OP, that is a really interesting question.
A friend of mine once said to me - "When you feel like shit, that is because you are being fertilized for growth". The great part is that you have recognized that something in yourself is restricting you, and you want to change it.
I went through something similar. Short version - very dark period in life. Lost everything, and nearly myself too.
I'll share some things I learned from some people that helped me on my own journey...I have found that emotional strength is slightly different from mental strength. Emotional strength has to do with dealing with the intensity of your own emotions, and dealing with their manic-producing effects on your life. It is connected to your own internal dialogue, and the way your upbringing, genetics, and experiences have shaped your world view, and influenced your own reactions to things that happen to you. Mental strength seems to be more related to how you concentrate your energy, how you use your time, and how to focus on one damned thing at a time
The good news is that you already have the raw materials you need to build strength in these areas, you just need to find some tools that work, and practice, practice, practice. This is a life skill no different from training for sports or playing music. Speaking from my own exploration of it, some of the really key areas are:
A friend of mine once said to me - "When you feel like shit, that is because you are being fertilized for growth". The great part is that you have recognized that something in yourself is restricting you, and you want to change it.
I went through something similar. Short version - very dark period in life. Lost everything, and nearly myself too.
I'll share some things I learned from some people that helped me on my own journey...I have found that emotional strength is slightly different from mental strength. Emotional strength has to do with dealing with the intensity of your own emotions, and dealing with their manic-producing effects on your life. It is connected to your own internal dialogue, and the way your upbringing, genetics, and experiences have shaped your world view, and influenced your own reactions to things that happen to you. Mental strength seems to be more related to how you concentrate your energy, how you use your time, and how to focus on one damned thing at a time
The good news is that you already have the raw materials you need to build strength in these areas, you just need to find some tools that work, and practice, practice, practice. This is a life skill no different from training for sports or playing music. Speaking from my own exploration of it, some of the really key areas are:
- Forgiving yourself for your past (much easier said than done) - some people will have to re-visit pissed off former friends, write letters that they never mail, and so forth. Therapy might help.
- Establishing and respecting your own emotional boundaries - also a hard one, it means learning your own triggers, possibly enunciating those to people around you, and sometimes acting to change your situation if you are around people that are not respecting your boundaries.
- Throw your chains off - eliminate all spiritual or mental drag - go through your closet and toss anything you have not worn for a year. Put some distance between yourself and friends (or possibly family...) that bring negative behaviors into your life. If you have problems with money, start carrying $1000 around with you and don't spend it (disclaimer, these are just examples, I don't want you getting mugged....)
- Working to reduce or eliminate negative self-talk - I find that if you start to speak more kindly, you will also begin to think more kindly, both of yourself and others. Simple word substitution can be very effective here - instead of saying to yourself, "so-and-so is stupid", say "so-and-so is unskilled", or "so-and-so needs help". This is based on a Buddhist concept called "right speech". Google it. This simple practice helped me kick a pattern of depression in my own life. I cannot overstate how powerful it is.
- Meditation - as earlier posters have suggested, when you learn how to do it, meditation can and will change your life. It has the effect of reducing the power of the incessant emotional torrent of mental processing that nearly everyone has - with practice, you can turn down that mental volume and truly focus enough to open doors in your life, that you might not have even noticed were there. I highly recommend it, and there are many techniques and tools out there to help you learn it. Just try some until you find something that resonates with you. In my case, I needed a structured introduction to meditation, so perhaps something like that would work for you.
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