Do you guys feel envious of those who come from same background as you and are more successful than you?

[SyedMSawaid]

Note: This is my first post so be kind in the comments!

I kind of feel envious when a person of the same background as me gets more successful (according to my definition of success). Lately, podcasts are booming in Pakistan, and people from all walks of life share their stories. Some of the podcasts that feature techies always create a strong reaction in me. I usually take it as a signal for the things I want in life (otherwise, why would I ever envy him, learned it from The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene).

It depresses me and fuels me at the same time. The depression is just for a few minutes until I switch on my conscious brain. I kind of like this feeling, but at the same time, I hate it.

If you are confused by my post, it is just a random rant. Share your thoughts on it.

Btw, how would DeMarco's classmates and friends feel looking at his success? I think you just can't escape the reality that you failed and, possibly, wasted your life.

 

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[DMass]

It inspires me.

If they can do it so can I.

It should motivate you, it should give you a reason to keep going, and it should light a fire under your a$$ to get going.

Do you know the story of the 4 minute mile? For years and years no one could break the 4 minute mile, many tried and many fell short. Some of the best runners of the time just could run a mile in less than 4 minutes.

Then someone did - Roger Bannister.

And then someone else did, and someone else, and someone else. Once Roger showed it could be don't others proceeded to do the same.

These guys are your Roger Bannister.

They've shown you it can be done. Use it. You know it's possible so now what's your excuse?

It doesn't matter, if they can do it, so you can you.

So just go and do it.

 

[Rangermac2]

Note: This is my first post so be kind in the comments!

I kind of feel envious when a person of the same background as me gets more successful (according to my definition of success). Lately, podcasts are booming in Pakistan, and people from all walks of life share their stories. Some of the podcasts that feature techies always create a strong reaction in me. I usually take it as a signal for the things I want in life (otherwise, why would I ever envy him, learned it from The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene).

It depresses me and fuels me at the same time. The depression is just for a few minutes until I switch on my conscious brain. I kind of like this feeling, but at the same time, I hate it.

If you are confused by my post, it is just a random rant. Share your thoughts on it.

Btw, how would DeMarco's classmates and friends feel looking at his success? I think you just can't escape the reality that you failed and, possibly, wasted your life.

It gives me an excuse to continue working harder. I can't say its envy but rather a desire to excel further and further. It's rough when you see people who don't put the effort or skill into something and it work out for them while you may work hard and smart and it gets you no where. I am fueled by that to become even better and be the best.

For MJ's classmates they probably wonder why they couldn't have the same outcome and chances are they ask why they weren't "lucky". Luck is just the result of effort - invariably it could result in many different outcomes but effort has to be made and it has to be a well calculated effort. Like most people, his classmates may have never taken the risks and effort to get to the same position he is in.

 

[Kevin88660]

Note: This is my first post so be kind in the comments!

I kind of feel envious when a person of the same background as me gets more successful (according to my definition of success). Lately, podcasts are booming in Pakistan, and people from all walks of life share their stories. Some of the podcasts that feature techies always create a strong reaction in me. I usually take it as a signal for the things I want in life (otherwise, why would I ever envy him, learned it from The Laws of Human Nature by Robert Greene).

It depresses me and fuels me at the same time. The depression is just for a few minutes until I switch on my conscious brain. I kind of like this feeling, but at the same time, I hate it.

If you are confused by my post, it is just a random rant. Share your thoughts on it.

Btw, how would DeMarco's classmates and friends feel looking at his success? I think you just can't escape the reality that you failed and, possibly, wasted your life.

It feels like you are being forced fed something untasty but there is no choice but to swallow it.

But it happens more than once in life. So I do get used to it.

The CEO who was famously grilled in U.S. congress studied in the same local school that I did, except he is many years my senior and I don’t personally know him. A quick google search shows that he has working class parents without the possible connections that others could have.

 

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[Johnny boy]

They did not get there by giving a F*ck about what anyone else was doing.

You do not know their life anyways. You only see a job title or how many instagram followers they have.

You don't even get to see their bank account. You don't really know if anyone is successful.

You don't know if they are happy, if they hate everyone in their life, if they are 2 more bad days away from killing themselves, or if their life is awesome and 1000x better than yours.

Life is long, you may pass them, and other people that you wrote off as losers may pass both of you.

Worry about yourself. Some people call that narcissism but it's a good thing.

Would it make you feel better if everyone was a loser?

I bet many people look at me and think "damn I would swap places with him any day". But I have a mountain of problems like anyone else.

It doesn't matter. Forget about them. Stop comparing. Figure out your own goals, get your head screwed on straight, stay in your own lane and keep working, always being thankful for everything you are lucky enough to have.

The best place to be is too busy to even think about comparing. Too busy to be worried. Too much momentum to look back. Too much energy to be bored. Too much activity to be sad.

You have limited mental bandwidth. Worrying takes up space. Comparing takes up space. Arguing takes up space. Don't worry, don't compare, and don't argue. You will have more freed up bandwidth for performing at your best.

 

[BizyDad]

I already wrote this once. I'll just quote it here...

I've been noodling a post of my own along these lines. I think I'll just add my thoughts here instead.

I only remember two fortune cookies in my life. One said I will always have artists in my home. I thought that was such a weird fortune.

The other one said never judge your inside by somebody else's outside.

So often, I want people on the forum to understand that.

Everyone here is measuring themselves against the other people that they see. Even I'm guilty of it. At its worst it's just straight up jealousy. But only slightly less worse is a whole bunch of insecurity.

But the thing is, every one on here has doubt. Everyone on here is at a varying stage of "figuring it out".

Recently, BD43 talked about a key ingredient for Kak's success is his self-esteem.

Maybe I've seen a different side of @Kak . Maybe it's the nature of how I am. I ask deep probing questions. Or maybe it's the fact that when I first met Kak, I was still pretty broken and healing and vulnerable and went to him seeking help on a spiritual level.

But he has confided in me some of his doubts and insecurities. We all have them.

Sure, I would say he's got pretty good self-esteem. If he didn't, I wouldn't feel comfortable sharing this about him. But I wouldn't say that that's his key to success.

We're all just humans on here people. The successful ones aren't any better people than you or me. They just are a little farther on the path of figuring their things out.

So don't judge yourself against what you perceive is someone else's success. A little healthy competition never hurt anybody. But that person that you see is so put together, so rock solid, probably has just as many insecurities as anyone else does.

They just don't let insecurities stop them.

And thankfully this is a skill that you, dear reader, can also develop in time.

I'll wrap up with this thought. If any of you artist types reading this ever want to pay a visit to Chateau Bizydad, you're welcome to.

 

[PureA]

Some of the most potent palpable experiences I've had in my life are when I've met people who are worth 10-100m and are just like me, maybe a little smarter, maybe a little bit dumber... but all in all, completely the same.

The difference is they actually followed through on what other people think about, or tell themselves they might get around to in the future.

A bit of courage, persistence, and focus is all.

 

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[Oso]

I used to and it used to be accompanied by anger. Extreme anger.

As I neared my mid-late 20s, I realized I didn't hate them, envy them, etc. It was simply a reflection of my self-worth.

You see, in the public eye, no one really shows you the gross "behind-the-scenes" shit, so all society sees is "look at my perfect life." When you feel stuck, when you feel you aren't meeting your personal standards, etc. is when inspiration turns to jealousy, hatred, and anger.

Furthermore, when who we want to be fails to line-up with the reality of who we currently are, we tend to tunnel vision on the process (AKA: work) required to get there. give up, and get angry.

There are a ton of people on this forum that are vastly more successful than I am. And most of them are younger than I am (and I'm only 34). 5-10 years ago, I would've hated them and wanted nothing to do with them. Nowadays I'd shake their hand and try to learn as much as I can from them.

But the difference is, nowadays I have my own business, as well as a couple of side projects. I stay busy. I build. I grow. I evolve. And now, when I make comparisons, I'm comparing my now-self to who I was X amount of time ago.

The moment you tunnel vision on your personal growth and development, is the moment you cease to compare yourself to others. Because at that point, you'll be so focused on seeing how far you can personally go that what they're doing will be irrelevant.

Good luck.

 

[locomotiv]

It inspires me.

If they can do it so can I.

It should motivate you, it should give you a reason to keep going, and it should light a fire under your a$$ to get going.

Do you know the story of the 4 minute mile? For years and years no one could break the 4 minute mile, many tried and many fell short. Some of the best runners of the time just could run a mile in less than 4 minutes.

Then someone did - Roger Bannister.

And then someone else did, and someone else, and someone else. Once Roger showed it could be don't others proceeded to do the same.

These guys are your Roger Bannister.

They've shown you it can be done. Use it. You know it's possible so now what's your excuse?

It doesn't matter, if they can do it, so you can you.

So just go and do it.

brilliant answer, thank you for sharing this

 

[Raedrum]

They did not get there by giving a F*ck about what anyone else was doing.

You do not know their life anyways. You only see a job title or how many instagram followers they have.

You don't even get to see their bank account. You don't really know if anyone is successful.

You don't know if they are happy, if they hate everyone in their life, if they are 2 more bad days away from killing themselves, or if their life is awesome and 1000x better than yours.

Life is long, you may pass them, and other people that you wrote off as losers may pass both of you.

Worry about yourself. Some people call that narcissism but it's a good thing.

Would it make you feel better if everyone was a loser?

I bet many people look at me and think "damn I would swap places with him any day". But I have a mountain of problems like anyone else.

It doesn't matter. Forget about them. Stop comparing. Figure out your own goals, get your head screwed on straight, stay in your own lane and keep working, always being thankful for everything you are lucky enough to have.

The best place to be is too busy to even think about comparing. Too busy to be worried. Too much momentum to look back. Too much energy to be bored. Too much activity to be sad.

You have limited mental bandwidth. Worrying takes up space. Comparing takes up space. Arguing takes up space. Don't worry, don't compare, and don't argue. You will have more freed up bandwidth for performing at your best.

Short answer: Yes totally

Correct answer: Johnny Boy pretty much nailed it

 

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[Andy Black]

No.

I feel blessed to be born of able body and mind, live in a country where I've rights and opportunities, where no-one is shooting at us, and where I get to work from home.

I've family and friends and am in charge of my own destiny. Plus I don't pay any heed to what other people are or aren't doing.

I suppose I'd have liked to have kids earlier, but it is what it is.

 

[Panos Daras]

It is only human to feel that way. But you should also be grateful that you are alive and have good enough physical and mental health to achieve your goals. There is nothing worse than being envious of other people. Really everyone is different and you should not judge others or yourself harshly. The premise is simple. Try to be better every day. Even a little tiny bit better on something. “Don't compare yourself with other people; compare yourself with who you were yesterday. Define what metrics matter to you and be a tiny bit better. You are allowed to stop or move forwards slowly but not backward. If you see you are moving backward, course correct and don't be too harsh on yourself. Congratulations you are human!

 

[Tomco]

Thank you for the post @SyedMSawaid!

I was in a difficult mental rut because of some personal problems at work. Basically I was jealous. Jealous of the recognition others have, jealous of the benefits others have, just an overwhelming sense of envy. Social media doesn't help either.

But your post, and the replies, helped immensely. One of our best weapons is our ability to choose. And I was choosing to feel this way.

I would like to tell you that with this great revelation, my vision turned around and I started seeing rainbows and unicorns dancing around. It's much more complex than that.

But realizing that I was focusing on others and not me, helped to prioritize my goals and double down my efforts.

Basically if you're whining about it, do something about it.

(Ps. I love Robert Greene's Books, especially his 48 laws of Power, shows how the human animal has interacted throughout history)

 

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