So, I'm about to cross the 30-year-old threshold, which has prompted me to reflect on life so far, and I'll share my lessons because hopefully some of you may benefit from them and gain a bit more clarity on your own challenges.
By and large, I'll break down life in 4 eras, each corresponding to approximately 10 years of life.
0-10 Years Old – Childhood – Gaining Physical Skills & Learning The Basics
I doubt anyone on this forum is in this age bracket. But if you are, then the keys are to get general physical skills and learn the basics of living in the world. Get familiar with your emotional needs, if possible live in a loving environment. Not things you can have much control over.
But these things are very important. They will give you emotional stability and self-control that you will otherwise lack. If you look at the beggar you see on the street, you're likely looking at someone who failed this stage AND didn't have other people to support them afterwards. Hence they ended up as a leaf in the wind.
The result of that is terrible: powerlessness.
I was lucky to have had a stable family to be born into who could take care of me and made sure I got the nurturing that was necessary. Not everything was perfect, I doubt it is for anyone, but by and large I learned the necessary physical skills and the basics of how the world works.
Being born in a dog-eat-dog environment though, I did also gain some negative attitudes which affected me both positively and negatively. On the one hand, it made me very competitive. On the other, it decreased my sense of self-esteem and trust.
The big "mistake" to avoid is not being parented properly.
10-20 Years Old – Adolescence – Gaining General Life Skills & Self-Reliance
Math, science, physics, literature.
Dealing with conflict.
Socializing.
Learning to do some things by yourself and be responsible for them.
All general life skills which you have to learn while you're a teen.
Here you have a lot more ability to have control over your life. And you should exercise it. Read widely.
Personally I found philosophy of high interest in this period. I consumed a lot of it. Same for religion.
The big mistake to avoid is not learning new things.
20-30 Years Old – Adulthood – Gaining Specialist/Technical Skills
The key here is to gain specialist skills. Ideally in a domain where demand is rapidly growing and expanding, if your goal is to get rich. Computers. Marketing. Sales. AI. Software. Internet.
Forget the boring professions: lawyer, doctor, blah blah. You ain't gonna get rich there.
How you get those skills is less important, and more a function of your personality and character.
For myself, I never held a job, so I gained the skills by freelancing and building 2 businesses. And reading.
A job means that you get paid to be taught. If you go down this route, make sure you get solid mentors. Focus on building your network and gaining specialist skills. Make yourself as useful as possible to those in charge of you. Take initiative, come up with new ways to help them achieve their goals.
Reading means that you invest your time to learn by yourself.
Freelancing also means you're teaching yourself.
Obviously getting a job will appeal more to extroverts, less to introverts who would prefer reading, self-study, freelancing.
In all cases, even when getting a job, your goal isn't so much the money you can make immediately, but the specialist skills you'll gain.
If you do well at this stage of your life, you'll NEVER be broke.
Look at my case – I can do ANYTHING that involves the internet and building a business via the internet. That means that anyone who's trying to build an online business of any kind, I can help. Even by getting a job.
So I have the very real certainty that I'll never be out of money. My skill is in high demand, few people are great at it, and therefore whatever happens, even if my business fails, I'll always be able to hop on Upwork and make $5-10K/mo coasting through life.
The big mistake to avoid is being overly focused on money.
30-40 Years Old – Maturity – Building Relationships
While in my 20s I didn't give a damn about relationships. I was very lucky with my first agency to have had a solid project manager who put up with me, and we built the team to 18 people.
I've maintained some good relationships, but also soured many others with my attitude, anger management, and short-sighted selfishness. I'll give you just one example from when I was 19.
I got contracted by a businessman to write some articles. I was getting paid per word. He became sort of a mentor to me, also coaching me on many of the copywriting skills that I've used since then to secure some very big clients.
And because I was getting paid per word, a devilish idea occured to me. What if instead of writing 1,500 words I write 2,000, and make the article much much better than the 1,500 word article would be, so there can be no complaint? And then ask to be paid for 2,000? So I did that. Once it worked. Twice it worked. Three times, it worked. But then... I stopped getting any business from that guy. He simply stopped contacting me. Never said anything to me.
I see this same behavior nowadays from many young people whom I hire. They just care about the money. And I understand how infuriating it is for you as the owner. But back then I didn't. I didn't understand about relationships or their value. I thought clients were just leaving because that's how business is. It was only when I was 23 and I had the chance to shoulder others and see the relationships they were building with clients that I learned to behave differently.
So as my current agency has grown, I've invested a lot more in the people that I work with. Even taking losses for them, both clients and employees in order to invest in the relationship. I've grown to depend a lot more than ever before on others to manage my business and to get results. Relationships finally became important.
And I expect this tendency to only get stronger in the next 10 years. I've learned to adjust to different working speeds, because not everyone can deliver results as fast as I can. I've learned to manage my emotions better when dealing with people. But there's still a lot left to learn.
Overall Reflections
If you miss the outcome in any era of life, it will be very hard to make up for it. I know people who have never learned the basics of life in their first 10 years. As a result, they are grown-up children, ruled entirely by their emotions in whatever they do, extremely fragile and dependent on others, exactly like children. And if others don't support them, they can end up as beggars or worse.
Or people who have never learned general level skills or self-reliance... and hence they themselves (much less others) can't count on them. They can be 40 years old, and unable to fend for themselves. Or they can be 40 years old and unable to get a job above McDonald's.
Or people who for whatever reason have never gained specialist skills in their 20s. Very often, they will never gain them, and if whatever opportunity kept them afloat until then dries up, they'll have a very hard time.
People can't really skip stages. Some people happen to go through a stage faster or get started earlier.
Elon Musk. Bill Gates. Mark Zuckerberg.
All these guys learned a technical skill while they were teens. Meaning they accomplished the adulthood stage in their teens. Hence they could progress much faster.
Some guys can skip a stage entirely. Say their father is the CEO, and they get promoted to C-level in a relatively big company. I have many such friends. They have 0 technical skills, essentially skipping the Adulthood stage and jumping straight to maturity.
From experience, they always have problems. They tend to not be respected by the men they lead. Their lack of technical knowledge tends to be exploited by those whom they manage. They don't understand the complexities of delivering technical results. All this remains a severe handicap for them, usually for their entire lives.
So it's important to make sure you DO go through the stages, to live a good life.
By and large, I'll break down life in 4 eras, each corresponding to approximately 10 years of life.
0-10 Years Old – Childhood – Gaining Physical Skills & Learning The Basics
I doubt anyone on this forum is in this age bracket. But if you are, then the keys are to get general physical skills and learn the basics of living in the world. Get familiar with your emotional needs, if possible live in a loving environment. Not things you can have much control over.
But these things are very important. They will give you emotional stability and self-control that you will otherwise lack. If you look at the beggar you see on the street, you're likely looking at someone who failed this stage AND didn't have other people to support them afterwards. Hence they ended up as a leaf in the wind.
The result of that is terrible: powerlessness.
I was lucky to have had a stable family to be born into who could take care of me and made sure I got the nurturing that was necessary. Not everything was perfect, I doubt it is for anyone, but by and large I learned the necessary physical skills and the basics of how the world works.
Being born in a dog-eat-dog environment though, I did also gain some negative attitudes which affected me both positively and negatively. On the one hand, it made me very competitive. On the other, it decreased my sense of self-esteem and trust.
The big "mistake" to avoid is not being parented properly.
10-20 Years Old – Adolescence – Gaining General Life Skills & Self-Reliance
Math, science, physics, literature.
Dealing with conflict.
Socializing.
Learning to do some things by yourself and be responsible for them.
All general life skills which you have to learn while you're a teen.
Here you have a lot more ability to have control over your life. And you should exercise it. Read widely.
Personally I found philosophy of high interest in this period. I consumed a lot of it. Same for religion.
The big mistake to avoid is not learning new things.
20-30 Years Old – Adulthood – Gaining Specialist/Technical Skills
The key here is to gain specialist skills. Ideally in a domain where demand is rapidly growing and expanding, if your goal is to get rich. Computers. Marketing. Sales. AI. Software. Internet.
Forget the boring professions: lawyer, doctor, blah blah. You ain't gonna get rich there.
How you get those skills is less important, and more a function of your personality and character.
For myself, I never held a job, so I gained the skills by freelancing and building 2 businesses. And reading.
A job means that you get paid to be taught. If you go down this route, make sure you get solid mentors. Focus on building your network and gaining specialist skills. Make yourself as useful as possible to those in charge of you. Take initiative, come up with new ways to help them achieve their goals.
Reading means that you invest your time to learn by yourself.
Freelancing also means you're teaching yourself.
Obviously getting a job will appeal more to extroverts, less to introverts who would prefer reading, self-study, freelancing.
In all cases, even when getting a job, your goal isn't so much the money you can make immediately, but the specialist skills you'll gain.
If you do well at this stage of your life, you'll NEVER be broke.
Look at my case – I can do ANYTHING that involves the internet and building a business via the internet. That means that anyone who's trying to build an online business of any kind, I can help. Even by getting a job.
So I have the very real certainty that I'll never be out of money. My skill is in high demand, few people are great at it, and therefore whatever happens, even if my business fails, I'll always be able to hop on Upwork and make $5-10K/mo coasting through life.
The big mistake to avoid is being overly focused on money.
30-40 Years Old – Maturity – Building Relationships
While in my 20s I didn't give a damn about relationships. I was very lucky with my first agency to have had a solid project manager who put up with me, and we built the team to 18 people.
I've maintained some good relationships, but also soured many others with my attitude, anger management, and short-sighted selfishness. I'll give you just one example from when I was 19.
I got contracted by a businessman to write some articles. I was getting paid per word. He became sort of a mentor to me, also coaching me on many of the copywriting skills that I've used since then to secure some very big clients.
And because I was getting paid per word, a devilish idea occured to me. What if instead of writing 1,500 words I write 2,000, and make the article much much better than the 1,500 word article would be, so there can be no complaint? And then ask to be paid for 2,000? So I did that. Once it worked. Twice it worked. Three times, it worked. But then... I stopped getting any business from that guy. He simply stopped contacting me. Never said anything to me.
I see this same behavior nowadays from many young people whom I hire. They just care about the money. And I understand how infuriating it is for you as the owner. But back then I didn't. I didn't understand about relationships or their value. I thought clients were just leaving because that's how business is. It was only when I was 23 and I had the chance to shoulder others and see the relationships they were building with clients that I learned to behave differently.
So as my current agency has grown, I've invested a lot more in the people that I work with. Even taking losses for them, both clients and employees in order to invest in the relationship. I've grown to depend a lot more than ever before on others to manage my business and to get results. Relationships finally became important.
And I expect this tendency to only get stronger in the next 10 years. I've learned to adjust to different working speeds, because not everyone can deliver results as fast as I can. I've learned to manage my emotions better when dealing with people. But there's still a lot left to learn.
Overall Reflections
If you miss the outcome in any era of life, it will be very hard to make up for it. I know people who have never learned the basics of life in their first 10 years. As a result, they are grown-up children, ruled entirely by their emotions in whatever they do, extremely fragile and dependent on others, exactly like children. And if others don't support them, they can end up as beggars or worse.
Or people who have never learned general level skills or self-reliance... and hence they themselves (much less others) can't count on them. They can be 40 years old, and unable to fend for themselves. Or they can be 40 years old and unable to get a job above McDonald's.
Or people who for whatever reason have never gained specialist skills in their 20s. Very often, they will never gain them, and if whatever opportunity kept them afloat until then dries up, they'll have a very hard time.
People can't really skip stages. Some people happen to go through a stage faster or get started earlier.
Elon Musk. Bill Gates. Mark Zuckerberg.
All these guys learned a technical skill while they were teens. Meaning they accomplished the adulthood stage in their teens. Hence they could progress much faster.
Some guys can skip a stage entirely. Say their father is the CEO, and they get promoted to C-level in a relatively big company. I have many such friends. They have 0 technical skills, essentially skipping the Adulthood stage and jumping straight to maturity.
From experience, they always have problems. They tend to not be respected by the men they lead. Their lack of technical knowledge tends to be exploited by those whom they manage. They don't understand the complexities of delivering technical results. All this remains a severe handicap for them, usually for their entire lives.
So it's important to make sure you DO go through the stages, to live a good life.
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