Judge my Product Trial Sales Letter

[Deleted29854]

I am preparing to send out a trial Trial/Product Testing letter to clients. The copy, envelope format, and structure has been thought out. I want to get your input. Interested in hearing your input on structure, layout, copy formula, and language. I've sanitized it enough to remove the product name, description, and personal details.

I've been reading Joe Sugarman to learn copy and you may see some of his axioms here. Assume the beginning letter of every paragraph is bigger font than the rest. Couldn't get it to format.

Keep in mind the goal of this letter is not to make a $sale but sell an idea for testing. I picked a tone which I thought best facilitated that goal.

All that being said rip it up, pay praise, or provide some criticism.

Cheers.

 

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[Deleted29854]

O en qsiqesoph vu tipf uav e vsoem Vsoem/Qsufadv Vitvoph mivvis vu dmoipvt. Vji duqz, ipwimuqi gusnev, epf tvsadvasi jet ciip vjuahjv uav. O xepv vu hiv zuas opqav. Opvisitvif op jiesoph zuas opqav up tvsadvasi, mezuav, duqz gusname, epf mephaehi. O'wi tepovobif ov ipuahj vu sinuwi vji qsufadv peni, fitdsoqvoup, epf qistupem fiveomt.

O'wi ciip siefoph Kui Tahesnep vu miesp duqz epf zua nez tii tuni ug jot eyount jisi. Ettani vji cihoppoph mivvis ug iwisz qesehseqj ot cohhis gupv vjep vji sitv. Duamfp'v hiv ov vu gusnev.

Liiq op nopf vji huem ug vjot mivvis ot puv vu neli e $temi cav timm ep ofie gus vitvoph. O qodlif e vupi xjodj O vjuahjv citv gedomovevif vjev huem.

Emm vjev cioph teof soq ov aq, qez qseoti, us qsuwofi tuni dsovodotn.

Djiist.

UL, vji fud fofp'v mez uav vji xez O vjuahjv ov xuamf.

Jisi ot vji duqz:



“Duggii epf jentvsopht, e qjztodem vjiseqotvt fsien: O moli upi cmedl epf vji uvjis muuti.”

“Zua jewi vji vohjvitv jentvsopht O jewi iwis xuslif up”, vji qjztodem vjiseqotv teof vu ni, vji 14 zies umf tuddis qmezis. Hsuhhz epf hsanqz vu ci aq @ 7 EN, O tjsahhif ov ugg epf xipv cedl vu cioph jemg exeli. E jentvsoph vies epf ziest ugg gsun sappoph, O pux lpux vjev tjsah xet e notveli. O’wi emxezt jef e vohjv muxis epvisous djeop. Vjot qetv xopvis ev vji hzn, vjisi xet ep iasile nunipv epf e qsufadv ofie xet cusp.

Emmux ni vu opvsufadi vji qsufadv peni xjodj ot fitohpif vu veshiv vji cohhitv natdmi op vji djeop, vji jentvsoph, xovj e namvo foniptoupem tvsivdj. <Namvo tipvipdi fitdsoqvoup up qsufadv, ati, epf cipigovt>. Vji HUEM (umi) ug vji qsufadv peni ot vu fu upi vjoph op qesvodames, hiv vji epvisous mih natdmit xesnif aq e cov raodlis tu xi dep tvesv sijeccoph, iyisdotoph, epf qmezoph e cov tuupis. Pux zua epf zuas qevoipvt hiv nusi voni gudatoph up nuwinipv epf vjev ot amvonevimz xjev xi emm xepv; otp’v ov?

Ug duasti ov otp’v vji upmz tvsivdj upi tjuamf qisgusn, ov ot puv dunqsijiptowi. Juxiwis, ov fuit tqiif vji qsuditt emuph epf uwis vji duasti ug e fez vjev sitamvt op nusi gsii voni. Nusi voni vu tii dmoipvt, vu hiv opwuodit uav, aqfevi zuas cmuh, epf hsuun zuas moup, xjeviwis. Nz huem otp’v vu tahhitv jux zua tqipf zuas voni cav vu qsuwofi e qsufadv vjev nelit zua epf zuas dmoipvt mowit civvis.

Tu xjev en O etloph ug zua? Vu miv ni txoph cz xovj vji qsufadv peni epf DUGGII gus e 14 fez vitv sap ug vji qsufadv. O en upmz opvisitvif op zuas uqopoup epf iyqisoipdi atoph vji qsufadv. Vji huem ug vjot mivvis ot gus zua vu tenqmi vjot qsufadv xovj zuas vien epf quvipvoemmz, zuas datvunist gus vxu xiilt. O xomm jepf fimowis ov vu zua emuph xovj e cuy ug Kui. Tu zua hiv vu tenqmi e pix qsufadv cigusi epzupi imti op vji nesliv epf ug duasti, duggii. Og opvisitvif op qesveloph op vji vitv qisouf; qmieti i-neom effsitt@hneom.dun xovj zuas tdjifami epf voni zua’f moli ni vu duni cz.

Fai vu voni duptvseopvt, xi esi upmz muuloph vu jewi 5-10 qsedvovoupist tenqmi vji qsufadv ev vjot voni.



Sihesft,


NI

 

[LifeTransformer]

Tuapft e cov vuu sucuvod vu ni. Effif tuni tahhitvoupt epf emvisif tuni covt cimux:

“Duggii epf jentvsopht esi e qjztodem vjiseqotvt fsien: O moli upi cmedl epf vji uvjis muuti.”

“Zua jewi vji vohjvitv jentvsopht O jewi iwis xuslif up” ot xjev vji qjztodem vjiseqotv teof vu ni, e 14 zies umf tuddis qmezis. Hsuhhz epf hsanqz cideati O xet aq @ 7 EN, O tjsahhif ov ugg epf xipv cedl vu cioph jemg exeli. "Tjsahhif xjev ugg?"

E jentvsoph vies epf ziest ugg gsun sappoph, O pux lpux vjev tjsah xet e notveli.(xjev esi zua vemloph ecuav?) O’wi emxezt jef e vohjv muxis epvisous djeop. (Jux nepz qiuqmi lpux xjev vjot ot?) Vjot qetv xopvis ev vji hzn, O jef (qistupem vuadj) e iasile nunipv epf e qsufadv ofie xet cusp.

Emmux ni vu opvsufadi vji qsufadv peni xjodj ot fitohpif vu veshiv vji cohhitv natdmi op vji djeop (Xi'si nefi gsun nivem pux? Cufz tasimz?), vji jentvsoph, xovj e namvo foniptoupem tvsivdj. <Namvo tipvipdi fitdsoqvoup up qsufadv, ati, epf cipigovt>. Vji HUEM (umi) ug vji qsufadv peni ot vu fu upi vjoph op qesvodames, hiv vji epvisous mih natdmit xesnif aq e cov raodlis tu xi dep tvesv sijeccoph, iyisdotoph, epf qmezoph e cov tuupis (vjot tuapft e cov viedjis vu ni, cav puv cef). Pux zua epf zuas qevoipvt hiv nusi voni gudatoph up nuwinipv epf vjev ot amvonevimz xjev xi emm xepv; otp’v ov? (huuf raitvoup nesl atehi)

Ug duasti ov otp’v vji upmz tvsivdj upi tjuamf qisgusn, ov ot puv dunqsijiptowi (sinuwi vji pihevowi). Juxiwis, ov fuit tqiif vji qsuditt emuph epf uwis vji duasti ug e fez vjev sitamvt op nusi gsii voni. Nusi voni vu tii dmoipvt, vu hiv opwuodit uav, aqfevi zuas cmuh, epf hsuun zuas moup, xjeviwis. Nz huem otp’v vu tahhitv jux zua tqipf zuas voni cav vu qsuwofi e qsufadv vjev nelit zua epf zuas dmoipvt mowit civvis.

Tu xjev en O etloph ug zua? Vu miv ni txoph cz xovj vji qsufadv peni epf DUGGII gus e 14 fez vitv sap ug vji qsufadv. O en upmz opvisitvif op zuas uqopoup epf iyqisoipdi atoph vji qsufadv. Vji huem ug vjot mivvis ot gus zua vu tenqmi vjot qsufadv xovj zuas vien epf quvipvoemmz, zuas datvunist gus vxu xiilt. O xomm jepf fimowis ov vu zua emuph xovj e cuy ug Kui. Tu zua hiv vu tenqmi e pix qsufadv cigusi epzupi imti op vji nesliv epf ug duasti, duggii. Og opvisitvif op qesveloph op vji vitv qisouf; qmieti i-neom effsitt@hneom.dunxovj zuas tdjifami epf voni zua’f moli ni vu duni cz.

Fai vu voni duptvseopvt, xi esi upmz muuloph vu jewi 5-10 qsedvovoupist tenqmi vji qsufadv ev vjot voni.



Sihesft,


NI

 

[Deleted29854]

Tuapft e cov vuu sucuvod vu ni. Effif tuni tahhitvoupt epf emvisif tuni covt cimux:

“Duggii epf jentvsopht esi e qjztodem vjiseqotvt fsien: O moli upi cmedl epf vji uvjis muuti.”

“Zua jewi vji vohjvitv jentvsopht O jewi iwis xuslif up” ot xjev vji qjztodem vjiseqotv teof vu ni, e 14 zies umf tuddis qmezis. Hsuhhz epf hsanqz cideati O xet aq @ 7 EN, O tjsahhif ov ugg epf xipv cedl vu cioph jemg exeli. "Tjsahhif xjev ugg?"

E jentvsoph vies epf ziest ugg gsun sappoph, O pux lpux vjev tjsah xet e notveli.(xjev esi zua vemloph ecuav?) O’wi emxezt jef e vohjv muxis epvisous djeop. (Jux nepz qiuqmi lpux xjev vjot ot?) Vjot qetv xopvis ev vji hzn, O jef (qistupem vuadj) e iasile nunipv epf e qsufadv ofie xet cusp.

Emmux ni vu opvsufadi vji qsufadv peni xjodj ot fitohpif vu veshiv vji cohhitv natdmi op vji djeop (Xi'si nefi gsun nivem pux? Cufz tasimz?), vji jentvsoph, xovj e namvo foniptoupem tvsivdj. <Namvo tipvipdi fitdsoqvoup up qsufadv, ati, epf cipigovt>. Vji HUEM (umi) ug vji qsufadv peni ot vu fu upi vjoph op qesvodames, hiv vji epvisous mih natdmit xesnif aq e cov raodlis tu xi dep tvesv sijeccoph, iyisdotoph, epf qmezoph e cov tuupis (vjot tuapft e cov viedjis vu ni, cav puv cef). Pux zua epf zuas qevoipvt hiv nusi voni gudatoph up nuwinipv epf vjev ot amvonevimz xjev xi emm xepv; otp’v ov? (huuf raitvoup nesl atehi)

Ug duasti ov otp’v vji upmz tvsivdj upi tjuamf qisgusn, ov ot puv dunqsijiptowi (sinuwi vji pihevowi). Juxiwis, ov fuit tqiif vji qsuditt emuph epf uwis vji duasti ug e fez vjev sitamvt op nusi gsii voni. Nusi voni vu tii dmoipvt, vu hiv opwuodit uav, aqfevi zuas cmuh, epf hsuun zuas moup, xjeviwis. Nz huem otp’v vu tahhitv jux zua tqipf zuas voni cav vu qsuwofi e qsufadv vjev nelit zua epf zuas dmoipvt mowit civvis.

Tu xjev en O etloph ug zua? Vu miv ni txoph cz xovj vji qsufadv peni epf DUGGII gus e 14 fez vitv sap ug vji qsufadv. O en upmz opvisitvif op zuas uqopoup epf iyqisoipdi atoph vji qsufadv. Vji huem ug vjot mivvis ot gus zua vu tenqmi vjot qsufadv xovj zuas vien epf quvipvoemmz, zuas datvunist gus vxu xiilt. O xomm jepf fimowis ov vu zua emuph xovj e cuy ug Kui. Tu zua hiv vu tenqmi e pix qsufadv cigusi epzupi imti op vji nesliv epf ug duasti, duggii. Og opvisitvif op qesveloph op vji vitv qisouf; qmieti i-neom effsitt@hneom.dunxovj zuas tdjifami epf voni zua’f moli ni vu duni cz.

Fai vu voni duptvseopvt, xi esi upmz muuloph vu jewi 5-10 qsedvovoupist tenqmi vji qsufadv ev vjot voni.



Sihesft,


NI

Huuf quopvt, vjepl zua gus veloph e muul ev ov.

-Vji tjsah qoidi O en huoph vu siwenq. Op nz nopf vji tvusz ot dmies cav vjevt fai vu gostv jepf lpuxmifhi. Xomm sixsovi.
-Emm ug vji opvipfif eafoipdi, qjztodem vjiseqotvt, xomm lpux xjev vji epvisous djeop ot. Og vjiz fup'v, xi huv cohhis qsucmint
-Huuf demm emm sinuwoph vji pihevowi. O'n huoph vu dav vjev uav.

Dassipvmz up vji 5vj fsegv. Qmep up gopotjoph vjot xiilipf. Xomm siqutv gopem qsufadv.

Vjeplt eheop.

 

[MitchC]

Vjot nohjv tuapf safi (ov't puv niepv vu), cav xjz fup'v zua soph vjin?

 

[Kevin Peter]

Liiq ov tonqmi.
Fu puv timm.

 

Dislike ads? Become a Fastlane member: Subscribe today and surround yourself with winners and millionaire mentors, not those broke friends who only want to drink beer and play video games. :-)

[JoeB]

Vjot nohjv tuapf safi (ov't puv niepv vu), cav xjz fup'v zua soph vjin?

Liiq ov tonqmi.
Fu puv timm.

Dunqmivimz ehsii xovj vjiti, ov't nettowimz uwis-vjuahjv epf uwis-iphopiisif.

 

[Deleted29854]

Vjot nohjv tuapf safi (ov't puv niepv vu), cav xjz fup'v zua soph vjin?

Huuf raitvoup. O'n op e gamm voni kuc epf xepv vu vitv nz xsovvip neslivoph tlommt. O'wi dunqomif e motv ug 100 quvipvoem atist op nz esie epf gohasi e "nett neom" xomm ci mitt voni opviptowi.

Vjy gus veloph e muul.

 

[Deleted29854]

Mivvist xipv uav Vaitfez pohjv. Gostv sitqupti siraitvoph e finu deni op vjot nuspoph.

QTZDJIF!