The war against your self esteem

[Johnny boy]

There is one major trait I see in all of my successful friends and partners.

They aren’t that much smarter.

They aren’t particularly talented.

But there’s one thing they all have.

Ridiculous self esteem.

It’s not even that they brag. It’s deeper than that.

It runs so deep. It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

The whole world has low self esteem. It is a club, a cult. And it’s made up of about everyone. 99%.

The insidious thing about low self esteem, is that it is hardwired into people to regulate the self esteem of others. Meaning: they will want you to be at their level. Even if they don’t understand what they’re doing. They will still attempt to always regulate the self esteem of others to fit their level.

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

There is a war going on. A war to make you just like them, infected.

Here’s a non exhaustive list of examples.

Your parents want you to be safe more than they want you to be successful. They will attempt to regulate your self esteem and expectations to maximize safety over success.

Your teachers and other superiors will project their own limiting beliefs onto your life, telling you what’s possible, only because it aligns with what they think is possible.

Your peers do not like to feel inferior. It is easy and simple to lower others self esteem to bring you down.

Having high self esteem is a mirror onto others that highlights their own failures.

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

It is a giant cult, made up of the 99%, and they all want you to join.

It isn’t even conscious usually. It just fulfills a deep, unconscious itch in the emotions of average people, so it’s doubly insidious. Any idiot can do it and not even know why.

It’s a trap. It’s like a zombie with the urge to bite and infect, even if there’s no other consciousness going on.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

Your iron will.

It’s a short list.

I promise you, there’s a good chance your self esteem is broken. It has been attacked daily and will continue to be. The only cure is to recognize that a massive percentage of communication directed at you is inherently selfish, insidious, unconscious, and wrong. It is manipulative and meant to lower your self esteem to protect the ego and project insecurities and limitations of the sick, broken people around you. The 99%.

When you become wise, when you can temper your mind like steel, when you can see past the surface level of most communication, you’ll see for yourself. You must not let yourself become infected.

It will come from every direction. It will come from above and below. From near and far. From inside and out. From random strangers and your own family. From your friends and your enemies. From the world and even from your own doubts.

The man who wins is not the man who never hears doubts, who never faces a barrage of attacks against his self esteem.

The man who wins is the man who knows it’s all a pile of shit, who protects his self esteem, who stays on his path and lets the sick infected majority bite each other to death, and keeps going.

It seems like almost every good thing in my life is because I was a stubborn a**hole who just didn’t listen to what he ‘should’ do. And I mean in almost every area.

Here’s the funny thing.

You’ll come out the other side.

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”. Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

Life is good.

And you’ll be around people who all followed their own path. Who broke the rules and still do.

Everything will make sense.

And you’ll remember how important it is to trust yourself.

And you’ll never go back. You’ll never even be tempted to fall for it. You’ll double down twice as hard, and bet everything on yourself.

And there’s no turning back.

 

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[BizyDad]

There is one major trait I see in all of my successful friends and partners.

They aren’t that much smarter.

They aren’t particularly talented.

But there’s one thing they all have.

Ridiculous self esteem.

It’s not even that they brag. It’s deeper than that.

It runs so deep. It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

Which came first. The ridiculous self-esteem or the success?

The way this post is written, it sounds like ridiculous self-esteem is a prerequisite to success. It's not. I know plenty of successful people that still struggle with self-esteem.

Johnny surrounds himself with high self-esteem successful people, and then talks about how all the successful people he knows have high self-esteem.

Duh. He talks all the time about not having low self-esteem people in his life.

There's a serious confirmation bias going on with this post.

For a slightly different take, here's another thread where the inverse of this just played out...

EXECUTION - Am I in The Desert?

If you haven't been following my journey you can do it here. Essentially 5 months ago I built a product called Setsign. This product allows people to display their sets and their availability in the gym to others. I'm trying to market this to gyms on a b2b level so gyms can have these up...

www.thefastlaneforum.com

When you become wise, when you can temper your mind like steel,

Sounds like the wisdom of a 20 something. That's not a put down. A lot of 20 year olds should to learn this lesson.

But there is greater wisdom than this. This is just a phase people go through to get to the next phase.

The man who wins is not the man who never hears doubts, who never faces a barrage of attacks against his self esteem.

The man who wins is the man who knows it’s all a pile of shit, who protects his self esteem

A wise man doesn't need to protect his self-esteem. He does not need to build walls around his heart.

That is something that weak people do. That is not strength.

He sees his self esteem is not actually under attack. A wise man accepts that he is flawed. He knows we all are.

A man who accepts his weaknesses cannot be laid low by pointing them out.

Go ahead, someone call me an opinionated loud mouth overweight unsuccessful ahole contrarian, see if any of that hurts my feelings.

When a wise man hears the truthful criticism around him, he laughs right along. Because truth is truth.

Johnny knows this, because he knows the truth of the criticism I level at him. He's a 20 something year old dude who likes doing what some 20 something year old dudes like doing.

For some readers his post will be revelatory. Personally, I will continue to eye roll until Johnny grows up a little bit more.

And he will, because he does something very few people do. He takes time to reevaluate who he is on a regular basis.

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”. Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

Ah yes, the wise man who never sits at a table with successful women.

Surrounded by people who date only completely subservient people.

That's the secret to high self esteem? Having servants?



Be careful who you listen to folks. Johnny might have good business advice. He might be a player even.

But this table he describes doesn't sound all that successful to me.

There is more to life and this table will get boring eventually.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

Your iron will.

It’s a short list.

I'll add to this list.

Self acceptance.
Self love.
The love of others.
An ever expanding list of friends.
The ability to learn from your mistakes.
The ability to laugh at your mistakes.
The ability to influence.
The ability to improve things around you.
The ability to help people.
The ability to reframe.
Gaining wisdom.

Gosh, the list isn't actually that short.

I could keep going but I'll stop there. Maybe spend some more time developing that toolset homie.

As a guy who spent my twenties building an iron will and all that, I can totally relate to the whole "everyone's trying to bring you down" mentality.

If that is your worldview, you're going to constantly find reasons why that worldview is confirmed.

Similar world views include:

The rich are out to get me.
The government is out to get me.
The matrix is out to get me.
Racists are out to get me.
Antifa is out to get me.
Science is out to get me.
Atheists are out to get me.

And on and on. Can't argue with people like that because they have SO MUCH PROOF that they are right.

Yawn.

The problem with all of these is the hidden ego implied in all of this, and we all know this is true...

People who don't know you don't care.

If you live in a westernised wealthy society:

NO ONE'S TRYING TO BRING YOU DOWN FOLKS.

Ok, ok, truthfully, maybe there's .00001% of the population trying to get you because terrorists and serial killers do exist. But come on...

Even those people close to you, they're just doing their best.

I urge you guys to try and assume the best in people, not the worst. You don't have to agree with everybody's advice in your life, but if they are wrong it doesn't mean that they have nefarious intent or that subconsciously there is a network of primate culture at work to keep you in line.

And even if it were true, get a grip on yourself. Goodness.

This just sounds like somebody trying to overcome external locus of control, but hasn't truly mastered internal locus of control.

Your battle with your self esteem issues is your own riddle to solve. This post is maybe just a stepping stone to real esteem.

Most guys like Johnny described, if faced with losing what they built, watch their self esteem crumble along with it.

Johnny's not even strong enough to live with a girl without it making him soft. (His words, not mine). He's not a tower of iron will. He desires a completely subservient woman.



I guess if that's what you need to make you feel like a real man, do your thing.

But be careful who you take advice from because this post is a house of cards built on the wrong foundation. Maybe it works for Johnny for the rest of his life. Good luck with that.

A wise person sees this path is a house of cards built on the shifting sands of compliments and "success".

And those of you who lack strong self esteem, keep working on it. It is important. But it's not an excuse you can use for not helping people, solving problems, creating value, and getting paid.

 

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[Fox]

Self-esteem is correlated to success, but it’s not something you can really affect imo.

100% you can change your self esteem. It is the reputation you have with yourself.

When you look in the mirror are you proud of the choices you have made or not?

I felt horrible in my early 20s after years of heavy partying, poor decisions, and lack of role models.

After 2-3 years of consistent gym, starting a business, travelling the world, taking tons of risks... felt like a totally different person.

I don't see how you can say you can't affect self esteem.

 

[MJ DeMarco]

There is one major trait I see in all of my successful friends and partners.

They aren’t that much smarter.

They aren’t particularly talented.

But there’s one thing they all have.

Ridiculous self esteem.

It’s not even that they brag. It’s deeper than that.

It runs so deep. It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

The whole world has low self esteem. It is a club, a cult. And it’s made up of about everyone. 99%.

The insidious thing about low self esteem, is that it is hardwired into people to regulate the self esteem of others. Meaning: they will want you to be at their level. Even if they don’t understand what they’re doing. They will still attempt to always regulate the self esteem of others to fit their level.

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

There is a war going on. A war to make you just like them, infected.

Here’s a non exhaustive list of examples.

Your parents want you to be safe more than they want you to be successful. They will attempt to regulate your self esteem and expectations to maximize safety over success.

Your teachers and other superiors will project their own limiting beliefs onto your life, telling you what’s possible, only because it aligns with what they think is possible.

Your peers do not like to feel inferior. It is easy and simple to lower others self esteem to bring you down.

Having high self esteem is a mirror onto others that highlights their own failures.

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

It is a giant cult, made up of the 99%, and they all want you to join.

It isn’t even conscious usually. It just fulfills a deep, unconscious itch in the emotions of average people, so it’s doubly insidious. Any idiot can do it and not even know why.

It’s a trap. It’s like a zombie with the urge to bite and infect, even if there’s no other consciousness going on.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

Your iron will.

It’s a short list.

I promise you, there’s a good chance your self esteem is broken. It has been attacked daily and will continue to be. The only cure is to recognize that a massive percentage of communication directed at you is inherently selfish, insidious, unconscious, and wrong. It is manipulative and meant to lower your self esteem to protect the ego and project insecurities and limitations of the sick, broken people around you. The 99%.

When you become wise, when you can temper your mind like steel, when you can see past the surface level of most communication, you’ll see for yourself. You must not let yourself become infected.

It will come from every direction. It will come from above and below. From near and far. From inside and out. From random strangers and your own family. From your friends and your enemies. From the world and even from your own doubts.

The man who wins is not the man who never hears doubts, who never faces a barrage of attacks against his self esteem.

The man who wins is the man who knows it’s all a pile of shit, who protects his self esteem, who stays on his path and lets the sick infected majority bite each other to death, and keeps going.

It seems like almost every good thing in my life is because I was a stubborn a**hole who just didn’t listen to what he ‘should’ do. And I mean in almost every area.

Here’s the funny thing.

You’ll come out the other side.

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”. Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

Life is good.

And you’ll be around people who all followed their own path. Who broke the rules and still do.

Everything will make sense.

And you’ll remember how important it is to trust yourself.

And you’ll never go back. You’ll never even be tempted to fall for it. You’ll double down twice as hard, and bet everything on yourself.

And there’s no turning back.

Love this post, so I upgraded it, thanks for sharing your thoughts.

However, I'm not sure what you're describing is "self-esteem" but more like pure brainwashing... your entire treatise actually sounds like The Script which I wrote about in Unscrpted, (C) 2017.

Low self-esteem? Or flawed beliefs? Muted ambition? Mediocre expectations?

I had terrible self-esteem when I got started, to the point of suicide.

But I had a ton of ambition and high expectations for what I wanted out of my life.

The latter helped improve the former.

 

[Antifragile]

Self esteem is not how much you think people approve of you or think highly of you. Self esteem is how much confidence you have in yourself to manage life, with all its ups and downs. It is internal and eliminated the need to focus on how we are superior to others.

Think of it as two things:
1. The sense of confidence to deal with life's challenges
2. Feeling worthy of being happy

And how do you get there?

Acceptance
See yourself and your own reality as it is, without judgement or embellishments. Simple: own your shit and be ok with it.

Responsibility
There is no one else who'll do it for you. It may not be your fault, but it is still your problem to solve. Own it, do it.

Assertiveness
Stand up for yourself but don't be defensive. Be confident.

Integrity
Have a moral compass, hold yourself to your own standard and don't lower the bar. You and only you are accountable for your actions, develop a code and live by it.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

There is one major trait I see in all of my successful friends and partners.

They aren’t that much smarter.

They aren’t particularly talented.

But there’s one thing they all have.

Ridiculous self esteem.

It’s not even that they brag. It’s deeper than that.

It runs so deep. It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

The whole world has low self esteem. It is a club, a cult. And it’s made up of about everyone. 99%.

The insidious thing about low self esteem, is that it is hardwired into people to regulate the self esteem of others. Meaning: they will want you to be at their level. Even if they don’t understand what they’re doing. They will still attempt to always regulate the self esteem of others to fit their level.

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

There is a war going on. A war to make you just like them, infected.

Here’s a non exhaustive list of examples.

Your parents want you to be safe more than they want you to be successful. They will attempt to regulate your self esteem and expectations to maximize safety over success.

Your teachers and other superiors will project their own limiting beliefs onto your life, telling you what’s possible, only because it aligns with what they think is possible.

Your peers do not like to feel inferior. It is easy and simple to lower others self esteem to bring you down.

Having high self esteem is a mirror onto others that highlights their own failures.

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

It is a giant cult, made up of the 99%, and they all want you to join.

It isn’t even conscious usually. It just fulfills a deep, unconscious itch in the emotions of average people, so it’s doubly insidious. Any idiot can do it and not even know why.

It’s a trap. It’s like a zombie with the urge to bite and infect, even if there’s no other consciousness going on.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

Your iron will.

It’s a short list.

I promise you, there’s a good chance your self esteem is broken. It has been attacked daily and will continue to be. The only cure is to recognize that a massive percentage of communication directed at you is inherently selfish, insidious, unconscious, and wrong. It is manipulative and meant to lower your self esteem to protect the ego and project insecurities and limitations of the sick, broken people around you. The 99%.

When you become wise, when you can temper your mind like steel, when you can see past the surface level of most communication, you’ll see for yourself. You must not let yourself become infected.

It will come from every direction. It will come from above and below. From near and far. From inside and out. From random strangers and your own family. From your friends and your enemies. From the world and even from your own doubts.

The man who wins is not the man who never hears doubts, who never faces a barrage of attacks against his self esteem.

The man who wins is the man who knows it’s all a pile of shit, who protects his self esteem, who stays on his path and lets the sick infected majority bite each other to death, and keeps going.

It seems like almost every good thing in my life is because I was a stubborn a**hole who just didn’t listen to what he ‘should’ do. And I mean in almost every area.

Here’s the funny thing.

You’ll come out the other side.

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”. Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

Life is good.

And you’ll be around people who all followed their own path. Who broke the rules and still do.

Everything will make sense.

And you’ll remember how important it is to trust yourself.

And you’ll never go back. You’ll never even be tempted to fall for it. You’ll double down twice as hard, and bet everything on yourself.

And there’s no turning back.

Self-esteem is correlated to success, but it’s not something you can really affect imo.

Some people have low self-esteem and end up quite successful… their low self-esteem teaches them how to get their way without conflict, and how to get the cooperation of others while making them feel in control. I’ve met such people.

Also, low self-esteem people can be quite belligerent and imposing. In fact, it is precisey their low self-esteem that gives them their edge.

What your self-esteem ends up being is largely the result of how you were raised. Can’t really go back to reparent yourself, can you? Lol

Thinking that you’re always correct no matter what, aside from the boldness it gives you, is a handicap.

You want to try to see things for what they are, realistically, instead of being either overconfident or doubtful. This is hard, because your own fears push you towards overconfidence as a defense mechanism. And for some it pushes them towards cowardice.

Imo if you didn’t get raised up by parents who always encouraged you and taught you to be positive, it’s very hard to truly have high self-esteem.

For example, I don’t think I have high self-esteem. It can look like high self-esteem from the outside, but that doesn’t mean it’s how it FEELS on the inside. Self-esteem, as opposed to confidence, is about how you feel, not how you act.

You can feel lowly, and act like a king. That’s false self-esteem.

 

[WJK]

I think about this idea a lot. I think picking the right chick can be one of the greatest multipliers on a man's success and fulfillment, but there are a lot of decent chicks that will subconsciously try to clip your wings out of fear of losing you. Some guy friends will try to do this to you as well.

And like you said, these people aren't outright malicious - they probably sincerely believe that they're trying to help you.

"Skip the gym today baby - you've been feeling sick and you need to rest."

"Hey bro, you've been turning into a bore because you spend so much time working. You should come to the range with us then party with us and these girls."

The best defense against this is total clarity on what you want out of life and the balls to make the choices that will get you there.

Being equally yoked with your wife will bring you a strength you can never find with a subservient mate. The synergism it creates is priceless. It multiplies your joint efforts.

My husband and I have been together for 19 years. He is my best friend and together we have, and are, moving mountains. Each has different strengths and roles in our life.

Yes, I'm a gourmet cook and I cook for my husband every day. I just fixed fresh salmon for dinner that my husband caught last and cleaned last night. He put it in the fridge ready for me to cook. Salmon is an Alaskan staple and the fish are running right now. I don't see cooking as a subservient activity. I keep my man healthy by feeding him good fresh food that is well-prepared here in my kitchen.

 

[Antifragile]

In my 20s, I could talk to anyone from any background, under any circumstances. I was cocky, never felt any type of anxiety/hesitation, went after what I wanted, was aggressive, gang life, etc. I also didn't accomplish shit with my life in my 20s

This may get overlooked. Hopefully not.

What’s the message?

Well, I recall a few years back having a coffee with some new people we just met, all part of RE industry. We all did well and frankly we’re bragging a little about cars and toys. I just put a deposit down a brand new Range Rover and I should’ve been smarter but it seemed fitting to say that. A guy across was a little younger and said congrats to me. A few min later I learned this guy just bought a new plane. He then offered me to tag along for my trip to Toronto.

OMFG, here I was “proud” of my “achievements” by buying some car. This dude was on another level, a pilot with an actual jet plane. Traveling across the country.

It’s also not just about things! There is always someone smarter, stronger and better.

That’s why in our 20s, we haven’t seen, met or realized enough … and become cocky. Only later to lose that cocky attitude. Become a little more grounded.

However, that’s not a downgrade in self esteem. In fact, I’ve never been more confident in my abilities. I’m just a lot less chatty… to some what I’ve done is amazing, to others my best is a slow weekend.

 

[WillHurtDontCare]

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

I think about this idea a lot. I think picking the right chick can be one of the greatest multipliers on a man's success and fulfillment, but there are a lot of decent chicks that will subconsciously try to clip your wings out of fear of losing you. Some guy friends will try to do this to you as well.

And like you said, these people aren't outright malicious - they probably sincerely believe that they're trying to help you.

"Skip the gym today baby - you've been feeling sick and you need to rest."

"Hey bro, you've been turning into a bore because you spend so much time working. You should come to the range with us then party with us and these girls."

The best defense against this is total clarity on what you want out of life and the balls to make the choices that will get you there.

 

[JordanK]

Can’t remember the exact quote but it goes along the lines of “saying affirmations in the mirror won’t make you a confident person. Having an undeniable stack of proof that you are who you say you are builds confidence”.

I wasn’t the most confident person during my teenage years. Then when I got into business in my early 20’s I felt like I had to justify it to people in my life and even strangers who questioned it.

After going full time self employed a few years ago my mindset did a 180. I started getting wins and living life on much better terms with myself and the world around me. I no longer had to prove myself to others as the results speak for themselves. Now I feel like I want to reach higher levels to prove to myself that my internal beliefs about my own ability are true. I also want to honor the good business people around me who push me to be more and who take the time/effort to share their wisdom with me.

This is a great thread @Johnny boy thanks for posting.

 

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[Johnny boy]

You could be the best boxer in the world, for example, and still feel like you don’t deserve it (ie, have low self-esteem).

What I'm talking about is if you're a boxer, and people that have no idea what they're talking about give you their advice and opinions, and you have the self esteem to say "shut up, you have no idea what you're talking about".

Imo if you didn’t get raised up by parents who always encouraged you and taught you to be positive, it’s very hard to truly have high self-esteem

Parents told me to be realistic, do well in school, they verbally would reprimand me for anything that was outside of their own beliefs and would attempt to regulate my self esteem. I was just too much of a stubborn a**hole.

I would say "why would I listen to any of you, I don't want to be like you"
"Oh yeah little johnny boy? It's all talk".
"Then write down your opinions and sign them. I want to keep them so when I come back in 10-15 years you'll look like an idiot".

They were not bad parents, just average people. It's engrained in them to regulate others' self esteem.

 

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[heavy_industry]

Do they do it to keep you down because of insecurities ? Maybe. Or perhaps they really believe it's best for you. We really can't know for sure. No doubt that is best to be able to just nod and do your own thing and don't care.

The human brain evolved to survive, not to be happy.

Most people would rather be safe than sorry. They would rather forfeit their dreams in exchange for a (perceived) safer alternative in life.

"Crabs in the bucket" mindset happens worldwide because the vast majority of people are complacent cowards that have given up on their dreams.

They are trying to calm their anxiety and existential angst by being stubborn, closed-minded, and following their own script of "what's possible and what is not possible" - which works exactly like a religious dogma.

Every time a crab tries to escape the bucket, that is a direct attack to the script, which causes massive anxiety for the rest of the crabs. They will violently try to stop the escaping crab in order to protect their self-imposed worldview (aka mental prison).

---

Solid post @Johnny boy

Not sure if "self-esteem" is the right word, but you have a point.

Most people are wrong. Demonstrably wrong. The average person is fat, unhealthy, depressed, unfulfilled, and financially imprisoned.


Follow the herd and you will end up on the suboptimal pasture where the herd currently resides.

Or use your brain and decide your own destiny.

 

[Trevor Kuntz]

It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

This seems like a false dichotomy to me. Simple, sure, but false.

I feel pretty lucky that I've been able to spend a lot of time in the presence of older Fastlane role models for most of my adult life and my observation is that their attitudes are often not at all like your first example. On the contrary, they tend to be some of the most self-reflective, adaptive, and wise people I've met, especially those in their 30s and older, and that tendency seems to only increase as they get older. I would categorize exactly zero of them as believing themselves to be inherently correct.

I would surmise that many of the people who spend their 20s living as though their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently correct either end up changing that belief system over time and adapting or they end up inadvertently going down a dead-end and are then unable to adapt out of it due to this strongly held belief system.

It sounds like you have one specific ideal/vision/philosophy of how life is to be lived and you are very convinced of it. I genuinely hope it works out for you, and if it doesn't, I hope that you are able to adapt as needed. For everyone else, especially younger people, I'd say there are more than one way to live your life or run a business and it isn't a dichotomy. I'm very thankful for the numerous and ideologically diverse role models I've had over these 10+ years who've shown me all the different ways through how they live their lives.

 

[Black_Dragon43]

However, I'm not sure what you're describing is "self-esteem" but more like pure brainwashing...

Is pure brainwashing in this situation a good thing?

Personally I see realistic thinking as superior to positive thinking (and obviously to negative thinking).

Being aware of reality as it is helps you change it. Being blind to it, keeps you stuck.

We see a lot of posters on fastlane like “making $4M out of building an agency” and then turns out they are broke with big ambitions and not much else…

It would be much better if those people focused on making their first $100 by themselves first, rather than $4M or whatever… I am all for thinking big, but thinking big comes from mastering the basics.

 

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[James Klymus]

A mentor once told me this:

You don't gain confidence from success, You gain confidence from failure.

For example: The smart kid in school.

He naturally learns the concepts in school quickly. He answers questions in front of the class, Doesn't have to study for tests, And shows off to his peers. Everyone else has to study and work hard to learn things, But HE doesn't because he's smart.

He's the smart kid who doesn't have to try.

As time goes on, He finds him self avoiding a lot of other things that he isn't "naturally gifted" at, Like sports, learning a new language, Being an entrepreneur, Whatever. His ego is built around the fact that "he's smart and doesn't have to try as hard as everyone else". He's used to getting things in life effortlessly.

As school gets harder over time, He still has the same attitude of "I don't have to study because I'm smart".

Now he has to self sabotage. Instead of studying like his peers, He waits till the last minute to study. Now when he gets a B instead of an A, He has an excuse. He's the smart guy who lacks the discipline to study. He's now the tragic hero, Who has all the talent, But none of the discipline.

The crazy thing is, If he would just study like a normal person, He would be fine. But he instead self sabotages to protect his identity of "the smart kid". Hanging on to his ego is what causes him to fall behind.

His identity is a house of cards, Built on sand, That can shatter from one bad grade.

He has an ego, He is not confident.

Confidence is a sense of value that is derived from within. Ego is a sense of value that is derived externally.

Real confidence comes from surviving failure.

Think about how you would feel if you only ever had one relationship and you broke up. You thought she was the only one for you, You were going to get married, She was perfect.

Your success in getting a relationship actually made you insecure, Because who are you if you break up?

Maybe you have felt this way in a relationship. You sense something is off with her, and since you're insecure about losing her, you over compensate by being nicer and needier, Which only further pushes her away.

Confidence and self esteem, in that situation, comes from having experience with breakups (failure) and learning that it'll be alright. After you've been in a few relationships, You learn that you'll find someone else if it doesn't work out.

Same thing with business and anything else in life.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

I used to think this way too.

This is the opposite of how you build confidence and self esteem. This is how you build ego. External validation only feeds the ego, Confidence comes from within.

This is the reason you look at a girls page on instagram, And it is ONLY selfies of her. If you see this, I can guarantee you she is very insecure.

She derives her sense of worth from the amount of likes and comments she gets.

If one selfie gets 300 likes, and the next only gets 200, What's wrong? Am i not pretty any more? Am I getting fat? I better post another where I barely have any clothes on to make sure. Phew, Okay, 310 likes this time, I'm still pretty.

THEY don't believe they're pretty, So they have to convince you to think they're pretty, So that they can feel pretty. They rely on other people.

I am BROKE so I need to wear expensive clothes and jewelry, And have a fancy car, So i can convince you to think I have money, So that I can feel like I'm not broke.

That guy called me STUPID, So now I need to have an argument with him to prove that I'm not stupid.

 

[Oso]

I feel all of this circles back to "self-awareness." It is imperative we know who we are on every level, throughout life.

In my 20s, I could talk to anyone from any background, under any circumstances. I was cocky, never felt any type of anxiety/hesitation, went after what I wanted, was aggressive, gang life, etc. I also didn't accomplish shit with my life in my 20s outside of winning a prize for "dodging more STDs than statistically possible." I was confident but broke. I was also violent and confrontational.

In my 20s, I was confident because I thought getting laid was all that mattered, and I was good at it. I didn't care about "getting a good job," "starting a business," etc. I cared about clapping cheeks and poppin' my ops. After turning my life around, my personality morphed: I became more withdrawn, felt anxiety in social situations, etc. I was accomplishing more and I was no longer violent, but I had never felt so withdrawn before.

Therapy helped me realize it's because my priorities changed. I stopped caring about clapping cheeks (as much) and redirected that focus to entrepreneurship, gaining financial freedom, finding legitimate happiness and fulfillment, etc. I am now happy to say I've mixed the best aspects of my 20 year old self, with the ambition and self-awareness I now have in my 30s.

Nowadays, any time I see someone going out of their way to shit on someone, be disrespectful, etc. I realize they're more than likely overcompensating because they've yet to figure out who they actually are.

I see a lot of people utilize the phrase "a lion doesn't have to be told he's a lion (nor does he have to announce it)."

While they are correct, I wonder what they'll do/say upon realizing it's the lioness that actually leads the pride...

Still want to be a lion?

Perhaps perspective (see that self-awareness tie-in?) really is everything...

Cheers.

 

[Matt Sun]

I see what Johnny says here in the form of the "crab in a bucket mentality". People that very much love you don't know but they are trying to sabotage you:
Recent example, I commented that I'm doing caloric deficits to lower my body fat %, instantly my overweight family member tells me it's nonsense, I shouldn't be doing that, he knows because he had biology classes in college (decades ago) and loves the subject.

No mention of the fact that he's been triying to loose fat for decades without success and has more than 20lb excess fat. There isn't even a second of silence for me to say you know I've been doing this for some weeks and it's actually working. Nope.

Do they do it to keep you down because of insecurities ? Maybe. Or perhaps they really believe it's best for you. We really can't know for sure. No doubt that is best to be able to just nod and do your own thing and don't care.

 

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[WJK]

This seems like a false dichotomy to me. Simple, sure, but false.

I feel pretty lucky that I've been able to spend a lot of time in the presence of older Fastlane role models for most of my adult life and my observation is that their attitudes are often not at all like your first example. On the contrary, they tend to be some of the most self-reflective, adaptive, and wise people I've met, especially those in their 30s and older, and that tendency seems to only increase as they get older. I would categorize exactly zero of them as believing themselves to be inherently correct.

I would surmise that many of the people who spend their 20s living as though their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently correct either end up changing that belief system over time and adapting or they end up inadvertently going down a dead-end and are then unable to adapt out of it due to this strongly held belief system.

It sounds like you have one specific ideal/vision/philosophy of how life is to be lived and you are very convinced of it. I genuinely hope it works out for you, and if it doesn't, I hope that you are able to adapt as needed. For everyone else, especially younger people, I'd say there are more than one way to live your life or run a business and it isn't a dichotomy. I'm very thankful for the numerous and ideologically diverse role models I've had over these 10+ years who've shown me all the different ways through how they live their lives.

The question to ask is, "Is this the truth?" And then, "Whose truth?" There are many layers and shades of what we call the truth. I think that as we grow older, we get a lot more comfortable in our skin. It doesn't matter if everyone around you thinks differently. It only matters what your truth is for your current situation. I don't believe in a one-size fits all truth. There are always 2 sides to every situation and usually more than that. Sorting out a situation takes time and wisdom.

 

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[Panos Daras]

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

I do not quite understand how you came to this statistic. From my personal experience, it is more like 50/50. And the funny part is that from the 50% of the people that have high self-esteem only 25% have something that is REMOTELY worth bragging for.

100% you can change your self esteem. It is the reputation you have with yourself.

I 100% agree with this statement. In addition, in my opinion, the only healthy way to raise your self-esteem is to DO STUFF. No BS self-talk shit and positive affirmations. As @MJ DeMarco put it "Done beats doubt!"

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

That being said, really I like the idea that you should challenge the status quo. You should always be asking "Why are we doing that?". It is absolutely true. Many successful people are contrarians!

But being a contrarian is only worth it if you are correct. Because most contrarian ideas are contrarian for a reason. Saying that the "earth is flat" is a contrarian idea. It does not mean that it is correct though. So you should be using your critical thinking and always change your mind in the face of new evidence. Don't forget the scientific method to test your ideas. Observation -> Question -> Hypothesis -> Testing of Hypothesis -> Analysis and Conclusion. The math shows you the way here. If any of these steps failed you f*cked up and you have to go back.

OK, let's say that you have applied the scientific method or by chance, you are a correct contrarian, or your delusional ideas are actually correct without you testing them thoroughly because you are an idiot. Alright, now comes the best part. Now you have to apply MASSIVE ACTION to be successful. No matter what the people around you say, no matter how much they laugh at you, you must keep doing what you are doing. And this is where most people fail. They are correct but they do not do jack shit. Or they chicken out and half-a$$ their efforts. And half-a$$ brings you half way to the land of mediocrity.

And after a while, sometimes, another contrarian does the work and proves the idea correct. And then, both the ones that really knew it all along and the rest of the population claim that they have always known! How shitty is that! But this is to be expected. It the end we are all irrational monkeys in space, and this is commonly known as hindsight bias.

 

[JoeTube]

Hi everybody! Great post @Johnny boy

I've widely investigated self-esteem in the past year, since I realized it had been (and to some extent sitll is) my weakness, and I'd like to contribute my 2 cents.

I suspect what was mainly discussed in the initial post is not strictly related to self-esteem, but rather to a general mindset that I have begun calling generically "mindset of the 90%". There's always been some sort of separation in the population in all ages. Just think about Plato, who talked about the Allegory of the cave 2,500 years ago. It was reiterated afterwards in many different variations, but guess what? People are still distributed in some sort of 90% zombie - 10% non-zombie proportion.

Now, the percentages are disputable and one person may fall in one category or the other according to the area of life discuss, the age, many conditions. Also, I don't presume I'm in the 10%, but I realize there is a 10% and I question myself all the time to understand if I am going towards that part of the distribution. I haven't accomplished much, but at least I am trying to orient myself in this great mistery called Life, and of that directed effort I am satisfied.

Given this, the specific self-esteem matter is of paramount importance. It was for me and I strongly believe it is the missing cornerstone for many people. I am recovering from low (pretty much absent) self-esteem and I've written a post in the INSIDERS' section about my journey (don't know why there and not in the public section...).

Briefly, it all started for me when I focused my attention on a quote from Ayn Rand: "What is greatness? I will answer: it is the capacity to live by the three fundamental values of John Galt: reason, purpose, self-esteem". I don't want to discuss here Rand, Galt or her most famous book Atlas Shrugged and I believe not all that glitters (there) is gold, but I've read it and I believe it portrays an extreme and unrealistic, yet super useful representation of the concept of Great Men and Women, people to look up to as models. Beside that, the quote draw my attention, because I had never focused too much on self-esteem. I simply accepted the fact that mine was low (external locus of control). After using it as desktop wallpaper as any wannabe (LOL), I started asking myself about self-esteem. Long story short, I discovered one book that can change lives, in my opinion.

"The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden can be super useful to anyone that has issues with self-esteem. It is of paramount importance to address self-esteem issues for everybody, as I now strongly believe (as Branden says) that no aspects of life or achievements can be thoroughly satisfying without a sound self-esteem.
And the six pillars are:

1. Living Consciously
2. Self Acceptance
3. Self Responsibility
4. Self Assertiveness
5. Living Purposefully
6. Personal Integrity

This hugely widened my understanding of self-esteem and changed my view of it: I now see that we continuously influence our self-esteem, we can improve it and we must nurture it, even though it may have not grown in the most proper (not meaning "easy") environment.

Self-esteem really is one of the cornerstone of a functional and satisfying life.

@Antifragile was really on point!

On top of self-esteem, I have been deploying a system to avoid "zombification":

1. good sleep + good diet + exercise -> fix most of the people's brain "hardware"; set up a high-performance machine
2. meditation + gratitude + intentionality -> in-between “hardware” and “software”; it’s kind of like maintenance, to remain in the metaphor
3. good mental models -> fix and overwrite previous "software"; they seem to work best on a high-performance machine

I now feel more able to defend myself from the attacks for society against my self-esteem.

I hope this adds something useful to the discussion.

All the best!

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

What I'm talking about is if you're a boxer, and people that have no idea what they're talking about give you their advice and opinions, and you have the self esteem to say "shut up, you have no idea what you're talking about".

If they give me their advice about boxing, and they don’t know anything about it, I’d say “OK, thanks for sharing” and move on. Why initiate a conflict with them and make them feel unappreciated? How does that benefit me? I know they don’t know what they’re talking about, that’s enough for me to know that I should ignore their advice. I don’t need to make a big fuss about it.

If I’m superior to you, that’s a fact of nature. I don’t need to prove it or rub it in your face, anymore than I need to prove that I’m taller than you if that is indeed a fact.

Parents told me to be realistic, do well in school, they verbally would reprimand me for anything that was outside of their own beliefs and would attempt to regulate my self esteem. I was just too much of a stubborn a**hole.

I would say "why would I listen to any of you, I don't want to be like you"
"Oh yeah little johnny boy? It's all talk".
"Then write down your opinions and sign them. I want to keep them so when I come back in 10-15 years you'll look like an idiot".

They were not bad parents, just average people. It's engrained in them to regulate others' self esteem.

Right, those do sound like the opinions of average people. It doesn’t seem like they’re trying to regulate your self-esteem though. It just sounds like they’re trying to justify to themselves why they don’t follow a similar path to you. Most people are too self-absorbed to care about your self-esteem. They care about their own. Everything that comes out of their mouth is autobiographical — it’s about them, even when it’s directed towards others. They are fighting with their own shadows.

A person of high self-esteem would just shrug their shoulders, and go back to doing their thing. A person of high self-esteem has nothing to prove, and therefore will waste no energy towards proving others wrong or being concerned about their opinions. If you know you can do 100 pushups without stopping and your relatives go like “bullshit lil Johnny! No way in hell”, do you go like “just watch!” or do you shrug your shoulders and move on?

The person who truly has high self-esteem can’t be bothered to “prove” anything to them. He knows and feels it’s a reality, and that’s enough.

 

[BizyDad]

I think we may be talking past each other because we look at the concept differently.

I differentiate self-esteem from self-belief. Self-esteem is emotional, self-belief is cognitive. “The reputation you have with yourself” sounds more like self-belief — it’s a cognitive assessment of yourself, in other words what you THINK of yourself.

I see self-esteem as equivalent to what you feel (rather than think) you emotionally deserve. Do you deserve to be happy? Do you deserve to be the best?

These aren’t cognitive assessments of facts. You could be the best boxer in the world, for example, and still feel like you don’t deserve it (ie, have low self-esteem).

Likewise you can have self-belief without having self-esteem, and lots of people do. I think you CAN change self-belief. But self-esteem tends to remain constant once you’re an adult.

I’m the same guy today inside, emotionally, despite having a lot more money, a lot more competence, a lot more skills than say 10 years ago. My self-belief is different, my self-esteem is pretty much the same.

I’m more self-aware today than 10 years ago… I am better able to predict how I’d react to different situations and hence can change my actions. But how I feel about myself? That’s very similar to what it used to be.

As an adult, self-awareness allows you to know your strengths and your weaknesses. And that allows you to modify your actions and be aware of your feelings in advance, so you have more control over how you act, and aren’t just responding impulsively based on how you feel.

Even by your definition I still agree with @Fox

Feelings can change. Instincts can change. It takes work, but my internal feelings towards things, people, life, and myself has absolutely gone from the negative towards the positive the older I get.

But at 30 years old, I would've agreed with you.

I think it depends from person to person.
most people avoid confrontation because it is not worth their effort.
others confront.

a while ago I was at a birthday party.

2 couples talked about the fact that nowadays it is impossible in a family to have only 1 breadwinner.
everything has become too expensive in our parents' time everything was easier cheaper etc ....

due to our family situation 2 small children 1 of them has a serious disability so that's why my wife stays at home.
I am the sole breadwinner.

I chose not to say anything to either couple at that time but I didn't teach them anything either...

self esteem or not that is the choice we have at such moments

Notice you didn't even consider the option "Shut up. We're doing it and you don't know what you are talking about", which was JB's example.

Yes everyone has a choice.

But both of Johnny boy's examples showed an aggressive response to what was a fairly innocuous stimulus.

And generally speaking, do we consider hyper aggressive people to have high self-esteem or low self-esteem?

People who are highly reactive, do they tend to have an internal locus of control, or an external locus of control?

There is a lot of people on this forum who really want to rub other people face "in it". Ok. If that's what you need to get motivated, cool.

But let's not pass that off as high self-esteem. Or wisdom.

JB's examples are just displaying victim behaviour. Shoot, the title of this thread is victim thinking.

It's hard to see because he makes a lot of sense from a certain point of view, but once you see it, you can't unsee it.

 

[Shono]

Love this post, so I upgraded it, thanks for sharing your thoughts.

However, I'm not sure what you're describing is "self-esteem" but more like pure brainwashing... your entire treatise actually sounds like The Script which I wrote about in Unscrpted, (C) 2017.

Low self-esteem? Or flawed beliefs? Muted ambition? Mediocre expectations?

I had terrible self-esteem when I got started, to the point of suicide.

But I had a ton of ambition and high expectations for what I wanted out of my life.

The latter helped improve the former.

That’s inspiring, because I have like negative self-esteem, it has gotten a lot worse recently because I feel so behind, but now I have a chip on my shoulder and extreme ambition due to a desire to redeem myself. Hopefully it can actualize into something soon.

 

[Oso]

This may get overlooked. Hopefully not.

What’s the message?

Well, I recall a few years back having a coffee with some new people we just met, all part of RE industry. We all did well and frankly we’re bragging a little about cars and toys. I just put a deposit down a brand new Range Rover and I should’ve been smarter but it seemed fitting to say that. A guy across was a little younger and said congrats to me. A few min later I learned this guy just bought a new plane. He then offered me to tag along for my trip to Toronto.

OMFG, here I was “proud” of my “achievements” by buying some car. This dude was on another level, a pilot with an actual jet plane. Traveling across the country.

It’s also not just about things! There is always someone smarter, stronger and better.

That’s why in our 20s, we haven’t seen, met or realized enough … and become cocky. Only later to lose that cocky attitude. Become a little more grounded.

However, that’s not a downgrade in self esteem. In fact, I’ve never been more confident in my abilities. I’m just a lot less chatty… to some what I’ve done is amazing, to others my best is a slow weekend.

100% this.

"Grounded" is a great way of putting it. Personally, I tend to call it "humbled." Another funny thing about having some type of measured success now: I get to network with bigger money. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a material person, and I'm happy driving my little Type R around, knowing it's paid off. It's my dream car.

That said, imagine how quickly I was (happily) humbled when an entrepreneur I met pulled up to our meeting in a Rolls. Can I be honest here with you, @Antifragile? I had to confirm with that man, not once, but 3 times he did, in fact, want a meeting with me. We proceeded to have one of the greatest conversations I've ever had with another person.

I'm reserved nowadays because regardless of what we as individuals accomplish, there is always someone doing 100x what we're doing, at half our age.

While I do not compare myself to these people, the point of this is to emphasize the fact that "boasting is a fool's game."

I hope you're doing well over there, buddy.

Cheers.

 

[WillHurtDontCare]

be careful who you take advice from

"'This—is now my way,—where is yours?' Thus did I answer those who asked me 'the way.' For the way—it doth not exist!"

-Nietzsche

 

[MitchC]

Great post @Johnny boy

Disappointing to see the usual people in here arguing for the sake of arguing

It’s a shame @Envision progress thread is gone because that was a great example of that mindset

My experience has been similar too and I see it all around me

People who just have the confidence to do things, knowing they will work

Can’t remember the exact quote but it goes along the lines of “saying affirmations in the mirror won’t make you a confident person. Having an undeniable stack of proof that you are who you say you are builds confidence”.

I wasn’t the most confident person during my teenage years. Then when I got into business in my early 20’s I felt like I had to justify it to people in my life and even strangers who questioned it.

After going full time self employed a few years ago my mindset did a 180. I started getting wins and living life on much better terms with myself and the world around me. I no longer had to prove myself to others as the results speak for themselves. Now I feel like I want to reach higher levels to prove to myself that my internal beliefs about my own ability are true. I also want to honor the good business people around me who push me to be more and who take the time/effort to share their wisdom with me.

This is a great thread @Johnny boy thanks for posting.

I get what you are saying but I think there’s value in affirmations

If you are saying an affirmation you will naturally look for and think of an example of it being true which is going to help your confidence

They should also slightly affect how you behave which can compound into you actually doing things and becoming worthy of them being true

 

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[WJK]

This may get overlooked. Hopefully not.

What’s the message?

Well, I recall a few years back having a coffee with some new people we just met, all part of RE industry. We all did well and frankly we’re bragging a little about cars and toys. I just put a deposit down a brand new Range Rover and I should’ve been smarter but it seemed fitting to say that. A guy across was a little younger and said congrats to me. A few min later I learned this guy just bought a new plane. He then offered me to tag along for my trip to Toronto.

OMFG, here I was “proud” of my “achievements” by buying some car. This dude was on another level, a pilot with an actual jet plane. Traveling across the country.

It’s also not just about things! There is always someone smarter, stronger and better.

That’s why in our 20s, we haven’t seen, met or realized enough … and become cocky. Only later to lose that cocky attitude. Become a little more grounded.

However, that’s not a downgrade in self esteem. In fact, I’ve never been more confident in my abilities. I’m just a lot less chatty… to some what I’ve done is amazing, to others my best is a slow weekend.

Yes, bragging is one of the common steps in the journey. It also can be a dangerous one. Those flashy purchases can bring the person down. I've seen guys end up in bankruptcy from buying too many toys before they can really afford them. It's an inflated ego getting out in front of good common sense. The irony of it is, over time, the toys and the flash become so unimportant.

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

This is a powerful perspective on the influence of self-esteem in success and the societal pressures to conform. It's a reminder to trust one's instincts and stay true to individual paths despite external influences. The analogy of a "war" to make others conform is striking and emphasizes the importance of protecting one's self-esteem. The call to recognize and resist manipulative communication is thought-provoking, offering a compelling message about the value of resilience and self-trust. Thanks for sharing these insights!

If you use AI on this forum you will be removed. Do you want to continue using it? ANSWER: Yes. ACTION: Banned.

 

[alexXx9]

100% agree...

Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness. It is confidence in the efficacy of our mind, in our ability to think. By extension, it is confidence in our ability to learn, make appropriate choices and decisions, and respond effectively to change. It is also the experience that success, achievement, fulfillment – happiness – are right and natural for us.


Do yourself a favor and read the best book ever on the argument...

"The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel branden, it's a manual on how to live life properly... the millionaire fastlane is the guide to make businesses that works, the six pillars of self esteem is the manual to the self, atomic habits is the manual to apply the knowledge

 

[Subsonic]

There is one major trait I see in all of my successful friends and partners.

They aren’t that much smarter.

They aren’t particularly talented.

But there’s one thing they all have.

Ridiculous self esteem.

It’s not even that they brag. It’s deeper than that.

It runs so deep. It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

The whole world has low self esteem. It is a club, a cult. And it’s made up of about everyone. 99%.

The insidious thing about low self esteem, is that it is hardwired into people to regulate the self esteem of others. Meaning: they will want you to be at their level. Even if they don’t understand what they’re doing. They will still attempt to always regulate the self esteem of others to fit their level.

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

There is a war going on. A war to make you just like them, infected.

Here’s a non exhaustive list of examples.

Your parents want you to be safe more than they want you to be successful. They will attempt to regulate your self esteem and expectations to maximize safety over success.

Your teachers and other superiors will project their own limiting beliefs onto your life, telling you what’s possible, only because it aligns with what they think is possible.

Your peers do not like to feel inferior. It is easy and simple to lower others self esteem to bring you down.

Having high self esteem is a mirror onto others that highlights their own failures.

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

It is a giant cult, made up of the 99%, and they all want you to join.

It isn’t even conscious usually. It just fulfills a deep, unconscious itch in the emotions of average people, so it’s doubly insidious. Any idiot can do it and not even know why.

It’s a trap. It’s like a zombie with the urge to bite and infect, even if there’s no other consciousness going on.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

Your iron will.

It’s a short list.

I promise you, there’s a good chance your self esteem is broken. It has been attacked daily and will continue to be. The only cure is to recognize that a massive percentage of communication directed at you is inherently selfish, insidious, unconscious, and wrong. It is manipulative and meant to lower your self esteem to protect the ego and project insecurities and limitations of the sick, broken people around you. The 99%.

When you become wise, when you can temper your mind like steel, when you can see past the surface level of most communication, you’ll see for yourself. You must not let yourself become infected.

It will come from every direction. It will come from above and below. From near and far. From inside and out. From random strangers and your own family. From your friends and your enemies. From the world and even from your own doubts.

The man who wins is not the man who never hears doubts, who never faces a barrage of attacks against his self esteem.

The man who wins is the man who knows it’s all a pile of shit, who protects his self esteem, who stays on his path and lets the sick infected majority bite each other to death, and keeps going.

It seems like almost every good thing in my life is because I was a stubborn a**hole who just didn’t listen to what he ‘should’ do. And I mean in almost every area.

Here’s the funny thing.

You’ll come out the other side.

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”. Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

Life is good.

And you’ll be around people who all followed their own path. Who broke the rules and still do.

Everything will make sense.

And you’ll remember how important it is to trust yourself.

And you’ll never go back. You’ll never even be tempted to fall for it. You’ll double down twice as hard, and bet everything on yourself.

And there’s no turning back.

This is amazing, thanks for taking the time to write this out and share it.

Self-esteem has always been a weakness of mine, and I hope to be able to get it to a point similar to what you describe here in a few years.