How to deal with the fear of failure

[MatthijsEde]

Hi everyone,

I’m Matthijs, currently 29 years old an eager to see what life has in store for me.

Thanks to reading this book, i’m aware that, with the way i’m currently thinking, i am NOT in control. If i want to be a manager, i must make myself a manager. Not let someone else determine if i’m capable and ready or not. If i want to be rich, make yourself rich. Climb the ladder of some corporate company, thinking i am owning life due to a (possible) nice job and a decent salary? I repeat: i WONT BE in control.

If i want a good future, i have to act now and make my own future.

BUT..

The fear of failure has become part of my identity, core believes (don’t fail, just succeed or don’t do it at all) and thus a part of who i am. The sky is my limit, yet falling down and walk a part of the ladder over again makes me feel like i want to stay on the ladder where i am right now. Failure feels like losing to me. How many times i’ve told myself that it is slowlane or sidewalk thinking, but the fear of losing ‘everything’ or a big part of that makes me feel.. insecure maybe?

With all my problems; i’m aware that i have them but tell myself i can’t change them in a split second. Sometimes i need to read or hear something i deep down knew already, but needed to hear in order to start acting. If i didn’t knew, it’s an eye opener. If i did knew, someone else confirms it for me which makes me believe i can change.

So to this man right here, telling himself failure is not an option, please give him some rather uncomfarable advise. Please show him that failure is part of life and has reason to even become better in the future. Telling myself this still doesn’t make me want to change. Maybe i don’t want to change so badly and want to stick to the o so perfect comfort zone..? Now i let time work to get things clear…

I’m on the brink of going fastlane mode, i just need to pull myself out of the comfort zone and confront it. Confront failure, pain and every other sort of ‘un’wanted feels. If people have any advise helping me through this process, please leave a message. I hold all the pieces of the puzzle, i just don’t know where to put the first one.

I’m sincerely impressed by the things i’ve read on this forum. One day i’ll stand there too, telling you all how it went down. And probably a thank you as well for pulling me out of my own misery.

Matthijs

 

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[Guest8MsaDc]

It's only failure until something works. The second you get a check in your hand from your own business your perspective will shift from one of "What if I fail?" to one of "What if I can do that 10 more times this month?"

Where you place your focus grows. Focus on solving a problem and getting paid for it. Anything else is just a distraction.

I have zero fear of failure right now because I'm too busy solving problems... my problems... my clients problems...

If you had a bomb collar strapped to your neck that would go off in 2 weeks if you didn't make $1k... I promise you there would be no fear of failure from you. You'd probably get it faster than 2 weeks.

 

[f.laengle]

If you have a really bad fear of failing I would start with small steps.

Look at it like a diving board. If you are afraid of it you definitly wouldn't go directly to the 10m one. You start with the 1m diving board and then work your way up to the 3m, 5m, and after you've don that a few times you might go to the 10m one.

Work on everything like this. It's better to do some small steps and slowly get used to something rather than just wanting to go all in and never doing it.

Try some small stuff you don't know yet. Maybe try to code your first "Hello world" program. Do something where you knwo you will fail the first time. After a few tries you will get better at it and eventually get the desired result. After that go to the next program - maybe something that calculates something for you. Hopefully you will fail again a few times and then succeed. Do stuff like this all the time to get used to failing. All of this failing is easy, because there is no one there to judge you. To push this a step further after you got comfortable in your own four walls, maybe go to a public gym and try to do a pull up. If you fail - try again - and again - and again - and someday you will succeed.

This works everywhere. Just do small steps and not one huge jump. The failiure is smaller and the successes come more often.

I hope this helps!