Try to Slur Me

[kurtyordy]

I was doing some thinking about political correctness in America and a thought hit me.

I can use the N word and offend one whole race of the population, plus some spillover offending of other races as well.

I can use the C word and offend all the females, and some males as well.

What about me?

Maybe I am ignorant, but I cannot think of one word that has the potential to offend every white person in America. Likewise, I cannot think of one that would offend every man in America.

Is there such a thing? Can any of you think of a way to offend me based on my demographic of white male?

 

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[wildambitions]

Pretty soon it is going to be "American". Oh wait, that is probably a political statement, huh? :coffee:

As far as men... "little d**k" might work!

I think that is as far as I am willing to go for fear of being banned. :fryingpan::nonod:

 

[Jonleehacker]

Is there such a thing? Can any of you think of a way to offend me based on my demographic of white male?

Sure, just take you somewhere where the circumstances don't have you (or people that look like you) in the position of power.

A getto for example, or to another continent. Then listen to see what they call you when they think you aren't able to hear what they're saying... you ears will burn

I remember in college I worked at a bar that had a lot of gay actors working there. They were very flamboyant.

Amongst themselves they referred to people like me as *breeders* - and yes it was meant to be a derogatory term.

I didn't find it offensive (because I loved the creativity of it), but some did.

 

[kurtyordy]

Sure, just take you somewhere where the circumstances don't have you (or people that look like you) in the position of power.

A getto for example, or to another continent. Then listen to see what they call you when they think you aren't able to hear what they're saying... you ears will burn

I remember in college I worked at a bar that had a lot of gay actors working there. They were very flamboyant.

Amongst themselves they referred to people like me as *breeders* - and yes it was meant to be a derogatory term.

I didn't find it offensive (because I loved the creativity of it), but some did.

I think this is why I ask the question. If we say the n word, majority get offended. If we say the c word, majority get offended.

BTW, not saying they should not be in the least, so please do not misinterpret my thoughts here in anyway.

That being said, if someone on here called me a breeder, I wonder what % would be offended. I know I would laugh.

I guess what I am looking for is the universally accepted insult of the white male simply for his white maleness.

 

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[hatterasguy]

Well I'm pretty good at this, I'm a very un PC person in the company of my close friends.

Sure your white, but where are you from? Poland? Italy?

We can even break it up into religion, now thats a hot button.

I'm fairly confident that no matter who you are I can insult you in a very un PC racist manner.


[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8Nf1MK7lts]YouTube - Full Metal Jacket - 10 Minutes of Boot Camp[/ame]

 

[Russ H]

Kurtyordy,

I have no idea if this story will help.

I grew up a white, straight, anglo-saxon, protestant.

Still am (well, the protestant part has become more Eastern).

I lived in a community with a bunch of other WSASPs.

And the jokes I heard, as a kid, and teenager, pretty much ridiculed/made fun of anyone who was NOT a WSASP.

Gays, blonds, black folks, women-- as long as they weren't WSASPs, they were fair game.

*****

Thing is, I always felt like an outsider.

Because I never found any of these jokes funny.

All they seemed to me was insecure ridicule. Trying to make fun of someone who was different.

In my heart, I never felt "right". Just bad.

So is there a uniform insult for a white man?

The real question is: If the white man has the power and the money, why would he care?

-Russ H.

 

[Jill]

...The real question is: If the white man has the power and the money, why would he care?

Seriously? Is that seriously the real question? Is there some rulebook of social justice that says it's okay to ridicule someone only if they have "power" (however you define that) and/or "money" because he shouldn't care?

By that same logic, then it must be okay to insult a wealthy, powerful black man? or Indian? or Mexican? or Asian because after all, "Why would he care?"

Full disclosure: I don't think that broad-stroke insults/slurs are appropriate in EITHER scenario. But to say that one group shouldn't be as offended just because he happens to have power or means just doesn't work for me at all, because it implies (to me) that he was to the manor born (lucky or otherwise just in his situation by default), and therefore has no right to complain about anything.

You know I have a great deal of respect and admiration for you Russ, but I'm kinda surprised to hear you say that. I'm going to assume that I mis-read your intent.

 

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[kurtyordy]

Seriously? Is that seriously the real question? Is there some rulebook of social justice that says it's okay to ridicule someone only if they have "power" (however you define that) and/or "money" because he shouldn't care?

By that same logic, then it must be okay to insult a wealthy, powerful black man? or Indian? or Mexican? or Asian because after all, "Why would he care?"

Full disclosure: I don't think that broad-stroke insults/slurs are appropriate in EITHER scenario. But to say that one group shouldn't be as offended just because he happens to have power or means just doesn't work for me at all, because it implies (to me) that he was to the manor born (lucky or otherwise just in his situation by default), and therefore has no right to complain about anything.

You know I have a great deal of respect and admiration for you Russ, but I'm kinda surprised to hear you say that.

I think Russ was not saying that the person does not have the right, but was commenting on human nature. To put is more extreme (not my viewpoint just to be clear) Why would the greater care what the lessor thinks of him?

 

[andviv]

I don't see what positive can come out of this thread....

 

[kurtyordy]

I don't see what positive can come out of this thread....

education for me.

My thought process on this is that if we lower the value of these high value words, we take the power from the bigots.

For example- if a someone said "you dirty n", and the person being called that just laughed at him and walked away, the racist is has lost his power and control over that person. By reacting, we grant power and control to the bigots.

If hate speech did not accomplish what the haters are trying to accomplish, they would not use hate speech any more becuse it would no longer be a weapon.

But then I thought, since I have never experienced this, are my thoughts really valid. I can guess how I would respond, but not sure. Which led to my search of an insult of my demographic.

Sorry if this still has not value, I is just helping me explore some thought processes I have been working through.

 

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[yveskleinsky]

People and words only have power over you if you let them. I don't get easily offended by slurs--most of the time I find them a cheap shot by someone with a poor vocabulary.

However, I think for most groups of people, the reason they've taken to using offensive words within the group is to diffuse the power of the word. When the minority now owns the offensive words, and shifts the meaning to either a term of endearment or a playful insult, they regain the power of that word. Not saying it is right or wrong, just that it is.

...For a white male (most any guy really), any insult to the size of his package brings him down a notch. ...Which is soooo ridiculous--just FYI, women really don't care about guys going bald, or size or the type of car--that's all hype to get you guys to buy "solution" after "solution".

 

[Salinger]

I don't see what positive can come out of this thread....

I agree! What exactly is the point of this thread?

-And how in heck does it relate to entrepreneurial pursuits?

Do you (the OP) feel superior because you perceive that your gender/ethnic makeup somehow puts you above insult? :fu:

 

[kurtyordy]

I agree! What exactly is the point of this thread?

-And how in heck does it relate to entrepreneurial pursuits?

Do you feel superior because you perceive that your gender/ethnic makeup somehow puts you above insult? :fu:

um-

1. I answered
2. this is in off topic forum, so it is relevant
3. no, but nice attempt.

However, if you are serious, then I apologize for attempting to start an intellectual conversation at a level deeper than what your infantile brain can comprehend. Now go make money bucko. (smacks you on the butt like a coach)

yvesliensky sums up a bit of what I am contemplating.

My desire, was/is to relate and have a more informed viewpoint by finding a way to walk in others shoes for a bit.

btw- Kerry and Dana what's with all the package talk? Did my wife talk to you guys? This has nothing to do with anything..... The email promised I would be 50% larger in 2 weeks, just 3 more days to go......seriously, I protest this too much. Just stop it... ok, ok, this whole thread has been a veiled attempt to discount all jokes about the white male package size.

 

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[Salinger]

I'm not sure we're the right crowd.
I'd be curious what responses you'd get to your question on a different forum. Here's a suggestion:
P.O.C. Forum - philadelphia forums - craigslist

I'll bet it will be eye-opening. Please share what you find.

 

[kurtyordy]

I'm not sure we're the right crowd.
I'd be curious what responses you'd get to your question on a different forum. Here's a suggestion:
P.O.C. Forum - philadelphia forums - craigslist

I'll bet it will be eye-opening. Please share what you find.

I think you are missing my point. I am familiar with other demographic's perspective on an intellectual level. My desire was to see if I could find something on an emotional level, because then I would be able to more accurately test whether or not my hypothesis is true.

Do you somehow feel threatened or bothered by this discussion?

 

[mtnman]

My mouth is dirtier than a 2 dollar hooker.:hula:

Not the questions to be asking.... LOL

 

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[PaulRobert]

My 2 cents

The topic of certain "words" is a very sensitive subject. People are all equal, we are all the same, except in the way we think. Humans try to live in peace but as nature occurs there will always be people who put others down. The choice of those people that are put down is to either to show class and ignore the slurs and keep it cool or show that you are offended and create an argument or even worse, a fight. It is just human nature, people feel insecure and get rid of it by attacking others verbally or physically. Words are the most powerful weapons that we posses. They can be used for good or for bad. When you hear words of encouragement, how do you feel? Now, when you hear words of hate toward you, how do you feel? As yveskleinsky states "People and words only have power over you if you let them." You are given the choice, like every decision in your life, to not care what others call you or waste your time and begin a argument with them. Be the better man and woman and show class. Class is something that is very hard to come by, but if you show it, you will be respected.

IMHO this topic shouldn't be addressed here. It's alongside politics and religion.

 

[Salinger]

I think you are missing my point. I am familiar with other demographic's perspective on an intellectual level. My desire was to see if I could find something on an emotional level, because then I would be able to more accurately test whether or not my hypothesis is true.

Do you somehow feel threatened or bothered by this discussion?

I recognize how challenging it can be both to convey and infer the intended tone in print, but if it bothers me (as a white male) I'm sure it would offend others much more.
Here's what bothers me:

Like the obnoxious American tourists that give the rest of us well-mannered and respectful travelers a bad name all over the globe, this post (to me) reeks of the holier-than-thou arrogance of an oblivious member of the dominant population. It says "You can't dis' me, cause I'm white and I'm male and we have the power."

Your post goes against those of us who try to create more harmony with our brothers of a different color, who argue that yes we do care that non-dominant populations still face many disadvantages in society, who try to acknowledge our differences while developing more commonality. Every post like yours is something that causes us to have to work even harder toward that balance.

Like it or not, if you study population trends, you'll find that we do not have much longer to enjoy our favored status here in the US. We ought to prepare for it.

Now, I certainly don't imagine you as a white-supremacist skinhead, or anything of the sort. The fact that you're asking questions like this indicates some recognition of the situation and some degree of cultural sensitivity. I'm still working on doing better with this myself.

To quote Austin Powers:
"There are two things I cannot stand:
People who are intolerant of other people's cultures,
and the Dutch!"
​

 

[rcardin]

I find this intellectually stimulating. I think that just about everyone on here has to find themselves better than average or they wouldn't be here. Does that mean that all fastlaners are stuck up because we want to live in the fastlane rather than the slowlane? I have heard time and time again the stories of trying to help a family member, friend, colleague, etc. only to find out they can't get past the "slowlane" mentality. We have ourselves labeled others who don't think like us.
Just something to ponder before pouncing on Kurt for asking a non PC question.

I have an interesting story about a discussion I had with my 6th grade class about 9 years ago, but will wait until this plays out to see if it is too far out there to tell

 

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[kurtyordy]

Like the obnoxious American tourists that give the rest of us well-mannered and respectful travelers a bad name all over the globe, this post (to me) reeks of the holier-than-thou arrogance of an oblivious member of the dominant population. It says "You can't dis' me, cause I'm white and I'm male and we have the power."

Though not my original intent, I can see by rereading my original post how it came across like that. Thank you for helping me see that, however, my follow up posts I believe quite clearly illustrate that was not my intent.

Your post goes against those of us who try to create more harmony with our brothers of a different color, who argue that yes we do care that non-dominant populations still face many disadvantages in society, who try to acknowledge our differences while developing more commonality. Every post like yours is something that causes us to have to work even harder toward that balance.

Really, after reading my followup posts you can say this. First post did need some clarification, follow up posts very clearly reveal my intent to learn. You need to work on overcoming the first impressions you form in your mind and try to overcome them when more facts are presented. Commonality was the point, which if you had intellectually engaged in my followup responses you would have realized.

It is a sad state of affairs when someone genuinely attempting to get a better grasp of how the other persons shoes feel, they are vilified.

Like it or not, if you study population trends, you'll find that we do not have much longer to enjoy our favored status here in the US. We ought to prepare for it.

Like it or not, you are ignorant. Nothing needs prepared for, and I could not care less who is the majority. A persons difference is irrelevant, try to get that through your head.

Now, I certainly don't imagine you as a white-supremacist skinhead, or anything of the sort.

I will have to let all my minority and women (remember you made this about race not me) friends know that this was in doubt for even a little bit. They will be so relieved to know that I made it through your judgment. They will probably have to have their bigot radar inspected since they clearly missed me.

The fact that you're asking questions like this indicates some recognition of the situation and some degree of cultural sensitivity. I'm still working on doing better with this myself.

Thank you I was beginning to think I was an ignorant cod who could barely function in a normal society. I was afraid I was going to lose my job working in the inner city. I was afraid I would have to go buy a pickup truck with a gun rack and confederate flag. Wow, I am saved now that I have been declared to have some degree of cultural sensitivity.

See I recognize that my worldview is limited. To that end, I was attempting to get input from all areas of the country and the world from this community. The only way to expand unity is by education. The only way to foster racism is by promoting ignorance. We promote ignorance when we vilify simple questions rather than engaging in the education process.

Mods- Clearly I failed in my original post in my quest for knowledge. Since this has bothered so many, can we please delete. My intent was to close gaps not open then, but due to my own poor communication, I have failed.

 

[Russ H]

Mods- DO NOT DELETE THREAD, please.

This is what we do here-- we learn, and grow, and work things out.

No "I'm taking my toys and going home".

Jill, I have been completely overwhelmed by all of the work on our end, and have been working on a response to your original comments-- and my response is completely relevant w/where this thread has gone.

In an nutshell, I was trying to make a point-- and it was taken totally the wrong way.

But that's central to this whole thread-- so I've been attempting to choose my words more carefully, so as not to mislead/offend-- but rather to explain.

(and Jill, I'm fairly certain it will all make sense to you once I can get the right words on here)

So please hang in there guys/gals-- I will try to get it done tonight, after my meetings, and putting our little one to bed.

-Russ H.

 

[Salinger]

Apparently, judging from your reaction, my communication in this medium has not quite conveyed exactly what I intended.
I was not trying to attack you personally. I'm sorry you took it that way and chose to respond that way.
I merely gave you an honest answer to your question regarding what bothered me about your post.
It was a judgment about what you wrote, not about who you are.

I'm glad you have friends of other genders and races, however, if you think I'm the one who made this a thread about race, perhaps you should go back and read your original post.

I've said my piece. I can't imagine this doing anything but deteriorating further if I continue to kick this horse.

 

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[kurtyordy]

Mods- DO NOT DELETE THREAD, please.

This is what we do here-- we learn, and grow, and work things out.

No "I'm taking my toys and going home".

-Russ H.

not my intent. Just found that I was offending many and no fruit, so why continue the chasm? I am fair game to follow the rabbit trail.

I've said my piece. I can't imagine this doing anything but deteriorating further if I continue to kick this horse.

I agree on my side as well.

My apologies to anyone I offended. Complete 180 from my intent. Sorry for my poor communication.

 

[wildambitions]

My mouth is dirtier than a 2 dollar hooker.:hula:

Not the questions to be asking.... LOL

hehe, that is what I was thinking (about me, not you) when I started to post... and why I stopped when I did.

I actually hesitated in posting at all on this thread for fear of how I would be perceived just by responding. I tried to stay to simply answering the initial question. I somewhat know Kurt and thought I was pretty safe to throw out a little humor. At the same time, I did not want to elaborate on the topic because I was unclear as to what the intent of the thread was.

I am glad to find out through the discussion what the actual intent of this thread was and I can see the issues from all of the angles. I think at this point the thread is a very useful tool in seeing just how "offended" any of us can be even if we are the majority at any one time.

Lamboman350K - I think your post is superb! Rep+ It really sums it up, short and sweet.

I also commend everyone in the thread for sticking with it and attempting to bridge the gaps. It is nice to see that even if when it gets ugly, this group can re-group and at least look at it from other perspectives and know that at worst it will end up being an agreement to disagree.

And Kurt, I hope I never really piss you off, your sarcasm is brutal! LOL.

 

[Russ H]

OK, I'm going to try and describe what I meant earlier.

I can see now that it's not going to be easy, but I think this topic is worth it.

Jill (and others who may have misread my earlier intentions and meaning):

I grew up with a bunch of rich white guys.

Plain and simple.

They were the sons of captains of industry. They *knew* their futures were assured-- Ivy league or Big 10 educations, inheriting the family business, marrying the "right" girl, living in the "right" neighborhood, inheriting the family assets . . .

In short, their families were successful, and virtually everyone saw them "walking in their father's footsteps".

(a few rebels here and there, yes, but for the most part, these guys were highly conforming)

Since both my mom and dad happened to teach at the school system where these rich kids went (very, very college prep/high academics), I was fortunate enough to go there, too. And it was an education-- on so many levels!

There is no question I was an "outsider". Many of my classmates did not associate w/me for that reason. But for the same reason a stock broker befriends a bum (sheer human curiosity), I made friends, in the orchestra (I played an instrument), on the track (I was a runner), and in the various extracurricular societies to which I was a member (I was highly placed in the national honor society-- you didn't need money to have brains).

So I had friends. Of a sort.

And the more I hung around them, the more I could see-- we *were* different.

I'd go out on a date, and be petrified. Scared of rejection.

They'd go out, have a bad time, and blame it all on the girl they were with.

Really.

They'd talk about her in terms that indicated she was considered a lower life form-- someone below them.

This was just totally weird to me.

I couldn't relate, or understand it-- even if I wanted to! (at that time, I wanted to be like these guys-- I looked up to them-- so that's why I was studying their actions).

I soon began to see that the gay/N/blond/woman/minority jokes were all part of this "I'm better than you are" attitude.

While they may not have felt this, deep down in their souls, their outward actions (and conversation, and jokes) basically said, "I honestly feel like I'm better than you."

This was not a highly-thought out thing-- they didn't consider them selves genetically superior to those around them who were "lesser" than they-- they just *knew* it.

I can only guess this is the attitude/atmosphere they were raised in, and it was just something very natural for them.

They didn't do this to be mean, or spiteful, or hateful, or to hurt others.

They just felt . . . well, superior.

They were taught this, not just by their parents, but their friends, their extended families-- their whole community.

In some societies, these kids were called "the chosen ones".

Again-- they didn't really think it out-- they didn't question their superiority.

It was just something everyone around them acknowledged.

**********

I'm not sure if I've been able to accurately describe just how these guys felt. I realize that my words are the weak link here in trying to describe the inner psyche of the people I hung out with.

Jill, these guys just considered themselves "better" than others.

Better than any woman, or black/brown man, or poor man, or . . . [fill in the blank].

By my junior/senior year, I had come to understand this, and I no longer felt as alienated or outcast. I was starting to develop my own self-worth (slowly, in tiny steps).

And I could see that I was just wired differently than these guys.

Which to this day, I consider a very good thing.

Because as a WSASP, it would have been very easy for me to learn how to "walk the walk and talk the talk".

I could have blended in with these guys-- all I needed to do was learn how to dress, and act.

But I couldn't do it.

I could never see myself as "better than" another person.

Still can't-- to this day.

It's why I'm so intolerant of intolerance--- I have gotten to the point in my life where I fight against this kind of bigotry and ignorance.

**********

So when I said (in my earlier post), "When you have all the power and the money, who cares?", this is the group I was talking about.

If one of their peers insulted them, they could be cut to the core.

But if you (a woman), or me (a poor, unsophisticated guy), or someone else (whom they considered "beneath them") leveled an insult at them . . . it did not matter.

They didn't take the comment with any degree of weight.

Because they had discounted the source.

**********

I hope this now makes a bit more sense. Perhaps again, my words have failed me.

When I made the statement I did above, I was trying to convey that when you were a "chosen one", an insult from someone you considered "lessor" had no weight.

BTW, this attitude is not limited to white guys-- you could be eastern Indian, or Chinese, or Dutch, or Czech, or ANY background-- and be raised to consider yourself a "chosen one"-- someone who is, by all accounts, better than those around you.

So this is not a race (ie, white guy) thing.

Anyone can be raised to feel this way-- as long as they have a peer group to "be superior with".

Again, I hope my words have conveyed what I've learned, and was trying to say.

To answer KurtYordy's original question/challenge:

In order to "slur" someone, the person being "slurred" needs to accept your words, on some level.

If they don't care about anything you say (ie, they consider the source, and ignore your POV), then you cannot "slur" them.

-Russ H.

 

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[camski]

Not sure if my .02 is relevant or not but what the hey, I will weigh in. My opinion is that we as a society have become wimps. Anyone who feels slurred or disrespected in this day and age have nothing to complain about. The verbal abuse that anyone from any nationality has to deal with today, pales in comparison to our ancestors. The elder generation were too busy working their a$$ off trying to feed themselves, put a roof over their heads and just survive to worry about if someone called them a (okay some will be pissed when I write it but I am going to, delete it if you want) nigger, kike, spic, ginnie, mick, hillbilly or any other slur out there. They were tougher than that! They had thicker skin! They subscribed to the term sticks & stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. They did because many had been beaten and even killed with sticks and stones, so any names they were called didnt even register on their radar. They cared more about the future of their children and trying to make a decent life than whatever indignity they had to endure by being called a name.
It really is sad that this generation cares more about how people view them or what people say about them than how they really are or what they really accomplish.Not what they accomplish in other peoples eyes, but their own.

okay Rant over. Have a nice day!

 

[Russ H]

Camski-

Your opinion is important, like anyone elses!

I do agree w/you that our ancestors worked harder than us.

And I completely agree that many today have a sense of entitlement-- that society "owes" them.

But I have to disagree that folks were thicker skinned, back then.

Have you ever gone back and read an old newspaper-- say, from the mid-1800s?

Or talked to an old-timer? I did, when I was a teenager and took care of some folks that were born in the 1800s-- Imagine talking to someone who, when they were a kid, there was no electricity, or airplanes, or telephones, or electric lights, or cars, or . . . !

Lots of stories of people who died over words that were said.

Lots of cultural, race, and gender divisions.

When I grew up, if someone called you a name, you laid them out.

Today, I'd walk away. Or try to make a joke, to ease the tension.

You could say this comes from maturity, but I think it's more the times we're in.

I see far less bar fighting and deaths today than I did when I was a kid.

And I know that *my* kid years (the 60s) were tame compared to the 1800s.

-Russ H.

 

[Russ H]

Bump up for Jill.

-Russ H.

 

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[Jill]

Bump up for Jill.

-Russ H.

LOL. I saw. Just haven't had time to thotfully respond. I will.

 

[taichijedi]

I have found this conversation to be intelligent and handled with a great deal of tact. It can be a very slippery slope to discuss words of such root and cause, and actually find it refreshing how the members of this forum have had an intellectual conversation in the pursuit of greater understanding of such matters.

I was raised blue collar, by a single mother and wore a great deal of second hand items as she tried to keep a roof over our heads and food on our table. I have two younger siblings, so money was tight (I'm sure a great portion of my drive for success is derived purely from this upbringing, but I digress). As was mentioned earlier, intelligence was an innate gift, and it was free to use, so I did constantly. Amazingly, that didn't win many friends either. So I received a glut of insults and other verbal assaults designed solely for the purpose of undermining my perception of my own value. In my youth, many of these attacks were actually rather successful. Other people in their designer this and that would mock me for wearing last year's styles off the discount rack, or ridicule my lack of aptitude in sports, or disassociate from me because they thought I was a "dork or a "nerd." I am Caucasian, and so I didn't have to deal with ethnic slurs (and cannot in good conscience testify as to what the experience must be like to someone who does, except to draw a corollary to something like my socioeconomic upbringing that I had no control over.) There were however, many weaknesses in my makeup that were exploitable by those wishing to do so. "Poor," "Bastard", and "Worthless" were launched at me often. It came to be that my grandfather would become my savior in such matters; as he watched my self-worth deteriorating he could withhold his sage wisdom no longer and I guess he just felt it was time. This is what he said:

"Nick, you are blessed with many special gifts. You are intelligent, well spoken, and outgoing. Consider the source of this ridicule. The fact that these individuals do not appreciate these facets of your character does not reflect a weakness on your part, but rather a weakness in theirs. You keep striving to be constructive, and you will go far. It is those who do not know their own worth who try to bring others down in such a manner. Never lower yourself to their level, but rather do all that you can to raise them up to yours."

I have never forgotten this lesson, and live it to this day. I always took "raise them up to yours" to mean help people find and utilize their own innate gifts. By and large, it is not those "in power" that I see using such language and connotations, generally because people of influence realize the lack of credibility such verbiage entails, and as such are less affected by it because those who are truly successful in their own right are self assured and do not require an outside source to validate their self worth.

Some of these "Chosen Ones" that are spoken of in the earlier posts are being groomed for positions of power, but they have not necessarily created one. It is the difference at the crux of the "Give a man a fish..." parable. They ride on the coattails of generations prior, and have not had to contribute to the successes they so easily enjoy. They have a developed sense of entitlement perhaps, though they have done little to earn such accolades. This creates a vacuum of their own self worth, where their success are not their own but rather an endowment of someone else's accomplishments that they take on to be their own; the use of slurs and negativity is a method employed to force someone else to feel they are inferior. Some are successful in their own right, and some not so much, but this is where there is a separation of the wheat from the chaff; the results of individual accomplishment. There is no fault in the parents for wanting their children to have such fruits of their labors, but none that I have ever met condone such use of slurs or negativity. Most of the successful people I know generally follow a tact of "If you don't have anything good to say, silence is your ally."

I ran into one of the individuals who made a daily ritual of tormenting me in my youth at the funeral of a dear friend 15 years after grade school. Upon recognizing me, he came up and shook my hand, and we converesed for awhile. He told me "You know Nick, we tormented you treated you like an a**hole all the time, and you were never anything but cool to us. I can honestly say that makes you one of the most impressive people I have ever had the pleasure to know." This was a rather vindicating reinforcement of my grandfather's belief and ethos, and though I wouldn't have changed it anyway, it was nice to know my example positively impacted someone.

I am feeling rather exposed in this post, but I feel it will be well accepted by the members of this forum who I have come respect deeply. I am truly sorry to any who may be offended by anything in this post, as this was most sincerely not my intention. I am also sorry for its length. It is simply my experiences on the receiving end of such verbiage, how I ultimately disenfranchised it, and the logic I see in the methodologies of those who use it. In short, its my $.02.

I hope this helps in your search for answers.

:cheers:

EDIT: I found these quotes that put the above rather succinctly:

“Good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bear bad fruit – a man is his own gardener.” -James Allen, author

"Before considering criticism or praise, first consider the source."
-Zig Ziglar