The war against your self esteem

[JoeTube]

Hi everybody! Great post @Johnny boy

I've widely investigated self-esteem in the past year, since I realized it had been (and to some extent sitll is) my weakness, and I'd like to contribute my 2 cents.

I suspect what was mainly discussed in the initial post is not strictly related to self-esteem, but rather to a general mindset that I have begun calling generically "mindset of the 90%". There's always been some sort of separation in the population in all ages. Just think about Plato, who talked about the Allegory of the cave 2,500 years ago. It was reiterated afterwards in many different variations, but guess what? People are still distributed in some sort of 90% zombie - 10% non-zombie proportion.

Now, the percentages are disputable and one person may fall in one category or the other according to the area of life discuss, the age, many conditions. Also, I don't presume I'm in the 10%, but I realize there is a 10% and I question myself all the time to understand if I am going towards that part of the distribution. I haven't accomplished much, but at least I am trying to orient myself in this great mistery called Life, and of that directed effort I am satisfied.

Given this, the specific self-esteem matter is of paramount importance. It was for me and I strongly believe it is the missing cornerstone for many people. I am recovering from low (pretty much absent) self-esteem and I've written a post in the INSIDERS' section about my journey (don't know why there and not in the public section...).

Briefly, it all started for me when I focused my attention on a quote from Ayn Rand: "What is greatness? I will answer: it is the capacity to live by the three fundamental values of John Galt: reason, purpose, self-esteem". I don't want to discuss here Rand, Galt or her most famous book Atlas Shrugged and I believe not all that glitters (there) is gold, but I've read it and I believe it portrays an extreme and unrealistic, yet super useful representation of the concept of Great Men and Women, people to look up to as models. Beside that, the quote draw my attention, because I had never focused too much on self-esteem. I simply accepted the fact that mine was low (external locus of control). After using it as desktop wallpaper as any wannabe (LOL), I started asking myself about self-esteem. Long story short, I discovered one book that can change lives, in my opinion.

"The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden can be super useful to anyone that has issues with self-esteem. It is of paramount importance to address self-esteem issues for everybody, as I now strongly believe (as Branden says) that no aspects of life or achievements can be thoroughly satisfying without a sound self-esteem.
And the six pillars are:

1. Living Consciously
2. Self Acceptance
3. Self Responsibility
4. Self Assertiveness
5. Living Purposefully
6. Personal Integrity

This hugely widened my understanding of self-esteem and changed my view of it: I now see that we continuously influence our self-esteem, we can improve it and we must nurture it, even though it may have not grown in the most proper (not meaning "easy") environment.

Self-esteem really is one of the cornerstone of a functional and satisfying life.

@Antifragile was really on point!

On top of self-esteem, I have been deploying a system to avoid "zombification":

1. good sleep + good diet + exercise -> fix most of the people's brain "hardware"; set up a high-performance machine
2. meditation + gratitude + intentionality -> in-between “hardware” and “software”; it’s kind of like maintenance, to remain in the metaphor
3. good mental models -> fix and overwrite previous "software"; they seem to work best on a high-performance machine

I now feel more able to defend myself from the attacks for society against my self-esteem.

I hope this adds something useful to the discussion.

All the best!

 

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[JoeTube]

I had terrible self-esteem when I got started, to the point of suicide.

But I had a ton of ambition and high expectations for what I wanted out of my life.

The latter helped improve the former.

In my experience, sometimes self-esteem harms the very foundations of also ambition and expectations, possibly so much that one may not have those traits to help him out.

That's the reason why I believe one should nurture self-esteem before everything, just because he/she is a human.

 

[James Klymus]

A mentor once told me this:

You don't gain confidence from success, You gain confidence from failure.

For example: The smart kid in school.

He naturally learns the concepts in school quickly. He answers questions in front of the class, Doesn't have to study for tests, And shows off to his peers. Everyone else has to study and work hard to learn things, But HE doesn't because he's smart.

He's the smart kid who doesn't have to try.

As time goes on, He finds him self avoiding a lot of other things that he isn't "naturally gifted" at, Like sports, learning a new language, Being an entrepreneur, Whatever. His ego is built around the fact that "he's smart and doesn't have to try as hard as everyone else". He's used to getting things in life effortlessly.

As school gets harder over time, He still has the same attitude of "I don't have to study because I'm smart".

Now he has to self sabotage. Instead of studying like his peers, He waits till the last minute to study. Now when he gets a B instead of an A, He has an excuse. He's the smart guy who lacks the discipline to study. He's now the tragic hero, Who has all the talent, But none of the discipline.

The crazy thing is, If he would just study like a normal person, He would be fine. But he instead self sabotages to protect his identity of "the smart kid". Hanging on to his ego is what causes him to fall behind.

His identity is a house of cards, Built on sand, That can shatter from one bad grade.

He has an ego, He is not confident.

Confidence is a sense of value that is derived from within. Ego is a sense of value that is derived externally.

Real confidence comes from surviving failure.

Think about how you would feel if you only ever had one relationship and you broke up. You thought she was the only one for you, You were going to get married, She was perfect.

Your success in getting a relationship actually made you insecure, Because who are you if you break up?

Maybe you have felt this way in a relationship. You sense something is off with her, and since you're insecure about losing her, you over compensate by being nicer and needier, Which only further pushes her away.

Confidence and self esteem, in that situation, comes from having experience with breakups (failure) and learning that it'll be alright. After you've been in a few relationships, You learn that you'll find someone else if it doesn't work out.

Same thing with business and anything else in life.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

I used to think this way too.

This is the opposite of how you build confidence and self esteem. This is how you build ego. External validation only feeds the ego, Confidence comes from within.

This is the reason you look at a girls page on instagram, And it is ONLY selfies of her. If you see this, I can guarantee you she is very insecure.

She derives her sense of worth from the amount of likes and comments she gets.

If one selfie gets 300 likes, and the next only gets 200, What's wrong? Am i not pretty any more? Am I getting fat? I better post another where I barely have any clothes on to make sure. Phew, Okay, 310 likes this time, I'm still pretty.

THEY don't believe they're pretty, So they have to convince you to think they're pretty, So that they can feel pretty. They rely on other people.

I am BROKE so I need to wear expensive clothes and jewelry, And have a fancy car, So i can convince you to think I have money, So that I can feel like I'm not broke.

That guy called me STUPID, So now I need to have an argument with him to prove that I'm not stupid.

 

[AceVentures]

100%. Beautifully said.

Whether we call it self-esteem or energy or mana or courage or any other word that best resonates with your concept of core.

I personally call this Main Character Energy.

Only the main characters of this game of life truly embody the principle of unshakeable self-resolve. Because they understand it is principally this belief that separates them from the NPCs.

Napoleon Hill for all of his flaws had a metaphor for this idea that I really love. It goes something like this:

There are three concentric walls that separate me from the world​

The outer most is a short wall - this is the standard I set for the people I allow to reach me. Many can easily cross.​

The middle wall is much taller - this is who I offer most of myself to. Few ever make it across.​

The inner most wall is as tall as the sky - This space is reserved only for myself and God. No mortal may enter.​

It is within this innermost wall that the real battles taks place. In my opinion, honoring this sacred relationship with self is what separates the truly great from the rest.

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

There is a war going on. A war to make you just like them, infected.

Folks do not be surprised if 99% of the comments in this thread don't get it.

 

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[Chrisrod2597]

There is one major trait I see in all of my successful friends and partners.

They aren’t that much smarter.

They aren’t particularly talented.

But there’s one thing they all have.

Ridiculous self esteem.

It’s not even that they brag. It’s deeper than that.

It runs so deep. It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

The whole world has low self esteem. It is a club, a cult. And it’s made up of about everyone. 99%.

The insidious thing about low self esteem, is that it is hardwired into people to regulate the self esteem of others. Meaning: they will want you to be at their level. Even if they don’t understand what they’re doing. They will still attempt to always regulate the self esteem of others to fit their level.

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

There is a war going on. A war to make you just like them, infected.

Here’s a non exhaustive list of examples.

Your parents want you to be safe more than they want you to be successful. They will attempt to regulate your self esteem and expectations to maximize safety over success.

Your teachers and other superiors will project their own limiting beliefs onto your life, telling you what’s possible, only because it aligns with what they think is possible.

Your peers do not like to feel inferior. It is easy and simple to lower others self esteem to bring you down.

Having high self esteem is a mirror onto others that highlights their own failures.

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

It is a giant cult, made up of the 99%, and they all want you to join.

It isn’t even conscious usually. It just fulfills a deep, unconscious itch in the emotions of average people, so it’s doubly insidious. Any idiot can do it and not even know why.

It’s a trap. It’s like a zombie with the urge to bite and infect, even if there’s no other consciousness going on.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

Your iron will.

It’s a short list.

I promise you, there’s a good chance your self esteem is broken. It has been attacked daily and will continue to be. The only cure is to recognize that a massive percentage of communication directed at you is inherently selfish, insidious, unconscious, and wrong. It is manipulative and meant to lower your self esteem to protect the ego and project insecurities and limitations of the sick, broken people around you. The 99%.

When you become wise, when you can temper your mind like steel, when you can see past the surface level of most communication, you’ll see for yourself. You must not let yourself become infected.

It will come from every direction. It will come from above and below. From near and far. From inside and out. From random strangers and your own family. From your friends and your enemies. From the world and even from your own doubts.

The man who wins is not the man who never hears doubts, who never faces a barrage of attacks against his self esteem.

The man who wins is the man who knows it’s all a pile of shit, who protects his self esteem, who stays on his path and lets the sick infected majority bite each other to death, and keeps going.

It seems like almost every good thing in my life is because I was a stubborn a**hole who just didn’t listen to what he ‘should’ do. And I mean in almost every area.

Here’s the funny thing.

You’ll come out the other side.

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”. Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

Life is good.

And you’ll be around people who all followed their own path. Who broke the rules and still do.

Everything will make sense.

And you’ll remember how important it is to trust yourself.

And you’ll never go back. You’ll never even be tempted to fall for it. You’ll double down twice as hard, and bet everything on yourself.

And there’s no turning back.

Thank you for this post @Johnnyboy I always grew up thinking my stubbornness is bad thing. This thread made me realize that its my strength. This past weekend when ubering back from the bar(first time going out in months) I realized my friends just want me stay on their level and don't want me to actually do better then them. Which only angered me but, made me realize I can't stay where I am and have to find ways to level up.

 

[Oso]

I feel all of this circles back to "self-awareness." It is imperative we know who we are on every level, throughout life.

In my 20s, I could talk to anyone from any background, under any circumstances. I was cocky, never felt any type of anxiety/hesitation, went after what I wanted, was aggressive, gang life, etc. I also didn't accomplish shit with my life in my 20s outside of winning a prize for "dodging more STDs than statistically possible." I was confident but broke. I was also violent and confrontational.

In my 20s, I was confident because I thought getting laid was all that mattered, and I was good at it. I didn't care about "getting a good job," "starting a business," etc. I cared about clapping cheeks and poppin' my ops. After turning my life around, my personality morphed: I became more withdrawn, felt anxiety in social situations, etc. I was accomplishing more and I was no longer violent, but I had never felt so withdrawn before.

Therapy helped me realize it's because my priorities changed. I stopped caring about clapping cheeks (as much) and redirected that focus to entrepreneurship, gaining financial freedom, finding legitimate happiness and fulfillment, etc. I am now happy to say I've mixed the best aspects of my 20 year old self, with the ambition and self-awareness I now have in my 30s.

Nowadays, any time I see someone going out of their way to shit on someone, be disrespectful, etc. I realize they're more than likely overcompensating because they've yet to figure out who they actually are.

I see a lot of people utilize the phrase "a lion doesn't have to be told he's a lion (nor does he have to announce it)."

While they are correct, I wonder what they'll do/say upon realizing it's the lioness that actually leads the pride...

Still want to be a lion?

Perhaps perspective (see that self-awareness tie-in?) really is everything...

Cheers.

 

[Kevin88660]

There is one major trait I see in all of my successful friends and partners.

They aren’t that much smarter.

They aren’t particularly talented.

But there’s one thing they all have.

Ridiculous self esteem.

It’s not even that they brag. It’s deeper than that.

It runs so deep. It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

The whole world has low self esteem. It is a club, a cult. And it’s made up of about everyone. 99%.

The insidious thing about low self esteem, is that it is hardwired into people to regulate the self esteem of others. Meaning: they will want you to be at their level. Even if they don’t understand what they’re doing. They will still attempt to always regulate the self esteem of others to fit their level.

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

There is a war going on. A war to make you just like them, infected.

Here’s a non exhaustive list of examples.

Your parents want you to be safe more than they want you to be successful. They will attempt to regulate your self esteem and expectations to maximize safety over success.

Your teachers and other superiors will project their own limiting beliefs onto your life, telling you what’s possible, only because it aligns with what they think is possible.

Your peers do not like to feel inferior. It is easy and simple to lower others self esteem to bring you down.

Having high self esteem is a mirror onto others that highlights their own failures.

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

It is a giant cult, made up of the 99%, and they all want you to join.

It isn’t even conscious usually. It just fulfills a deep, unconscious itch in the emotions of average people, so it’s doubly insidious. Any idiot can do it and not even know why.

It’s a trap. It’s like a zombie with the urge to bite and infect, even if there’s no other consciousness going on.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

Your iron will.

It’s a short list.

I promise you, there’s a good chance your self esteem is broken. It has been attacked daily and will continue to be. The only cure is to recognize that a massive percentage of communication directed at you is inherently selfish, insidious, unconscious, and wrong. It is manipulative and meant to lower your self esteem to protect the ego and project insecurities and limitations of the sick, broken people around you. The 99%.

When you become wise, when you can temper your mind like steel, when you can see past the surface level of most communication, you’ll see for yourself. You must not let yourself become infected.

It will come from every direction. It will come from above and below. From near and far. From inside and out. From random strangers and your own family. From your friends and your enemies. From the world and even from your own doubts.

The man who wins is not the man who never hears doubts, who never faces a barrage of attacks against his self esteem.

The man who wins is the man who knows it’s all a pile of shit, who protects his self esteem, who stays on his path and lets the sick infected majority bite each other to death, and keeps going.

It seems like almost every good thing in my life is because I was a stubborn a**hole who just didn’t listen to what he ‘should’ do. And I mean in almost every area.

Here’s the funny thing.

You’ll come out the other side.

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”. Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

Life is good.

And you’ll be around people who all followed their own path. Who broke the rules and still do.

Everything will make sense.

And you’ll remember how important it is to trust yourself.

And you’ll never go back. You’ll never even be tempted to fall for it. You’ll double down twice as hard, and bet everything on yourself.

And there’s no turning back.

The kind of Ridiculous self esteem that is necessary is the belief in yourself that you are eventually going to make it, even you don’t have all the answers to how to be there yet.

Mark Cuban talked about how he used to walk around the areas with high end mansions at night to keep motivate him to have that kind of homes and lifestyles before he made it.

I don’t think it means arrogance and reckless risk taking.

You have to be ambitious in the macro but cautious in micro.

To use a super unPC example the men in caves with outdated AK always believed that that they will drive the Soviets and subsequently Americans out of their country next to Pakistan even on paper we talk out raw strength it seems ridiculous.

Eventually they made it. They didn’t make it by fighting openly and exposing themselves to the technological superiority of their enemies which will kill them quickly.

 

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[Antifragile]

In my 20s, I could talk to anyone from any background, under any circumstances. I was cocky, never felt any type of anxiety/hesitation, went after what I wanted, was aggressive, gang life, etc. I also didn't accomplish shit with my life in my 20s

This may get overlooked. Hopefully not.

What’s the message?

Well, I recall a few years back having a coffee with some new people we just met, all part of RE industry. We all did well and frankly we’re bragging a little about cars and toys. I just put a deposit down a brand new Range Rover and I should’ve been smarter but it seemed fitting to say that. A guy across was a little younger and said congrats to me. A few min later I learned this guy just bought a new plane. He then offered me to tag along for my trip to Toronto.

OMFG, here I was “proud” of my “achievements” by buying some car. This dude was on another level, a pilot with an actual jet plane. Traveling across the country.

It’s also not just about things! There is always someone smarter, stronger and better.

That’s why in our 20s, we haven’t seen, met or realized enough … and become cocky. Only later to lose that cocky attitude. Become a little more grounded.

However, that’s not a downgrade in self esteem. In fact, I’ve never been more confident in my abilities. I’m just a lot less chatty… to some what I’ve done is amazing, to others my best is a slow weekend.

 

[Oso]

This may get overlooked. Hopefully not.

What’s the message?

Well, I recall a few years back having a coffee with some new people we just met, all part of RE industry. We all did well and frankly we’re bragging a little about cars and toys. I just put a deposit down a brand new Range Rover and I should’ve been smarter but it seemed fitting to say that. A guy across was a little younger and said congrats to me. A few min later I learned this guy just bought a new plane. He then offered me to tag along for my trip to Toronto.

OMFG, here I was “proud” of my “achievements” by buying some car. This dude was on another level, a pilot with an actual jet plane. Traveling across the country.

It’s also not just about things! There is always someone smarter, stronger and better.

That’s why in our 20s, we haven’t seen, met or realized enough … and become cocky. Only later to lose that cocky attitude. Become a little more grounded.

However, that’s not a downgrade in self esteem. In fact, I’ve never been more confident in my abilities. I’m just a lot less chatty… to some what I’ve done is amazing, to others my best is a slow weekend.

100% this.

"Grounded" is a great way of putting it. Personally, I tend to call it "humbled." Another funny thing about having some type of measured success now: I get to network with bigger money. Don't get me wrong, I've never been a material person, and I'm happy driving my little Type R around, knowing it's paid off. It's my dream car.

That said, imagine how quickly I was (happily) humbled when an entrepreneur I met pulled up to our meeting in a Rolls. Can I be honest here with you, @Antifragile? I had to confirm with that man, not once, but 3 times he did, in fact, want a meeting with me. We proceeded to have one of the greatest conversations I've ever had with another person.

I'm reserved nowadays because regardless of what we as individuals accomplish, there is always someone doing 100x what we're doing, at half our age.

While I do not compare myself to these people, the point of this is to emphasize the fact that "boasting is a fool's game."

I hope you're doing well over there, buddy.

Cheers.

 

[WJK]

This may get overlooked. Hopefully not.

What’s the message?

Well, I recall a few years back having a coffee with some new people we just met, all part of RE industry. We all did well and frankly we’re bragging a little about cars and toys. I just put a deposit down a brand new Range Rover and I should’ve been smarter but it seemed fitting to say that. A guy across was a little younger and said congrats to me. A few min later I learned this guy just bought a new plane. He then offered me to tag along for my trip to Toronto.

OMFG, here I was “proud” of my “achievements” by buying some car. This dude was on another level, a pilot with an actual jet plane. Traveling across the country.

It’s also not just about things! There is always someone smarter, stronger and better.

That’s why in our 20s, we haven’t seen, met or realized enough … and become cocky. Only later to lose that cocky attitude. Become a little more grounded.

However, that’s not a downgrade in self esteem. In fact, I’ve never been more confident in my abilities. I’m just a lot less chatty… to some what I’ve done is amazing, to others my best is a slow weekend.

Yes, bragging is one of the common steps in the journey. It also can be a dangerous one. Those flashy purchases can bring the person down. I've seen guys end up in bankruptcy from buying too many toys before they can really afford them. It's an inflated ego getting out in front of good common sense. The irony of it is, over time, the toys and the flash become so unimportant.

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

Nathaniel Branden’s definition of self-esteem is interesting:

“Self-esteem is the disposition to experience oneself as being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and of being worthy of happiness”

To clarify my position, I think the first part of self-esteem can be improved. But the second, being worthy of happiness, is much harder to improve and depends a lot less on Branden’s pillars and a lot more on how you were raised emotionally.

 

[Simon Angel]

Most of the comments are proving his point. Everyone wants to tell you what's right.

There is no real objective truth.

There is only your truth and other people's truth.

Choose the former and you're misguided.

Choose the latter and you're still misguided, but also spineless.

 

[WJK]

Most of the comments are proving his point. Everyone wants to tell you what's right.

There is no real objective truth.

There is only your truth and other people's truth.

Choose the former and you're misguided.

Choose the latter and you're still misguided, but also spineless.

Accepting those truisms, where do you go from there? What is your solution?

 

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[Simon Angel]

Accepting those truisms, where do you go from there? What is your solution?

I see others' perspectives but don't forget about my own. As I said, everyone is an expert nowadays and all you really need to do to get the herd following you is sound confident and be passionate about your delusions.

I know my thinking is flawed, but so is everybody else's. That's just part of the human experience.

Since you're asking me, my opinion is that following our own truths/logical deductions/conclusions is a net positive on humanity. Because if we don't, then that means we're following someone else, which lowers thinking diversity.

Still, this could be a logical fallacy in itself since we're all an amalgamation of personality traits, vocabulary, and behaviors we've observed and assimilated as our own.

 

[WJK]

I see others' perspectives but don't forget about my own. As I said, everyone is an expert nowadays and all you really need to do to get the herd following you is sound confident and be passionate about your delusions.

I know my thinking is flawed, but so is everybody else's. That's just being a human, a Homo sapiens.

Since you're asking me, my opinion is that following our own truths/logical deductions/conclusions is a net positive on humanity. Because if we don't, then that means we're following someone else, which lowers thinking diversity.

Still, this could be a logical fallacy in itself since we're all an amalgamation of personality traits, vocabulary, and behaviors we've observed and assimilated as our own.

But aren't we also an amalgamation of the people around us -- especially our inner circle? Being a herd animal and part of the group makes us consider the prevailing thoughts and trends of the whole? What do you think?

 

[Simon Angel]

But aren't we also an amalgamation of the people around us -- especially our inner circle? Being a herd animal and part of the group makes us consider the prevailing thoughts and trends of the whole? What do you think?

Yes, of course we're influenced. And I think that's a good argument for why we all regularly need to spend some time alone and be mindful of any behaviors or thinking patterns we unknowingly copy from those around us since they're not always beneficial.

I've always been annoyed by myself whenever I notice I've picked up, say, certain speech patterns from someone else. It makes me feel like a primitive—monkey see, monkey do...

Curiously, this doesn't appear to bother those around me as much as it does me.

 

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[BizyDad]

Yes, of course we're influenced. And I think that's a good argument for why we all regularly need to spend some time alone and be mindful of any behaviors or thinking patterns we unknowingly copy from those around us since they're not always beneficial.

I've always been annoyed by myself whenever I notice I've picked up, say, certain speech patterns from someone else. It makes me feel like a primitive—monkey see, monkey do...

Curiously, this doesn't appear to bother those around me as much as it does me.

I learned as a waiter doing this gets you much better tips.

People appreciate people like them. Even with their money.

Food for thought for entrepreneurs...

 

[Simon Angel]

I learned as a waiter doing this gets you much better tips.

People appreciate people like them. Even with their money.

Food for thought for entrepreneurs...

My experience as a waiter (for a grand total of 2 days) was that women would give me tips and guys would try to start fights for all kinds of dumb shit. I also hated serving people food that I saw the cook prepare without washing their hands after coming out of the toilet.

 

[MattR82]

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

My experience has been the exact opposite. Like brutally opposite lol.

 

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[Black_Dragon43]

also hated serving people food that I saw the cook prepare without washing their hands after coming out of the toilet.

Oh man, but food that’s made with hands rubbed on pubes tastes the best, especially if he also slaps that schlong on it a few times before serving your hot sizzling dinner!

 

[Simon Angel]

My experience has been the exact opposite. Like brutally opposite lol.

Your girlfriend probably has... high self-esteem.

But the important question here is: Can you eat 50 eggs?

 

[MattR82]

Your girlfriend probably has... high self-esteem.

But the important question here is: Can you eat 50 eggs?

Make it 100.

 

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[BizyDad]

for a grand total of 2 days

guys would try to start fights

No way!!! With you?

But you seem so agreeable!!

Most of the comments are proving his point. Everyone wants to tell you what's right.

I thought his main point is that successful types know what's right for them. Surely not everyone posting here is a successful type.

Oh man, but food that’s made with hands rubbed on pubes tastes the best, especially if he also slaps that schlong on it a few times before serving your hot sizzling dinner!

So glad the next Walter Hay has decided to charm us with this valuable post.

Way to further the discussion fellas...

 

[Trevor Kuntz]

It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

This seems like a false dichotomy to me. Simple, sure, but false.

I feel pretty lucky that I've been able to spend a lot of time in the presence of older Fastlane role models for most of my adult life and my observation is that their attitudes are often not at all like your first example. On the contrary, they tend to be some of the most self-reflective, adaptive, and wise people I've met, especially those in their 30s and older, and that tendency seems to only increase as they get older. I would categorize exactly zero of them as believing themselves to be inherently correct.

I would surmise that many of the people who spend their 20s living as though their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently correct either end up changing that belief system over time and adapting or they end up inadvertently going down a dead-end and are then unable to adapt out of it due to this strongly held belief system.

It sounds like you have one specific ideal/vision/philosophy of how life is to be lived and you are very convinced of it. I genuinely hope it works out for you, and if it doesn't, I hope that you are able to adapt as needed. For everyone else, especially younger people, I'd say there are more than one way to live your life or run a business and it isn't a dichotomy. I'm very thankful for the numerous and ideologically diverse role models I've had over these 10+ years who've shown me all the different ways through how they live their lives.

 

[WJK]

This seems like a false dichotomy to me. Simple, sure, but false.

I feel pretty lucky that I've been able to spend a lot of time in the presence of older Fastlane role models for most of my adult life and my observation is that their attitudes are often not at all like your first example. On the contrary, they tend to be some of the most self-reflective, adaptive, and wise people I've met, especially those in their 30s and older, and that tendency seems to only increase as they get older. I would categorize exactly zero of them as believing themselves to be inherently correct.

I would surmise that many of the people who spend their 20s living as though their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently correct either end up changing that belief system over time and adapting or they end up inadvertently going down a dead-end and are then unable to adapt out of it due to this strongly held belief system.

It sounds like you have one specific ideal/vision/philosophy of how life is to be lived and you are very convinced of it. I genuinely hope it works out for you, and if it doesn't, I hope that you are able to adapt as needed. For everyone else, especially younger people, I'd say there are more than one way to live your life or run a business and it isn't a dichotomy. I'm very thankful for the numerous and ideologically diverse role models I've had over these 10+ years who've shown me all the different ways through how they live their lives.

The question to ask is, "Is this the truth?" And then, "Whose truth?" There are many layers and shades of what we call the truth. I think that as we grow older, we get a lot more comfortable in our skin. It doesn't matter if everyone around you thinks differently. It only matters what your truth is for your current situation. I don't believe in a one-size fits all truth. There are always 2 sides to every situation and usually more than that. Sorting out a situation takes time and wisdom.

 

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[Emran]

There is one major trait I see in all of my successful friends and partners.

They aren’t that much smarter.

They aren’t particularly talented.

But there’s one thing they all have.

Ridiculous self esteem.

It’s not even that they brag. It’s deeper than that.

It runs so deep. It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

The whole world has low self esteem. It is a club, a cult. And it’s made up of about everyone. 99%.

The insidious thing about low self esteem, is that it is hardwired into people to regulate the self esteem of others. Meaning: they will want you to be at their level. Even if they don’t understand what they’re doing. They will still attempt to always regulate the self esteem of others to fit their level.

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

There is a war going on. A war to make you just like them, infected.

Here’s a non exhaustive list of examples.

Your parents want you to be safe more than they want you to be successful. They will attempt to regulate your self esteem and expectations to maximize safety over success.

Your teachers and other superiors will project their own limiting beliefs onto your life, telling you what’s possible, only because it aligns with what they think is possible.

Your peers do not like to feel inferior. It is easy and simple to lower others self esteem to bring you down.

Having high self esteem is a mirror onto others that highlights their own failures.

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

It is a giant cult, made up of the 99%, and they all want you to join.

It isn’t even conscious usually. It just fulfills a deep, unconscious itch in the emotions of average people, so it’s doubly insidious. Any idiot can do it and not even know why.

It’s a trap. It’s like a zombie with the urge to bite and infect, even if there’s no other consciousness going on.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

Your iron will.

It’s a short list.

I promise you, there’s a good chance your self esteem is broken. It has been attacked daily and will continue to be. The only cure is to recognize that a massive percentage of communication directed at you is inherently selfish, insidious, unconscious, and wrong. It is manipulative and meant to lower your self esteem to protect the ego and project insecurities and limitations of the sick, broken people around you. The 99%.

When you become wise, when you can temper your mind like steel, when you can see past the surface level of most communication, you’ll see for yourself. You must not let yourself become infected.

It will come from every direction. It will come from above and below. From near and far. From inside and out. From random strangers and your own family. From your friends and your enemies. From the world and even from your own doubts.

The man who wins is not the man who never hears doubts, who never faces a barrage of attacks against his self esteem.

The man who wins is the man who knows it’s all a pile of shit, who protects his self esteem, who stays on his path and lets the sick infected majority bite each other to death, and keeps going.

It seems like almost every good thing in my life is because I was a stubborn a**hole who just didn’t listen to what he ‘should’ do. And I mean in almost every area.

Here’s the funny thing.

You’ll come out the other side.

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”. Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

Life is good.

And you’ll be around people who all followed their own path. Who broke the rules and still do.

Everything will make sense.

And you’ll remember how important it is to trust yourself.

And you’ll never go back. You’ll never even be tempted to fall for it. You’ll double down twice as hard, and bet everything on yourself.

And there’s no turning back.

Thank you for sharing this reminder ,can I know how you got this info

 

[Johnny boy]

Thank you for sharing this reminder ,can I know how you got this info

Thank you

 

[NervesOfSteel]

All my life I have been told what I cannot do! I humbly thank all of those people because under the influence of my burning desire to prove them wrong, I discovered my undying Iron Will, recognized my uncapped capacity to work hard and they made me acquire some skills which helped me at odd times!

If they can hurt your fragile self esteem, then, my dear friend, you're already infected !

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”.

Every entrepreneur's wet dream !

Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

The absolute condition for friendship !

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

This is a powerful perspective on the influence of self-esteem in success and the societal pressures to conform. It's a reminder to trust one's instincts and stay true to individual paths despite external influences. The analogy of a "war" to make others conform is striking and emphasizes the importance of protecting one's self-esteem. The call to recognize and resist manipulative communication is thought-provoking, offering a compelling message about the value of resilience and self-trust. Thanks for sharing these insights!

If you use AI on this forum you will be removed. Do you want to continue using it? ANSWER: Yes. ACTION: Banned.

 

[DonyaSze]

There is one major trait I see in all of my successful friends and partners.

They aren’t that much smarter.

They aren’t particularly talented.

But there’s one thing they all have.

Ridiculous self esteem.

It’s not even that they brag. It’s deeper than that.

It runs so deep. It’s the internal, almost subconscious belief, that their own views, their own ideas, their own path, is somehow, irrefutably, unarguably, inherently CORRECT.

And then there’s everyone else.

They are always looking around. They are always following. Always listening. Always changing themselves to fit the mold. Their beliefs, their views, their path, is always in accordance with what they believe is acceptable. This is the 99%. This behavior is showing that deep inside, they believe themselves to be wrong. In essence, low self esteem.

The whole world has low self esteem. It is a club, a cult. And it’s made up of about everyone. 99%.

The insidious thing about low self esteem, is that it is hardwired into people to regulate the self esteem of others. Meaning: they will want you to be at their level. Even if they don’t understand what they’re doing. They will still attempt to always regulate the self esteem of others to fit their level.

And since 99% of them all have low self esteem….

There is a war going on. A war to make you just like them, infected.

Here’s a non exhaustive list of examples.

Your parents want you to be safe more than they want you to be successful. They will attempt to regulate your self esteem and expectations to maximize safety over success.

Your teachers and other superiors will project their own limiting beliefs onto your life, telling you what’s possible, only because it aligns with what they think is possible.

Your peers do not like to feel inferior. It is easy and simple to lower others self esteem to bring you down.

Having high self esteem is a mirror onto others that highlights their own failures.

Your girlfriend that subconsciously wants to increase her chances of keeping you, and wants you to sink lower, stay at home, get a bit fatter, all in hopes of maximizing security, subconsciously knowing you won’t leave if you’re not such a stud.

It is a giant cult, made up of the 99%, and they all want you to join.

It isn’t even conscious usually. It just fulfills a deep, unconscious itch in the emotions of average people, so it’s doubly insidious. Any idiot can do it and not even know why.

It’s a trap. It’s like a zombie with the urge to bite and infect, even if there’s no other consciousness going on.

Things that raise your self esteem:

Compliments.

Success.

Your iron will.

It’s a short list.

I promise you, there’s a good chance your self esteem is broken. It has been attacked daily and will continue to be. The only cure is to recognize that a massive percentage of communication directed at you is inherently selfish, insidious, unconscious, and wrong. It is manipulative and meant to lower your self esteem to protect the ego and project insecurities and limitations of the sick, broken people around you. The 99%.

When you become wise, when you can temper your mind like steel, when you can see past the surface level of most communication, you’ll see for yourself. You must not let yourself become infected.

It will come from every direction. It will come from above and below. From near and far. From inside and out. From random strangers and your own family. From your friends and your enemies. From the world and even from your own doubts.

The man who wins is not the man who never hears doubts, who never faces a barrage of attacks against his self esteem.

The man who wins is the man who knows it’s all a pile of shit, who protects his self esteem, who stays on his path and lets the sick infected majority bite each other to death, and keeps going.

It seems like almost every good thing in my life is because I was a stubborn a**hole who just didn’t listen to what he ‘should’ do. And I mean in almost every area.

Here’s the funny thing.

You’ll come out the other side.

You’ll be sitting around a table. All your business friends are sitting there. You’re smoking a cigar. You just spent a few hours grilling steaks and riding jet skis, talking shit. Each of your cute girlfriends are making you drinks and bringing food.
“Here you go baby, I made it just how you like it”. Every friend is self employed and scaling their company.

Life is good.

And you’ll be around people who all followed their own path. Who broke the rules and still do.

Everything will make sense.

And you’ll remember how important it is to trust yourself.

And you’ll never go back. You’ll never even be tempted to fall for it. You’ll double down twice as hard, and bet everything on yourself.

And there’s no turning back.

This post is awesome. I noticed a lot of people like to use low self esteem as joke material, which I wish they wouldn't do. So instead I do the opposite, I make like I’m the best. It actually feels pretty good.