You’ll Get Where You Want to Go. Just Refuse to Settle for Mediocrity

[MTF]

12 years ago, I was a young dude full of dreams, hoping to make at least a few thousand dollars a month from my business so I could be financially free.

At that point in my life, I had already tried several businesses but nothing worked. Each failure sent me into a deep pit of self-pity, followed by another bout of excitement and inevitably another failure.

Fast forward a few years (documented in my progress thread on the inside), I finally figured out how to stick to one business and eventually achieved my dreams (and then some).

I was driving this morning to one of my favorite forest areas to do a kettlebell workout there. As I passed countless cars of people driving into the city to get to work, I felt immense gratitude that my life is so completely different.

I mean, I was alone in the forest, listening to the birds, throwing around some weight, enjoying the sun and the warm weather. It was an epic morning. What more do you need?



I get to choose what I want to do and where and when I do it.

I have the luxury of traveling whenever and wherever I want.

I live by my own schedule (or rather, lack thereof). My calendar is empty, with nowhere particular to be at any specific time.

I only work because I want to make more money but not because I need to make more money. And I have the luxury of choosing a business model that fits my values and my lifestyle, without forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do.

To the young(er) version of me, that would be the definition of heaven on Earth.

The only reason why my life is like that is because I refused to quit, no matter how many times I failed. This forum and @MJ DeMarco's work have been instrumental to my success. To a great extent, I owe my lifestyle to the resources and accountability I was able to get here.

This may sound like a trite reminder, perhaps a cheap self-help platitude but… never give up. Readjust if necessary but stick to your path if you deeply desire a different life, even if it's VASTLY different from the one you live today.

Gary Halbert's favorite saying was "Nothing is impossible for a man who refuses to listen to reason."

You don’t need that much intellect or “natural” abilities to succeed. Determination is REALLY that magic pill (though it doesn’t work overnight).

Even when I had to borrow money just to be able to pay social security taxes to keep my business (legally) running, I never considered quitting. A day job wasn’t my plan B. There was only one future I envisioned for myself.

Not quitting no matter what is the only way to get where you want to go. And more importantly, it’s REALLY, REALLY worth it.

Each day, I’m still deeply appreciative of the life I’m blessed to live. I'm on vacation every day of my life.

Don’t get me wrong. Financial freedom won’t solve all your problems. My life isn’t perfect. I still deal with other stuff. I still sometimes feel like shit. But overall, I live the way I want to, not the way I had to settle to live. And that’s priceless.

If you’re doubting whether you can make it, I’m here to tell you that yes, you can make it. Perhaps you won’t get there in a year or two. It may take longer than you think. But I have no doubt that if you stick to the path, you’ll eventually get to your destination. And then you’ll look back and thank your younger self for staying determined.

I get the frustration.

I get the endless failures.

I get the embarrassment.

I get the discouragement.

I get the lack of support.

Despite it all, you can still make it. Determination trumps it all.

With this forum, MJ’s books, and Internet access, you have all the resources you need to sculpt your life in any way you desire. Just never stop hammering away until you're happy with your sculpture (and then figure out how to make it even better).

 

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[Timmy C]

12 years ago, I was a young dude full of dreams, hoping to make at least a few thousand dollars a month from my business so I could be financially free.

At that point in my life, I had already tried several businesses but nothing worked. Each failure sent me into a deep pit of self-pity, followed by another bout of excitement and inevitably another failure.

Fast forward a few years (documented in my progress thread on the inside), I finally figured out how to stick to one business and eventually achieved my dreams (and then some).

I was driving this morning to one of my favorite forest areas to do a kettlebell workout there. As I passed countless cars of people driving into the city to get to work, I felt immense gratitude that my life is so completely different.

I mean, I was alone in the forest, listening to the birds, throwing around some weight, enjoying the sun and the warm weather. It was an epic morning. What more do you need?

View attachment 49193

I get to choose what I want to do and where and when I do it.

I have the luxury of traveling whenever and wherever I want.

I live by my own schedule (or rather, lack thereof). My calendar is empty, with nowhere particular to be at any specific time.

I only work because I want to make more money but not because I need to make more money. And I have the luxury of choosing a business model that fits my values and my lifestyle, without forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do.

To the young(er) version of me, that would be the definition of heaven on Earth.

The only reason why my life is like that is because I refused to quit, no matter how many times I failed. This forum and @MJ DeMarco's work have been instrumental to my success. To a great extent, I owe my lifestyle to the resources and accountability I was able to get here.

This may sound like a trite reminder, perhaps a cheap self-help platitude but… never give up. Readjust if necessary but stick to your path if you deeply desire a different life, even if it's VASTLY different from the one you live today.

Gary Halbert's favorite saying was "Nothing is impossible for a man who refuses to listen to reason."

You don’t need that much intellect or “natural” abilities to succeed. Determination is REALLY that magic pill (though it doesn’t work overnight).

Even when I had to borrow money just to be able to pay social security taxes to keep my business (legally) running, I never considered quitting. A day job wasn’t my plan B. There was only one future I envisioned for myself.

Not quitting no matter what is the only way to get where you want to go. And more importantly, it’s REALLY, REALLY worth it.

Each day, I’m still deeply appreciative of the life I’m blessed to live. I'm on vacation every day of my life.

Don’t get me wrong. Financial freedom won’t solve all your problems. My life isn’t perfect. I still deal with other stuff. I still sometimes feel like shit. But overall, I live the way I want to, not the way I had to settle to live. And that’s priceless.

If you’re doubting whether you can make it, I’m here to tell you that yes, you can make it. Perhaps you won’t get there in a year or two. It may take longer than you think. But I have no doubt that if you stick to the path, you’ll eventually get to your destination. And then you’ll look back and thank your younger self for staying determined.

I get the frustration.

I get the endless failures.

I get the embarrassment.

I get the discouragement.

I get the lack of support.

Despite it all, you can still make it. Determination trumps it all.

With this forum, MJ’s books, and Internet access, you have all the resources you need to sculpt your life in any way you desire. Just never stop hammering away until you're happy with your sculpture (and then figure out how to make it even better).

Great post mate, I wasn't active or posting at all on the forum for quite some time as I failed so much I gave up for a bit I won't lie. I took about a year off and did nothing at all business wise. I just thought to myself, I don't have ''IT'' I am not good enough, smart enough etc. I have wasted years trying to get my own thing of the ground, and am now stuck working below minimum wage jobs for peanuts.... I thought i was an idiot. I told myself all of this.

Resigned myself to working a government job, but in hindsight this is exactly what I needed. I work now as a prison officer in Melbourne, Australia. The job provides me with 9 weeks of leave entitlements a year and a decent salary with overtime available.

But it isn't enough, I wanted more and I still do, and it just so happens the job is very easy, and leaves me plenty of energy to work on things outside of my job.

Heck, at work sometimes i have the ability to dig my way out of shawshank. I have more stability now due to this job, more money now, less stress, and don't have to worry about so many other financial matters that I did in the beginning. I can pay all of my bills now.

This mental load that has been lifted off my shoulders makes me feel better about making my dreams come true, I have more clarity now, I am more patient, less angry, and more thoughtful about how i do things.

I will get there, i will.

Great post.

 

[RoadTrip]

I can fully relate to your story. I read TMF over 10 years ago and since that moment I have started and failed multiple business. I may not be the most intelligent, or the strongest leader, but I do have a lot perserverance. So I kept trying.

Finally, in Dec-2021 I quit my full time job to put all my focus on my businesses that I started in 2019. Note that I mention businesses, because I have even been able to build two profitable businesses to sustain our family lifestyle. Although I'm nowhere near financial freedom yet, I do not need to commute to the office anymore. Every morning I bring the kids to school and see the people rushing to the office, I am very thankful for where I am at at the moment.

I also recognize there is much to do still. But I enjoy the process and working on my business. Of course, it's not all sunshine and happiness, but it's whole lot more fun than working for somebody else.

I also started reading Family First Entrepreneur as recommended by @biophase in his newsletter. I love it! If your goal is to be extremely successful, this is not the book for you. If your goal is to have freedom, enjoy life and be present with your family, I highly recommend it. I think you would enjoy it too @MTF.

 

[NeoDialectic]

Great thread! @fastlane_dad and I have spent countless hours trying to figure out what most successful people have in common. The only common ground we found is the desire to succeed and persistence. That's it.

I 100% treat business as a vehicle for freedom. I'm not the type of an entrepreneur who loves business so much they want to do it every day even if they make no money from it.

A few years ago I thought I was a "true' entrepreneur but then I realized I can feel great only having non-business pursuits in my life (I tested it between January and May when I barely worked while traveling).

It's funny you mention this. You've been gone for a little bit and during that time there were a few heated discussions that culminated in me making THIS thread.

I like entrepreneurship, I'm good at it, and doing it is fulfilling. But just like you say, it's not a requirement in my life and can be substituted with something else. This last year, I've spent half my time on trips before my oldest starts kindergarten. Every time I come back, it blows my mind how I barely thought about business while out. I knew it could be substituted, but just the ease of which it slips my mind after a week or two is crazy. Luckily, when I return, I'm happy to be back too!

I used to love Goggins's approach but I've changed my mind. Earlier this year I met a very capable and super chill freediver who taught me how to achieve more while struggling way less. Instead of pushing through discomfort and pain, he taught me how to enjoy what I'm doing and within that, slowly push my limits while always feeling good.

Because of his guidance, I was able to turn from a freediver who struggled to comfortably dive more than a few meters to a diver who can very comfortably dive 20 meters (I'm slowly working on my goal to be able to dive at least 40 meters).

Instead of pushing myself through extreme discomfort, I followed his "take it easy and enjoy it" approach and it worked.

Now I take this approach in other aspects of my life as well. It's way more sustainable and more importantly, way healthier physically and mentally. I used to destroy my ears with every freediving session. Now I can dive four days in a row and still be fine. Same goes for other stuff, including business.

This has been a heated and unresolved topic in my head for some time now. I don't think there is much disagreement here on whether it is a good thing to push so hard it leads to constant injury. But optimal short/medium-term progress generally happens at a spot much past "comfortable". I think the hiccup is that life is long. Long-term progress depends on time spent progressing more than any other factor. Little else matters if your actions put you "out of the game". Compound interest is insanely powerful.

But I'm honestly not sure if the long term chill approach is better.... I guess a good question is "Better for what?". For enjoyment out of every single day. Probably. Better at achieving my near-term goal, nope. Better at achieving long-term goals, maybe.

The times in my life that I've progressed the fastest in anything is when I would be laser-focused and extremely driven. With no regards to comfort.

As I've gotten older, I have taken a much more long-term approach to things and accept slow progress for "comfort" (sanity?). The plan is to stay the path for longer and accomplish what I set out to do through slow but consistent compound interest.

On the other hand, powering through difficult things less often has made me less able and willing to power through difficult things. Surely the ability to do so is a benefit in many areas of life. So I'm also not sure if this idea of enjoying the process is "right" or if its an adaptation to current realities. It's probably no accident that this "wisdom" comes with age and everything that usually entails (lower recovery, lower testosterone, changing life philosophies and goals, etc).

Lifting weights is the most straightforward example of this for me. For the first 15 years of my adult life, my lifting schedule was always pedal to the metal or nothing. The longest time I kept this up for was ~3 years, during which I was always in a state of recovery. It was HARD, and I wish I could say it didn't work. But it was also when I peaked at very respectable strength numbers that most people never achieve (not saying much, considering most people don't lift weights). Now that I'm back on lifting weights, I've taken the "enlightened" slower, more enjoyable approach. 6 months later and I'm WAAAAAAAY weaker than I would have been if I worked out as hard as before. It's even worse if you consider that I should have muscle memory working on my side! But it is still probably the best option because I would be EVEN weaker if I weren't working out at all. I guess we will talk in a few years. Hopefully, I eventually surpass my old numbers and keep going to new heights.......But I'm not sure if "take it easy and enjoy the process instead of pushing so hard", would have been good advice to my younger self. It may have put out the very fire that drove me.

 

[Simon Angel]

Thanks friend, I needed to read this today. And the next and the next… lol

I’m at such point in which I’m not sure I’m going to make it, but fighting the feeling everyday. Like I’m not smart enough. I won’t be able to figure X and Y out. I’m not made for it. So many things cross my mind. My ideas not being good enough, not being CENTS enough... stacking the failures and trying to learn from them. Feeling shame when inevitably people ask me what I do and I don’t have a “career” answer. Ugh, so much.

Relax. Everything will turn out just fine.

Your problem isn't that you're not smart enough. It's that you're too smart.

Go-getters rarely stop to think about whether they're good enough, smart enough, or worry about the possibilities. Instead, they see something, decide they want to do/get/have it, and just go for it.

This is why a lot of "dumb" folks are successful. Their lack of self-awareness and gross overestimation of their abilities drives them to pursue opportunities that a more intelligent person would automatically disqualify themselves from.

So try being more impulsive. Do more than you think.

However, I admit I'm surprised to hear you feel shame about having to tell people you don't have a career considering your... psychological attributes.

Have you figured out why you're doing this? Figured out what you want from life in general?

 

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[MTF]

This is potent, but this 'luxury' can also be damaging, leading to complacency. Requires judgment, temperance, balance. It's not a lifestyle in itself, more like a greater ability to design your lifestyle.

Some people need a schedule to stay active. I don't. I function better without it because I can fill the day the way I want. It doesn't mean that I don't do anything. I still direct my life, just not with a rigid schedule.

 

[MTF]

I love this post!
this really motivated me to work harder today.

But I have a question:
How were you able to pull it off without the income from a job? " A day job wasn't my plan B."
I'm interested in the economical part of this because I wan't to dedicate my time and life to my mission and I don't like the thought of scattered focus, full-time job followed by a tired body.

I was a freelancer since my early teenage years, doing some work from home for a local publishing company (my mom worked for them; when they had more work I had my own projects to do). I'm a saver by nature so I saved money which I then invested into various businesses. Some made some money (before they failed) so I was able to cover basic costs.

The freelance work sometimes took me entire days and sometimes I had time. Since I worked every day of the week, I could always find time to work on my projects. And because I was young, I guess I didn't tire as easily as these days lol.

Having said that, I also lived with my parents so my costs were minimal (I contributed financially whenever I could and helped with stuff). Thankfully I wasn't a typical dude who lives with his parents and plays video games all day. I was hustling every day.

In the end I bought them a large piece of land and built a house in the countryside where they could retire so I think it was a good deal for them to be patient with me.

 

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[MTF]

When I first read your post you come off as a hardcore Goggin-like writer, and now it seems you've become more calm, collected, and most importantly of all seem genuinely happy.

I used to love Goggins's approach but I've changed my mind. Earlier this year I met a very capable and super chill freediver who taught me how to achieve more while struggling way less. Instead of pushing through discomfort and pain, he taught me how to enjoy what I'm doing and within that, slowly push my limits while always feeling good.

Because of his guidance, I was able to turn from a freediver who struggled to comfortably dive more than a few meters to a diver who can very comfortably dive 20 meters (I'm slowly working on my goal to be able to dive at least 40 meters).

Instead of pushing myself through extreme discomfort, I followed his "take it easy and enjoy it" approach and it worked.

Now I take this approach in other aspects of my life as well. It's way more sustainable and more importantly, way healthier physically and mentally. I used to destroy my ears with every freediving session. Now I can dive four days in a row and still be fine. Same goes for other stuff, including business.

 

[Andy Black]

All of my previous freediving coaches focused on always going deeper and deeper. You did five meters, great, go dive six meters. Then go seven. And so on.

This way, you always kept pushing but never gave yourself the time to truly own the depth. So inevitably, you'd overextend yourself and go too far outside your comfort zone, either wrecking yourself psychologically and losing self-confidence or destroying your ears (if you pushed despite not being able to equalize). I myself have built some little traumas this way that completely undermined my self-confidence.

This coach was different in that in his mind each dive has to be perfectly calm, regardless of the depth. A 5-meter super comfortable dive is way better than a 20-meter one in which you completely panic.

He taught me how to be okay with repeating the same depth over and over again to truly own it and feel super comfortable with it. And only then I'd go deeper and repeat the same process.

The point is that you NEVER want to have a bad experience (something that Goggins wouldn't agree with) as that would scar your mind and hinder your progress. By taking it very slowly and in a relaxed way, you keep building positive associations only. This way, you consistently progress while enjoying the process.

He himself dives this way as well, always enjoying each dive and being super relaxed (he's also super chill in everyday life). He's capable of diving 55 meters and is now on a training camp working on getting to the 70-80 meters range (and I'm sure he'll get there).

Here's his coach (who can dive to over 100 meters) talking about some of this (in points #1 Relaxation Really Matters and #4 Progress Slowly):

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZdpMlsbdQM


This can and does apply to everything else in life. I personally find this philosophy way more aligned with how I want to live. I'm in it for the long term and I want to feel good every day instead of crushing my body and mind with too much.

Great story @MTF, and really illustrates how I prefer to do things.

I personally think people take getting out of their comfort zone a bit too far. The word comfortable even seems to have negative conotations nowadays. Sometimes we can make better progress while being comfortable. Not everything has to be pushing beyond the limit, or even timed/measured.

When I trained too hard I got injured, which set me back mentally as well as physically. My PBs seemed to come after weeks of consistent training - where I didn't appear to be making progress but instead enjoyed the training sessions and banter with other athletes. Then out would pop a time way faster than I'd run previous.

Similarly, when I rode motorbikes my best experiences came when I focused on being smooth rather than fast. I remember the first time I got my knee down, and how surprised I was because I wasn't even trying to get my knee down that ride.

If we don't enjoy the journey then we only take pleasure in reaching our destination, which seems a shame as the journey is such a big part of the experience.

 

[MTF]

Great post mate, I wasn't active or posting at all on the forum for quite some time as I failed so much I gave up for a bit I won't lie. I took about a year off and did nothing at all business wise. I just thought to myself, I don't have ''IT'' I am not good enough, smart enough etc. I have wasted years trying to get my own thing of the ground, and am now stuck working below minimum wage jobs for peanuts.... I thought i was an idiot. I told myself all of this.

Taking some time off helps clear the mind and see everything from a different perspective. Based on the tone of your post, it has clearly helped you.

Resigned myself to working a government job, but in hindsight this is exactly what I needed. I work now as a prison officer in Melbourne, Australia. The job provides me with 9 weeks of leave entitlements a year and a decent salary with overtime available.

Any potential business ideas that you've discovered through your job?

I will get there, i will.

For sure you will. The fact that you're still here shows that you're deeply invested.

 

[MTF]

Anything specific he recommended or said?

All of my previous freediving coaches focused on always going deeper and deeper. You did five meters, great, go dive six meters. Then go seven. And so on.

This way, you always kept pushing but never gave yourself the time to truly own the depth. So inevitably, you'd overextend yourself and go too far outside your comfort zone, either wrecking yourself psychologically and losing self-confidence or destroying your ears (if you pushed despite not being able to equalize). I myself have built some little traumas this way that completely undermined my self-confidence.

This coach was different in that in his mind each dive has to be perfectly calm, regardless of the depth. A 5-meter super comfortable dive is way better than a 20-meter one in which you completely panic.

He taught me how to be okay with repeating the same depth over and over again to truly own it and feel super comfortable with it. And only then I'd go deeper and repeat the same process.

The point is that you NEVER want to have a bad experience (something that Goggins wouldn't agree with) as that would scar your mind and hinder your progress. By taking it very slowly and in a relaxed way, you keep building positive associations only. This way, you consistently progress while enjoying the process.

He himself dives this way as well, always enjoying each dive and being super relaxed (he's also super chill in everyday life). He's capable of diving 55 meters and is now on a training camp working on getting to the 70-80 meters range (and I'm sure he'll get there).

Here's his coach (who can dive to over 100 meters) talking about some of this (in points #1 Relaxation Really Matters and #4 Progress Slowly):

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YZdpMlsbdQM


This can and does apply to everything else in life. I personally find this philosophy way more aligned with how I want to live. I'm in it for the long term and I want to feel good every day instead of crushing my body and mind with too much.

 

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[MTF]

Not necessarily the philosophy that I agree with, because I think it fails to train your ability to do hard things, meaning that over time, you become less able to endure doing difficult things if you have to.

This is another case of consistency over intensity. If every day I do little things that are uncomfortable and another guy does super intense things but only a few times a month, who's more used to enduring difficult things in the end?

You may argue that it's the second guy but this depends on how we see endurance. If we see it as being able to consistently tolerate small loads of "discomfort" (say daily showing up to train sensibly) rather than huge bone-crushing loads of discomfort (Goggins style, usually with a hospital stay included), then you'll get more from the former.

This absolutely works in the case of dealing with fears. Skydiving two times did nothing to help me with my fear of heights. In fact, it created profound trauma (due to a terrible experience with my "instructors"). It was definitely in the "super intense" camp but it actually set me back.

Meanwhile, rock climbing over multiple years, slowly climbing harder routes, falling more, and eventually doing multi-pitch climbing on cliffs up to 200 meters did assuage my fear of heights to a much greater extent. Why? Because I was consistently getting it in small doses but very rarely (barring some sketchy situations) in a way that would provoke panic or make me lose coolheadedness.

Same goes for things like fasting. I've been fasting every day for 10+ years for at least 16, but usually 18-20 hours a day. I do occasional multi-day fasts of up to 3 days but I'd argue that it's my daily state of fasting that has made me more capable at handling hunger than these rare more challenging fasts.

 

[ZCP]

Thanks friend, I needed to read this today. And the next and the next… lol

I’m at such point in which I’m not sure I’m going to make it, but fighting the feeling everyday. Like I’m not smart enough. I won’t be able to figure X and Y out. I’m not made for it. So many things cross my mind. My ideas not being good enough, not being CENTS enough... stacking the failures and trying to learn from them. Feeling shame when inevitably people ask me what I do and I don’t have a “career” answer. Ugh, so much.

Cut the shit, Bella! You are amazing. Keep chopping wood.
DM me for a call. We'll get you some direction.

It will start with 'give yourself some credit!!!'

 

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[MJ DeMarco]

Upgraded to Notable.

I used to love Goggins's approach but I've changed my mind

The point is that you NEVER want to have a bad experience (something that Goggins wouldn't agree with)

C'mon bro, if you don't land yourself in the hospital and permanently damage an organ, you're soft! You're doing it wrong! (Sarc)

 

[Black_Dragon43]

The point is that you NEVER want to have a bad experience (something that Goggins wouldn't agree with) as that would scar your mind and hinder your progress. By taking it very slowly and in a relaxed way, you keep building positive associations only. This way, you consistently progress while enjoying the process.

I feel this is the basic “habit-building” philosophy @MTF . Both BJ Fogg via Tiny Habits and James Clear via Atomic Habits say much the same thing. Start small, start easy, let it grow naturally and you’ll find it easier to stick to and make it become a habit.

Not necessarily the philosophy that I agree with, because I think it fails to train your ability to do hard things, meaning that over time, you become less able to endure doing difficult things if you have to.

 

[Jobless]

I have the luxury of traveling whenever and wherever I want.

I live by my own schedule (or rather, lack thereof). My calendar is empty, with nowhere particular to be at any specific time.

This is potent, but this 'luxury' can also be damaging, leading to complacency. Requires judgment, temperance, balance. It's not a lifestyle in itself, more like a greater ability to design your lifestyle.

I never considered quitting. A day job wasn’t my plan B. There was only one future I envisioned for myself.

I like this. If plan A is not reached, you persist or slightly modify plan A with the new lessons learned.
With a plan B you are already contemplating failure.

 

[BellaPippin]

Thanks friend, I needed to read this today. And the next and the next… lol

I’m at such point in which I’m not sure I’m going to make it, but fighting the feeling everyday. Like I’m not smart enough. I won’t be able to figure X and Y out. I’m not made for it. So many things cross my mind. My ideas not being good enough, not being CENTS enough... stacking the failures and trying to learn from them. Feeling shame when inevitably people ask me what I do and I don’t have a “career” answer. Ugh, so much.

 

[Andy Black]

for many people it is harder to go easy than go hard. If you're driven, you want to do as much as you can to improve. But often the fastest and most sustainable improvement comes when you do it slowly (which is too slowly to bear for many people so they do it faster and end up injured, burnt out or worse, setting themselves back).

I did a talking head video about this years ago. Here's the gist of it:

In the first 12 months on a motorbike I was riding like a lunatic, trying to get faster and lower. Then I met an older and wiser biker and the first he asked was "Are you smooth Andy, are you smooth?" It changed my riding instantly. Instead of always trying to get my knee down I was now trying to never put my foot down (which you do when you stop). Now I could trickle up to traffic lights and reach them just as they went green. I'd set off smoothly without stopping.

Business wise, I was taking on clients too fast and growing my team a bit quick. I was getting overwhelmed and starting to get cashflow problems (paying freelancers when some clients were paying later). I spoke to a guy who'd built and sold an agency and he told me "You can go slower than you think."

 

[StrikingViper69]

A few of the posts in this thread remind me of the program Pavel Tsatsouline recommends in Simple & Sinister (a kettlebell training program).

He goes over the simple concept of step loading - increase your weight a bit, then take 4 weeks to get used to it. Then increase the reps a bit, and take 4 weeks to get used to it.

I started applying this to my guitar playing and started seeing consistent gains in my technique that I've been searching for, for over a decade. Rather than constantly trying to go as hard as possible, I increase a bit, and take some time to adjust to it. Rinse and repeat.

From @MTF and @Andy Black 's posts, it sounds like this also applies to growing your business. Grow things a bit, get the hang of managing it, then grow a bit again.

And probably a lot of other things in life.

 

[MTF]

Finally, in Dec-2021 I quit my full time job to put all my focus on my businesses that I started in 2019. Note that I mention businesses, because I have even been able to build two profitable businesses to sustain our family lifestyle. Although I'm nowhere near financial freedom yet, I do not need to commute to the office anymore. Every morning I bring the kids to school and see the people rushing to the office, I am very thankful for where I am at at the moment.

That's excellent. Being nowhere near financial freedom doesn't matter here because you have the most important freedom that has the biggest impact on happiness (time freedom).

I also started reading Family First Entrepreneur as recommended by @biophase in his newsletter. I love it! If your goal is to be extremely successful, this is not the book for you. If your goal is to have freedom, enjoy life and be present with your family, I highly recommend it. I think you would enjoy it too @MTF.

I didn't know that @biophase has a newsletter. Where can I sign up?

I've heard about this book but concluded it's not for me since I'll never have kids. Would you say it's still valuable if you aren't a parent?

 

[MTF]

I need to apologize for this. I always thought biophase is the owner of the ForeverJobless blog. After your question I double checked. It turns out it's snowbank who is behind the ForeverJobless blog. Obviously, I should have double checked before posting.

Ha that's why I was a little confused. I'm signed up to Forever Jobless.

About the Family First Entrepreneur book: personally, I find the authors' point of view very interesting. According to him the majority of business owners does not really want to be the next Elon Musk or Steve Jobs. The majority of business owners is in business so they can enjoy their life, e.g. spending more time with their loved ones. Rather than working around the clock to build the next billionaire business.

It's more that I like this new point of view that nobody really mentions. It's all about hustling and building the next big thing. I doubt you will learn something new from this book, but it may be interesting to hear the author discuss his point of view. And according to him, that of many more entrepreneurs.

Die With Zero is in a similar vein. I think you'll enjoy it as well, assuming you haven't read it already.

I 100% treat business as a vehicle for freedom. I'm not the type of an entrepreneur who loves business so much they want to do it every day even if they make no money from it.

A few years ago I thought I was a "true' entrepreneur but then I realized I can feel great only having non-business pursuits in my life (I tested it between January and May when I barely worked while traveling).

 

[MTF]

Great story @MTF, and really illustrates how I prefer to do things.

I personally think people take getting out of their comfort zone a bit too far. The word comfortable even seems to have negative conotations nowadays. Sometimes we can make better progress while being comfortable. Not everything has to be pushing beyond the limit, or even timed/measured.

When I trained too hard I got injured, which set me back mentally as well as physically. My PBs seemed to come after weeks of consistent training - where I didn't appear to be making progress but instead enjoyed the training sessions and banter with other athletes. Then out would pop a time way faster than I'd run previous.

Similarly, when I rode motorbikes my best experiences came when I focused on being smooth rather than fast. I remember the first time I got my knee down, and how surprised I was because I wasn't even trying to get my knee down that ride.

If we don't enjoy the journey then we only take pleasure in reaching our destination, which seems a shame as the journey is such a big part of the experience.

These are very good examples and something which I'm only beginning to internalize better now. Previously I would push so hard that I would injure myself, have bad experiences, or even create traumas that would forever discourage me from certain things.

And of course, you don't really enjoy the journey that much if you're always pushing for more, never stopping to enjoy your current level.

Last year I wanted to achieve a certain distance while open water swimming. Because I no longer treated swimming as a relaxing activity for recovery but as a workout to get to that certain distance, I no longer enjoyed it that much. It was too much and felt too much like a job. I could only enjoy it again when I had zero agenda and no specific distance to complete each time I went swimming.

It’s almost like the more difficult thing to do is to control the desire to ‘feel’ like you’re working hard and just put in consistent, metered effort.

Because for many people it is harder to go easy than go hard. If you're driven, you want to do as much as you can to improve. But often the fastest and most sustainable improvement comes when you do it slowly (which is too slowly to bear for many people so they do it faster and end up injured, burnt out or worse, setting themselves back).

 

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[Andy Black]

12 years ago, I was a young dude full of dreams, hoping to make at least a few thousand dollars a month from my business so I could be financially free.

At that point in my life, I had already tried several businesses but nothing worked. Each failure sent me into a deep pit of self-pity, followed by another bout of excitement and inevitably another failure.

Fast forward a few years (documented in my progress thread on the inside), I finally figured out how to stick to one business and eventually achieved my dreams (and then some).

I was driving this morning to one of my favorite forest areas to do a kettlebell workout there. As I passed countless cars of people driving into the city to get to work, I felt immense gratitude that my life is so completely different.

I mean, I was alone in the forest, listening to the birds, throwing around some weight, enjoying the sun and the warm weather. It was an epic morning. What more do you need?

View attachment 49193

I get to choose what I want to do and where and when I do it.

I have the luxury of traveling whenever and wherever I want.

I live by my own schedule (or rather, lack thereof). My calendar is empty, with nowhere particular to be at any specific time.

I only work because I want to make more money but not because I need to make more money. And I have the luxury of choosing a business model that fits my values and my lifestyle, without forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do.

To the young(er) version of me, that would be the definition of heaven on Earth.

The only reason why my life is like that is because I refused to quit, no matter how many times I failed. This forum and @MJ DeMarco's work have been instrumental to my success. To a great extent, I owe my lifestyle to the resources and accountability I was able to get here.

This may sound like a trite reminder, perhaps a cheap self-help platitude but… never give up. Readjust if necessary but stick to your path if you deeply desire a different life, even if it's VASTLY different from the one you live today.

Gary Halbert's favorite saying was "Nothing is impossible for a man who refuses to listen to reason."

You don’t need that much intellect or “natural” abilities to succeed. Determination is REALLY that magic pill (though it doesn’t work overnight).

Even when I had to borrow money just to be able to pay social security taxes to keep my business (legally) running, I never considered quitting. A day job wasn’t my plan B. There was only one future I envisioned for myself.

Not quitting no matter what is the only way to get where you want to go. And more importantly, it’s REALLY, REALLY worth it.

Each day, I’m still deeply appreciative of the life I’m blessed to live. I'm on vacation every day of my life.

Don’t get me wrong. Financial freedom won’t solve all your problems. My life isn’t perfect. I still deal with other stuff. I still sometimes feel like shit. But overall, I live the way I want to, not the way I had to settle to live. And that’s priceless.

If you’re doubting whether you can make it, I’m here to tell you that yes, you can make it. Perhaps you won’t get there in a year or two. It may take longer than you think. But I have no doubt that if you stick to the path, you’ll eventually get to your destination. And then you’ll look back and thank your younger self for staying determined.

I get the frustration.

I get the endless failures.

I get the embarrassment.

I get the discouragement.

I get the lack of support.

Despite it all, you can still make it. Determination trumps it all.

With this forum, MJ’s books, and Internet access, you have all the resources you need to sculpt your life in any way you desire. Just never stop hammering away until you're happy with your sculpture (and then figure out how to make it even better).

I only just read the opening post. Yes... you've got to stay in it to win it. Keep chipping away. Act, assess, adjust. Enjoy the journey if you can too.

Also, just so folks don't take this the wrong way:

A day job wasn’t my plan B.

Having a job is OK for some. And getting a job can help many in their journey to never having a job again.

 

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[MTF]

Thanks for this great post. Just wondering how many years of failure did it take for u to start seeing actual results?

It took about 7 years until I launched my most successful business. It was very profitable within about a year and reached its peak about 3 years since I started it.

12 years ago I had been already trying for a few years.

 

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[MTF]

It's funny you mention this. You've been gone for a little bit and during that time there were a few heated discussions that culminated in me making THIS thread.

I like entrepreneurship, I'm good at it, and doing it is fulfilling. But just like you say, it's not a requirement in my life and can be substituted with something else. This last year, I've spent half my time on trips before my oldest starts kindergarten. Every time I come back, it blows my mind how I barely thought about business while out. I knew it could be substituted, but just the ease of which it slips my mind after a week or two is crazy. Luckily, when I return, I'm happy to be back too!

Thanks for linking to that thread. I skimmed through the first page and couldn't continue lol. My patience for heated discussions is no longer there.

As for entrepreneurship, this is me as well. I really thought I'm this pure entrepreneur at heart. And while I like business, talking about it, reading about it, etc. I'm no true entrepreneur. I've never had and never will have a proper business with an office and employees. It would kill me just as much as having a regular job.

I have zero interest whatsoever in any of the typical topics for true businesspeople like HR, business development, dealing with investors, etc. Hell, I don't even understand most of this stuff to be able to hold a conversation.

I'm happy to work on my site when I don't have anything more interesting to do but these days I prioritize health/enjoyment over business. And I feel good about it. Perhaps I'm getting old haha.

This has been a heated and unresolved topic in my head for some time now. I don't think there is much disagreement here on whether it is a good thing to push so hard it leads to constant injury. But optimal short/medium-term progress generally happens at a spot much past "comfortable". I think the hiccup is that life is long. Long-term progress depends on time spent progressing more than any other factor. Little else matters if your actions put you "out of the game". Compound interest is insanely powerful.

We may have different definitions of comfort. I'm not saying to do things that are easy for you. I'm saying to do things that challenge you but in a way that's still enjoyable or that you're still in control. Ultimately, for most people this is the only way to ensure that you'll keep doing a given thing in the long term (unless you have a deeper drive beyond it, as is the case with building a business just to achieve freedom).

As for the definition of comfortable...

For example, if my current deepest dive in which I can relax/have control is 20 meters, then I'll stay around this depth until I dial it in. This isn't a truly comfortable area for me where I have zero stress as is the case with, say, 5 meters. When I come back from a 20 meter dive, my mind does give me doubts and I have to actively relax. But the point is that I still CAN observe my mind, relax, and finish the dive feeling good.

Trying to go for, say, 25 meters, would destroy my progress because I'd definitely have a terrible experience, if not a blackout. This, to me, would be going well past the "comfortably uncomfortable" level. This is what Goggins does repeatedly. Because his mind works in a very special way, perhaps it works for him. But for any average person, particularly without the traumas that he has, it would quickly put an end to any interest to keep pushing. A normal human mind can't take this much suffering every day and want more. You need to have some self-destructive tendencies and maybe even acceptance that you'll die young (or disabled) if you want to keep doing that.

Now going to the opposite end, me repeatedly diving 5 meters wouldn't produce much adaptation, either (unless I would do hangs at this depth or dive on an exhale but that's beyond the point). At this level, I'm so comfortable I can do this with zero preparation and while thinking about something different. Perhaps this is what you have in mind when I say "comfortable" but that's not exactly what I have in mind.

The times in my life that I've progressed the fastest in anything is when I would be laser-focused and extremely driven. With no regards to comfort.

You my be laser-focused and extremely driven but still comfortable. I was laser-focused and extremely driven when working on my self-publishing business the first couple of years. And it worked. But I wouldn't say I was suffering and was deeply uncomfortable. I rarely wrote more than a few hours a day. Despite that, or perhaps because of that, I was able to keep going for years (though I did have one burnout after writing too much for three months straight).

But I'm honestly not sure if the long term chill approach is better.... I guess a good question is "Better for what?". For enjoyment out of every single day. Probably. Better at achieving my near-term goal, nope. Better at achieving long-term goals, maybe.

This comes down to personal values but I would still say that consistency trumps intensity. And it definitely does in the case of any skill-building.

Firas Zahabi, the coach of the greatest MMA fighter in history (Georges St-Pierre) talks about this in his interview with Joe Rogan:

View: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_fbCcWyYthQ


Long story short and paraphrasing, he says that if you go hard for two hours on, say, Monday, you won't be able to go hard again until Thursday. In the end, you'll only have four hours of practice a week. Meanwhile, a guy who goes easy can do it every day for say, 1-1.5 hours. In the end, assuming 5 days of training, he'll have 5-7.5 hours of practice compared to that "go hard" dude.

Assuming no injury in the case of the first guy (which is super likely), over a year the second guy will have up to twice as much practice without ever burning himself out.

If it worked for GSP, then I guess there's at least some value in this.

So I'm also not sure if this idea of enjoying the process is "right" or if its an adaptation to current realities. It's probably no accident that this "wisdom" comes with age and everything that usually entails (lower recovery, lower testosterone, changing life philosophies and goals, etc).

Well this may be the case. But when you look at life, you get at most 10-15 peak years of fitness when you almost don't have to worry about recovery and can push as hard as you can. After that, "easy mode" is gone and for the rest of your life (and that may be 50+ years) you'll have to deal with limitations. So IMO it's better to develop a smart approach as soon as possible rather than rely on pure brawn.

Lifting weights is the most straightforward example of this for me. For the first 15 years of my adult life, my lifting schedule was always pedal to the metal or nothing. The longest time I kept this up for was ~3 years, during which I was always in a state of recovery. It was HARD, and I wish I could say it didn't work. But it was also when I peaked at very respectable strength numbers that most people never achieve (not saying much, considering most people don't lift weights). Now that I'm back on lifting weights, I've taken the "enlightened" slower, more enjoyable approach. 6 months later and I'm WAAAAAAAY weaker than I would have been if I worked out as hard as before. It's even worse if you consider that I should have muscle memory working on my side! But it is still probably the best option because I would be EVEN weaker if I weren't working out at all. I guess we will talk in a few years. Hopefully, I eventually surpass my old numbers and keep going to new heights.......But I'm not sure if "take it easy and enjoy the process instead of pushing so hard", would have been good advice to my younger self. It may have put out the very fire that drove me.

It has more to do with your age than being sustainable. Things just don't go as fast when you're older, regardless of your approach (though the pedal to the metal approach is unrealistic for most men over 35-40). I don't think you can compare your results today to your results so many years ago. You have a different body with different abilities (unfortunately in some cases naturally deteriorated ones).

At your younger age, I wouldn't be surprised to see better results with the slower approach as you would give the body more time to recover. Fresher, you'd probably lift even more in the end. But I'm no coach so I may be wrong.

 

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[Dennisthe1st]

never give up. Readjust if necessary but stick to your path if you deeply desire a different life, even if it's VASTLY different from the one you live today.

My key takeaway from this thread; Never give up!
Thank you.

 

[Matt Lee]

The only reason why my life is like that is because I refused to quit, no matter how many times I failed. This forum and @MJ DeMarco's work have been instrumental to my success.

With this forum, MJ’s books, and Internet access, you have all the resources you need to sculpt your life in any way you desire. Just never stop hammering away until you're happy with your sculpture (and then figure out how to make it even better).

These things spoke to me. Your journey itself is something I'm living in currently. So thanks for writing this amazing post @MTF. It's very useful.

I've followed breadcrumbs from your threads and I've been led to many sources that have changed my mindset forever(John Calton books being one of them).

This post will probably be one of my favorites so far alongside your progress threads and one of the posts where you laid out a full outline of your journey.

When I first read your post you come off as a hardcore Goggin-like writer, and now it seems you've become more calm, collected, and most importantly of all seem genuinely happy.

 

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[MTF]

I’m at such point in which I’m not sure I’m going to make it, but fighting the feeling everyday. Like I’m not smart enough. I won’t be able to figure X and Y out. I’m not made for it. So many things cross my mind. My ideas not being good enough, not being CENTS enough... stacking the failures and trying to learn from them. Feeling shame when inevitably people ask me what I do and I don’t have a “career” answer. Ugh, so much.

I tend to overthink things as well and it's rarely helpful. That's why I like to go for repetitive businesses where you're only required to do the same task over and over again until it works (like content creation).

 

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[RoadTrip]

That's excellent. Being nowhere near financial freedom doesn't matter here because you have the most important freedom that has the biggest impact on happiness (time freedom).



I didn't know that @biophase has a newsletter. Where can I sign up?

I've heard about this book but concluded it's not for me since I'll never have kids. Would you say it's still valuable if you aren't a parent?

I need to apologize for this. I always thought biophase is the owner of the ForeverJobless blog. After your question I double checked. It turns out it's snowbank who is behind the ForeverJobless blog. Obviously, I should have double checked before posting.

About the Family First Entrepreneur book: personally, I find the authors' point of view very interesting. According to him the majority of business owners does not really want to be the next Elon Musk or Steve Jobs. The majority of business owners is in business so they can enjoy their life, e.g. spending more time with their loved ones. Rather than working around the clock to build the next billionaire business.

It's more that I like this new point of view that nobody really mentions. It's all about hustling and building the next big thing. I doubt you will learn something new from this book, but it may be interesting to hear the author discuss his point of view. And according to him, that of many more entrepreneurs.

 

[SDE]

Earlier this year I met a very capable and super chill freediver who taught me how to achieve more while struggling way less. Instead of pushing through discomfort and pain, he taught me how to enjoy what I'm doing and within that, slowly push my limits while always feeling good.

Anything specific he recommended or said?

Reading this reminded me of something close Naval Ravikant said:

"Relax. You'll live longer and perform better"