Fastlane today!
Join Today
