pinoccio
New Contributor
First of all thank you very much for building this forum to everyone who contributed in some way to make this place so helpful.
What I need is your advice, your observation, your input what can be done better. What I think is maybe a contribution on my side is that someone can read the thread and learn from the mistakes I made in this copy and become better copywriter. I always wanted to see how basic copy is written, ideas put down and then improved to final form.
I will put the letter directly to forum and not just link to a google docs, so it sticks here.
This letter is deal breaker for me. On this letter depends everything I currently have and it is a photo studio which was built for renting out to other photographers. This studio is located in Wien. I have no budget for any kind of marketing. I was thinking long how can I reach all those who would need a studio without budget. Then I realized it is long process, but maybe worth it. What I did was searched for every photographer in business register and wrote down their name and address to an excel document. I have collected 624 names and addresses. From these approx 400 are relevant to me. I plan to bring my letter to them directly to their post box, because no money left even for the postage fees.
And the letter which will be inside the envelope can make the difference between opening the studio successfully or closing it the next month. I already borrowed LOT of money for building it and paying rent for a year without opening it.
I realized I can not send the same letter to wedding photographer and fine art nude photographer, because they have different needs. There will be three different letters. One for just wedding photographers, one for photographers shooting family, portrait, people, senior, glamour photos mainly on location and the third one for photographers shooting mainly in studio in front of a simple paper background. Every letter will be personalized a bit and every letter will start with their name Dear xy.
The studio is unique, because it is furnished. It is not the usual studio where you can shoot only in front of the white/black/grey paper background. You can shoot here as if you were in nice hotel or nice home.
The letter is written in mixture of English/German without grammar and spelling correction. This will be addressed when the translator will translate it to German.
I really hope to get some feedback. If the letter is too long? If it is too boring? If I should delete something? etc.
Thanks for your advice.
What I need is your advice, your observation, your input what can be done better. What I think is maybe a contribution on my side is that someone can read the thread and learn from the mistakes I made in this copy and become better copywriter. I always wanted to see how basic copy is written, ideas put down and then improved to final form.
I will put the letter directly to forum and not just link to a google docs, so it sticks here.
This letter is deal breaker for me. On this letter depends everything I currently have and it is a photo studio which was built for renting out to other photographers. This studio is located in Wien. I have no budget for any kind of marketing. I was thinking long how can I reach all those who would need a studio without budget. Then I realized it is long process, but maybe worth it. What I did was searched for every photographer in business register and wrote down their name and address to an excel document. I have collected 624 names and addresses. From these approx 400 are relevant to me. I plan to bring my letter to them directly to their post box, because no money left even for the postage fees.
And the letter which will be inside the envelope can make the difference between opening the studio successfully or closing it the next month. I already borrowed LOT of money for building it and paying rent for a year without opening it.
I realized I can not send the same letter to wedding photographer and fine art nude photographer, because they have different needs. There will be three different letters. One for just wedding photographers, one for photographers shooting family, portrait, people, senior, glamour photos mainly on location and the third one for photographers shooting mainly in studio in front of a simple paper background. Every letter will be personalized a bit and every letter will start with their name Dear xy.
The studio is unique, because it is furnished. It is not the usual studio where you can shoot only in front of the white/black/grey paper background. You can shoot here as if you were in nice hotel or nice home.
The letter is written in mixture of English/German without grammar and spelling correction. This will be addressed when the translator will translate it to German.
I really hope to get some feedback. If the letter is too long? If it is too boring? If I should delete something? etc.
Thanks for your advice.
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