Please critique my landing page

[eqttrdr]

http://tinyurl.com/nb89zsr

Just trying to get any feedback, thoughts, ideas, suggestions.. good and bad.


thanks for your time!

 

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[Y.B.]

Internet is making me lazier and lazier, so I'm getting tired of reading all that text. How about a cute popup girl to tell me what you're selling

 

[Bigguns50]

100% better than your 1st attempt.

Having said that, the biggest issue I think is it's way too long. Long copy is out...well...I've read this is the trend and I believe it.
People are busy and turned off by long copy. It worked for a very long time, but I think it's done. And no, I didn't read it all...just too much.

On my desktop, what I see above the fold I like. The 'call a specialist' I like. Under that is a chance to order (I would make that more prominent)
You're selling on 'fear' which works.
What I think is good needs a bit of tweaking but I want to see what others think.

 

[skekasaurus]

I by no means am an expert in marketing or copy, but here are my thoughts:

Like others have said, it's definitely way too long. I didn't read a single word just scrolled from top to bottom to get a quick overview of what was on the page. I was completely turned off immediately by the sheer length of the page and didn't want to bother reading any of it.

I know it's a landing page, but you may want to break out some of the sections and place them on another page. For example, you can move the testimonials to a dedicated testimonial page. Same thing with the pricing, you could have a big bright action button that draws potential customers to click on it, which would then take them to your pricing page. You could even lay out some benefits on this page and reduce the number that you have currently shown on your home page. Maybe also move the ingredients to another page as well?


I do like your color scheme and the overall layout, I just think I'm served too much copy upon landing on the site.

 

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[Bigguns50]

@eqttrdr ... I think if you implement the ideas the members have given you, you should be good to go. You can tweak it more when you start selling. Analytics will give you all the data you need then.

You'll never get it perfect so make it better and start selling.

 

[eqttrdr]

thanks for the suggestions all.... will implement them over the next couple days.

Heck I would love to pay $10k for some whiteboard video but I just dont have that for an unproven market.

I would love some sort of video landing page but don't see that as in my price range now unless I am missing something.
-----

Any thoughts about the price point? $49 bottle? Trying to figure out what the market would pay for a supplement with 12 fully dosed ingredients? I know this will come with tweaking down the road but as a starting point????

-----

Problem for me now is trying to figure out selling to consumer directly.

The only real success I have had selling this product is selling wholesale to others with a trusted following.

Haven't been able to sell B2C at this point as I am lost as to where to best advertise --- nobody searches for "Environmental Toxicity"

well one step at a time I guess?

 

[Bigguns50]

I buy supplements and judge the price on a monthly cost basis.
ie. A supplement costs x amount which equals how much a month.
I've noticed a LOT of them come in a 30 day supply. I don't know if this is intentional.

 

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[SerpKing]

I like it!

I wouldn't change anything until you have a baseline conversion, then start testing different changes.

Get some traffic and sales and go from there, there's no real point in changing stuff around without tracking it.

 

[SerpKing]

One heads up though, I noticed in your footer "powered by stripe"

I would have another gateway ready just in case. Stripe tends to not like supplements

 

[blaksol]

Less text, more white space and / or a photo above the fold. The amount of text is OK if I am interested, but I'm not because there was too much text above the fold.

 

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[Mike.B]

Heck I would love to pay $10k for some whiteboard video but I just dont have that for an unproven market.
I would love some sort of video landing page but don't see that as in my price range now unless I am missing something.

You can get a really nice video done on fiverr for around $40, seriously.

 

[eqttrdr]

You can get a really nice video done on fiverr for around $40, seriously.

I looked around but didn't see anything.. Please PM me your guy or someone you recommend ...

REP+

I couldn't find anything worthwhile on there.. even tried Elance but anyone good wanted $$$$

thanks

 

[Mike.B]

I looked around but didn't see anything.. Please PM me your guy or someone you recommend ...
REP+
I couldn't find anything worthwhile on there.. even tried Elance but anyone good wanted $$$$
thanks

Really? http://www.fiverr.com/videokrtoon/create-1-min-of-professional-whiteboard-animation

 

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[Kevin Miller]

Hi there!

I just looked at your site and after the infamous 2 seconds you have with a new visitor
(like me!) I got bored and distracted with so much text - and I close the site right away.

This is NOT a landing page.

A landing page has just ONE purpose, to get one action taken from your visitors.

 

[Kevin Miller]

You can get a really nice video done on fiverr for around $40, seriously.

You can do "Do-It-Yourself-Videos" at rock bottom pricing at www.flixpress.com - they are amazing. A lot of people on Fiverr
selling their videos and actually make some of those video for free on FlixPress themselves. (low income quality opportunity for the slow lane is calling!).

 

[Bigguns50]

Hey @Kevin Miller ... nice posts ! Would you do a "New Member Intro" post so we know a little about you ?

 

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[Kevin Miller]

BiGGuns50, of course. PENG, PENG, PENG... here you go:
https://www.thefastlaneforum.com/co...an-intro-when-you-want-to-stay-private.51813/

 

[SerpKing]

Hi there!

I just looked at your site and after the infamous 2 seconds you have with a new visitor
(like me!) I got bored and distracted with so much text - and I close the site right away.

This is NOT a landing page.

A landing page is either an Optin-Form like this:
http://stopinternetfailures.com/start/
There is ONE CLEAR CALL TO ACTION
"Enter Your Email Below."

You can only do a landing page that has ONE PURPOSE.
One thing, nothing else. You need to be VERY clear what the
landing page should do. Get a new subscriber to follow up with him?
Getting away a free sample to send to the customer so he gives you
his/her address?

Then you can communicate all that long copy and actually send
that very same visitor to a page that actually has LONG copy.
Long copy is not bad, but it has nothing to do with a landing page.

Here is a landing page that might come closer to what you are
trying to achieve. This is actually a "Order Now" Landing Page
that starts with the clear command "FILL IN THE FORM BELOW TO APPLY!"
http://stopinternetfailures.com/now/

 

[bgalakazam]

Already said, but, too much text. Even if I care deeply about the topic (which I don't), I am still bored after about 2 seconds. Add interactive elements like animations or a video. Pictures can't hurt as well.

 

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[JustinBoshans]

http://tinyurl.com/nb89zsr

Just trying to get any feedback, thoughts, ideas, suggestions.. good and bad.


thanks for your time!

I think it has a lot of great data that makes it so people want to run out and buy your product in fear of disease. The graphics are also a nice touch. A video telling all of that information would help a lot. I also believe if you get to the benefit in your copy sooner it would be of great help too.

 

[Nebojsa]

Kevin Miller said it correctly when he pointed that you should have only one purpose on your website.
That's why you need only one product to sell. You can upsell them later.

The second step is to fix the above the fold area.
The headline did catch my attention. I've immediately looked at the image below to see whether it is connected with headline.
The image is too busy, unless I have time to figure it out. Move it little bit up and make the image simpler.
Subhead should not use red color as it takes attention away from headline.

Remove Order Now from menu, as they're not ready to buy as you're going to show them WHAT is behind their ...
Call to Action button is missing.

Having long sales copy is not an issue. But I agree the content was little boring.
You need to separate what's important and remove the stuff that's not important.
I am not interested what's inside. I only want to whether your product works.
If you're saying that clinical studies says so, then show me proof.
Positive results that others have achieved? Sorry, there's no single testimonial.
EDIT: Sorry I've found them in a menu. Still make it more convincing for people to find it.

You could use better graphics, you could use less content, you could add video ...
However, you can't optimize the website if you sell 0 products. If you multiply your 0% conversion rate you get ...

Do not focus on technology until you have a stronger selling appeal.
I will not buy from you, just because you explained me how the pollution is affecting me.
Actually I already know this. And in fact I personally do not have those problems.
So eliminate people that do not face this problem with a headline like
Do you suffer from ..

Good job on graphic design, the structure is really good, but I doubt this will make you any money

 

[eqttrdr]

thanks for the feedback.. I took some suggestions on the forum and implemented them.

appreciate the help

 

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[eqttrdr]

Good job on graphic design, the structure is really good, but I doubt this will make you any money

I get what you are saying but one of the bigger players in the alt-news/health niche emailed me when he found my website and said

"First, the product appears to be excellent in every way. It is long overdue, and I am thankful that now there is a convenient and modestly priced safeguard against all the deadly stuff being dumped into our environment. Second, this is an example of good-old free-market entrepreneurship where people see a need, find a solution, and are willing to take a risk to convert that solution into an enterprise."

I figure if he thinks that I found a "need" than I am on the right track.. "find a need..fill it" mantra

 

[Stu_Hefner]

As someone who just had cancer and looked into a lot of alternative medicine BS (toxins, ect), your website copy is just alternative medicine quackery to me.

Did you hire a copywriter for this or do it yourself?

Bias aside, it's too long. Consider using a video sales letter to get through all the fear driven copy and health benefits of your supplement. You only need a certain amount of information. Save all the long copy for flog/news article and blog posts material to drive traffic to your sales pages.

Have blog posts or reports like "5 antioxidants that cleanse toxins from your body rapidly" - then soft sell your product. The alternative health/medicine community is huge and i dont think its that difficult to get your product in front of them. I just think you can do a lot better with strategic marketing funnels then with just a standard long copy sales page.

 

[Thriftypreneur]

Some really great advice in this thread -- not surprisingly (Fastlane Forum ftw).

Agree with other posters about reducing the text and going for animation/video with intent to sell and educate simultaneously. Honestly, how many people go around their daily lives worrying about environmental toxicity? Probably not many. I think this is one where you probably need to scare the customer, educate the customer, then provide the solution. All done short and sweet either via video or animation. Just my .02

Keep working at it. You got some great advice in this thread to work with. Oh, and as always, split tests are your absolute best friend. Never stop split testing.

 

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