When doing everything right was wrong

[glitched]

Hello. I wanted to introduce myself and share my story. My entire life I did everything "right" - I got good grades, did the extracurriculars, got into a good college, got into a good law school, found a high-paying job, paid off my debt, got married, had a kid, bought a home, and built some savings (401k, ETFs, 529(c)). Yet every night I would go to bed hoping I didn't wake up in the morning.

It got progressively worse and worse until last year when I started going to therapy, which hasn't helped all that much. From the outside, everything must have looked so great. I remember a couple of friends visited from out of town earlier in the year and at the end of the week, they told me that we looked so happy and that we were lucky. I literally laughed out loud because they had no idea how much pain I was suffering. Something was fundamentally wrong.

The problem was I couldn't walk away. The system kept me so tied down. I had a mortgage and a wife and kid to support. And if I quit and pursued freedom, I would put their lives at jeopardy. Not only from a financial perspective, but also from a health perspective - my health insurance is tied to my employer and the additional out-of-pocket costs of straight-up quitting would put additional strain on our finances. I was at a loss and there were days when I felt completely hopeless. I recently was directed to FM and Unscripted and it all started to make sense. I played by the rules of the system and look where it got me. Miserable and depressed with no hope in sight.

I have to walk away, but honestly, I'm scared. Anyway, I'm here now though, taking that one step closer to being free.

 

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[RoadTrip]

You don’t have to walk away. You can build a business next to your day job. You will probably need multiple tries to get a better understanding of what works for you. But with perseverance you will get there.

My biggest advise is to look at your own knowledge and skills and apply that your business. Also, look at what frustrates you. What bothers you either in your job or personal life. Build a business around solving the biggest recurring problem you encounter.

 

[glitched]

You don’t have to walk away. You can build a business next to your day job. You will probably need multiple tries to get a better understanding of what works for you. But with perseverance you will get there.

My biggest advise is to look at your own knowledge and skills and apply that your business. Also, look at what frustrates you. What bothers you either in your job or personal life. Build a business around solving the biggest recurring problem you encounter.

That would be ideal. The problem is my job is very time and mind consuming. It would be next to impossible to really dive in first. I launched a small e-commerce fitness brand selling our own weightlifting shoes. It hasn't generated profit yet though we have made a handful of sales. It's been a great learning experience, especially with social media marketing.

The other problem is I don't know how much longer I can take my work environment. The stress is killing me, literally I think.

 

[Kavin]

That would be ideal. The problem is my job is very time and mind consuming. It would be next to impossible to really dive in first. I launched a small e-commerce fitness brand selling our own weightlifting shoes. It hasn't generated profit yet though we have made a handful of sales. It's been a great learning experience, especially with social media marketing.

The other problem is I don't know how much longer I can take my work environment. The stress is killing me, literally I think.hey man i feel sad for u but dont worry we all come from these type of backgrounds some have some problem some have some other but we all are doing our best to escape this scripted existence and dw we all are with u and all the community is here any problem you have share here.

Hey man, i understand your problem we all have problems .some have some problem some have other. Even I was stressed out and joined this forum and the people here are the best people you are going to find and the whole community will help u out. We all are here for a common goal to become Unscripted and free from all the slowlane/sidewalk dogma.
Dont give up and keep trying and also share your problems there always be a person trying to help u Welcome to the fastlane forum
cheers

 

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[kr8nt]

Hello. I wanted to introduce myself and share my story. My entire life I did everything "right" - I got good grades, did the extracurriculars, got into a good college, got into a good law school, found a high-paying job, paid off my debt, got married, had a kid, bought a home, and built some savings (401k, ETFs, 529(c)). Yet every night I would go to bed hoping I didn't wake up in the morning.

It got progressively worse and worse until last year when I started going to therapy, which hasn't helped all that much. From the outside, everything must have looked so great. I remember a couple of friends visited from out of town earlier in the year and at the end of the week, they told me that we looked so happy and that we were lucky. I literally laughed out loud because they had no idea how much pain I was suffering. Something was fundamentally wrong.

The problem was I couldn't walk away. The system kept me so tied down. I had a mortgage and a wife and kid to support. And if I quit and pursued freedom, I would put their lives at jeopardy. Not only from a financial perspective, but also from a health perspective - my health insurance is tied to my employer and the additional out-of-pocket costs of straight-up quitting would put additional strain on our finances. I was at a loss and there were days when I felt completely hopeless. I recently was directed to FM and Unscripted and it all started to make sense. I played by the rules of the system and look where it got me. Miserable and depressed with no hope in sight.

I have to walk away, but honestly, I'm scared. Anyway, I'm here now though, taking that one step closer to being free.

There are people that build businesses while they have a job and a family. Have you already tried to build business and realized that not walking away from your family is what made the business fail and so you need to walk away in order for it to succeed? Or do you simply want to do the easy thing thinking that it will suddenly make you feel better and give you a business?

If you can't build a business now, you won't be suddenly able to do it then. You will have more time, yes and maybe more money, but in your head you will still feel the same and have the same knowledge you had before you walked away.

 

[glitched]

There are people that build businesses while they have a job and a family. Have you already tried to build business and realized that not walking away from your family is what made the business fail and so you need to walk away in order for it to succeed? Or do you simply want to do the easy thing thinking that it will suddenly make you feel better and give you a business?

If you can't build a business now, you won't be suddenly able to do it then. You will have more time, yes and maybe more money, but in your head you will still feel the same and have the same knowledge you had before you walked away.

I don't think I'd ever walk away from my family. Ya I've been trying to make it work but there is so little time with my job.

 

[kr8nt]

I don't think I'd ever walk away from my family. Ya I've been trying to make it work but there is so little time with my job.

Find a way to get more time, make that your goal now rather than trying to build something. When you will have more free time, only then start focusing on building a business.

Try to remove the things that take up time that are not necessary, optimize the daily tasks you are doing in order to spend less time on them. Maybe try to wake up an hour earlier.

You will have to make sacrifices, there's no way around that, your goal is to figure out which ones you can make that will bring you the biggest benefit.

 

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[glitched]

Find a way to get more time, make that your goal now rather than trying to build something. When you will have more free time, only then start focusing on building a business.

Try to remove the things that take up time that are not necessary, optimize the daily tasks you are doing in order to spend less time on them. Maybe try to wake up an hour earlier.

You will have to make sacrifices, there's no way around that, your goal is to figure out which ones you can make that will bring you the biggest benefit.

You're right. I should've been doing that yesterday.

 

[RoadTrip]

That would be ideal. The problem is my job is very time and mind consuming. It would be next to impossible to really dive in first. I launched a small e-commerce fitness brand selling our own weightlifting shoes. It hasn't generated profit yet though we have made a handful of sales. It's been a great learning experience, especially with social media marketing.

The other problem is I don't know how much longer I can take my work environment. The stress is killing me, literally I think.

Great that you started something already. You now have a basis understanding of what is needed to run a business. Now you just need to find the right way to build this business, or find the right business to build.

If your job is stressing you out so much, it seems like you should fix this issue first. Because, if you are going to build a business next to a stressful job AND a family, you are prone to burning out. Find a job with similar pay, more freedom and less stress. That will open up your mind. And perhaps you will even find new business opportunities.

 

[glitched]

You're right.

Great that you started something already. You now have a basis understanding of what is needed to run a business. Now you just need to find the right way to build this business, or find the right business to build.

If your job is stressing you out so much, it seems like you should fix this issue first. Because, if you are going to build a business next to a stressful job AND a family, you are prone to burning out. Find a job with similar pay, more freedom and less stress. That will open up your mind. And perhaps you will even find new business opportunities.

Thanks! Ya learned a lot about value in this one and a lot about social media marketing. I can see my next venture being one step better in terms of value and marketing.

I've been trying to find something new, but market is bad for my practice area in my region. And in law, there is no way I'll be able to make similar pay again. That's just the nature of biglaw. I have a good amount of savings so I'm thinking about quitting for a little bit. I know people that quit to travel for a year so it would definitely not be unreasonable to quit and learn new skills / create a product in that time.

 

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[JordanK]

How long ago did you purchase the property? Would it be possible to sell and downsize so that it's not as heavy of a financial commitment (chain around your ankles). You can always upgrade again once your finances are in better order in the future. Your freedom is more important now.

What industry do you work in? Are their opportunities for freelancing/consultancy/self employment/businesses within this industry. You are already being trained and immersed in this industry everyday by your current company. It is 100 times easier to move into a business you already have experience in and can make more money faster than starting again elsewhere - competing with all the other newbies/people with more experience.

 

[glitched]

How long ago did you purchase the property? Would it be possible to sell and downsize so that it's not as heavy of a financial commitment (chain around your ankles). You can always upgrade again once your finances are in better order in the future. Your freedom is more important now.

What industry do you work in? Are their opportunities for freelancing/consultancy/self employment/businesses within this industry. You are already being trained and immersed in this industry everyday by your current company. It is 100 times easier to move into a business you already have experience in and can make more money faster than starting again elsewhere - competing with all the other newbies/people with more experience.

I purchased in 2020 so got really lucky with the timing. I've been trying to convince my wife to move to a suburb near Detroit since we could purchase a property with cash from the house sale alone, but no dice. Too cold apparently. But we could get a bigger house with better schools and not be shackled to the mortgage.

I'm a lawyer. It would be possible to open up my own practice but it would be more of the same issue - trading time for money and would be tough to scale. I do have an idea for a tool for lawyers that implements AI, and moving towards that goal. The pace is too slow right now though so I'd have to either change jobs or quit and go all in.

 

[Bounce Back]

My personal take on reading this thread is that you are just simply obsessed with quiting your job and just looking for a reason to that. I think you've idolized what life would be like without your job.

I just want to tell you as someone who did (read my intro post) that: when you wake up the next day after quitting you will still be you with your personality and your existing problems just now also jobless. It wasn't really until about a year into doing so did I start really changing and to be honest, don't think it had anything to do with going all in on the business just personal pushing through which I could've done with a business on the side.

 

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[glitched]

My personal take on reading this thread is that you are just simply obsessed with quiting your job and just looking for a reason to that. I think you've idolized what life would be like without your job.

I just want to tell you as someone who did (read my intro post) that: when you wake up the next day after quitting you will still be you with your personality and your existing problems just now also jobless. It wasn't really until about a year into doing so did I start really changing and to be honest, don't think it had anything to do with going all in on the business just personal pushing through which I could've done with a business on the side.

That is definitely true. I've dreamed of quitting my job the second year and I've stuck around only because they kept throwing money at us. My natural progression would be to have moved in-house and/or a smaller firm, but I seriously doubt I would even be happier doing that with much less pay.

I'm not sure how familiar people are with biglaw, but it is pretty much impossible to do anything else unless you are fortunate to have a slow period and/or literally forgo sleep. Like I barely have time to spend with my family. The ideal solution would be to take an in-house job, which will be a much more traditional 9-5 and focus on concurrently building a business. But in my practice area and region, jobs are not available. I could move to a different HCOL city and have a shot at it, but that wouldn't be ideal per wife's wishes.