This article was written by Michael Masterson. I thought it could be very useful to members of the forum. Great Advice!
Here are some useful techniques for profiting from criticism.
1. Remember that criticism is the price of success.
As writer Elbert Hubbard said, "Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." So if you do something, you're going to be subject to criticism. Presidents get criticized. Clint Eastwood gets criticized. Even Mother Theresa was criticized. The more success you have, the more criticism you will engender. Some of it will be helpful. Most of it will be useless. But don't be afraid of it. It won't kill you. It will only make you stronger.
2. Dump your failure-support group.
This group includes jealous friends, professional enemies, and habitual critics. These people get their kicks from kicking you when you are up. They want you to be down where they are. Don't go there. Just ignore them.
3. If you can't ignore your critics, frame your responses strategically.
Sometimes, you won't be able to ignore your critics – if, for example the criticism is coming from your boss or your family. That's when you need to stay calm and respond strategically.
In Self-Esteem, Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning recommend a technique they call "clouding." "Clouding involves a token agreement with a critic. It is used when criticism is neither constructive nor accurate. When you use clouding to deal with criticism, you are saying to the critic, 'Yes, some of what is on your screen is on my screen.' But to yourself you add, 'And some isn't.' You 'cloud' by agreeing in part, probability, or principle."
Agreeing in part – finding one part of your critic's comments to agree with or acknowledge.
The Criticism: You're not reliable. You forget to pick up the kids, you let the bills pile up until we could lose the roof over our heads, and I can't ever count on you to be there when I need you.
Your Response: You're certainly right that I did forget to pick up the kids last week after their swimming lesson.
Agreeing in probability – acknowledging that there's a possibility your critic could be right. The chances may be a million to one against it, but you can truthfully say, "It's possible you're right."
The Criticism: Starting a business now is a terrible idea. The economy is in the crapper, and you're just wasting time and money.
Your Response: Yes, it's possible that my business won't work out.
Agreeing in principle – acknowledging the logic of your critic's argument, but not necessarily agreeing with his assumptions. This clouding technique uses the conditional "if/then" format.
The Criticism: You're really taking a chance by claiming all these deductions you don't have receipts for. The IRS is cracking down. You're just asking for an audit. It's stupid to try to save a few bucks and bring them down on you like a pack of bloodhounds.
Your Response: You're right. If I take the deductions, I'll be attracting more attention to myself. And if I get audited, it will be a real hassle.
4. Take helpful criticism seriously.
Helpful criticism is sometimes harsh but it's always well intended. It's not hard to identify it. The hard thing is to accept that it is helpful and use it to improve yourself.
In Succeed for Yourself: Unlock Your Potential for Success and Happiness, Richard Denny says, "Constructive criticism is not negative, so be enthusiastic about it. Remember, you are very fortunate if you receive it. Encourage others to offer constructive criticism."
5. Thank your critics.
I make it a habit to send a personal "thank you" to anyone whose criticism has helped me do better work.
6. Solicit criticism – from people you respect – while there is plenty of time to make changes.
One of the most successful publishers I know does this regularly. When considering the launch of a new product, he sends a memo to a small group of more experienced publishers explaining his concept and asking them to poke holes in it.
By getting their criticism early, he doesn't feel its sting. After all, it's not his baby that is being criticized. It's just an idea. And ideas, as we all know, are not worth anything until they are put into action.
Another benefit – and this is a big one – is that it saves him time and frustration. By getting input on an idea before he's done a lot of work on it, it is much easier for him to make changes.
Here are some useful techniques for profiting from criticism.
1. Remember that criticism is the price of success.
As writer Elbert Hubbard said, "Criticism is something we can avoid easily by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing." So if you do something, you're going to be subject to criticism. Presidents get criticized. Clint Eastwood gets criticized. Even Mother Theresa was criticized. The more success you have, the more criticism you will engender. Some of it will be helpful. Most of it will be useless. But don't be afraid of it. It won't kill you. It will only make you stronger.
2. Dump your failure-support group.
This group includes jealous friends, professional enemies, and habitual critics. These people get their kicks from kicking you when you are up. They want you to be down where they are. Don't go there. Just ignore them.
3. If you can't ignore your critics, frame your responses strategically.
Sometimes, you won't be able to ignore your critics – if, for example the criticism is coming from your boss or your family. That's when you need to stay calm and respond strategically.
In Self-Esteem, Matthew McKay and Patrick Fanning recommend a technique they call "clouding." "Clouding involves a token agreement with a critic. It is used when criticism is neither constructive nor accurate. When you use clouding to deal with criticism, you are saying to the critic, 'Yes, some of what is on your screen is on my screen.' But to yourself you add, 'And some isn't.' You 'cloud' by agreeing in part, probability, or principle."
Agreeing in part – finding one part of your critic's comments to agree with or acknowledge.
The Criticism: You're not reliable. You forget to pick up the kids, you let the bills pile up until we could lose the roof over our heads, and I can't ever count on you to be there when I need you.
Your Response: You're certainly right that I did forget to pick up the kids last week after their swimming lesson.
Agreeing in probability – acknowledging that there's a possibility your critic could be right. The chances may be a million to one against it, but you can truthfully say, "It's possible you're right."
The Criticism: Starting a business now is a terrible idea. The economy is in the crapper, and you're just wasting time and money.
Your Response: Yes, it's possible that my business won't work out.
Agreeing in principle – acknowledging the logic of your critic's argument, but not necessarily agreeing with his assumptions. This clouding technique uses the conditional "if/then" format.
The Criticism: You're really taking a chance by claiming all these deductions you don't have receipts for. The IRS is cracking down. You're just asking for an audit. It's stupid to try to save a few bucks and bring them down on you like a pack of bloodhounds.
Your Response: You're right. If I take the deductions, I'll be attracting more attention to myself. And if I get audited, it will be a real hassle.
4. Take helpful criticism seriously.
Helpful criticism is sometimes harsh but it's always well intended. It's not hard to identify it. The hard thing is to accept that it is helpful and use it to improve yourself.
In Succeed for Yourself: Unlock Your Potential for Success and Happiness, Richard Denny says, "Constructive criticism is not negative, so be enthusiastic about it. Remember, you are very fortunate if you receive it. Encourage others to offer constructive criticism."
5. Thank your critics.
I make it a habit to send a personal "thank you" to anyone whose criticism has helped me do better work.
6. Solicit criticism – from people you respect – while there is plenty of time to make changes.
One of the most successful publishers I know does this regularly. When considering the launch of a new product, he sends a memo to a small group of more experienced publishers explaining his concept and asking them to poke holes in it.
By getting their criticism early, he doesn't feel its sting. After all, it's not his baby that is being criticized. It's just an idea. And ideas, as we all know, are not worth anything until they are put into action.
Another benefit – and this is a big one – is that it saves him time and frustration. By getting input on an idea before he's done a lot of work on it, it is much easier for him to make changes.
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