Lex DeVille
Sweeping Shadows From Dreams
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This is the Behavioral Change Stairway used by top FBI negotiators in hostage crisis situations.
Probably not many of you Fastlaning hostage scenarios, but I'm sure you can find your own use.
I came across it on another blog here that discusses how to use it in general to get what you want.
Today let's consider its use in business.
Before we dive in, there's a key take-away from the source blog.
It's something brought up by newbies on TFF almost daily.
Every time someone asks about using influence techniques in sales, this is what's happening.
They throw out some techniques, don't get results, then return wondering wtf went wrong.
It's skipping the y.o.u. focus. The first 3 steps.
Active Listening
If you don't know what active listening is just Google it or have a look at the source blog.
It's all about starting with a y.o.u. focus. It's about focusing on the other person and what they're saying.
It's about learning to understand their needs and their problems without adding your own filters.
Empathy
Once you understand the problem you need to understand why it's a problem.
What is it that makes this a problem for that person? What is their pain? Can you feel their pain?
If you can't feel their pain the way they feel it, then go back to step one and try again.
This isn't the same as sympathy.
You don't need to feel sorry for them. You just need to understand their point of view.
Rapport
When you start to see where they're coming from, then you figure out what you have in common.
Now you start to speak their language. You can match and mirror and find ways to be like them.
Remember, we like things that are like us. People who think like us, dress like us, act like us etc.
Influence
This is where techniques come in. Not blatant in your face techniques. Subtle techniques. Hidden techniques.
In fact, if you're still working from a y.o.u. focus, and you should be, then you're really not using techniques at all.
Behavioral Change
This is what happens when you've effectively shifted a person's perspective, even if only temporarily.
This is when people buy.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Now to Apply It
It's one thing to understand definitions. It's something different altogether to apply it.
So here are 3 common scenarios in which this might be useful and how they might play out.
Freelancing
You're applying to gigs and not getting hired. You're trying to be y.o.u. focused but it doesn't work.
You use copywriting techniques to persuade them to hire you, but that doesn't work either.
Go back to step 1.
Step 1: Active Listening
This isn't just about what you hear. It's called listening because that's how it's usually applied. Someone speaks to you, you listen, you pick up key points, you let them know you're listening, you paraphrase it back to them to let them know they've been heard.
In freelance applications it's about learning to read between the lines to understand the pain points of the other person. You can't physically hear them, but their voice comes through all the same. You just have to pay careful attention.
"I need someone who can research an article on rapid weight loss and write 500 words on it. I'm launching a healthcare blog on a budget for top-class physicians who serve as role models for their community."
You don't actually hear words. But you can hear the voice. You can hear what they're saying with your eyes.
I need this researched - research is time consuming for them.
I need 500 words - SEO may be important to them.
I'm launching a healthcare blog on a budget - just starting and money is tight.
for top-class physicians - clear, intelligent writing is probably important.
So when you send your application you may wanna ask some open-ended questions & paraphrase their post. Let them know they've been heard.
"You mentioned needing someone who can research. Research probably takes a lot of your time. What are your preferred sources for me to start? You said you're just getting started. It can be hard to start. How can I best help you launch? Oh, and your blog is for medical professionals. Would you prefer I write more professionally, casually, or maybe something in between?
Step 2: Empathy
The client responds,
"Thanks for being so attentive. I have several sources for you that I'll send in just a bit. The best way to help me launch is to ensure you can meet the weekly deadlines, and if you can drop your price a few dollars that would really help me out. The blog is for medical professionals, so professional writing is probably best."
Now you've opened up a dialogue. Your questions showed you listened. Now you repeat step one and add in step 2. Step 2 is empathy. Empathy is where you go deeper into the client's needs to make sure you fully understand his perspective. You may also want to use questions to clarify his target market's perspective depending on the kind of work you're doing.
Your response,
"Thanks for responding so fast Mr. X and for the sources. Since you're a new client and because you're just starting, I'm happy to lower the rates a few dollars to help you out."
As an entrepreneur you can already empathize with his situation. You know what it's like to just be starting out. You know what it's like to not have a lot of money to get started. You listened, you empathized, and you even started step 3, building rapport.
Step 3: Rapport
When you can't verbally speak to another person you have to find other ways to show you're similar.
"Thanks for being so attentive." = "Thanks for responding so fast."
You both speak entrepreneur, and you have plenty in common guaranteed. Using similar sentences here and there can show you're alike. Using similar sensory words (Them: I'm looking for someone) and (You: It appears you need someone). If they write in 3 line paragraphs you can do the same. etc. But it's not just about showing how similar you are. Rapport occurs when the other person not only likes you, but trusts you. The two of you are in sync.
Step 4: Influence
The fourth step is where techniques come into play. This happens in a variety of ways, but the most important technique of influence is simply to show how you solve the client's problems. You're actively listening, empathizing, building rapport, and now you show them exactly how you can help them.
This is how you influence. There are thousands of techniques, but influence is influence. Influence is what occurs when the other person begins to feel the impact of everything you've done up to this point. They've been heard. They know you care. They like you. Now they're ready to listen to your words. Be careful what you say and never break rapport.
Step 5: Behavioral Change
At this point the client has been influenced. They hire you. You have succeeded.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Copywriting
It's one thing to use the behavioral change stairway when you can see the other person's writing. But what about when you have nothing and you don't know who they are? That's exactly the case in copywriting. You have this product or this website or this landing page and that's it. Just you and your words and no idea who's reading them.
Active Listening
Active listening applies a little differently here. With copywriting it involves learning about your audience. First you have to research and find out who they are and where they hang out. Forums, groups, local cafes etc. Then you just connect. Verbally speak to them or get involved on forums to learn about their needs.
Empathy
Opening up dialogue is once again as simple as asking some open ended questions and responding in ways that clarify if you really understand their perspectives and their problems. Avoid asking direct questions such as, "what's your biggest problem with X" instead just probe here and there and look for what people are already complaining about. You don't even need the biggest problem. Just a common problem or pain point.
Rapport
Now that you listened to their problems and you've engaged with dialogue to understand their point of view, now it's time to write some copy. If you know how to write copy, this part should be pretty easy. Beyond coming up with clear, creative copy, make sure you're writing in a style and language that speaks to them. You know...the way they speak to each other when chatting in forums, groups etc.
Influence
In copywriting you build rapport and show people how your product meets their needs. What are the specs? What can it do? What else can it do? What can it do that they didn't even think about it doing? What makes your service different or better or faster or stronger etc. How does it make their life easier or better or more special. How does it solve their problems? Copywriting influence is mostly about answering questions before they're asked. It's like you're reading their mind. Forget all that other crap. It's just icing on the cake.
Behavioral Change
If you've listened, empathized, built rapport, maintained rapport, and showed how you solve problems, then assuming the person reading your copy is the right audience, ready to take the action you want them to take, there's an excellent chance they'll do what you want them to do.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Person to Person Sales
People to people sales come in a lot of shapes and sizes. You might want to sell your wife on pizza for dinner, or maybe you're selling an investor your idea. No matter who the audience, the rules still apply. Let's say you're going on Shark Tank and you wanna get a deal. Here's how things might play out...
Active Listening
The process is again quite different. When you enter the tank you speak first. So how can you active listen when you're the first one to speak? You can start with research. Research the Sharks. Research their needs. What do they like and dislike? What is their persona? Will anything about your pitch immediately shut them down? (Mark won't eat gluten. Does your pizza have gluten?)
Go back and watch old episodes. Learn everything about them you possibly can. This is a form of active listening. Later, when your pitch is done and the Sharks offer advice, then you can use real live active listening in person, the way it was meant to be used.
Empathy
The Sharks are skeptical of you and your business. They have to be. It's their money on the line. Money is important to them just like it's important to you. Plus they get pitched by thousands of morons who don't know the first thing about business every day.
So you have to understand you're not just selling the Sharks. They're not your average joe. Telling them you're dedicated, motivated, and willing to go the distance isn't enough. You have to show up with the stuff they need. The stuff that's going to show you feel them. Know your numbers. Know your market. Know everything about your business and spend time learning and understanding where they're coming from so you can effectively move into step 3.
Rapport
You did your research, you practiced your pitch, you made sure your product won't offend or immediately get shut down by any of the sharks. In short, you came prepared. Now you're in a good position to build rapport. Now it's up to you to show them how alike you are. What do you have in common with them? How long have you been in business? Are you driven to succeed? Are you willing to go all in? Have you already made sales?
Sharks are a step above the rest. Sharks are alphas. Dressing in a suit because they dress in a suit won't score you any points, but selling door to door right outside the studio might. We all have a history. We all started somewhere. How is your start and your journey like their start and their journey? How are you like them, and how can you show them you're going where they already are?
Influence
Knowing your numbers, your market, and your business, and having a great product, and the right pitch, and showing you're a sturdy individual with a proven track record who's ready to take it to the next level no matter what it takes...all of these are part of steps 1 through 3 and all create influence.
In the case of Shark Tank influence is happening throughout the show. It especially comes into play when it's time to make a deal. If you're offered a deal and you don't like it, now you play your hand. If you have strong rapport and your position is good because you did your homework, then you might be able to ask for a better offer and make it happen.
But you have to understand that influence is a process. It's the result of building rapport which is the result of empathizing which is the result of active listening. It's all a process leading to a process and all of the processes combined create the system...influence.
Behavioral Change
Influence is the result of the process. But that doesn't mean it's not also part of a process. There's a reason behavioral change is a step. It's because influence isn't the last step. Influence can be a yes just as it can be a no. If the processes you use leading up to influence suck, it doesn't mean you won't influence. You will. But it probably won't be the influence you want to happen.
If someone doesn't like you they'll be influenced to do something that's not what you want. If they do like and trust you, then you might influence them to do exactly what you want. That's why you can't skip steps 1-3. Only when you work through the whole process can you tip the scales with positive influence to create the behavioral changes you want to create.
Active listening is a process and a system.
Empathizing is a process and a system.
Rapport is a process and a system.
Influence is a process and a system.
Behavioral change is a process and a system.
In the case of shark tank behavioral change might be when they first offer you a deal.
It might also be when they accept a deal you offer them.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, you may have noticed the chart has an arrow for time.
That's because change happens over time. Processes take time. Only events happen instantly.
The more time that passes during an exchange the more comfortable you become with the other party.
The more comfortable you become, the more rapport you build and the more influence you create.
And this can work both ways.
It may take time to make this happen, and then, in a day or an hour or a half a second, something changes.
Then you get the results you want.
And that's how you might use FBI Hostage Negotiations to Succeed in Business.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
One last thing before it's over!
I wrote about all of this just a few days ago with 4 steps that might be easier for you big picture thinkers.
Merge
Blend
Shift
Change
Merge with your audience.
Blend and become them.
Shift their perspective as part of them.
Create the changes you want to create.
Consider it and use what works best for you.
P.S. The original source blog was a good read too.
This is the Behavioral Change Stairway used by top FBI negotiators in hostage crisis situations.
Probably not many of you Fastlaning hostage scenarios, but I'm sure you can find your own use.
I came across it on another blog here that discusses how to use it in general to get what you want.
Today let's consider its use in business.
It's something brought up by newbies on TFF almost daily.
Every time someone asks about using influence techniques in sales, this is what's happening.
They throw out some techniques, don't get results, then return wondering wtf went wrong.
It's skipping the y.o.u. focus. The first 3 steps.
Active Listening
If you don't know what active listening is just Google it or have a look at the source blog.
It's all about starting with a y.o.u. focus. It's about focusing on the other person and what they're saying.
It's about learning to understand their needs and their problems without adding your own filters.
Empathy
Once you understand the problem you need to understand why it's a problem.
What is it that makes this a problem for that person? What is their pain? Can you feel their pain?
If you can't feel their pain the way they feel it, then go back to step one and try again.
This isn't the same as sympathy.
You don't need to feel sorry for them. You just need to understand their point of view.
Rapport
When you start to see where they're coming from, then you figure out what you have in common.
Now you start to speak their language. You can match and mirror and find ways to be like them.
Remember, we like things that are like us. People who think like us, dress like us, act like us etc.
Influence
This is where techniques come in. Not blatant in your face techniques. Subtle techniques. Hidden techniques.
In fact, if you're still working from a y.o.u. focus, and you should be, then you're really not using techniques at all.
Behavioral Change
This is what happens when you've effectively shifted a person's perspective, even if only temporarily.
This is when people buy.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Now to Apply It
It's one thing to understand definitions. It's something different altogether to apply it.
So here are 3 common scenarios in which this might be useful and how they might play out.
Freelancing
You're applying to gigs and not getting hired. You're trying to be y.o.u. focused but it doesn't work.
You use copywriting techniques to persuade them to hire you, but that doesn't work either.
Go back to step 1.
Step 1: Active Listening
This isn't just about what you hear. It's called listening because that's how it's usually applied. Someone speaks to you, you listen, you pick up key points, you let them know you're listening, you paraphrase it back to them to let them know they've been heard.
In freelance applications it's about learning to read between the lines to understand the pain points of the other person. You can't physically hear them, but their voice comes through all the same. You just have to pay careful attention.
"I need someone who can research an article on rapid weight loss and write 500 words on it. I'm launching a healthcare blog on a budget for top-class physicians who serve as role models for their community."
You don't actually hear words. But you can hear the voice. You can hear what they're saying with your eyes.
I need this researched - research is time consuming for them.
I need 500 words - SEO may be important to them.
I'm launching a healthcare blog on a budget - just starting and money is tight.
for top-class physicians - clear, intelligent writing is probably important.
So when you send your application you may wanna ask some open-ended questions & paraphrase their post. Let them know they've been heard.
"You mentioned needing someone who can research. Research probably takes a lot of your time. What are your preferred sources for me to start? You said you're just getting started. It can be hard to start. How can I best help you launch? Oh, and your blog is for medical professionals. Would you prefer I write more professionally, casually, or maybe something in between?
Step 2: Empathy
The client responds,
"Thanks for being so attentive. I have several sources for you that I'll send in just a bit. The best way to help me launch is to ensure you can meet the weekly deadlines, and if you can drop your price a few dollars that would really help me out. The blog is for medical professionals, so professional writing is probably best."
Now you've opened up a dialogue. Your questions showed you listened. Now you repeat step one and add in step 2. Step 2 is empathy. Empathy is where you go deeper into the client's needs to make sure you fully understand his perspective. You may also want to use questions to clarify his target market's perspective depending on the kind of work you're doing.
Your response,
"Thanks for responding so fast Mr. X and for the sources. Since you're a new client and because you're just starting, I'm happy to lower the rates a few dollars to help you out."
As an entrepreneur you can already empathize with his situation. You know what it's like to just be starting out. You know what it's like to not have a lot of money to get started. You listened, you empathized, and you even started step 3, building rapport.
Step 3: Rapport
When you can't verbally speak to another person you have to find other ways to show you're similar.
"Thanks for being so attentive." = "Thanks for responding so fast."
You both speak entrepreneur, and you have plenty in common guaranteed. Using similar sentences here and there can show you're alike. Using similar sensory words (Them: I'm looking for someone) and (You: It appears you need someone). If they write in 3 line paragraphs you can do the same. etc. But it's not just about showing how similar you are. Rapport occurs when the other person not only likes you, but trusts you. The two of you are in sync.
Step 4: Influence
The fourth step is where techniques come into play. This happens in a variety of ways, but the most important technique of influence is simply to show how you solve the client's problems. You're actively listening, empathizing, building rapport, and now you show them exactly how you can help them.
This is how you influence. There are thousands of techniques, but influence is influence. Influence is what occurs when the other person begins to feel the impact of everything you've done up to this point. They've been heard. They know you care. They like you. Now they're ready to listen to your words. Be careful what you say and never break rapport.
Step 5: Behavioral Change
At this point the client has been influenced. They hire you. You have succeeded.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Copywriting
It's one thing to use the behavioral change stairway when you can see the other person's writing. But what about when you have nothing and you don't know who they are? That's exactly the case in copywriting. You have this product or this website or this landing page and that's it. Just you and your words and no idea who's reading them.
Active Listening
Active listening applies a little differently here. With copywriting it involves learning about your audience. First you have to research and find out who they are and where they hang out. Forums, groups, local cafes etc. Then you just connect. Verbally speak to them or get involved on forums to learn about their needs.
Empathy
Opening up dialogue is once again as simple as asking some open ended questions and responding in ways that clarify if you really understand their perspectives and their problems. Avoid asking direct questions such as, "what's your biggest problem with X" instead just probe here and there and look for what people are already complaining about. You don't even need the biggest problem. Just a common problem or pain point.
Rapport
Now that you listened to their problems and you've engaged with dialogue to understand their point of view, now it's time to write some copy. If you know how to write copy, this part should be pretty easy. Beyond coming up with clear, creative copy, make sure you're writing in a style and language that speaks to them. You know...the way they speak to each other when chatting in forums, groups etc.
Influence
In copywriting you build rapport and show people how your product meets their needs. What are the specs? What can it do? What else can it do? What can it do that they didn't even think about it doing? What makes your service different or better or faster or stronger etc. How does it make their life easier or better or more special. How does it solve their problems? Copywriting influence is mostly about answering questions before they're asked. It's like you're reading their mind. Forget all that other crap. It's just icing on the cake.
Behavioral Change
If you've listened, empathized, built rapport, maintained rapport, and showed how you solve problems, then assuming the person reading your copy is the right audience, ready to take the action you want them to take, there's an excellent chance they'll do what you want them to do.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
Person to Person Sales
People to people sales come in a lot of shapes and sizes. You might want to sell your wife on pizza for dinner, or maybe you're selling an investor your idea. No matter who the audience, the rules still apply. Let's say you're going on Shark Tank and you wanna get a deal. Here's how things might play out...
Active Listening
The process is again quite different. When you enter the tank you speak first. So how can you active listen when you're the first one to speak? You can start with research. Research the Sharks. Research their needs. What do they like and dislike? What is their persona? Will anything about your pitch immediately shut them down? (Mark won't eat gluten. Does your pizza have gluten?)
Go back and watch old episodes. Learn everything about them you possibly can. This is a form of active listening. Later, when your pitch is done and the Sharks offer advice, then you can use real live active listening in person, the way it was meant to be used.
Empathy
The Sharks are skeptical of you and your business. They have to be. It's their money on the line. Money is important to them just like it's important to you. Plus they get pitched by thousands of morons who don't know the first thing about business every day.
So you have to understand you're not just selling the Sharks. They're not your average joe. Telling them you're dedicated, motivated, and willing to go the distance isn't enough. You have to show up with the stuff they need. The stuff that's going to show you feel them. Know your numbers. Know your market. Know everything about your business and spend time learning and understanding where they're coming from so you can effectively move into step 3.
Rapport
You did your research, you practiced your pitch, you made sure your product won't offend or immediately get shut down by any of the sharks. In short, you came prepared. Now you're in a good position to build rapport. Now it's up to you to show them how alike you are. What do you have in common with them? How long have you been in business? Are you driven to succeed? Are you willing to go all in? Have you already made sales?
Sharks are a step above the rest. Sharks are alphas. Dressing in a suit because they dress in a suit won't score you any points, but selling door to door right outside the studio might. We all have a history. We all started somewhere. How is your start and your journey like their start and their journey? How are you like them, and how can you show them you're going where they already are?
Influence
Knowing your numbers, your market, and your business, and having a great product, and the right pitch, and showing you're a sturdy individual with a proven track record who's ready to take it to the next level no matter what it takes...all of these are part of steps 1 through 3 and all create influence.
In the case of Shark Tank influence is happening throughout the show. It especially comes into play when it's time to make a deal. If you're offered a deal and you don't like it, now you play your hand. If you have strong rapport and your position is good because you did your homework, then you might be able to ask for a better offer and make it happen.
But you have to understand that influence is a process. It's the result of building rapport which is the result of empathizing which is the result of active listening. It's all a process leading to a process and all of the processes combined create the system...influence.
Behavioral Change
Influence is the result of the process. But that doesn't mean it's not also part of a process. There's a reason behavioral change is a step. It's because influence isn't the last step. Influence can be a yes just as it can be a no. If the processes you use leading up to influence suck, it doesn't mean you won't influence. You will. But it probably won't be the influence you want to happen.
If someone doesn't like you they'll be influenced to do something that's not what you want. If they do like and trust you, then you might influence them to do exactly what you want. That's why you can't skip steps 1-3. Only when you work through the whole process can you tip the scales with positive influence to create the behavioral changes you want to create.
Active listening is a process and a system.
Empathizing is a process and a system.
Rapport is a process and a system.
Influence is a process and a system.
Behavioral change is a process and a system.
In the case of shark tank behavioral change might be when they first offer you a deal.
It might also be when they accept a deal you offer them.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
By the way, you may have noticed the chart has an arrow for time.
That's because change happens over time. Processes take time. Only events happen instantly.
The more time that passes during an exchange the more comfortable you become with the other party.
The more comfortable you become, the more rapport you build and the more influence you create.
And this can work both ways.
It may take time to make this happen, and then, in a day or an hour or a half a second, something changes.
Then you get the results you want.
And that's how you might use FBI Hostage Negotiations to Succeed in Business.
------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------------------------
One last thing before it's over!
I wrote about all of this just a few days ago with 4 steps that might be easier for you big picture thinkers.
Merge
Blend
Shift
Change
Merge with your audience.
Blend and become them.
Shift their perspective as part of them.
Create the changes you want to create.
Consider it and use what works best for you.
P.S. The original source blog was a good read too.
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