Choose your attitude

[yveskleinsky]

It's not about what happens to you, it's about how you react and interpret what happens to you. I don't remember where I first heard this, but it's so true.

I am in the process of moving to Las Vegas--the movers are here as I'm typing this. This whole move has "cluster" written all over it, as there are multiple events stacked upon each other--none of which I have any control over. I dealt with a shaky house of cards like this with the last move, and after a lot of things went really wrong, I decided then that I would never get that stressed about moving again. You can only plan so much and then you have to let go and just go with the flow.

You can't always control the events in your life, but you can choose how you will react to them--and here's the key you plan your reaction ahead of time. I made up my mind three years ago that I wouldn't get my stress level over a "3" on my scale of 1-10 (10 being a crippling amount of stress.) So knowing that I'm not going to let myself get over a three, I made a list of things to do when I felt my stress level rise:

- Have a beer/glass of wine
- Light a candle
- Read for 10 min
- Play with my dogs
- Go for a walk
- Take a hot bath/shower
- Make a nice dinner
- Get my nails done
- Get a massage
- Watch the sunset
- Call a good friend (or three)

I also made up my mind three years ago, that there are three things that I know for sure: 1. Unless I am in mortal danger, I will be fine--no matter what. 2. I will handle moving with style and grace and keep a smile on my face. 3. I will get it figured out.

I thought the lesson of planning a reaction ahead of time was worth sharing here, as life is about the journey and not the destination--ya gotta enjoy the ride!

So do you let your attitude determine your day, or do you let your day determine your attitude? ...The choice is yours.

 

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[Runum]

Great post Dana. I agree, who's in control of you and your reactions? If you let it get to you then you give the situation too much power. I predict you will live long and prosper.:icon_super: +++++speed

 

[AroundTheWorld]

Thanks Yves, Rep +

This is a really timely post for me, personally.

I've been working actively on stress reduction for the past year - but I'd never thought about pre-planning.

A week ago, I broke my ankle, and I've been literally sitting in a recliner since. I've had a few moments of stress, disappointment, frustration, etc. but it has been MUCH better than it would have been a year ago.

This is because I've learned to take it moment, by moment... rather than thinking about the past or the future. This practice has saved me a lot of heart aches.

Examples of "past thoughts" that would be adding to my stress if I allowed them to creep into my thinking.

"Why did I do that? It was so stupid of me. If only I had done it differently. Man, life was good when I got to walk and run and play and swim. I really miss those things."

Examples of future thoughts that would contribute to my thoughts if I would let them in... "I have to stay in this chair for 2 more weeks? How will I ever manage? Two weeks is such a long time! And, after that, I've got to be on crutches for another couple of months? Man, my whole summer is shot. There goes all the fun activities we had planned. No more continental divide hike. No more 1/2 marathon. No more bike trip. I am going to miss out on so much fun."

Instead... I'm just staying intensely focused on the moment as much as I can. There are plenty of things I can do and can enjoy right now. I've got to stay focused on that.

Anyway, Thanks Dana. I really like your idea of pre-planning stress reducing activities. I've got little time on my hands. I think I'll make a list. Now, where did my journal and pen go?

 

[phlgirl]

Great post, Yves! + Good luck with the move!!

I seem to need this reminder often and I really like the idea of a list. I typically try to run or do yoga but sometimes I need a quicker fix (for when I am in the moment and want to kill someone)!

Moving has always been a tough one for me and we move A LOT. haha...

ATW - sorry to hear about your ankle!! Hang in there. What a perfect time to think about how grateful we all should be for our physical abilities. Maybe you should make a list of those reasons (while they are REALLY fresh in your mind). You can read them again when you are all healed up and having a bad day.

 

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[fanocks2003]

Use a step-by-step approach and be ruthless about what you do and not do. That's my way of handling stress.

I love my exercise references, because this attitude works perfectly there (especially there, but elsewhere too). How do you do 500 pushups in a week? One pushup at a time spread over 7 days. You push yourself to do a minimum of 71 pushups per day and the goal is done in a zinch. I can easily do 60 in two sets.

The same goes with everything else. Step-by-step accomplishes much.

 

[Bobo]

I am 100% certain that the primary reason for my own happiness is the constant, conscious decision to be so.
Life has ups and downs, a couple weeks ago one of our friends asked Jill how my day had been. Jill asked "Do you mean at the hearing for custody or at the oncologist's office? Anyway - he's his usual self".

You simply won't be happy if happy is tied to reaching some nebulous outcome or if you allow events outside of your control to dominate your attitude. Sure, I get annoyed, I get the blues for a few nanoseconds now and then but one decision I made several years ago was to be happy and generally speaking my friends and family will say that I don't have many highs and lows - I am the same smiling, sarcastic SOB regardless. You won't find someone else to make you happy either. Jill sure adds to my happiness but being happy to begin with is the key.

My favorite piece of relationship advice is: You can't make someone else happy but if they are miserable they can damn sure make you join them.

Rephrasing the above, if you walk into a party and see one person laughing and smiling and another looking sulky, who do you want to talk to?

Happiness and misery do seem to find like minded companionship.

 

[fanocks2003]

I am 100% certain that the primary reason for my own happiness is the constant, conscious decision to be so.
Life has ups and downs, a couple weeks ago one of our friends asked Jill how my day had been. Jill asked "Do you mean at the hearing for custody or at the oncologist's office? Anyway - he's his usual self".

You simply won't be happy if happy is tied to reaching some nebulous outcome or if you allow events outside of your control to dominate your attitude. Sure, I get annoyed, I get the blues for a few nanoseconds now and then but one decision I made several years ago was to be happy and generally speaking my friends and family will say that I don't have many highs and lows - I am the same smiling, sarcastic SOB regardless. You won't find someone else to make you happy either. Jill sure adds to my happiness but being happy to begin with is the key.

My favorite piece of relationship advice is: You can't make someone else happy but if they are miserable they can damn sure make you join them.

Rephrasing the above, if you walk into a party and see one person laughing and smiling and another looking sulky, who do you want to talk to?

Happiness and misery do seem to find like minded companionship.

Like attracts like. True.

 

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[yveskleinsky]

I've been working actively on stress reduction for the past year - but I'd never thought about pre-planning.

Pre-planning is so great, especially when you KNOW there will be stressful moments. So when those stressful moments arise, you can just say to yourself, "Ah! Here's one of those tense moments--what a perfect opportunity for me to try something on my list and to practice keeping my cool and making this as enjoyable as possible.

...Couple more things I've realized today--I need to cut out caffine during stressful times, it makes me a lunatic. So I've added drinking a glass of water to my list. I also downloaded a bunch of chill songs on my ipod.

Thanks for all the well wishes everyone! I'm excited to start this new chapter.

 

[imcmillionaire]

I agree with you dana. Its the way you arrange your mind,that dictates how

you react to life situations. So by making a conscious decision NOT to get stressed out and make this day and every day of your life filled with pleasure and great success, then you got nothing to worry about!

NO matter if you lose your job...you will take this news better than before and see the silver lining within this "tragedy"!
But most times when this occurs the person is really better off , than actually having the job!