Brutally Criticise My Landing Page

[Geist]

Hey folks, for those of you who perhaps have an eye for digital marketing and/or experience with what types of landing pages convert, here’s an opportunity to feel better about yourself by breaking down my landing page:

FREE E-BOOK! - Expert Feedback Copy

stylrope.com

It’s a landing page for a lead magnet (weight loss e-book).

I can already think of several changes to work on:
Social proof, having the image be a mockup of the lead magnet as a physical book or on a tablet, moving the urgency timer to a better spot, optimising the load speed of the page, having a feature that shows the most recent people to have signed up for the lead magnet.

If anyone else could name further improvements to make, I’d greatly appreciate that.

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

Hey folks, for those of you who perhaps have an eye for digital marketing and/or experience with what types of landing pages convert, here’s an opportunity to feel better about yourself by breaking down my landing page:

FREE E-BOOK! - Expert Feedback Copy

stylrope.com

It’s a landing page for a lead magnet (weight loss e-book).

I can already think of several changes to work on:
Social proof, having the image be a mockup of the lead magnet as a physical book or on a tablet, moving the urgency timer to a better spot, optimising the load speed of the page, having a feature that shows the most recent people to have signed up for the lead magnet.

If anyone else could name further improvements to make, I’d greatly appreciate that.

@Kak time for me to teach people how to sell weight loss services. Grab your popcorn!

@Geist (love the name, very Hegelian) — More important than your landing page buddy is where you’re getting your traffic from and what your ultimate aim is.

Obviously you don’t want leads for the sake of leads — so what are you really trying to sell them?

And where will you get traffic from?

Your answers will determine how you need to approach the landing page. So vomit the details, and I’ll let you know what to do.

 

[REV5028]

I'm no expert, and actually learning how to put together effective landing pages myself, but I feel you need to define your avatar better first. Who is this for? The picture made me think 20 something - 30 something yo women, but then the rest of the message was vague, and I almost always think men when I hear "beer belly," but maybe that's just my media-influenced bias. Also, it feels like the same "hacks" and "secrets" that everyone else is selling. What makes your e-book different/better? And lastly, I feel like there's a catch. You're just giving me this free e-book and then what? I would probably have my guard up less if you were asking me to join a newsletter, giving a free consultation call, or possibly *maybe* a webinar (in my experience most of those tend to be hour-long teases so I'm usually skeptical of most "free" videos that come with pages like this).

 

[Devilery]

There are so many great examples of how to do this. Research 5 performing weight loss offers and duplicate their approach.

Visually, extremely weak.

Get clear on your offer. There's a stock image of a woman (yeah, I dare to assume) but you're talking about a beer belly, don't men usually have beer bellies?

Where's proof that there's any value in it? Who made it? Who has it worked for? What's the strategy?

It's really bad and it shouldn't be when it's such a huge industry with many great examples you can learn from.

EDIT: As always, I'm not trying to discourage you. I don't believe this took you a lot of time to create, and people prefer to buy from people who care about them, so care a bit more and put a little more time and effort into it.

 

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[StrikingViper69]

How many people have you helped get these results?

 

[excalibur99]

Hey folks, for those of you who perhaps have an eye for digital marketing and/or experience with what types of landing pages convert, here’s an opportunity to feel better about yourself by breaking down my landing page:

FREE E-BOOK! - Expert Feedback Copy

stylrope.com

It’s a landing page for a lead magnet (weight loss e-book).

I can already think of several changes to work on:
Social proof, having the image be a mockup of the lead magnet as a physical book or on a tablet, moving the urgency timer to a better spot, optimising the load speed of the page, having a feature that shows the most recent people to have signed up for the lead magnet.

If anyone else could name further improvements to make, I’d greatly appreciate that.

get rid of those "limited offer" bs bro, because when the visitor visit ur link and the so-called limited offer still can be acessed its create a mental position when you are appear needy. In industry of knowledge we have to keep the authority image. instead you could provide proof, it could be a testimony or science-backed research.

limited offer isn't a real game anymore. people could still search for another method and TON info of It available out there, instead work on how to persuade people through text, yeah that is copywriting.

your main goal is to help people get right information and confort them that this is the right decision that will save their time and get real result. and keep in mind, don't rush into getting result.

Your landing page appereance don't need to look fancy, focus on how to persuade people through words, keep it simple and no bluff word added. keep in mind that today attention span of people is shrinking.

create 3-5 landing page design and test it through fb ads and do review which landing page perform the most, always rely on data!

 

[Subsonic]

Hey folks, for those of you who perhaps have an eye for digital marketing and/or experience with what types of landing pages convert, here’s an opportunity to feel better about yourself by breaking down my landing page:

FREE E-BOOK! - Expert Feedback Copy

stylrope.com

It’s a landing page for a lead magnet (weight loss e-book).

I can already think of several changes to work on:
Social proof, having the image be a mockup of the lead magnet as a physical book or on a tablet, moving the urgency timer to a better spot, optimising the load speed of the page, having a feature that shows the most recent people to have signed up for the lead magnet.

If anyone else could name further improvements to make, I’d greatly appreciate that.

"Alarming hacks" sounds stupid.

Alarming is a word that implies something bad.

It works with "5 Alarming facts show that conventional weight loss doesn't work for men/women over 40 anymore".

For your title try "forbidden/ancient/exclusive/thought to be lost"

 

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[Oso]

Okay.

1) It's painfully obvious this entire thing is a template with 0 customization.
2) To make matters worse, it's painfully obvious it's an outdated template.
3) The copy reads like those trash infomercials from the 90s.
4) You have 1 CTA.
5) There's 0 social proof.
6) You have a countdown timer on it as if you're some hardcore fitness expert (I get the marketing point, but that only works if, you know, people actually know you/you already matter).
7) The font of the body is somewhat aids to read.
8) The URL makes me want to claw my eyes out.
9) "Powered by Leadpages" also makes me want to claw my eyes out.
10) The website title is stupid. "Expert feedback." What makes you an expert again?
11) People have next to 0 incentive to give you their email address for a "free workout plan" when there's already an infinite amount of "free workout plans" on Google. And most of them now come with accompanying nutrition plans.

My 0.2$ after 15 seconds of glancing over it.

Cheers.

 

[MitchC]

You’re going into the most saturated competitive niche with some bullshit that took you 2 minutes and you want people to waste their time giving you feedback and tell you what to do to make it convert get the F*ck out of here

Guarantee everyone spent more time on their replies than you have on that piece of shit

You read millionaire Fastlane and came up with this idea?

Yeah I’m rude no idea why everyone’s being nice when you are disrespecting everyone’s time with such lazy bullshit

 

[NotFexelcraft]

Hey folks, for those of you who perhaps have an eye for digital marketing and/or experience with what types of landing pages convert, here’s an opportunity to feel better about yourself by breaking down my landing page:

FREE E-BOOK! - Expert Feedback Copy

stylrope.com

It’s a landing page for a lead magnet (weight loss e-book).

I can already think of several changes to work on:
Social proof, having the image be a mockup of the lead magnet as a physical book or on a tablet, moving the urgency timer to a better spot, optimising the load speed of the page, having a feature that shows the most recent people to have signed up for the lead magnet.

If anyone else could name further improvements to make, I’d greatly appreciate that.

I am no expert but here are somethings that I(if I was a customer) wouldn't want to use your product:

-The landing page is too cluttered

Atleast make a few different webpages so those who want to read can click a button to read, having a load of text at the landing page is distracting and boring. Make a Theme colour based around maybe a picture and spread it evenly. The grey text, green button and red counter don't contrast very well. The picture is basically just pasted there with no consideration.

-Don't shoot words

Words like "FREE" ,"Without even trying", "Alarming hacks" don't make your product authentic. Make ChatGPT rephrase it if nothing comes to mind. Make it formal and pleasing to read.

-Have Customer Feedback

As the field you have chosen is very competitive. Feedback from people, with some personal information like name, age, profile picture greatly increases trust in the customers.

-Choose a Customer Base

Focus on a group of people. Specify their age and probably what the look like through photos and what they want to be like. This increases motivation for people who want to improve

I am no expert and the little I can give you is through experience. I would love to see how your website progresses. Have a nice day!

 

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[StrikingViper69]

Everyone saying it looks awful: it does, but sometimes things that look horrid convert great, and things that look pretty don’t convert at all.

Of course, this page isn’t converting anything, but the criticism that it’s ugly isn’t valid.

 

[Geist]

@Kak time for me to teach people how to sell weight loss services. Grab your popcorn!

@Geist (love the name, very Hegelian) — More important than your landing page buddy is where you’re getting your traffic from and what your ultimate aim is.

Obviously you don’t want leads for the sake of leads — so what are you really trying to sell them?

And where will you get traffic from?

Your answers will determine how you need to approach the landing page. So vomit the details, and I’ll let you know what to do.

Hey, the e-books offered in exchange for their e-mail, and redirects to a sales page for an offer. The e-mail address is used to send hopefully valuable e-mails with a P.S. at the end telling people to check out the offer again if they want more value.

I’m getting traffic from google keyword ads for terms related to meal plans (which is what the core offer is)

Thanks for taking the time to respond

I'm no expert, and actually learning how to put together effective landing pages myself, but I feel you need to define your avatar better first. Who is this for? The picture made me think 20 something - 30 something yo women, but then the rest of the message was vague, and I almost always think men when I hear "beer belly," but maybe that's just my media-influenced bias. Also, it feels like the same "hacks" and "secrets" that everyone else is selling. What makes your e-book different/better? And lastly, I feel like there's a catch. You're just giving me this free e-book and then what? I would probably have my guard up less if you were asking me to join a newsletter, giving a free consultation call, or possibly *maybe* a webinar (in my experience most of those tend to be hour-long teases so I'm usually skeptical of most "free" videos that come with pages like this).

Thanks for the advice, the copywriting definitely is vague and the terms are a bit contradictory.

The e-mail is in exchange for the ebook ao I can market through e-mail (as mentioned above)

Hmm, perhaps you’re right that I should be more transparent and upfront with exactly what happens after they give me their e-mail.

Thanks too for taking time out of your day to respond.

There are so many great examples of how to do this. Research 5 performing weight loss offers and duplicate their approach.

Visually, extremely weak.

Get clear on your offer. There's a stock image of a woman (yeah, I dare to assume) but you're talking about a beer belly, don't men usually have beer bellies?

Where's proof that there's any value in it? Who made it? Who has it worked for? What's the strategy?

It's really bad and it shouldn't be when it's such a huge industry with many great examples you can learn from.

EDIT: As always, I'm not trying to discourage you. I don't believe this took you a lot of time to create, and people prefer to buy from people who care about them, so care a bit more and put a little more time and effort into it.

I will definitely look into other good front end offers/lead magnets in the weight loss industry, I guess I went for an e-book because I perceived it to be universally decent.

Again it’s just a lead magnet, but now I’m realising even the landing page for it demands as much effort as a sales page.

Hmm, now Im thinking about if I should niche for a specific gender or avatar like you mentioned, that would definitely make the marketing much more personal and effective. Just confused on how to do that when advertising for terms with low search volume I guess.

Yeah I should definitely go into more detail on the actual e-book and who it’s for and the different chapters (including the overall strategy). Again, I thought just a short bullet point landing page for the lead magnet would be enough, I was definitely wrong.

Hey I don’t find it discouraging, I’m happy you’re being upfront and honest so I can improve.

Thanks for taking the time to respond man.

How many people have you helped get these results?

So far it’s my first time actually working with any weight loss products, and the e-book isn’t the core offer. Social proof and testimonials would definitely help but I’m currently completely new to this (other than being into fitness myself)

Thanks for responding.

get rid of those "limited offer" bs bro, because when the visitor visit ur link and the so-called limited offer still can be acessed its create a mental position when you are appear needy. In industry of knowledge we have to keep the authority image. instead you could provide proof, it could be a testimony or science-backed research.

limited offer isn't a real game anymore. people could still search for another method and TON info of It available out there, instead work on how to persuade people through text, yeah that is copywriting.

your main goal is to help people get right information and confort them that this is the right decision that will save their time and get real result. and keep in mind, don't rush into getting result.

Your landing page appereance don't need to look fancy, focus on how to persuade people through words, keep it simple and no bluff word added. keep in mind that today attention span of people is shrinking.

create 3-5 landing page design and test it through fb ads and do review which landing page perform the most, always rely on data!

Hey thanks, didn’t realise scarcity and urgency could easily come off tacky like that. Yeah I’ll definitely focus on the actual value-providing aspect of the copywriting.

One good thing I have going for the e-book is the statistics and data I use as a foundation for the different chapters, so I should definitely communicate that in the sales page itself.


I’d love to split test different designs, I guess my current shortage of money is making me question it a bit but if I save up a decent amount and am resourceful I could probably go about things in a way that leaves me with good data.

Thanks for your time and input

"Alarming hacks" sounds stupid.

Alarming is a word that implies something bad.

It works with "5 Alarming facts show that conventional weight loss doesn't work for men/women over 40 anymore".

For your title try "forbidden/ancient/exclusive/thought to be lost"

Noted, looks Like I went a bit contradictory in my attempt to make the information seem new and interesting.

And you also subtly included niching (in your example to people over 40) to make the lead magnet more personal and enticing, I’ll definitely consider what group to focus on.

Really realising my customer avatar isn’t outlined well enough and is too vague.
Thanks subsonic, appreciate your help both here and on the accountability calls

Okay.

1) It's painfully obvious this entire thing is a template with 0 customization.
2) To make matters worse, it's painfully obvious it's an outdated template.
3) The copy reads like those trash infomercials from the 90s.
4) You have 1 CTA.
5) There's 0 social proof.
6) You have a countdown timer on it as if you're some hardcore fitness expert (I get the marketing point, but that only works if, you know, people actually know you/you already matter).
7) The font of the body is somewhat aids to read.
8) The URL makes me want to claw my eyes out.
9) "Powered by Leadpages" also makes me want to claw my eyes out.
10) The website title is stupid. "Expert feedback." What makes you an expert again?
11) People have next to 0 incentive to give you their email address for a "free workout plan" when there's already an infinite amount of "free workout plans" on Google. And most of them now come with accompanying nutrition plans.

My 0.2$ after 15 seconds of glancing over it.

Cheers.

Like others mentioned I definitely need to visit some already effective examples and model my template/page off of that. You’re right that it should have definitely been customised more to fit my target market.

Yeah social proof is something that I definitely need, going to send the e-book to my family for reviews.

Since I’ll be making the page significantly longer, I’ll definitely need more CTAs. My sales page for the core offer has like 10 CTAs or so due to its length.

As for the countdown timer, one idea I just got is using a legitimate one for access to a bonus chapter or something along those lines. Hopefully that would actually make the urgency aspect feel like it fits in rather than being out of place.

Yeah I’m realising more and more as I read through this thread the importance of value skewing and effectively communicating perceived value even for a lead magnet landing page, damn. I could also probably spice the lead magnet itself by adding bonuses

Thanks man, those 15 seconds will be a great help to me.

You’re going into the most saturated competitive niche with some bullshit that took you 2 minutes and you want people to waste their time giving you feedback and tell you what to do to make it convert get the F*ck out of here

Guarantee everyone spent more time on their replies than you have on that piece of shit

You read millionaire Fastlane and came up with this idea?

Yeah I’m rude no idea why everyone’s being nice when you are disrespecting everyone’s time with such lazy bullshit

Harsh but you’re right. Most of the landing pages for e-mail capturing purposes I’ve seen have been short and to the point, but I’m realising that I should skew value and put in a ton of effort even for a lead magnet page

If people on this forum are giving me honest feedback like this with their expertise I can only imagine how uninterested potential traffic could be when visiting this page.

Harsh reminder but thank you for your honesty, I’ll take it to heart.

I am no expert but here are somethings that I(if I was a customer) wouldn't want to use your product:

-The landing page is too cluttered

Atleast make a few different webpages so those who want to read can click a button to read, having a load of text at the landing page is distracting and boring. Make a Theme colour based around maybe a picture and spread it evenly. The grey text, green button and red counter don't contrast very well. The picture is basically just pasted there with no consideration.

-Don't shoot words

Words like "FREE" ,"Without even trying", "Alarming hacks" don't make your product authentic. Make ChatGPT rephrase it if nothing comes to mind. Make it formal and pleasing to read.

-Have Customer Feedback

As the field you have chosen is very competitive. Feedback from people, with some personal information like name, age, profile picture greatly increases trust in the customers.

-Choose a Customer Base

Focus on a group of people. Specify their age and probably what the look like through photos and what they want to be like. This increases motivation for people who want to improve

I am no expert and the little I can give you is through experience. I would love to see how your website progresses. Have a nice day!

The coloring and visual design could definitely use some help. An overall ‘theme’ sounds good…

I’m wondering how I would balance minimising text with still effectively conveying value. I suppose tidying up the overall layout and how the text is spread and readable would be key. People above also mentioned the font making the copy hard/irritating to read.

Different links/buttons would potentially add another barrier to the customer actually accessing said information in my head, but that’s something I could split test and find out, and find workarounds for.

My copy is sounding more and more tacky as I read this thread… Polite and formal, makes sense if I’m positioning myself as a knowledgeable expert as mentioned above by others…


Yeah the customer avatar/base thing is something I’m REALLY lacking.

Thank you for your feedback man, I’ll move forward with it.

Everyone saying it looks awful: it does, but sometimes things that look horrid convert great, and things that look pretty don’t convert at all.

Of course, this page isn’t converting anything, but the criticism that it’s ugly isn’t valid.

I can see some of other people’s points like the colors on the page not contrasting or fitting well, and other stuff mentioned. But you’re definitely right about some things that don’t look good converting well.

I’ll have to refer to examples of what already works in this industry and model off of that, I think that’s best for now.

Thanks for your feedback too man.

 

[Geist]

I want to really thank everyone for their advice, even if some of it may seem harsh to others. Brutal honesty is helpful in this case.

If some of you are interested in seeing (or honestly criticising) the core offer/sales page which I’ve put a bit more effort into then here’s the link:

Custom Meal Plan

stylrope.com

 

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[StrikingViper69]

You said you’ve not helped anyone do this before - have you helped anyone in the real world with this? What made you choose this idea as a business? How long have you spent practising in the field?

 

[Nostalgia]

I want to really thank everyone for their advice, even if some of it may seem harsh to others. Brutal honesty is helpful in this case.

If some of you are interested in seeing (or honestly criticising) the core offer/sales page which I’ve put a bit more effort into then here’s the link:

Custom Meal Plan

stylrope.com

I don't want to be mean, but the before and after picture just seems like a photo with better lighting, a pump and a different angle.

 

[StrikingViper69]

Isn’t a 500kcal daily deficit quite aggressive? How sustainable is that for the average person? I thought the idea was more like 200kcal/day

 

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[MitchC]

Well respect for coming back here, reviewing the feedback and making changes, looks like you spent a lot of time. I didn’t expect to even see you come back.

Now there’s actually something to give feedback on

It’s a lot of walls of text

You can break text up with bullets, headlines, italics, make things skimable

But more importantly images

I like to keep an image and text on the screen at all times while someone is scrolling

 

[Johnny boy]

Hey man, don’t listen to any of the positive comments.

 

[Xeon]

You said you’ve not helped anyone do this before - have you helped anyone in the real world with this? What made you choose this idea as a business? How long have you spent practising in the field?

None of that matters according to BlackDragon's post here.

 

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[StrikingViper69]

None of that matters according to BlackDragon's post here.

Classic argument used by IM to sell coaching programs to people who have no skills.

 

[Roli]

For me it's the English, you can tell you're not a native speaker. The first line jars with me, I think you should use the word 'amazing' rather than 'alarming' and people want to 'shed' fat, not 'shred' it.

All in all I'd say it's not bad, but you need to put it through GPT to give you better grammatical clarity. Would I click on this if I needed to lose weight? I'm not sure, I've never been overweight but if I had I imagine I would have clicked on a lot of ads that look like this and probably been disappointed.

You need to convince your audience that there is something new you're offering, telling me that I can lose fat without cardio and dieting just sounds like a scam to me.

 

[Geist]

You said you’ve not helped anyone do this before - have you helped anyone in the real world with this? What made you choose this idea as a business? How long have you spent practising in the field?

I have personal experience with fitness and have researched a lot on weight loss, this is my first venture so it's my avenue of getting experience.

I don't want to be mean, but the before and after picture just seems like a photo with better lighting, a pump and a different angle.

Maybe due to the angle and stuff not being consistent the change wasn't conveyed well, but that just means I have to work on the actual image being better

Well respect for coming back here, reviewing the feedback and making changes, looks like you spent a lot of time. I didn’t expect to even see you come back.

Now there’s actually something to give feedback on

It’s a lot of walls of text

You can break text up with bullets, headlines, italics, make things skimable

But more importantly images

I like to keep an image and text on the screen at all times while someone is scrolling

Thanks but that's the sales page which is completely different, the lead magnet page is still in the middle of works but will be posted here when all the changes are ready and should be way better (assuming you guys are giving me genuine feedback which seems to be the case).

I'll definitely keep the image thing in mind.

I've gone for more of a long-form sales letter but maybe it's a bit much

For me it's the English, you can tell you're not a native speaker. The first line jars with me, I think you should use the word 'amazing' rather than 'alarming' and people want to 'shed' fat, not 'shred' it.

All in all I'd say it's not bad, but you need to put it through GPT to give you better grammatical clarity. Would I click on this if I needed to lose weight? I'm not sure, I've never been overweight but if I had I imagine I would have clicked on a lot of ads that look like this and probably been disappointed.

You need to convince your audience that there is something new you're offering, telling me that I can lose fat without cardio and dieting just sounds like a scam to me.

That's actually odd since I am a native speaker, guess I need to gloss over the vocabulary and grammar.

That's a good point, having other parts like guarantees and social proof on the lead magnet or things of that nature would make it feel more trustworthy

Isn’t a 500kcal daily deficit quite aggressive? How sustainable is that for the average person? I thought the idea was more like 200kcal/day

500kcal is actually well within the safe range, leading to around 1lb a week lost.

Pretty much all experts agree, you can do a quick google search if you like.

200kcal is obviously also still safe, but less than half the speed.

It's around 600-700+ kcal that you start running into some issues, and the more of a deficit the more issues

 

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[The-J]

Hey folks, for those of you who perhaps have an eye for digital marketing and/or experience with what types of landing pages convert, here’s an opportunity to feel better about yourself by breaking down my landing page:

FREE E-BOOK! - Expert Feedback Copy

stylrope.com

It’s a landing page for a lead magnet (weight loss e-book).

I can already think of several changes to work on:
Social proof, having the image be a mockup of the lead magnet as a physical book or on a tablet, moving the urgency timer to a better spot, optimising the load speed of the page, having a feature that shows the most recent people to have signed up for the lead magnet.

If anyone else could name further improvements to make, I’d greatly appreciate that.

Looks fake. Even if I was in the target market I wouldn't give this page my email address.

There's no social proof. Nobody I know, or who is anything like me, shows results.

There's no specifics. Who is this for? If it's for everybody, then it's general bullshit that I can find online w/o giving my email.

You have given me no reason to believe that you will fulfill the promise made in the headline, so I won't waste my time submitting.

What should you change? Show me that your shit works. Don't tell me, show me. Show me examples of success that you have produced. Show me who you are and why I should give a F*ck about what you have to say. Show me how these tips are different from the crap that I can find on YouTube.

Also, be more specific. There are pockets of people who have more trouble with weight loss than others, and they have obstacles that aren't as simple as being lazy (without even trying? Really? Is this a diet pill?)

 

[StrikingViper69]

If you want to understand the market, practice locally and get results with real people. Then you’ll understand the challenges they face, which will tell you everything you need to know for your marketing. You’ll understand who you want to help and how to help them.

At the moment all you’re doing is regurgitating stuff you read online, which is why your offer is weak.