Finding a mentor

[REV5028]

I've seen some comments/posts from people looking for a mentor. I've also been finding myself feeling overwhelmed/lost and thinking "It would be so helpful to have a mentor!" The internal dialogue that usually follows is "How would I even start that kind of relationship? Why would anyone want to be my mentor?" And, usually, this ends with a sigh or a grumble and me going about business as usual (reading, searching the internet/this forum, some kind of distraction, etc. etc.).

Not today though. Today I reflected a little deeper.

I feel I need a mentor because thinking and acting like an entrepreneur is new to me.
Okay, but I've certainly done new things before on my own, right? Heck, even all the way back to the first day of elementary school. I was put on a loud bus and taken to a big cinder block building where I was put in a room with 20 other crying kids and a stranger who said they were my teacher. Sure, I knew what a bus was. But there was no way Dad could fully prepare me for what being on the bus would be like. Sure, I was told I'd be going alone. But, again, there was no way for me to fully know what that was going to be like until I was in the situation.
But I knew enough to get through it.

I got through it so well that I kept going. College. More college. MORE college. Each time was a bit different and new; new places farther and farther away from home, new schools, new people, new expectations. And school isn't the only example. Jobs, internships, traveling, etc.
So why does entering the entrepreneurial world feel so different?
For one, I had a lot of mentorship, guidance, and friendship. Family, friends who had gone through it before or were also going through it, professors, academic advisors, university resources, bosses, etc. I'm not lazy and I'm not a horrible person, so it took practically zero effort on my part to get these mentorships.
It's easy to find help and common ground when you're doing what everyone around you is doing.

But certainly I've done things that people around me haven't done, right? .. Right? .. It's surprisingly hard to come up with examples! Here are a few of the ones I can think of:

• First when I adopted a goldfish. Yes, a goldfish. I was determined to give that fish the best life. He wasn't going to die in a week like my last goldfish. I researched like crazy and found a forum on which I asked dumb questions until I had a 50 gallon tank for 3 fish set up with filters and air bubblers and I was doing water changes twice a week. EVERYONE, friends, family, boyfriend, thought I was actually insane. But here we are close to 10 years later and one of those goldfish is still with me.
• Second when I went vegan; again tons of independent research and experimentation and a ton of criticism and opposition. And again, here I am almost a decade later and I'm happily not looking back.
• Most recently, (this one is kind of iffy on the "alone" factor), last year when I adopted a ~3 year old Rottweiler with massive issues - major dog reactivity, severe separation anxiety (he broke out of crates, my apartment, and my car window...), and had a sad aversion to going potty. Besides a friend also dealing with a different kind of psychotic dog, no one I knew could relate. Once again, a lot of research and trial and error ensued. Not even a whole year later, this dog is the biggest Momma's boy and is happily cohabitating with another dog.

Okay, but those examples are relatively simple. I read a bit, watched some videos, and put what I learned into practice and refined it until it worked for me. Although one could have possibly been nice, I ultimately didn't need a mentor.

A better example might be when I started rock climbing. I went to a small local gym with some friends where they had volunteers belaying people, so we really only had to physically climb. One of my friends and I were hooked on day one. After a couple of weeks it was apparent that the volunteers were always busy belaying people and the wait time for a climb could be half an hour or more, sometimes you didn't even get to climb what you wanted. That's when we noticed there were people belaying who weren't volunteers and we realized that we could learn how to belay each other so we didn't need to rely on the volunteers. This is where the difference is between this example and those above. We couldn't just watch some videos and repeatedly drop each other off of cliffs until we got it right. We needed a mentor. We kept showing up and eventually got noticed by a regular climber who knew much more than us. He offered to belay us because he had seen us there several times before and all of the volunteers were busy. We asked if he could teach us how to belay. Things rocked from then on and we eventually became mentors ourselves.

The last bit of my climbing story is important. First, we had to show up. Not just once a month. We were there 2-3x a week. Second, someone had to be willing to be a mentor. Third, we had to show our willingness to learn and grow as climbers. He probably wouldn't have continued to belay and hang out with us if all we ever did was show interest in having him as our belay biotch.

So. Back to the entrepreneurial journey.

What is the problem in front of you? Have you committed to a single problem/project?
Do you know enough to get started?
Are you asking questions? Are they good questions?
Are you willing to take action? (Repeated trial and error is necessary.)
Do you currently need a mentor?
Are you showing up? (If you show up, you'll most likely easily find someone willing to be a mentor.)
What would a personal mentor provide you that you cannot get on this forum or elsewhere?
What's holding you back? (Fear? Laziness?)

Going through my past experiences and picking them apart has helped me realize that I truly haven't committed to a single project yet and that's where all of my feelings of being overwhelmed and lost come from. That's something I need to figure out on my own. Then I can move forward and find a mentor if I actually need one.

Anyway, I've been feeling overwhelmed with all of the information and wisdom I've been finding in MJ's books and on the forum, and I can relate to how someone might jump straight into feeling like they need a mentor instead of letting things sink in and taking the time to sort everything out. So, I thought maybe this could help at least one other newer forum member.

Wishing you all the best!

 

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[Andy Black]

I've seen some comments/posts from people looking for a mentor. I've also been finding myself feeling overwhelmed/lost and thinking "It would be so helpful to have a mentor!" The internal dialogue that usually follows is "How would I even start that kind of relationship? Why would anyone want to be my mentor?" And, usually, this ends with a sigh or a grumble and me going about business as usual (reading, searching the internet/this forum, some kind of distraction, etc. etc.).

Not today though. Today I reflected a little deeper.

I feel I need a mentor because thinking and acting like an entrepreneur is new to me.
Okay, but I've certainly done new things before on my own, right? Heck, even all the way back to the first day of elementary school. I was put on a loud bus and taken to a big cinder block building where I was put in a room with 20 other crying kids and a stranger who said they were my teacher. Sure, I knew what a bus was. But there was no way Dad could fully prepare me for what being on the bus would be like. Sure, I was told I'd be going alone. But, again, there was no way for me to fully know what that was going to be like until I was in the situation.
But I knew enough to get through it.

I got through it so well that I kept going. College. More college. MORE college. Each time was a bit different and new; new places farther and farther away from home, new schools, new people, new expectations. And school isn't the only example. Jobs, internships, traveling, etc.
So why does entering the entrepreneurial world feel so different?
For one, I had a lot of mentorship, guidance, and friendship. Family, friends who had gone through it before or were also going through it, professors, academic advisors, university resources, bosses, etc. I'm not lazy and I'm not a horrible person, so it took practically zero effort on my part to get these mentorships.
It's easy to find help and common ground when you're doing what everyone around you is doing.

But certainly I've done things that people around me haven't done, right? .. Right? .. It's surprisingly hard to come up with examples! Here are a few of the ones I can think of:

• First when I adopted a goldfish. Yes, a goldfish. I was determined to give that fish the best life. He wasn't going to die in a week like my last goldfish. I researched like crazy and found a forum on which I asked dumb questions until I had a 50 gallon tank for 3 fish set up with filters and air bubblers and I was doing water changes twice a week. EVERYONE, friends, family, boyfriend, thought I was actually insane. But here we are close to 10 years later and one of those goldfish is still with me.
• Second when I went vegan; again tons of independent research and experimentation and a ton of criticism and opposition. And again, here I am almost a decade later and I'm happily not looking back.
• Most recently, (this one is kind of iffy on the "alone" factor), last year when I adopted a ~3 year old Rottweiler with massive issues - major dog reactivity, severe separation anxiety (he broke out of crates, my apartment, and my car window...), and had a sad aversion to going potty. Besides a friend also dealing with a different kind of psychotic dog, no one I knew could relate. Once again, a lot of research and trial and error ensued. Not even a whole year later, this dog is the biggest Momma's boy and is happily cohabitating with another dog.

Okay, but those examples are relatively simple. I read a bit, watched some videos, and put what I learned into practice and refined it until it worked for me. Although one could have possibly been nice, I ultimately didn't need a mentor.

A better example might be when I started rock climbing. I went to a small local gym with some friends where they had volunteers belaying people, so we really only had to physically climb. One of my friends and I were hooked on day one. After a couple of weeks it was apparent that the volunteers were always busy belaying people and the wait time for a climb could be half an hour or more, sometimes you didn't even get to climb what you wanted. That's when we noticed there were people belaying who weren't volunteers and we realized that we could learn how to belay each other so we didn't need to rely on the volunteers. This is where the difference is between this example and those above. We couldn't just watch some videos and repeatedly drop each other off of cliffs until we got it right. We needed a mentor. We kept showing up and eventually got noticed by a regular climber who knew much more than us. He offered to belay us because he had seen us there several times before and all of the volunteers were busy. We asked if he could teach us how to belay. Things rocked from then on and we eventually became mentors ourselves.

The last bit of my climbing story is important. First, we had to show up. Not just once a month. We were there 2-3x a week. Second, someone had to be willing to be a mentor. Third, we had to show our willingness to learn and grow as climbers. He probably wouldn't have continued to belay and hang out with us if all we ever did was show interest in having him as our belay biotch.

So. Back to the entrepreneurial journey.

What is the problem in front of you? Have you committed to a single problem/project?
Do you know enough to get started?
Are you asking questions? Are they good questions?
Are you willing to take action? (Repeated trial and error is necessary.)
Do you currently need a mentor?
Are you showing up? (If you show up, you'll most likely easily find someone willing to be a mentor.)
What would a personal mentor provide you that you cannot get on this forum or elsewhere?
What's holding you back? (Fear? Laziness?)

Going through my past experiences and picking them apart has helped me realize that I truly haven't committed to a single project yet and that's where all of my feelings of being overwhelmed and lost come from. That's something I need to figure out on my own. Then I can move forward and find a mentor if I actually need one.

Anyway, I've been feeling overwhelmed with all of the information and wisdom I've been finding in MJ's books and on the forum, and I can relate to how someone might jump straight into feeling like they need a mentor instead of letting things sink in and taking the time to sort everything out. So, I thought maybe this could help at least one other newer forum member.

Wishing you all the best!

People love to help people in motion. Just look at the progress threads that get traction. They're not the declaration threads, they're the threads where people document what they've already done, and where they consistently show up.

Being in motion also creates a vacuum behind you. Keep moving in a direction and people get sucked in behind you and follow along.

Often that's all you need to do is pick a direction, get started, and keep going.

 

[Subsonic]

I've seen some comments/posts from people looking for a mentor. I've also been finding myself feeling overwhelmed/lost and thinking "It would be so helpful to have a mentor!" The internal dialogue that usually follows is "How would I even start that kind of relationship? Why would anyone want to be my mentor?" And, usually, this ends with a sigh or a grumble and me going about business as usual (reading, searching the internet/this forum, some kind of distraction, etc. etc.).

Not today though. Today I reflected a little deeper.

I feel I need a mentor because thinking and acting like an entrepreneur is new to me.
Okay, but I've certainly done new things before on my own, right? Heck, even all the way back to the first day of elementary school. I was put on a loud bus and taken to a big cinder block building where I was put in a room with 20 other crying kids and a stranger who said they were my teacher. Sure, I knew what a bus was. But there was no way Dad could fully prepare me for what being on the bus would be like. Sure, I was told I'd be going alone. But, again, there was no way for me to fully know what that was going to be like until I was in the situation.
But I knew enough to get through it.

I got through it so well that I kept going. College. More college. MORE college. Each time was a bit different and new; new places farther and farther away from home, new schools, new people, new expectations. And school isn't the only example. Jobs, internships, traveling, etc.
So why does entering the entrepreneurial world feel so different?
For one, I had a lot of mentorship, guidance, and friendship. Family, friends who had gone through it before or were also going through it, professors, academic advisors, university resources, bosses, etc. I'm not lazy and I'm not a horrible person, so it took practically zero effort on my part to get these mentorships.
It's easy to find help and common ground when you're doing what everyone around you is doing.

But certainly I've done things that people around me haven't done, right? .. Right? .. It's surprisingly hard to come up with examples! Here are a few of the ones I can think of:

• First when I adopted a goldfish. Yes, a goldfish. I was determined to give that fish the best life. He wasn't going to die in a week like my last goldfish. I researched like crazy and found a forum on which I asked dumb questions until I had a 50 gallon tank for 3 fish set up with filters and air bubblers and I was doing water changes twice a week. EVERYONE, friends, family, boyfriend, thought I was actually insane. But here we are close to 10 years later and one of those goldfish is still with me.
• Second when I went vegan; again tons of independent research and experimentation and a ton of criticism and opposition. And again, here I am almost a decade later and I'm happily not looking back.
• Most recently, (this one is kind of iffy on the "alone" factor), last year when I adopted a ~3 year old Rottweiler with massive issues - major dog reactivity, severe separation anxiety (he broke out of crates, my apartment, and my car window...), and had a sad aversion to going potty. Besides a friend also dealing with a different kind of psychotic dog, no one I knew could relate. Once again, a lot of research and trial and error ensued. Not even a whole year later, this dog is the biggest Momma's boy and is happily cohabitating with another dog.

Okay, but those examples are relatively simple. I read a bit, watched some videos, and put what I learned into practice and refined it until it worked for me. Although one could have possibly been nice, I ultimately didn't need a mentor.

A better example might be when I started rock climbing. I went to a small local gym with some friends where they had volunteers belaying people, so we really only had to physically climb. One of my friends and I were hooked on day one. After a couple of weeks it was apparent that the volunteers were always busy belaying people and the wait time for a climb could be half an hour or more, sometimes you didn't even get to climb what you wanted. That's when we noticed there were people belaying who weren't volunteers and we realized that we could learn how to belay each other so we didn't need to rely on the volunteers. This is where the difference is between this example and those above. We couldn't just watch some videos and repeatedly drop each other off of cliffs until we got it right. We needed a mentor. We kept showing up and eventually got noticed by a regular climber who knew much more than us. He offered to belay us because he had seen us there several times before and all of the volunteers were busy. We asked if he could teach us how to belay. Things rocked from then on and we eventually became mentors ourselves.

The last bit of my climbing story is important. First, we had to show up. Not just once a month. We were there 2-3x a week. Second, someone had to be willing to be a mentor. Third, we had to show our willingness to learn and grow as climbers. He probably wouldn't have continued to belay and hang out with us if all we ever did was show interest in having him as our belay biotch.

So. Back to the entrepreneurial journey.

What is the problem in front of you? Have you committed to a single problem/project?
Do you know enough to get started?
Are you asking questions? Are they good questions?
Are you willing to take action? (Repeated trial and error is necessary.)
Do you currently need a mentor?
Are you showing up? (If you show up, you'll most likely easily find someone willing to be a mentor.)
What would a personal mentor provide you that you cannot get on this forum or elsewhere?
What's holding you back? (Fear? Laziness?)

Going through my past experiences and picking them apart has helped me realize that I truly haven't committed to a single project yet and that's where all of my feelings of being overwhelmed and lost come from. That's something I need to figure out on my own. Then I can move forward and find a mentor if I actually need one.

Anyway, I've been feeling overwhelmed with all of the information and wisdom I've been finding in MJ's books and on the forum, and I can relate to how someone might jump straight into feeling like they need a mentor instead of letting things sink in and taking the time to sort everything out. So, I thought maybe this could help at least one other newer forum member.

Wishing you all the best!

Hey thanks for the post. I have always been the "figure it out and then teach it" guy so it's rather eye opening to hear what a good mentor can do.

 

[Shono]

I’d love a mentor

 

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[Andy Black]

I want a mentor

You're getting a lot of advice in your fitness feats thread. Keep being in motion and people will keep helping. You maybe don't realise it, but that's invaluable mentoring. The beauty of the forum is we get mentorship from many people.


Also, here's a tip for you...

Try not to start sentences with "I want". Parents will know this more than those without kids. It's not a great look on a kid to say "I want". Most parents try to help their kids express that in other ways:

• I'd like ...
• I'd love ...
• Can I ... please?
• How do I ... please?

On another level, to want means to not have. I feel people who talk about what they want are just focusing on themselves, and what they don't have. Focus on what you do have and how you can use it to get what you don't have. And see if you can turn your focus away from what you don't have to what you can do for other people.

As Zig Ziglar famously said:

"You will get all you want in life, if you help enough other people get what they want."

 

[Primeperiwinkle]

My mentors have always been people who inspired me to try harder just by their commitment to excellence. I usually ask them very few questions and then hide from them until I have something I can show them that I think will make them proud.

The best leaders/mentors are the ones who help me ask better questions and inspire me to trust in myself instead of relying on them. Your post carried that sentiment beautifully.

 

[REV5028]

People love to help people in motion.

Often that's all you need to do is pick a direction, get started, and keep going.

I can see why some might read the books, get on the forum, and feel like they are already in motion. I mean, after all, reading the books, joining the forum, and being open to the fastlane mindset is already three steps in a different direction than most (or all) of the people around them. I can also see how someone might think they have gotten started "Okay! I read the books, I'm a believer, I'm here. What's next? ... Can someone help me?" With the abundance of information, it could be easy to be a consumer and lose sight of their own thoughts and direction (thanks for that reminder in another post, btw!). I just wanted to expand on what you and others have already said over and over on the forum.

Hey thanks for the post. I have always been the "figure it out and then teach it" guy so it's rather eye opening to hear what a good mentor can do.

Hey, thanks for taking the time to read and comment. I've had a few good mentors, and I've also had a few not so great ones. I think it's important to do your own figuring out a bit before searching for a mentor - it makes it easier to tell if someone is a good mentor or a not so great mentor.

I’d love a mentor

From the little that I have seen, it seems like you're on your way to developing a more personal mentorship. You're showing up, you have a progress thread that is gaining traction, and more experienced entrepreneurs are noticing you. It might not feel like you're getting what you need, but you're likely closer than you think. Basically, what Andy already said.

My mentors have always been people who inspired me to try harder just by their commitment to excellence. I usually ask them very few questions and then hide from them until I have something I can show them that I think will make them proud.

The best leaders/mentors are the ones who help me ask better questions and inspire me to trust in myself instead of relying on them. Your post carried that sentiment beautifully.

Thanks for your comment! This resonates with me a lot. I tend to get excited, ask some dumb questions, realize how ignorant and annoying I'm being, go off on my own for a while, then come back when I feel I can make them proud, either with good questions or some sort of result.

My mentors have always been "in real life" - people I encounter doing the things I'm working to be better at. For me, the totally virtual nature of mentorship on this forum has been new and different, so I'm still navigating that. I'm coming to realize that a mentor might not necessarily be someone who is an expert in what I'm pursuing.

 

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