I'm Stuck - Corporation, ADHD, and What's Next?

[przyszlymilioner]

Hi everyone, I’m writing this post because I’m feeling the "FTE" that MJ DeMarco wrote about. I've been working in a corporation, in the sales department, for many years. For the past year, I’ve felt like the corporation is draining all my energy—I feel like a living zombie. I often hear clients say, "Are you getting enough sleep?" and even my supervisors give me similar feedback, suggesting I should get more rest. I did have sleep problems, it’s true, but those are now resolved, and I get a good night's sleep most of the time. The problem no longer lies with sleep, but with the fact that I feel completely burned out by this company and this job. I enjoy interacting with people, but everything behind the scenes in this company is literally killing me. The salary, which in my country can be considered decent, brings no satisfaction due to the huge mental strain.

I’ve tried a few job interviews, but all the companies offered lower salaries, or at best came close to my current earnings. Each time, I felt internally that it would just be a temporary change because every corporation will squeeze me in the same way—there's always "not enough," even if you do more than what’s expected. Additionally, salary conditions fluctuate so much from month to month that my pay is like a rollercoaster. I’ve tried starting something of my own a few times, but to be honest, I did it out of emotion, and I always lacked the determination. I didn’t understand why until I came across the topic of ADHD (ADD). I’ve recently read many books on the subject and gained a better understanding of myself and my behavior. I better understand my self-sabotaging tendencies and how to work more effectively with myself.

I’ve been on a dopamine detox for three weeks—not a complete one, because I don’t think that’s possible in today’s world—but the actions I’ve taken have been a game changer for me. I can focus longer, resist the urge to reach for my phone, and generally see only positives—I’m calmer than I’ve ever been. I regret not doing this sooner because when I was little, my parents were told that I should be diagnosed, as I was clearly hyperactive. As an adult, I denied it, thinking my energy was great, but after turning 30, I noticed how much it was burning me out, like I was drowning in my own atmosphere. Better late than never.

I’d like to ask for your advice on where to go and what to do next—people with ADD often don’t know they feel an overwhelming emptiness inside, and I can confirm this. I want to move toward scaling a business—something online—but the only thing I can really do is build websites on WordPress or set up a Shopify store. However, I have zero skills in online marketing, so I feel like I wouldn’t be able to handle it—I’d need to hire specialists. I have a lot of hard skills, like basic electrical repairs, painting, plastering, and building things—I learned these when I was younger. I see potential in this, but I keep thinking that it would require my personal involvement and time, and it would be less scalable than an online store.

I recently heard that the amount of work needed to develop your own business will be the same—it’ll be just as hard—so it’s worth choosing something with access to a global market and something that can scale. I also have a financial cushion built up, but I’m afraid to quit my job and take the risk, because as someone with ADD, I have a tendency toward substance use. Although I control it now, I fear that without the obligations of a job, I could lose control. I feel better now and more able to focus on my own thing—not perfectly, but maintaining focus is better than ever. Sometimes I feel like I’m becoming internally "concrete," and my creative thinking gets worse with each passing year. I believe I can reverse this if my brain is stimulated by creative tasks.

I have a few ideas to solve global problems—strictly online projects—but the financial investment would definitely reach millions, so I feel like that pool is too deep for me right now. I’d like to ask for your feedback—maybe someone was in a similar situation and has had attention deficit issues. I just feel like I can’t see the situation from a third-person perspective.

Thanks to everyone who read this!

Forgive my English, it is not yet perfect.

 

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