D
DeletedUser394
Guest
FIGURE IT OUT YOURSELF! :eusa_clap: (Warning: Foul language ahead...no spam though)
Okay, so most of you are aware that I've had mega problems in the past, and still have mega problems now. I've taken a break from thefastlane and what not, and just had fun. Dancing (yeah I like to make a fool out of myself, so what lol), hanging out with friends, video games, watching movies, enjoying the olympics, etc. Sure I also spent a shit load of money that I shouldn't have during this time, but I can't take back what has happened.
So, now I'm back, and I've pinpointed the sources of my problems;
1. I never realized that I AM DYING.
Think about it. No matter how unpleasant (I find it liberating) it is to realize this, the fact remains: Your life is ending one minute at a time.
Do I want to spend my precious days, hours, minutes, and even seconds doing things that do nothing for my goals, my happiness, for me as a person in general? Do I really give a shit about what Judge Judy has to say? Do I really care about who wins an oscar? NO. NO. NO!!!
2. I over analyse
I've been living this way for the past five years, and I've never realized it. I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. F*ck PERFECT. It is simply BS. No one is perfect, nothing will ever be perfect. There is no right time and no right way to do ANYTHING.
JUST DO. I have a "plan", but won't be afraid to step off the path. There is no straight line to any goal! Things change, SHIT happens all the time. Get over it. Deal with it. Shut up and keep taking action!
3. There is a reaction to every action (or inaction).
I'm failing school. It is so bad now, that I have 0 CHANCE of passing. Why? Because I never go to class, never do the work, and never really care.
But this does not matter to me. I am moving to the other side of the country this summer half way through my college program.
So why do I say this? Because my apathy towards school transcends into EVERY OTHER ASPECT OF MY LIFE.
An Example;
For over 2 years I've wanted to gain weight! Have I??? Not even a pound!! Why? Because;
a) I tried to be perfect. (remember: F*ck PERFECT)
b) I over analysed (so much so that I lost interest out of fear of deviating from my "plan")
c) I never actually DID anything to advance me to my goal of gaining weight
4. I READ TOO MUCH
I read, I reread, I rereread.... NO MORE OF THIS CRAP. I realize and can be 10000% honest.....The reason I read and plan, is because I AM SCARED.
I'll admitt it. I'm F*cking terrified of not having control. I'm terrified of not knowing what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc.
I'm scared shittless of failing. I'm scared of being laughed at, ridiculed, or put down like I have in the past.
But then I realized. F*ck THAT, F*ck THEM, AND F*ck YOU! (unless you are a friend/supporter of course :smug2
I don't care what ANYONE THINKS anymore...within reason. For instance, I'm not going to walk around like I'm king of the world. I'm going to walk around like I'm king of MY WORLD.
I might not be able to control some events in my life, past, present, and future. BUT I CAN CONTROL MY REACTIONS AND MY ACTIONS, in order to have more positive outcomes.
ALL THIS TO SAY;
I'M DONE WITH THE PITY PARTY. MY "FRIENDS" COMPLAIN WITH A "WHOAS ME" ATTITUDE ALL THE TIME....SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
I WON'T LET WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN THE PAST, DETERMINE WHO I AM OR WHAT I DO IN THE FUTURE.
I'M NOT CHANGING TOMORROW. I'M CHANGING RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT...I want to gain weight? Okay, so I'm walking to the kitchen once I post this to eat something NOW.
I don't have time for bull shit anymore. I will no longer dish out and bs, and I REFUSE TO TAKE ANY. I'm not afraid of losing "friends". There are so many great people in this world, that I don't have to put up with crap. I simply must find better friends.
SO HERE'S TO DYING! HURRAY FOR REALIZING THAT AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO THINK...I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT, I WILL NEVER HAVE TO RIGHT ANSWERS TO ANYTHING, AND I REALLY DON'T CARE!!!!
I will succeed. I'll admitt. I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS AS TO HOW... I will discover them along my journey.
If I don't post as often as I used to, it's not because I don't like you guys and galls
, it's because I'm actually TAKING ACTION...and I'm damn proud 
Ryan
Okay, so most of you are aware that I've had mega problems in the past, and still have mega problems now. I've taken a break from thefastlane and what not, and just had fun. Dancing (yeah I like to make a fool out of myself, so what lol), hanging out with friends, video games, watching movies, enjoying the olympics, etc. Sure I also spent a shit load of money that I shouldn't have during this time, but I can't take back what has happened.
So, now I'm back, and I've pinpointed the sources of my problems;
1. I never realized that I AM DYING.
Think about it. No matter how unpleasant (I find it liberating) it is to realize this, the fact remains: Your life is ending one minute at a time.
Do I want to spend my precious days, hours, minutes, and even seconds doing things that do nothing for my goals, my happiness, for me as a person in general? Do I really give a shit about what Judge Judy has to say? Do I really care about who wins an oscar? NO. NO. NO!!!
2. I over analyse
I've been living this way for the past five years, and I've never realized it. I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT. F*ck PERFECT. It is simply BS. No one is perfect, nothing will ever be perfect. There is no right time and no right way to do ANYTHING.
JUST DO. I have a "plan", but won't be afraid to step off the path. There is no straight line to any goal! Things change, SHIT happens all the time. Get over it. Deal with it. Shut up and keep taking action!
3. There is a reaction to every action (or inaction).
I'm failing school. It is so bad now, that I have 0 CHANCE of passing. Why? Because I never go to class, never do the work, and never really care.
But this does not matter to me. I am moving to the other side of the country this summer half way through my college program.
So why do I say this? Because my apathy towards school transcends into EVERY OTHER ASPECT OF MY LIFE.
An Example;
For over 2 years I've wanted to gain weight! Have I??? Not even a pound!! Why? Because;
a) I tried to be perfect. (remember: F*ck PERFECT)
b) I over analysed (so much so that I lost interest out of fear of deviating from my "plan")
c) I never actually DID anything to advance me to my goal of gaining weight
4. I READ TOO MUCH
I read, I reread, I rereread.... NO MORE OF THIS CRAP. I realize and can be 10000% honest.....The reason I read and plan, is because I AM SCARED.
I'll admitt it. I'm F*cking terrified of not having control. I'm terrified of not knowing what to do, when to do it, how to do it, etc.
I'm scared shittless of failing. I'm scared of being laughed at, ridiculed, or put down like I have in the past.
But then I realized. F*ck THAT, F*ck THEM, AND F*ck YOU! (unless you are a friend/supporter of course :smug2
I don't care what ANYONE THINKS anymore...within reason. For instance, I'm not going to walk around like I'm king of the world. I'm going to walk around like I'm king of MY WORLD.
I might not be able to control some events in my life, past, present, and future. BUT I CAN CONTROL MY REACTIONS AND MY ACTIONS, in order to have more positive outcomes.
ALL THIS TO SAY;
I'M DONE WITH THE PITY PARTY. MY "FRIENDS" COMPLAIN WITH A "WHOAS ME" ATTITUDE ALL THE TIME....SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!
I WON'T LET WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IN THE PAST, DETERMINE WHO I AM OR WHAT I DO IN THE FUTURE.
I'M NOT CHANGING TOMORROW. I'M CHANGING RIGHT THIS VERY INSTANT...I want to gain weight? Okay, so I'm walking to the kitchen once I post this to eat something NOW.
I don't have time for bull shit anymore. I will no longer dish out and bs, and I REFUSE TO TAKE ANY. I'm not afraid of losing "friends". There are so many great people in this world, that I don't have to put up with crap. I simply must find better friends.
SO HERE'S TO DYING! HURRAY FOR REALIZING THAT AS MUCH AS I'D LIKE TO THINK...I WILL NEVER BE PERFECT, I WILL NEVER HAVE TO RIGHT ANSWERS TO ANYTHING, AND I REALLY DON'T CARE!!!!
I will succeed. I'll admitt. I DON'T HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS AS TO HOW... I will discover them along my journey.
If I don't post as often as I used to, it's not because I don't like you guys and galls
, it's because I'm actually TAKING ACTION...and I'm damn proud Ryan
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