Hey guys,
recently I got back from Poland, with my new driver's license in my hands, finally turning full-age, no obligation to go to school anymore and I went straight to work again.
Working and doing things, although pretty much all-day, still really felt fun (and I was heavily dreading this work before returning to Germany btw).
Things were going well, heck I doubled my money and I mean, it wasn't much to begin with (450€), but I was definitely making progress!
And then I went to therapy again, to which I hadn't been to in the past 4 months btw, and instantly was struck by negativity again.
Imagine you’re absolutely slaying it: you’ve just made 200€ in four hours, you saw an incredible opera yesterday that left you speechless, and you’re finally getting restful sleep without having to wake up at ungodly hours. Your music professor is genuinely impressed with your latest composition and is pushing you to get it ready for the upcoming competition. A new customer calls, wanting their windows cleaned tomorrow, and next week you’ve already got two more recurring jobs lined up. It feels like everything you’ve been working on, all the seeds you planted years ago, are finally bearing fruit.
And then you talk about why one of your family members hanged themselves 7 years ago.
Turns out, it's kind of a mood killer.
And so when I went to therapy, I immediately felt heavy again, talked about things that were weighing me down.
And of course life without therapy isn't all roses and sunshine either, of course.
I daily face negativity. I feel angry, I feel sad, sometimes I feel hopeless and often I feel scared of the future.
"What if my former class mates see me? What will they think?"
"The whole town will see what I'll be doing if I advertise myself there"
"What if I can't find enough customers?"
"What if I can't clean all windows perfectly and I disappoint my customers and they won't rehire me or leave a bad review even?"
"What if...?"
But it's okay.
I can do this, and I'm simply excited.
But if I weekly get reminded of how shit parts of my upbringing were or how shit my life apparently is, then that does seriously weigh me down.
My message isn't necessarily anything new; I think quite a few forum members had vaguely and shortly talked about this before, but I only now understand what they were saying.
I'm not telling you to completely avoid therapy or that I only wasted time there, no, I'm not telling you that.
But what I am trying to tell you is that you should be careful when visiting therapy, so that you don't waste up in a similar cycle.
And if I were to go to therapy again in the future, I'd look for a very very good therapist with lots of experience and one that you can really dive deep in and actually fully resolve issues with.
So if you've been going there for a few weeks, months or longer, and all you're doing is a weekly ranting session with occasionally deep conversations that don't seem to actually go anywhere though and don't help you, go look for something else.
And so I have decided to end 2 years of therapy with only 2 more sessions to go.
Cheers!
recently I got back from Poland, with my new driver's license in my hands, finally turning full-age, no obligation to go to school anymore and I went straight to work again.
Working and doing things, although pretty much all-day, still really felt fun (and I was heavily dreading this work before returning to Germany btw).
Things were going well, heck I doubled my money and I mean, it wasn't much to begin with (450€), but I was definitely making progress!
And then I went to therapy again, to which I hadn't been to in the past 4 months btw, and instantly was struck by negativity again.
Imagine you’re absolutely slaying it: you’ve just made 200€ in four hours, you saw an incredible opera yesterday that left you speechless, and you’re finally getting restful sleep without having to wake up at ungodly hours. Your music professor is genuinely impressed with your latest composition and is pushing you to get it ready for the upcoming competition. A new customer calls, wanting their windows cleaned tomorrow, and next week you’ve already got two more recurring jobs lined up. It feels like everything you’ve been working on, all the seeds you planted years ago, are finally bearing fruit.
And then you talk about why one of your family members hanged themselves 7 years ago.
Turns out, it's kind of a mood killer.
And so when I went to therapy, I immediately felt heavy again, talked about things that were weighing me down.
And of course life without therapy isn't all roses and sunshine either, of course.
I daily face negativity. I feel angry, I feel sad, sometimes I feel hopeless and often I feel scared of the future.
"What if my former class mates see me? What will they think?"
"The whole town will see what I'll be doing if I advertise myself there"
"What if I can't find enough customers?"
"What if I can't clean all windows perfectly and I disappoint my customers and they won't rehire me or leave a bad review even?"
"What if...?"
But it's okay.
I can do this, and I'm simply excited.
But if I weekly get reminded of how shit parts of my upbringing were or how shit my life apparently is, then that does seriously weigh me down.
My message isn't necessarily anything new; I think quite a few forum members had vaguely and shortly talked about this before, but I only now understand what they were saying.
I'm not telling you to completely avoid therapy or that I only wasted time there, no, I'm not telling you that.
But what I am trying to tell you is that you should be careful when visiting therapy, so that you don't waste up in a similar cycle.
And if I were to go to therapy again in the future, I'd look for a very very good therapist with lots of experience and one that you can really dive deep in and actually fully resolve issues with.
So if you've been going there for a few weeks, months or longer, and all you're doing is a weekly ranting session with occasionally deep conversations that don't seem to actually go anywhere though and don't help you, go look for something else.
And so I have decided to end 2 years of therapy with only 2 more sessions to go.
Cheers!
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